When Pain Doesn't Hurt
by jennylyne
Summary: It wasn't the bullet that was embedded in her chest that broke her heart.
1. Chapter 1

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

I guess I could create my own characters, but they would probably be boring compared to Dick's creation. So, as we all know, I don't own these characters.

Chapter 1

The rain was falling softly and the air was cool on her face. She loved this time of year, even when it rained. Especially when it rained. Nature is such an amazing concept. It could be so beautiful at times, but then it could be so damaging; deadly at other times. She couldn't remember ever feeling so relaxed. Her body felt so light as if for once she wasn't carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Oh yeah, she could sleep all day. Maybe she would. Cragen would understand her need for a day off. She refused to open her eyes; no way was she going to interrupt this most peaceful moment.

"Olivia!" Elliot fell to the ground by her side. He grabbed her hand as his other hand went immediately to her neck.

"10-13. 10-13. Officer down. My partner is down!" Elliot shouted into his radio. He ripped her shirt open to find the exact location of the wound and pressed his hands on it in an attempt to the slow the bleeding. He looked around frantically as his efforts seemed futile.

"Liv, please. Please, hang on." Elliot couldn't keep his voice steady as he screamed into his radio again for help. He moved his now bloody hands to his partner's face. He cupped her face and pleaded with her again to live. Olivia didn't move and Elliot found himself praying silently over his fallen partner, his best friend, his soul mate.

Olivia smiled to herself as she thought about visiting Coney Island for the first time with her mother. She had no idea how old she was, just that she was a little girl. Her mom had bought her a new dress and told her they would be spending the day together. Olivia remembered being so excited. Her mother never had time for her, but yet here she was taking her out for a fun day. She had so much fun. She had won a teddy bear in one of those games that nobody wins at. That's what her mother would tell her each time she had asked to play. Finally, Olivia was given the chance. She won on the first chance, good thing as she knew her mother would not pay for another try. The man handed the bright blue bear over the counter and Olivia was so proud of herself. She knew she could do it and she did. She walked hand in hand with her mother that day, so happy, so young. It was a great day and one that she often revisited.

"Olivia! Stay with me. I can't do this without you. I can't…" Elliot's words were cut off by the sudden sob that he felt come up from his chest. The paramedics quickly moved in and Elliot felt two strong hands on his shoulders gently pulling him away from his partner. He knew that he needed to get out of the way so the medics could save her, but he was worried she would give up if she knew he had left her.

"Come on, man." Fin's voice sounded like he was in a tunnel. Elliot's heart was beating so loudly, he barely heard anyone.

"She saved me." Elliot's voice was barely audible, but Fin heard him.

Elliot fell to his knees as he watched the paramedics work frantically to get Olivia ready to transport. There was no way she could survive being shot; not with that much blood flowing from her chest. He cursed himself for even thinking such a thing. This was Olivia Benson, his partner. She'll survive and be complaining about being in the hospital before he even made it there. Cragen directed his detective to the back of another ambulance while Olivia was quickly loaded into the first one. Only then did Elliot remember being shot himself. Everything had happened so fast, he had forgotten his own pain as he watched Liv go down hard on the cold, wet pavement.

Cragen's words were wasted on Elliot. His mind only focusing on his partner as the paramedics worked on his upper arm. He had suffered a grazing wound in the shootout that neither he nor his partner had seen coming. They were ambushed. Elliot had gotten off two shots before taking the one to the arm. He fell to the ground only to see three more men walking toward him with drawn guns. Two fell to the ground in front of him as the other turned and fired. He tried to raise his gun, but couldn't. He couldn't lift his arm to shoot the last suspect who had whirled around and fired at Olivia. She was an excellent shot, therefore it seemed effortless to take two out so quickly. It was up to him to take care of the third and he couldn't. She saved his life, but he failed her. Only then was he able to fire. The third gunman fell at Olivia's feet, but it was too late. She was already down and she wasn't moving.

Elliot felt his world spinning around him. His lungs were closing and he felt as though he couldn't get enough air into his lungs to breathe. He felt hands on him as he connected with the stretcher. He felt like dying. He didn't know how he would live without her, especially since her dying would be his fault.

Olivia took their suspect down and was cuffing him when Elliot caught up. The look of surprise and pride was written all over his face. She knew that would be the moment. It didn't take long, but she had managed to prove to him she was capable. Their guy easily outweighed her by at least a hundred pounds, but she refused to back down. He smiled at her and told her she did good. His eyes melted her inside. How unfair were the gods to partner her with such an incredibly good looking man. She would have to work side by side with this beautiful creature for as long as those same gods would permit it. He was married when they began their partnership and she had totally respected that fact. He is a good man, husband and father. He is a damn good detective and Olivia was so lucky to have been given to him as his new partner. She knew he wasn't excited about it at first, but she could tell she had grown on him. They had been together for the better part of the last decade. She supported him through his divorce and he was there for her after her undercover stint at Sealview. He was there for her when she found her brother and when her heart was broken time and time again. She seemed to be the only one who could calm him when he reached that particularly agitated state with a perp, or life for that matter. She would give anything to be with him, but she would do nothing to ruin what they had. She loved him, and would die for him, no doubt about it.

Olivia could feel the heat from the morning sun on her face. She didn't want to wake, her body so comfortable, her thoughts so pleasant. The light in her face was so bright she couldn't help but look to see what was going on. Slowly she opened her eyes. Her heart started racing. At first she couldn't see anything for the light was so bright and was actually blinding. Then she could see everything. Everything, including the blood that continued to pour out of her chest as the ambulance pulled up to the hospital. She could hear herself screaming for Elliot, but nobody else could. She focused in to the body on the stretcher being wheeled into the emergency room. She looked down at her chest to see herself clad in all white. She never wore white, always afraid of getting dirty. Her attention was brought back to the emergency room. She had worn those clothes yesterday, but didn't have a chance to change before she was with Elliot staking out a extremely violent rapist and murderer. It only took a few seconds to realize what was going on. She had been shot and killed. She always thought she would experience unbearable pain if she died in this way. And she thought right. Her attention was directed to the emergency room doors as her partner was wheeled in. He was looking around with an oxygen mask on his face. And then she saw the blood on his shirt. He looked to be in pain. She searched for his eyes. She cold always read him through those gorgeous blue eyes. Her gaze connected with his and she felt the pain that was radiating from them. Only then, did she feel any amount of pain from her wounds.

"It's okay, El. You'll be okay." Olivia whispered as she smoothed her hand over her chest. Her top was made out of a satin type material. It actually fit very comfortably and felt nice against her skin. His eyes never left hers as he was wheeled into an examining room. He never blinked. She refused to let go of his gaze as well until she felt that unbearable pain that was until then, nonexistent. The pain in her chest was exactly what she thought she would feel if ever shot. She looked down and saw the red coming through her pretty white top. She heard a loud piercing alarm going off as she was immediately rushed from the emergency room towards the operating room. She lost track of Elliot. She could no longer see him and felt herself start to panic. Her pretty white satin shirt was completely covered in blood by now and she could no longer find Elliot's eyes to hold onto. She tried to call for help. "Officer down, my partner's been shot. Officer down. Officer down. Officer down." She fought with the nurses who were trying to get her prepped for surgery. "I have to get help to my partner first. I have to save him." Olivia's thoughts were running rampant. "Hang on, El. Don't leave me."

Olivia settled into the table which she was laid out on. It was damn cold in this room. She was getting sleepy. She closed her eyes and tried to warm her body through her thoughts.

"She's coding.!" Somebody hollered as those damn irritating alarms pierced her ears again.

A/N : I have no idea where this idea came from. I probably should be sleeping instead of staying up writing. Early rising toddlers don't seem to care if I'm tired because I spent the night with my favorite detectives. I'd like to know what you think so far, let me know.


	2. Chapter 2

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

I don't own these characters, but I love them just the same.

Chapter 2

Elliot was lying on an uncomfortable bed in one of the observation rooms in the emergency room. He could barely hear the commotion of the busy hospital due to his thoughts. He cursed himself for allowing his mind to explore life without Olivia. She has been such a constant in his life for so long, that he knew he couldn't go on without her. Of course he would have to, his kids needed him. He wouldn't want to. Despite the dangerous nature of their jobs, Elliot never pictured life without her. At least not since she entered his life years ago. He figured he would always be able to protect her and he knew she would have his back as well.

That's what partners did. Now what was he going to do; he didn't want another partner. His anger erupted without warning and he kicked the table over that was used to stitch his arm up. Tears slid down his face as he recalled Olivia hitting the ground with a bullet in her chest.

A couple of doctors and nurses entered to make sure he was okay. He clearly wasn't as he exited the bed looking for his shirt. He pushed the doctor aside when he suggested Elliot take it easy and lie back down. Fin and Cragen rushed into the room when they were informed of the commotion. Cragen grabbed Elliot by the shoulders to calm him.

"Elliot, she needs you to keep it together. This isn't helping either of you." Cragen forced Elliot to look him in the eyes.

"Where is she?" Elliot could barely speak. "What's going on?"

"They've taken her into surgery. We don't know yet." Cragen refused to let Elliot look away. "Let's sit down and go over what happened. I need a statement and now is as good a time as any."

"She saved my ass and I let her down. Anything else you need to know?"

"Come on, man." Fin was annoyed with Stabler's perspective on the shoot. "You did what you could, you were shot."

Elliot rubbed his hand over his face, trying to dry his tears without them noticing. "We had split up. We saw him enter the building from the front, but didn't realize anybody else was in there. We had no reason to believe Williams was with anybody, his MO didn't call for accomplices. His ex told us earlier that he often stayed at the abandoned basement apartment of a friend."

"Hence the stake-out." Cragen knew all this. He wanted Elliot to get to the shooting, but knew better than to rush him. He had to process each detail in his mind.

"I radioed to Fin and there was no movement from the back in the alley. We decided to go in." Elliot stopped and rested his head back on the pillow.

"Elliot?" Cragen carefully brought him back.

"We split up when we went in. Fin told us he was entering from the back, so I figured we'd come across him. I saw him and called for backup, but he made me and headed for the back. I followed him, refusing to lose him again. I didn't wait for Olivia or Fin to confirm they heard my call." Elliot closed his eyes.

Cragen waiting patiently.

"Cap, do we really need to do this now?" Elliot was not wanting to go any further.

"What happened next." Cragen's tone was gentle.

"It was dark in the alley and I didn't see anyone. I wasn't that far behind him. I heard gunshots from back in the building and called for Olivia. She didn't answer. I started to go back in…to find her. I heard another shot and realized I had been hit."

"Where was Olivia or Fin, do you know?" Cragen knew Elliot was having a hard time.

Elliot shook his head from side to side slowly. "I don't know. I looked up to see three men, including Williams coming toward me. I figured, I was done." Elliot blew out a long breath before continuing.

"I heard Olivia holler and then I heard the shots. I saw them fall and tried to shoot but couldn't. He turned and shot at her before I could get my gun up. I shot him but it was too late. Williams shot her because I couldn't stop him."

"Okay, so there were three of them in the alley, two in the building." Cragen was taking inventory.

"There were two more?" Elliot looked panicked.

"It looks as if the building wasn't abandoned as we originally thought. It appears Olivia had been rushed inside. One dead, one wounded." Cragen didn't know if filling him in was a good idea or not at this point.

"So, she was coming." Elliot's voiced trailed off.

Fin patted his shoulder. "Take it easy."

Cragen stood to leave. "You can go when you're ready. I don't expect you'll go home to get some rest, so I won't bother telling you to."

"I can't leave her, Cap." Elliot looked his commanding officer in the eyes.

"I know."

Olivia couldn't believe he was standing at her door. She had anticipated spending her birthday alone, especially since she hadn't told anybody when her birthday was. He insisted they go out for a drink, Olivia refused. He grabbed her jacket and helped her on with it and just about forced her out the door. She loved it when he took charge, but would never admit it. She felt so at ease and content sitting next to Elliot at the bar. They nursed their drinks without much conversation. There wasn't much need for talking.

"How did you know it was my birthday?"

"I am a detective, you know." Elliot smiled before taking another sip. "I didn't want you spending it alone. You deserve to be celebrated, partner."

Olivia wanted to kiss him right then. It took all her willpower to stay on her own stool. He was so perfect, why didn't his wife appreciate him more?

He dropped her off and walked her to her door. She looked into his eyes for a long moment before thanking him. He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek before turning to leave. Olivia knew she loved this man, but she also knew she wasn't supposed to. Not like this, it wasn't safe.

Elliot acknowledged every birthday of hers after that. She couldn't imagine her life without him in it. She would do anything for this man, including die for him. She looked down at her pretty white shirt. Now it was completely red. She didn't feel any pain, just sorrow. She scanned the room for her partner, but he wasn't there. He wouldn't be allowed in there while the doctors frantically tried to save her. She figured he was coming unglued by now. How she wished she could find him, to comfort him and assure him that he would be fine. She knew his moods and how to judge and handle them. That's why they have been partnered for so long, they got each other.

Elliot dragged himself to the waiting room with the rest of his squad. He sat down on an uncomfortable chair and placed his head in his hands. Fin stood before him and waited to be acknowledged. He was holding Olivia's badge out to Elliot. Elliot looked up at the blood covered badge and slowly took it from his fellow detective. He ran his thumb over the numbers trying to erase the blood.

Huang came and sat next to him. "No offense, but I don't need to talk about it." Elliot knew George Huang would be the one to debrief him about all this."

"I love her too, Elliot. Maybe I just want to sit with you awhile." Huang's tone never changes. Was he hurting too, one would never know.

"Sorry." Elliot mumbled without looking up at the department shrink.

George sat in silence as they both watched as Casey, their ADA, hurried into the hospital. Her eyes scanned the people waiting in silence until they fell on Elliot. He motioned with his head for her to come sit next to him. Elliot knew that Olivia and Casey were close.

"Elliot?" It was apparent Casey had been crying.

"Don't know." Elliot mumbled without looking at her. "It's bad, Case."

She reached for his hand and he let her hold it. For him, or her, he didn't care.

Olivia found Elliot and although she wasn't feeling pain, she did feel relieved. Thank God, Casey was there for him. Elliot liked Casey and Olivia knew she would try with all her might to comfort Elliot. Olivia scanned Elliot's body. His clothes had blood all over them, but he appeared okay. His arm was bandaged, but otherwise looked physically okay. She saw her badge in his hands and wanted to come take it from him. He looked up at Casey when she moved closer to him. They both had been crying. "I'm sorry, El. I'm sorry, Casey." They didn't hear her. Elliot looked up as if he did for a moment and Olivia immediately focused on his eyes. The pain in them once again burned her heart. She grabbed her chest again and noticed more blood flowing from her heart. Him hurting was killing her.


	3. Chapter 3

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

I don't own these characters, but I love them just the same.

Chapter 3

Olivia opened her eyes to see Elliot standing over her. Her whole body hurt, but she was safe. She couldn't keep her eyes on Elliot, she was ashamed. How could she let herself, a detective, get into this situation. If not for Fin showing up in the nick of time, he would have succeeded. She helps rape victims almost daily, how would she be able to continue doing that if she were a victim herself. Elliot's expression was a mixture of anger and compassion.

"No, don't do that. Don't feel sorry for me." Olivia's thoughts were being hurled at her partner through her tear filled eyes.

"Liv, did he…." Elliot couldn't even say it. He traced the quickly forming bruises on her face. Olivia couldn't stand to look him in the eye.

"No!" she was quick to answer.

Elliot didn't push. He simply held her hand and encouraged her to give in to the strong pain medication she was given. He hit her numerous times in his efforts to subdue her, to control her. He forced his mouth on hers despite her efforts to break free. He cuffed her to the door and she couldn't get away. She was so strong, yet feeling anything but now. He was going to force her and there would be nothing she could do about it. Her heart was racing and her blood pumping. She couldn't breathe.

Olivia ran her hands over her now red satin top. The pain had stopped, her breathing was steady. Harris didn't rape her, she had managed to avoid that trauma. She looked down at herself, still lied out on the operating table. She wasn't able to avoid Williams' bullet. They would've killed Elliot had she made it to the alley any later than she did. The thought made her shiver. This room was freezing. She had been on this table for quite some time now. There were so many doctors and nurses in their blue medical attire. All frantically working on her. There they were those damn alarms again. Olivia's eyes darted from her red shirt to her lifeless body on the table. "Officer down. Officer down. Officer down." she screamed into her radio.

Olivia left the operating room. She couldn't watch any longer. Elliot. She needed to go to him. He hadn't moved from the chair he was sitting in or the position he was frozen in. His head still rested in his hands while his elbows rested on his knees. He blamed himself, of course he did. She quietly sat down next to him as to not disturb him. She laid her hand on his shoulder before moving it up to rub his head. "Please don't blame yourself, El." she whispered as she stroked his hair. She leaned in close and rested her head on his shoulder. He smelled good despite being covered in her blood. She was pulled from her thoughts as he slowly rose and headed for the door to the operating room. He stood there in an attempt to be closer to her.

Elliot returned to his chair, so Olivia followed. He looked so worried and lost in his own thoughts. Fin approached and knelt before him. "She'll make it, man. You'll see. Baby girl's too tough to let a little bullet take her down."

Olivia loved Fin. He was a different bird, to say the least. His tough exterior covered his heart of gold, that only few people were privileged enough to see. She remembered him removing the cuffs from her wrists in the basement of Sealview. He knew what he had saved her from and the responsibility was great. She fell into his arms then and she wished she could now.

Olivia left Elliot's side and knelt beside Fin. She looked into Elliot's eyes as he opened them. He appeared to be looking at her, feeling her presence. His gaze shifted to Fin. "She lost too much blood, Fin. Nobody could survive that. I lost her. I failed her."

Elliot jerked his body to his feet and headed for the hospital exit doors. He had to get out of there. Her presence was too great. If he could feel her and not see her, then she must be gone. She didn't make it.

Cragen motioned for Fin to let him go. He knew a little space and air would do Elliot good. They had been waiting for nearly four hours at this point. They were all on edge. Casey sat alone where Elliot had left her. Olivia sat down next to her and draped her arm around her shoulders. Casey jumped as something startled her. She looked around at Olivia's friends and what she called her family. Nobody was given up on her.

Olivia walked outside. It was still raining. The clouds were ominous looking. The air was chilling and Olivia felt all of this. She looked down at her shirt surprised to see it back to that pretty white. It wasn't heavy enough to be out in this weather. Elliot was leaning up against the railing looking at the traffic that flew by on the highway outside the hospital. She approached him and wrapped her arms around his waist leaning her head on his back. His muscles were so tense. She took the liberty to massage them out for him. She couldn't help but sigh when her thoughts told her that she had to die to be able to touch his body.

Elliot began to cry. His sobbing rattled Olivia as she kept her face pressed to his back with her arms around his waist.

"Olivia!" Elliot screamed out loud. "Olivia!"

The rain picked up and was coming down hard now. Elliot didn't seem to notice or care. He didn't have a jacket on and his shirt was immediately soaked. Tears ran down Olivia's face as she watched him crying in the rain.

"I love you. I love you. Dammit!" Elliot fell to his knees. He was soaked. Olivia was soaked. She ran her hand through her hair to push it out of her face. It was so cold out here. Elliot wasn't shivering. He didn't seem to know he was soaking wet out in the New York cold.

He loves her. Olivia stood frozen with what her partner had just disclosed. He was scared, for her life. That's all. He had been divorced for a few years now, surely he would've let on his feelings before now. She was pulled from her thoughts by his soft words.

"Please don't die. Please, I need you. I love you." He covered his face with his hands as the rain poured down on him, on them. Olivia had loved him for so long. She could never be his lover and she respected that. Now he was admitting that he loved her. Too little too late. Why did he have to wait for her to be on death's doorstep. Why couldn't he tell her this before.

"Damn you, El. Why couldn't you see how in love with you I was. Why now, when it's too late." Olivia put her lips to Elliot's. She tasted his tears. He didn't respond to her and this hurt her. Exactly what she feared. She would never admit to him her true feelings for fear of rejection. He didn't love her, he was dealing with all the emotions that come with watching your partner go down. He may love her, but he wasn't in love with her. Not like she was him.

Olivia stood and turned to walk away from him. Her hair was soaked and her pretty white shirt was clinging to her body. "Goodbye, Elliot." Olivia headed back into the hospital. She stepped aside as Casey came running out of the double doors. Tears were streaming down her face as she quickly made her way to Elliot. Olivia didn't care.

Olivia heard Elliot, but she didn't feel him. He had accepted her death, it was time to move on.


	4. Chapter 4

When Pain Doesn't Hurt- Chapter 4

I don't own these characters, but I love them just the same.

Olivia's pretty white shirt was soaked and once again covered in blood. Her chest was screaming in pain and tears flowed as freely from her eyes as the blood did from her wound. She knew Elliot was hurting. She wished she could get through to him somehow. He didn't love her, not they way he just confessed to the air outside. Surely he would've felt her kiss him. Maybe it was simply too late. Her attention was directed back to her lifeless body on the operating table. The doctors and nurses were all still in there, but nobody seemed frantic anymore. There was so much blood on the floor. Olivia scanned her body and knew there was no way she would be able to fight. Elliot had admitted his feelings because he believed her to have died. Why did everything with them have to always be so complicated.

Casey returned to the waiting room with an emotionally spent Elliot. He took his seat and waited for the doctor to update them. Casey wanted Elliot to be present; good or bad. Cragen and Fin were huddled in a corner of the room. Elliot looked around and took in the amount of fellow officers in attendance. He wondered how many of them Olivia actually knew, and how many were here for support.

The doctor was a middle aged serious looking surgeon who looked like he didn't believe in sugar coating anything. He demanded the attention of all present just by entering the room.

"I need Detective Benson's commanding officer."

Cragen stepped forward.

"Your call, Captain. Here or in private."

Cragen looked to Elliot and motioned for him to join him. When Fin, Casey and Elliot were by his side, he answered the no nonsense doctor. "Let's have it."

"Detective Benson has lost an incredible amount of blood. The bullet had managed to due an enormous amount of damage within her chest cavity. Despite having missed her heart, she is in very serious, critical condition."

"What are her chances at this point?" Cragen struggled to keep his voice strong.

Olivia's surgeon shrugged and let out a small sigh.

"I can't really say. Of course the next twenty-four hours are touch and go. I have to admit I am surprised she has survived this long."

Elliot's head snapped up at this and the anger came out of nowhere. "I'm not surprised. She is a fighter, she always has been."

Fin rested his arm on Elliot's shoulder. "Can we see her?"

"She won't be awake for quite some time," the doctor nervously looked toward Elliot. "If she awakes at all."

"Can we see her!" Elliot had had enough of this guy.

"One at a time."

Elliot slowly and quietly entered Olivia's room. She was hooked up to so many machines. The constant beeping and humming of the machines made Elliot nervous. Olivia looked so small and vulnerable. She had a breathing tube in and this surprised Elliot. The doctor didn't say anything about her needing help breathing.

Olivia was lying on the beach in Florida. She never went on vacation, let alone by herself. She needed a break. From the job, the victims, Elliot. He could be so impossible to deal with sometimes. He was having trouble at home again and felt safe enough to take it out on her. Why she let him, she never knew; but she did. Her skin was naturally tan, so she was looking for peace, not necessarily a tan. The sun was warm on her skin and she felt at ease. Her body was comfortable and she could lie here forever. Who needed New York and all the chaos that came with living there. Who needed work, who needed Elliot. She sighed to herself as she knew she did. She loved him, but he was too wrapped up in his own family and issues to see it. She had worked so hard to prove to him that she could handle the job. She could be his partner. She was his partner, for better or worse.

The sun went down and her body instantly was cold. She was freezing and there was nothing she could do about it. The room was dark, and impersonal. The machines were alive and created a energy in the room that irritated her. Her hand was warm, but her body cold. She watched from the corner of the room as her partner held her hand in his own. He lifted it and used it to dry the tears that he couldn't seem to control. He didn't speak, he just stared. And she just stared at him.

Elliot struggled to get the image of Olivia's body hitting the concrete as he tried to raise his gun to shoot out of his mind. He wanted her to respond to his touch, but was afraid of how he'd feel if she opened her eyes.

"Liv, I'm sorry." Elliot whispered into the back of her hand. "Please don't give up. I love you."

Olivia stood and approached her partner. She carefully placed her hand on the back of his neck. She was startled when he seemed to react to her touch. She hadn't expected him to feel her near him.

"I need you, more than you know. I have loved you for so long, but was afraid you would reject me." Elliot felt she could hear him. Olivia continued to rub her hand along the tense muscles in his back. She wanted him to continue.

"I know I took you for granted a lot. I'm sorry for everything. Please, come back to me and let me love you the way you deserve." Elliot rubbed his finger softly along Olivia's cheek bone.

Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. She moved to the other side of the bed, so that she could see into her partner's eyes. They could always read each other through their eyes. Elliot's eyes were filled with tears as he stared at his partner's lifeless face. Olivia looked down at her body and then back up at Elliot.

She tried to open her eyes. He needed something to hang onto. She tried to force herself to squeeze his hand. Nothing. Dammit. Why couldn't she reach him. This has been what she has wanted for so long. Elliot to love her. He does, she believes him.

Open your eyes, Benson. Tell him you love him too. Tell him how much you need him. Tell him!

The machines went crazy and the piercing alarms made Olivia scream. Officer down, officer down, officer down. She hollered into her radio and waited for Elliot to hear her cries. He was scared, she could see it. He hit the call button and ran to the door to call for somebody, anybody to help his partner. Elliot was rushed from the room only to fall to his knees as doctors and nurses rushed into the room.

Elliot looked up and closed his eyes. "Please don't let her die. Please. Please."

Olivia held his head against her chest as they watched her being wheeled from her room back to the operating room. She held him as he cried and wished she was able to help him. She had to find a way to help herself before she could help him. The blood poured from her chest and covered her pretty white, satin shirt yet again. Her heart was breaking for him.

"I'll be back. I promise." Olivia rose to her feet and left Elliot. He was quickly reunited with their coworkers and friends. Olivia ran off down the hall to the operating room. She had to hurry. There was an officer in trouble.

"This is Detective Olivia Benson. Responding to a 10-13 call. We need a bus and back up." Olivia threw her radio and stripped off her blood soaked shirt as she pushed her way into the freezing operating room.


	5. Chapter 5

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 5

I don't own these characters, but I love them just the same.

Elliot took his seat among his co-workers and friends to wait once again. Wait for word on his partner who had just been rushed into surgery again. He wasn't sure now much more he could stand. His body was beginning to shut down; he was exhausted. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. He closed his eyes and listened to the hushed voices of the people in the waiting room with him. He leaned his head back against the wall and just listened. He knew all these people here cared about Olivia. He also knew that although unconscious, she had heard him earlier. He felt it. She had to make it. He needed her.

Elliot stood and stretched his legs. His arm was killing him, but he dismissed the pain. His partner was still fighting for her life, he wasn't about to whine over his sore arm. He reached in his pocket and felt for her badge. It was still there. Somehow that brought him hope. Elliot's attention was immediately drawn towards his captain who was talking with a man Elliot had never seen before. He was upset and seemed to be angry with Cragen.

"Cap?" Elliot joined Fin and flanked his superior officer.

"Elliot. This is Mr. Hendricks." Cragen looked from Elliot, to Fin, and then back to Elliot again. He decided by the looks on his detectives faces, that neither recognized the man before them. "Tim Hendricks is Olivia's fiance?"

Elliot felt his legs grow weaker than they already were. Fiance? Olivia never mentioned a boyfriend, much less getting married. He looked at Fin, who was carefully studying the man in front of them.

"So you're Elliot. Olivia's partner?" Tim glared at Elliot.

"I am." Elliot stepped closer to the man whose stance was threatening toward him.

Cragen put his hand on Elliot's chest. "Mr. Hendricks here insists on getting information on Olivia. Are either of you familiar with him." Cragen knew they weren't, but he was stalling.

"I heard on the news that an NYPD detective was injured during a shoot out. I couldn't get a hold of Olivia, so I found out she was the officer involved." Tim continued to glare at Elliot. "How is she?"

"In surgery." Elliot's glare toward Tim suggested he didn't trust him. "You are engaged to Olivia? That's definitely something she would of shared with me."

"Maybe she doesn't share every aspect of her personal life with you, Detective." Tim was growing more and more agitated. " Will somebody please tell me if she's going to be alright. I have a right to know."

Cragen immediately intercepted Elliot's next line. "Why don't you have a seat and wait like the rest of us, Mr. Hendricks. You'll know when we know."

Elliot watched as Tim moved over to the row of empty seats. His glare never leaving Elliot's. Elliot's attention was demanded by his captain. "I'm guessing you don't know him?"

"Olivia would've told me if she was close enough to somebody to get married. As far as I know, she wasn't even dating anyone right now." Elliot glanced at Fin who agreed with Elliot.

Elliot looked back to Tim who continued to glare at Elliot.

"He definitely has a problem with you." Fin stated the obvious.

Elliot had felt as though he had been kicked in the stomach. He finally admitted his feelings for Olivia, even if just to himself, just in time to find out she was engaged. She would've told him. They were close, of course she would've shared something this important with him. He walked toward the doors that led outside. He needed some air. Casey passed him on the way out and Elliot quickly grabbed her arm and led her back outside with him.

It had stopped raining. The wind was blowing cold and Elliot's blood was burning him inside. Casey wrapped her coat tighter around her and braced herself for the worst based on Elliot's expression.

"El?"

Elliot looked up at Casey and immediately read her thoughts.

"She's still in surgery." Elliot chose his words carefully. "You and Olivia are best friends, right.?" Elliot knew they were.

"Of course. Elliot, what's wrong?" Casey was growing more and more concerned.

"Her finance just showed up." Elliot studied Casey's reaction carefully.

"Who?" Casey looked as confused as Elliot had been. "Olivia's not engaged to anybody."

"Then who the hell is Tim Hendricks?" Elliot's tone was scaring Casey.

"He's here?" Casey's expression turned from confusion to worry.

Elliot took Casey by the shoulders. "Case, she never mentioned him to me. Who is he?"

Casey leaned on the railing to support herself. She sighed heavily. She had promised to not tell Elliot about Tim. Olivia had made her promise.

Elliot could tell Casey was conflicted. He leaned on the railing next to her. "Casey. Please tell me. Something isn't right here."

"Elliot, Olivia made me promise to never discuss him with you. I promised her."

"If Olivia doesn't make it, what will if matter!" Elliot slammed his fist on the railing startling Casey.

Casey jumped and looked up at Elliot with tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Casey, I love Olivia." Elliot surprised himself as he said what he was feeling out loud. "I love her…and it may be too late to tell her."

Casey hugged Elliot. They held each other for a few minutes before Casey stepped back. "Olivia was dating Tim a few months ago. She liked him… a lot. Things progressed quickly…too quickly."

Elliot turned to face the busy street. His heart was beating too fast to keep his temper steady. "What happened."

"He asked her to marry him." Casey carefully watched Elliot's reaction. She watched as his jaw tightened.

"And…" Elliot refused to look at Casey.

"She said no. She wasn't ready for marriage so soon." Casey carefully placed her hand on Elliot's arm.

"What happened?"

"They continued to date for a little longer. Until…" Casey was trying to figure the best way to explain.

"Until what, Casey." Elliot looked at Olivia's friend. He knew this couldn't be good.

"Elliot, do you remember when Olivia took a few days off work a few months ago?"

Elliot looked confused. "Yeah, the flu."

"No." Casey sighed. " Tim insisted she ask for a new partner. He didn't like the time you and her spent together, job related or not."

Elliot stood up straight and grasped the railing with his hand. Elliot was quickly putting it all together.

"What did he do?" Elliot was seconds from coming unglued.

"Elliot…" Casey was scared to tell him. "Olivia refused to ask for a new partner and Tim grew angry with her."

"What did he do?" Elliot's voice scared Casey. He wasn't speaking with the typical Stabler rage that she was expecting.

"She told him to leave, that she was done with him." Casey looked away before looking Elliot in the eye. "He hurt her…bad. She wasn't expecting him to hit her, and she couldn't get to her gun. She had a hard time dealing with the fact that she couldn't defend herself."

Elliot didn't move. His hand seemed glued to the railing. His gaze was straight ahead. Casey cautiously continued.

"She came to my apartment late that night. He had beat her up pretty bad, but she refused to go get checked out. She didn't want anyone to know. Especially you, Elliot."

Elliot slowly turned to look at Casey. There were tears in his eyes. "She was doubting her ability to protect me if she couldn't even protect herself."

Casey shook her head.

"And look. She saved my life and is in there fighting for her own." Elliot closed his eyes for a few minutes before speaking.

"Olivia is a damn good detective. She's an excellent cop. She trusted this man to some degree or he never would've gotten close enough to hurt her. He's a man and she's a woman." Elliot turned to Casey who had tears in her own eyes.

"She's my partner, and now I will kill that son of a bitch." Elliot turned towards the hospital doors.

Casey grabbled his arm. "Elliot, she knew you would react this way. That's why she made me promise not to tell you."

Her words stopped him. He seemed to regroup. He pulled Casey to him and together the went back into the hospital to wait for word on his partner.

Olivia stood off in the corner as the doctors frantically worked on her body. How much blood could one person lose and still be considered alive. She made her way over to the operating table and took a look herself. Her eyes were closed and the tube still down her throat. She turned away as her chest ached. She looked down and noticed that she didn't have her pretty white shirt on. She only had her bra on and her jeans from earlier that day, or night. She couldn't remember anymore. Blood had gotten on her bra and she felt a sense of frustration at that. Everywhere she looked there was blood. She lowered herself to sit next to the wall. She was tired of fighting. Her body ached and she wondered if she would ever be back to normal after this. What would she do if she couldn't be a detective, or Elliot's partner anymore. She let her head fall back against the wall as she closed her eyes. She never got a chance to tell Elliot how she felt. She had plenty of chances, just never dared. It was so cold in here. She was freezing. Her chest hurt to breathe. She wanted to sleep. Maybe just a nap. What could a nap hurt. The doctors voices and movements seemed to fade quickly.

She collapsed onto one of the bunks in the crib. Her body ignored the thin mattress as she relaxed. Her thoughts were of Elliot as her breathing slowed. She would give anything to feel his arms around her right now.


	6. Chapter 6

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 6

I don't own these characters…..

Tim Hendricks sat alone and waited. He seemed lost in is own thoughts as he nervously rocked back and forth. Elliot wasn't sure if he was nervous about Olivia's condition or the fact he was in a room full of cops. He wanted to approach the bastard and let him know how he felt about him ever laying his hands on his partner. He had promised Casey he wouldn't; not today anyway.

Tim looked over at Elliot with a disgusted look and got up to pace. Elliot watched his every move. How could Olivia been involved with this guy and he not know. He kicked himself for being so selfish. She had every right to date. She was a beautiful woman, why wouldn't she have men in her life.

"You okay, man?" Fin sat down next to Elliot interrupting his thoughts.

"He's an ex-boyfriend." Elliot answered the question Fin didn't ask.

"Okay…" Fin knew there was more by the way Elliot's jaw was clenching.

"He hit her. Casey says it was pretty bad. She ended it then."

Fin's gaze turned to Tim. "Should've shot him."

"I want to kill him. I promised Casey I wouldn't." Elliot slammed his hand down on the table next to his chair causing the magazines to fall to the floor.

"Yeah, well I didn't promise nothing." Fin got up and walked over towards Tim. He sat down next to him and looked him in the eye.

"You and me….we got a problem."

Olivia stretched and yawned. It felt so good to sleep in for a change. Being a NY detective calls for some crazy hours and when she could indulge in a few extra hours, she grabs them. Her body was so totally relaxed. No sore muscles, no arthritis from broken bones, no headache. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so comfortable. She left the comfort of the crib and headed downstairs to the bullpen. It was eerily dark and quiet. Where was everyone. She peered into Cragen's office; it was empty. She wandered over to her desk and sat down. It was a cluttered mess, just as she had left it earlier that day, or was it yesterday. She wasn't even sure now what day it was when she had been…shot. The pain reemerged in her chest and she looked down to see the now familiar red covering her white top. She glanced over at Elliot's desk. She needed to find him, to make sure he was okay.

Casey sat down next to Elliot to wait on word about her dear friend.

"How are you doing?" she asked an obviously preoccupied Elliot.

"How could Olivia let somebody hit her like that? She can take care of herself." Elliot shook his head.

"She didn't expect he would hit her, Elliot. She really liked him, they were close for a time." Casey was immediately sorry she had said anything at all. "It's not like she was in cop mode when she was with him."

"I know. I just can't stand the thought of anyone hurting her." Elliot rubbed his hand over his face.

"That was the end of anything they had. She wouldn't and didn't allow that to go on." Casey rubbed Elliot's back.

"How can he show up here. Is he really that worried about her?" Elliot's words trailed off as Fin and Tim were standing face to face. Casey and Elliot both approached them.

"Tim, maybe you should leave." Casey tried to squash the mounting tension in the room.

"Maybe you should shut the hell up and mind your own business." Tim angrily approached Casey.

Without thinking, Elliot grabbed Tim with both hand and slammed him up against the wall. Tim swung his arm wildly connecting with Elliot's jaw. Elliot stumbled for a minute only to explode on Tim. His fist connected with Tim's face twice before Fin and Cragen were pulling him away.

"You son of a bitch!" Elliot hollered. "If you ever touch Olivia again, I'll kill you."

Cragen's eyes widened as Fin moved in to cuff Tim.

"Tim Hendricks, you are under arrest for assaulting a police officer."

"I never touched her. I'd never hurt Olivia." Tim protested as Fin placed the cuffs on him.

"For assaulting Detective Stabler, idiot." Fin passed him off to uniforms.

Cragen looked from Tim to Elliot and then to Casey.

"Elliot, get back down to the emergency room. You ripped your stitches."

Only then did Elliot realize he was bleeding. He shot Casey an apologetic look before heading to the ER.

When the commotion died down, Cragen looked to Casey for answers.

"He pressed me to know who Tim was. He was Olivia's boyfriend until he hit her."

"He assaulted her?" Cragen's eyes widened again. "He abused Olivia?"

"Yes. She ended it immediately, but he hurt her pretty bad."

"When?" Cragen was dumbfounded. He couldn't believe Olivia would find herself in that position.

"About a month or so ago. When she was out with the flu."

"I'm surprised she didn't kill him." Cragen didn't bother to ask why she didn't report it. He knew his detective too well.

"Well, I'm sure she's going to kill me when she finds out I told Elliot." Casey mumbled.

Olivia was wheeled into a private room in the ICU following surgery. Her doctor explained what happened and what was to happen next. No visitors were allowed until they were sure she was stable. Cragen thanked the doctor and looked to Casey. Relief spread across both of their faces.

"I'm going to head back to the station. I'll be back a bit later." Cragen lightly touched her arm. "Don't worry, Liv will forgive you. She'll understand."

Elliot entered the waiting room as Cragen was leaving. He shared the news with his detective and entered the elevator. Elliot sat down next to Casey and put his arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Casey. I know I promised I wouldn't do anything, but he charged you and…"

"I don't blame you at all. I can't believe he would show up here…knowing what he had done to her." Casey looked down at her hands. "I promised her I wouldn't say anything."

"Olivia knows how I can be." Elliot tried to help ease her conscious. "I forced your hand. I wish she would have confided in me."

"Elliot, she felt like you wouldn't believe in her anymore if she told you."

"I trust Olivia with my life. This wouldn't have changed that." Elliot leaned back in his chair and rested his head on the wall.

They sat in silence waiting for word that they could enter Olivia's room.

Elliot hadn't realized he drifted off until the doctor was in front of him. "Detective?"

He immediately scrambled to his feet. "How is she?"

"She's resting peacefully now. I believe her to be out of the woods."

Elliot let out a deep breath. "What happened…earlier?"

"There was quite a bit of damage within her chest cavity. The bullet pierced her lung causing trouble breathing. She struggled for breath causing pressure in her chest, therefore causing the bleeding to resume."

Elliot took a moment to take it all in. "She's okay now? Her breathing?"

"We had her on a ventilator to help control her breathing. It has since been removed and she's seems to be doing fine. The bleeding has been stopped." The doctor looked weary.

"Can we see her now?' Elliot looked to Casey who seemed just as anxious.

"Sure. Keep her as calm as possible…her breathing." The doctor extended his hand to Elliot who took it.

"El, you go ahead. I'll wait." Casey offered knowing how bad Elliot needed to see her.

"Come with me…please." Elliot asked reaching for her hand.

The room was dark when they entered. There was a small dull light overhead of Olivia's bed. Elliot thought she looked like an angel might look like with the glow from the light on her face. The doctor was right she looked peaceful. He quietly sat down next to her bed, fearful he might wake her. Casey sat on the other side of Olivia's bed and stared at her friend. How close they had come to losing her.

Elliot watched her carefully. Her watched her chest rise and fall with what seemed like normal breathing. Her hair rested on her shoulders which made her look like she was simply sleeping. If only this were a simple sleep. Elliot sighed as he watched his partner sleep. He hated himself for not telling her sooner how he felt about her. His eyes stayed glued to her face. He had always known she was beautiful, but something grabbed ahold of him now as her beauty entranced him. He had almost lost his chance to tell her how he felt about her.

His attention was directed to Casey who was quietly standing. Elliot tried to read her expression, until she mouthed the words, "tell her." Casey left the room leaving Elliot alone with his partner.

Elliot moved his chair closer to her bedside. He gently lifted her hand from her side and held it with his own. Her hand felt warm as he rubbed his thumb over her fingers. He watched her face for any sign that she knew he was there.

His thoughts went back to the alley, back to when he thought it was over for him. He heard her voice and then the gunshots. The men dropping at his feet and the slight glimpse he caught of her before she hit the ground. He felt the tears fall on his face when he thought about how he couldn't get his arm up high enough to shoot in time. He had let her down. She saved his life and he couldn't save her. He had been shot in his arm. The arm that controlled his gun. He knew this, but it didn't help the guilt he felt at not being able to protect her; his partner.

"El." Her voice was barely a whisper, but loud enough to pull him from his thoughts.

"I'm here, Liv." He quickly wiped the tears from his face with his shoulder, refusing to let go of her hand.

She made no attempt to talk or open her eyes. Her expression stayed the same. Did he hear her speak or was he just hoping she knew he was there.

"Liv, I'm so sorry." Elliot tried to tell her how his heart was breaking for her. "I tried. I couldn't…I…I love you, Olivia."

She remained still. He had said it. He had told her. He had to believe she could hear him. His heart was exposed to her and he was scared. What if she didn't feel the same. What if she blamed him for her getting shot. What if she could never forgive him.

Olivia tried to open her eyes. She was so tired, so weak. Her body refused to move. Did he say what she thought he said? She wanted to hug him, to tell him she knew he tried. She didn't blame him. She knew he would do anything to protect her. He was her partner and he loved her? Her heart jumped at the thought and the consistent beeping from her monitor changed. She had to open her eyes, she had to see him to be sure.

Elliot grew nervous as the monitor beeped loudly. He paged for the nurse. "Olivia, calm down, honey. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Please, calm down."

The nurse entered and checked Olivia's vitals. All seem good and she smiled at Elliot. "She's okay. I think she's trying to wake up is all."

"Sorry," Elliot mumbled. "the doctor said to be sure not to upset her…her breathing."

"She's okay." the nurse reassured him with a soft hand on his shoulder. "Talk to her."

Elliot leaned in closer to his partner. "Olivia, please wake up. I need you. I need you to wake up, for me."

A few minutes had passed and Elliot had sat back down in his chair. Had she really heard him. Maybe he scared her and she didn't want to face him. He thought briefly about leaving. Maybe Casey could get her to wake up.

"El." her voice was barely audible. Elliot moved in close and picked her hand up again.

"I'm here, Liv." he dropped her hand and slowly ran his finger across her cheek.

"Me….too," she mumbled. She didn't open her eyes, but slowly a single tear meet his fingers.

She had heard him. He couldn't believe she had heard him. He leaned in and whispered in her ear. "I will be here for you when you are ready. Rest now." his cheek was against hers and he wondered if his stubble was hurting her. He ran his fingers gently over her lips before standing up straight. He quietly left the room, stealing a glance back before the door closed.

His heart had a life of it's own as he strolled down the hall to find Casey.


	7. Chapter 7

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 7

I don't own…

Olivia lied in the dark room with her eyes closed tightly. The pain in her chest seemed unbearable. She tried to concentrate on the heart monitor and the beeping sounds it produced. She wanted to call for a nurse. She needed something more for the pain. As her mind seemed so busy, her body didn't respond. Her limbs felt too heavy to move and breathing seemed harder than it should. She slowly rolled her head to the side in an attempt to alleviate the pressure in her chest. Didn't help. She couldn't believe the pain and wondered if she was really as tough as she thought herself to be. How long had Elliot been gone? Was he coming back? Was anybody coming back? She was scared and didn't know how to handle that unsettling feeling. She opened her eyes but only briefly. Her head hurt as well. She thought back to how comfortable she was lying in the uncomfortable bunk in the crib just a little while ago. Was she actually in the crib? Was she dreaming?

Olivia Benson, tough NYPD detective. Yeah right. She thought of her partner and wondered if he thought any less of her. It was stupid for her to fly into the alley the way she did. Could she have caused his death? She heard gunshots and felt pain. Then she was comfortable again. The incessant beeping of the heart monitor fading away as she relaxed.

Elliot returned as promised. He was both disappointed and relieved to see her sleeping. He carefully slid into the bedside chair and watched her sleep. They had saved each other's life many times and called it all in a days work. This was different. His partner was near death because he couldn't fire his weapon. He could only hope she would forgive him.

He watched her grimace in pain while she slept. He wondered if he should call a nurse for her. He waited as she seemed to settle down and resume breathing peacefully. He wanted to touch her. To reassure himself that she was indeed alive, but he didn't dare. As much as he wanted to hear her voice, he couldn't risk waking her.

Tim Hendricks walked out of the police station after posting bail. He had to find out how Olivia was. She had told him she was done with him, but there was no denying the chemistry they had. He made a mistake and hurt her, but his Olivia was such a forgiving person. That asshole partner of hers would just have to accept the fact that Olivia Benson belonged to him. He made his way back to the hospital and after much inquiring, was directed to Olivia's room. His whole body was consumed with rage as he watched Olivia's partner running his fingers along her arm. How dare he touch his woman.

Tim left the hospital. He had to think. He had to calm down or he wouldn't be able to be with her again. As he walked he thought about their time together. She was so beautiful. He knew she loved him, he could feel it in her kisses, her touch. She was angry with him, but surely after this much time, she had forgiven him.

Olivia's body flinched violently and her eyes flew open. She struggled to breath normally, but couldn't. Elliot was immediately awaken to the sound of his partner.

"Liv, it's okay. Calm down, breath." He held her hand and talked directly into her ear. He knew the consequences from the last time.

Elliot recognized her attempts to control her breathing. "El?"

He leaned in to hear her. "Hurts…bad."

"I know. I know. Do you want me to call the nurse?"

Elliot waited wishing she would open her eyes again. "Liv?"

She had passed out again. Elliot could only imagine the amount of pain she must be in to admit that fact to him. He gently ran his fingers across her cheek. He was worried still about her, what if she got worse instead of better. The doctor did say she was out of the woods, didn't he?

He turned to see Fin at the door and quietly stood to join him in the hall.

"How's she doing?" Fin asked looking just as fatigued as Elliot felt.

"I don't know." Elliot sighed.

"Twelve dozen roses were just delivered to the squadroom. Can't see her desk, man." Fin updated Elliot.

"She's got a lot of brothers in blue that care about her, for her and for a fellow officer." Elliot couldn't help smile at the fact that she was assigned to him all those years ago.

"I'm sure she does, but they're from the same dude." Fin waited until the realization hit Elliot.

"He'd posted bail a few hours ago."

"He's not getting anywhere near her." Elliot's voice was filled with venom. "Throw the flowers away."

"Shouldn't we let her decide that?"

Elliot glared at his colleague.

"Tell her I came by to see her and will try again tomorrow." Fin gave Elliot a look that said he was on his side.

Elliot reentered Olivia's room to find her awake and breathing somewhat peacefully.

"Hey there, partner." he flashed her a grin that was impossible to suppress.

Olivia couldn't help but smile back despite the pain. "El, you okay?"

He saw her looking at his arm. "It's nothing. You, how are you feeling?"

"Never…so much pain." Olivia voiced wavered when she spoke.

"Do you want me to call the doctor in? More pain meds?"

"No." Olivia closed her eyes for a second before she spoke again. "IAB?"

"Don't you worry about anything. You're a hero. Definitely my hero." Elliot took her hand into his own.

"I'm sorry El."

"For what? Liv, you saved my life. You were great."

"I can't …call." Olivia moaned out loud in an attempt to relieve the sharp stabs she felt.

Elliot was confused, but only for a moment. "Okay, Liv. Hang in there."

The nurse arrived quickly with a concerned look on her face. She added a bag to Olivia's I.V.

"You should feel relief very soon, sweetheart." the older nurse had a way of bringing relief with her to Elliot as well. She smiled at Elliot, as she checked Olivia's vitals.

Olivia lied still for the better part of an hour. Elliot could tell she wasn't sleeping, but didn't want to interrupt her nonetheless.

She slowly opened her eyes and looked at Elliot. She wanted to ask if what he had told her was true. Did he really love her. More than his partner. She was afraid. What if she just thought she heard that?

"Olivia, can you tell me about Tim?" Elliot knew better than to bring him up so soon, but he really needed to know what the extent of their relationship was or is.

Elliot wasn't sure, but he thought he saw a look of fear cross her face. After a few seconds she answered in a voice that Elliot didn't recognize. She was forcing herself to speak clearly.

"Tim who?"

"Liv, I know. It's okay, you can tell me."

Olivia closed her eyes and Elliot could tell she was struggling with her thoughts.

"An ex-boyfriend. Why?"

"He came here….to the hospital when you were brought in." Elliot studied his partner's face.

He knew her well enough to know she was trying so hard not to show emotion.

"El, call the nurse. Too much…hurts." Olivia turned away from Elliot.

He did as she asked, wondering if she truly needed more meds or was avoiding the question.

He stayed with her as she drifted off into what seemed to be a deep, peaceful sleep. He could kick himself for being so selfish. She obviously didn't want to talk about Tim Hendricks months ago, why would she want to discuss him now. Especially in her condition.

Elliot was so angry at himself as he left the hospital. He wanted to shower and see his kids briefly before returning. He was so consumed in his thoughts of how he made Olivia even more uncomfortable, that he didn't notice Tim pass by him on his way into the hospital.


	8. Chapter 8

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 8

I don't own these characters…..

Elliot entered his small apartment and immediately stripped down for his shower. He stood under the scalding streams of water for what felt like hours. He let his mind drift from the alley to Olivia to Tim Hendricks, to his kids, his wife. His ex-wife. He still had to correct himself sometimes. Only now did he even realize she hadn't even contacted him. Hendricks said the coverage of the officer involved shooting involving a NYPD detective was all over the news. Maybe she hadn't watched the news. She wasn't one to watch much television. He thought about calling her, but then he'd have to go into detail and he just didn't want to revisit it; not yet.

He quickly toweled off and emerged from the sauna that was his bathroom. His mind wouldn't let go of the vision he had of Olivia hitting the ground. He shook his head and forced himself to remember that she was going to make it. As he dressed, he thought about what her relationship with Hendricks was all about. Casey had said she had liked him a lot. Was she in love with him? Did she actually love him? He shook his head thinking of him hurting her. Is that what she got for falling in love?

He silently cursed himself for making her think he was unavailable to her. She didn't want him to think she couldn't take care of herself, so she didn't let him know. All because of that damn Gitano. Ever since that case she hasn't let him in like she used to. Why did he say those things to her. Why couldn't he admit his feelings for her then. Damn Stabler, you're such an ass.

He slowly pulled on a pair of jeans and a clean polo. His arm was sore as hell, but he ignored the pain. He had no right to complain about a sore arm, not with his partner in so much pain in the hospital. He cleaned off Olivia's badge and slipped it into his pocket. He would keep it with him until somebody asked him for it. Surprisingly Cragen hasn't asked about it. They had her gun, as far as procedure goes, they should have her shield too.

He headed over to his house, Kathy's house now, to see the kids. He wasn't going to stay long as he really wanted to get back to Olivia. He just wanted to hug them, kiss them, and let them know that he loved them.

Olivia was enjoying a relatively pain-free sleep due to the medication. The same older nurse was with her, checking her I.V. when there was a light knock at the door. She looked up to see a nice-looking young man enter. He nodded to her, but his eyes were then directed towards Olivia.

"Can I help you?" Olivia's nurse, Mary, hadn't seen this young man here before.

"Hi, I'm Olivia's fiance. How's she doing?"

Mary furrowed her brows as she looked Tim over as he made his way to Olivia's bedside.

"Detective Stabler never made any mention of her having a fiance or family in the area."

Tim shot Mary an annoyed look. "Detective Stabler doesn't like me too much. Between you and I, I think he's a bit jealous."

Mary didn't like him. "She'll be sleeping for quite a while. She's been given strong pain medication to help her rest comfortably."

"That's okay. I won't wake her." Tim took a seat next to Olivia's bed obviously ignoring the subtle hint Mary had given him.

Once Mary had left the room, Tim stood and moved closer to Olivia. She always looked like an angel when she was sleeping. He gently ran his fingers over her lips. She didn't stir at all. He moved his hand to touch her face, her hair. How could he have let her get away from him. All he had asked her to do was ask for a new partner. It's not like he was asking her to stop being a cop. Why couldn't she just do it; for him. She never told him she loved him, but he knew it. You don't make love to somebody the way she did to him and not love them. He had hurt her and he regretted ever laying a hand on her in that way. All she had to do was get rid of Stabler.

He walked to the back of the room and leaned against the wall. He stared at Olivia and thought about how he would get her back. He loved her. They belonged together. She belonged to him.

Olivia stirred in her sleep. She instantly became restless; her breathing unsteady. Tim moved closer to her bed and took a seat in the chair. He wondered if he should wake her or if that would upset her more. Olivia's eyes shot open as she forced herself awake from her dream. She didn't immediately see Tim as her head was facing the other way.

"Hello, Olivia." Tim voice was deep yet gentle.

Olivia eyes widened in recognition of his voice. She slowly turned to face him.

"Tim, what are you doing here?" her voice was weak. She sounded defeated even to herself.

"I had to come see you, to make sure you were ok." Tim reached for her hand but Olivia pulled away from him.

"Where's Elliot?" Olivia could feel her heart racing and the monitor reflected the change.

"Who cares? I needed to see you. I miss you, baby."

"Please leave." Olivia hated that she was actually scared of this man. She was a cop but was afraid of somebody she had been intimate with. She could feel her stomach turning and she briefly wondered if she were about to throw up.

"Olivia, can't we just forget about what happened? I love you and I know you loved me. I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to snap like that." Tim was speaking but Olivia wasn't hearing him.

"Please don't do this here, not now." Olivia felt around the bed for the nurse call button. She vaguely remembered Mary telling her where it was if she needed her.

Tim grabbed her wrist. "What are you doing? Don't call anybody in. I just want to talk to you."

Olivia winced as his grip was way tighter than it needed to be. She couldn't fight him, there was no way. "Please, Tim. We'll talk later."

Tim stared into her eyes, without loosening his grip on her wrist. "You can't just throw away what we had. I made a mistake, Olivia. I love you, I need you."

"Please let go of me." Olivia tried to pull out of his grasp, but was entirely too weak. She found the call button with her other hand and hoped Mary would show up sooner than later.

Elliot made his way up to Olivia's floor and checked in at the nurse's station. He made eye contact with Mary as she was making her way out from behind the desk. She was in a hurry and she grabbed his arm as she passed.

"Olivia's calling. I didn't like him from the minute he walked in." Mary headed down the hall to Olivia's room.

Elliot hurriedly caught up to her and stopped her. "Who?"

"Her fiance."

They stopped at the door to Olivia's room. Elliot instructed Mary to allow him to enter first. Although he was warned, the rage exploded when Elliot entered the room.

He immediately grabbed Tim and slammed him up against the back wall. A few kidney shots and a forceful shove to the ground allowed Elliot to cuff him easily. He pulled Tim to his feet and turned him to face him. "Don't ever put your hands on Olivia again." Elliot leaned in closer. "I will kill you."

Tim spit in his face which only enraged Elliot more. A quick left and Tim fell to the ground. Elliot leaned down to him and grabbed his face. "How does it feel to get your ass kicked when you can't defend yourself?"

"Mind your own business, Stabler." Tim spit out. "This is between Olivia and myself."

Elliot made his way over to Olivia. Mary was checking her I.V. lines and making it obvious she didn't see anything that happened in the back of the room.

"Liv?" Elliot reached for her hand.

There were tears in her eyes when she looked up at him. " El, please get him out of here."

The sound of Olivia's voice had Elliot torn. He wanted to hold her in his arms and he wanted to continue beating Tim. He approached Tim and pulled him to his feet. He turned him and shoved him face first into the wall. "I'm gonna remove the cuffs. If you swing on me, it's over."

Elliot knew he had no cause for arrest. He also knew that Tim's word wouldn't stand against his and Olivia's and Mary's as far as what happened just now. Once Tim's hands were free he wiped the blood that was running down his chin form his busted lip. He fixed his shirt and looked around Elliot.

"Were not done sweetheart. I'll see you later. I love you."

Elliot shoved Tim out the door and quickly made his way back to Olivia. She let him hold her hand.. "Liv, tell me about what happened. It's okay."

Olivia waited a few minutes before speaking. Mary gave her a light pat on the shoulder before leaving.

"I woke up and he was in here. He just wants to work things out."

"What happened before with you and him. Olivia, you never mentioned him to me." Elliot was frustrated more at himself. How he wished Olivia felt she could come to him when she needed him.

"It was nothing, El. Just didn't work out." Olivia made it clear she wasn't ready to discuss Tim Hendricks with Elliot.

Elliot paced the room for a few minutes before returning to Olivia's bedside. "I know I have said some mean, harsh things to you in the past. I am sorry."

Olivia looked straight ahead forcing the tears away.

"I am sorry you felt you couldn't tell me what was going on with Tim. I wish you would've come to me." Elliot reached for her hand and Olivia let him.

"El, it just didn't work out. That's it."

"No, Liv, that's not it. Casey told me what happened with him. How he hurt you."

Anger and betrayal crossed Olivia's face. "I trusted her, she promised."

"No, no, no." Elliot realized how he just threw Casey under the bus. "I pressured her to tell me. Hendricks was making a scene and none of us knew who he was. He was claiming to be your fiance." Elliot gave Olivia a moment to process what he had just told her. "You know how persuasive I can be when I want to know something."

Olivia's looked into Elliot's eyes. She couldn't suppress the smile that he drew out of her.

"I don't think any less of you, if that's what you're worried about." Elliot rubbed his fingers across his partner's cheekbone catching the stray tear that escaped.

"El, I am trained to defend myself…" Olivia's voiced trailed off as she looked away.

Elliot gently pulled her face back so he could look in her eyes. "You had no way of knowing he would hurt you. Casey said you really liked him. Were you in love with him, Liv?"

"I was." Olivia let the tears fall now and Elliot's heart broke for her. He carefully embraced her as much as he could mindful of her wound.

Elliot lowered himself to sit on her bed next to her. Olivia wished he would hold her forever. His scent was calming and she felt so safe in his arms.

He stared for a few minutes before speaking. "Liv, I've seen you fight when you've had to. I know you can defend yourself. You are a damn good cop. I am so lucky you are my partner. Not just because you just saved my sorry ass with Williams."

Olivia couldn't help but smile up at him.

"And I got to tell you, Casey is scared to death that you're gonna kill her when you're released from here."

Olivia lightly laughed at that one. "When is that going to be. You know how I hate hospitals."

"You almost died on me just yesterday. I think it'll do you good to hang out a bit." "Elliot laughed. He did know his partner hated hospitals.

"Liv, I saw you were scared when Tim was in here. He hurt you pretty bad, didn't he? What happened?"

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment before looking Elliot directly in the eye. "We had a good relationship. I really liked him, thought maybe, just maybe he was the one." Olivia's voice cracked a bit as she composed herself.

Elliot simply rubbed his fingers over the back of her hand encouraging her to share with him.

"He didn't seem to like that I was partnered with you. He claimed I spent too much time with you."

"Kathy used to complain about the same thing." Elliot wasn't sure if his comment would help or hurt right now, but it was out of his mouth before he realized it.

Olivia wasn't surprised at his comment. She knew Kathy had a hard time with their partnership. Elliot had told her over and over their divorce wasn't because of it though.

"We had a nice evening out and had returned to my apartment. It was a date that we had to reschedule due to us catching a call the night before." Olivia looked nervous and Elliot wished he hadn't talked her into discussing this.

"He wanted me to ask for a new partner." Olivia looked into Elliot's eyes to see what if any reaction he had.

"Did you consider it?" Elliot obviously knew she decided against it.

"No. I told him that wasn't something I was willing to do and he got angry. He told me he wouldn't share and he believed we were involved more that partners should be." Olivia took a deep breath before looking up at Elliot.

"I called out for the week after that night with the flu." Olivia finished the story.

"You never call out, let alone for a week." Elliot put the pieces together.

"I couldn't work. I couldn't show up at the house with the bruises and broken ribs."

"You could've told me. I wished you would have." Elliot knew why she didn't.

"It was over after that. I ignored his calls and was hardly ever home, so if he came by, I wasn't there."

Elliot shook his head.

"This is what I was afraid of. Pity. I am a cop, Elliot. I should've been able to prevent this." Olivia looked away and refused to look Elliot in the eye when he asked her to.

"Could you go. For a while. I want to be alone right now." Olivia's voice was weak and she didn't look at her partner.

Elliot stood but didn't leave. He stood and looked at his partner for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry, Olivia." Elliot headed to the door. He wanted to kill Tim Hendricks. "I'm sorry I hurt you so bad after the Gitano case that you wouldn't come to me and had to deal with this alone. You deserve to be loved-the right way."

Olivia watched the door close and he was gone. She was alone; just like she asked.


	9. Chapter 9

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 9

I don't own these characters…..

Olivia 's thoughts were all over the place as she lied in the darkened room. Mary had been in once since Elliot left to check on her. She wished she hadn't asked Elliot to leave. She really didn't want to be alone; she just didn't want to discuss Tim. He had hurt her; broke her heart by breaking her ribs. She often wondered why she couldn't find her Mr. Right. She knew the job made it difficult, but she also knew it wasn't impossible. Her thoughts jumped from the good times she shared with Tim to that last horrible night. She didn't know if she was more disappointed in the failed relationship or her inability to defend herself. She wanted to forgive Tim, she hated not having anyone to go home to. She knew how it worked. If she let him back in her life, she would always wonder or worry. She didn't love him, she just loved the attention, the intimacy, the companionship.

She closed her eyes to try to sleep. She didn't have to think too much if she were able to sleep. Mary had assured her that nobody would be allowed into the room without first checking in. Olivia replayed the scene in the alley in her mind. She remembers coming on scene and seeing Elliot's life in danger. She didn't have time to think or she would've lost him. Her mind drifted to the sight of two of Williams' accomplices falling to the ground and the look in William's eyes as he aimed his gun at her.

She kept hearing gunshots but couldn't see who was firing. Her eyes shot opened and it took a moment to realize someone was lighting knocking at her door. Olivia held her breath as the door slowly opened. A wave of relief passed over her when she saw the face of her closest friend.

"Hey, I hope I'm not bothering you." Casey cautiously made her way to Olivia's bedside.

"No, I'm glad you're here." Olivia held out her hand.

Casey took it and smiled at Olivia. She had tears in her eyes when she spoke. "I was so scared we lost you."

"Nah, too ornery to die. You know that." Olivia offered her friend a tired smile.

"How are you doing? Much pain?" Casey sat down in the chair hoping and praying Olivia wouldn't be angry at her for telling Elliot about Tim.

"Only when I breathe." Olivia answered. "I wish I could get out of here."

"Of course you do. Liv…"

"Casey, don't worry. It's okay. I know how Elliot can be." Olivia knew Casey was agonizing over betraying her confidence.

"I'm sorry. He was here and causing a scene and nobody knew who he was."

"Casey, have you talked to Elliot?"

"I spent a lot of time with him while you were in surgery. Why, is he doing okay?"

"He feels guilty. It's not his fault. This is what we do." Olivia was thinking of how best to ask Casey about what she thought she heard Elliot say.

Casey waited for Olivia to continue.

"I'm confused. I don't know what I dreamt or what I heard. It all seems to be running together." Olivia trusted Casey and knew she would be honest. She just didn't know how to ask.

"What is it. What are you confused about?"

Olivia tried to adjust her position, but stopped when the pain caused her breath to catch. Casey winced as she watched her friend struggle.

"I was able to see him…outside." Olivia began wondering if Casey would think she was crazy. She could tell Casey was lost, so she continued. "In the rain, outside the hospital."

Casey was the one confused now. "Olivia, I'm not following."

"I saw him talking to you. I saw him out there by himself. I touched him…in the rain." Olivia laid her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes. "I know you think I've lost it."

Casey just stared at her friend for a few moments. "Liv, he went out there to calm down while you were in surgery. He caught me coming in to the hospital while he was heading out. That's when he asked me about Tim."

There was silence in the room except for the constant beeping of the heart monitor.

"He was crying. I've never seen him cry before. He said…he said…" Olivia opened her eyes and met Casey's. "I think I was just dreaming."

"What did he say?" Casey's voice was a whisper.

"He said he loved me."

Casey stared at Olivia until she leaned stood up and grabbed Olivia's hand. "Liv, he and I had a conversation outside the hospital while you were in surgery. He confided in me how he felt about you. He was sure you weren't going to make it and yes…he blamed himself."

Olivia closed her eyes and Casey could see the tears leak out from the corners.

"Olivia, you heard him say all that? You saw us out there? All that happened while you were in surgery. They were working on you for hours."

"I sat with him in the waiting room. He has my badge…I think."

"This is crazy, Olivia." Casey didn't know what to think. "If you were there, then you were actually…dead?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Olivia's voice was barely audible.

Again silence.

"Fin handed Elliot your badge in the waiting room. He has it." Casey locked eyes with Olivia and they both knew that she had indeed died.

The two women sat in silence. Casey held Olivia's hand as she watched her cope with the different emotions. She wondered if they would ever bring this up again. Casey was floored by what Olivia had shared with her. There was no other explanation for how Olivia could know these things.

Olivia seemed to be fighting sleep, waking up seconds after she seemed to drift off. Casey wondered if she were afraid to sleep for fear she wouldn't wake up again.

"Tim hates Elliot." Olivia mumbled after forcing herself awake. Casey didn't respond to the almost abstract comment.

"My mom took me to Coney Island when I was young. She tried to love me, I think." Again, Casey didn't respond. She wished Olivia could let herself drift off. She looked exhausted. Olivia would open her eyes and see her friend sitting there. She'd offer up a weak smile before letting her eyes close again.

"I love him, Case. More than I should." This time Olivia stayed asleep when she her eyes closed.

Casey hoped she meant Elliot and not Tim. She thought back to when Olivia first told her about her new boyfriend. She really liked him and had never seen Olivia so happy. The short months they were together, Olivia seemed a different person. She was in love, although Olivia wouldn't admit it. Then she showed up at her apartment that night and Casey's heart broke for her. She was in so much pain and when she finally shared what happened, she could only try to comfort her best friend. The bruises that covered her where painful to look at, let alone endure. Olivia refused to report the attack despite Casey best efforts to convince

her otherwise. She was embarrassed and ashamed. She was so concerned about what the guys would think of her; especially Elliot. Casey had wanted to call Elliot herself, but had promised Olivia she wouldn't.

She was able to convince Olivia to stay at her place for a week to recover. Casey couldn't get over how strong and tough Olivia was. She was dealing with such pain as well as her broken heart. What exactly was Olivia Benson made out of that gave her the ability to withstand so much in her life?

Casey decided to head out. Olivia seemed to have finally lost the fight with consciousness and was sleeping. She stepped out into the hallway, quietly closing the door behind her. She looked up to see Elliot heading towards her. She motioned for him to follow her as they left the immediate area.

"Routine procedure says you hand over your gun and shield when involved in a shooting. Official investigation into the incident…right?" Casey knew she was right, but wanted to get Elliot's reaction.

Elliot was confused, but nodded his head.

"Did you turn yours over?"

"Of course, right away." Elliot was confused as to Casey line of questioning.

"Where's Olivia's?" Casey didn't want to come right out and ask if he had her badge. Seemed too personal.

"Her gun was collected on scene…shield has been misplaced."

Casey wouldn't let Elliot break their gaze. He slowly pulled it from his pocket.

Casey looked down at Olivia's badge but didn't say a word.

"I wanted to hang onto it, just for a bit. I'll turn it over soon." Elliot looked guilty.

Casey searched Elliot's eyes before speaking. "Did you tell her you had it?"

"What? No." Elliot was surprised Casey would ask him that. "She's knows procedure. She probably just assumes her gun and badge were both taken by IAB."

"Elliot….she knows you have it. She told me this just a little bit ago."

"Nobody knows I have it. I just wanted something…to hold onto…to…" Elliot seemed embarrassed as he stuttered.

"I know." Casey laid her hand on his forearm to calm him. "I'm just telling you that she knows."

Elliot was confused. "How could she know if nobody told her. Did she ask about it or something? She knows how the shooting would be investigated and the procedure."

"El, she's all over the place right now. Her memory, her thoughts, her emotions. She told me she knows you have it. She also said she was with you while you were outside the hospital, in the rain." Casey paused for a moment to make sure Elliot was following her. "While she was in surgery."

Elliot looked as confused as Casey was sure she looked when Olivia told her how she was with him while in surgery.

"You just said she's all over the place. Nearly dying is not something somebody just gets over, Case." Elliot dismissed the awkward conversation.

"Elliot, it's none of my business, I know." Now it was Casey turn to stutter and stammer. "Maybe it's time to tell her how you feel about her. She thinks she heard you confess while outside by yourself, but she's confused too."

Elliot rubbed Casey's arm to let her know he heard her. He then headed toward her room. He thought about how he told her how he felt when she was out of the first surgery. She was then rushed back into surgery. Did he cause that. Did she actually hear him and get upset over what he said.

Elliot actually felt nervous to see her. He wanted to tell her everything. How he felt, how he has always felt about her. He was afraid. What if she didn't feel the same. What if she truly did have feeling for this Tim jerk, despite what he did. What if he were too late. What if she blew him off thinking he was just saying these things because she almost died.

He entered her room to find her sleeping. She was definitely beautiful and even more so when she was sleeping peacefully. He wanted to reach out and stroke her cheek, but was afraid he'd wake her. He let his mind take him back to the alley. The image of her hitting the concrete seemed to block out every vision he had in his mind. His thoughts were interrupted by her soft voice mumbling. How about that, Olivia Benson talks in her sleep.

He knew this wasn't fair to her, to be so interested in what she was dreaming about. He couldn't bring himself to leave or wake her up. Every few minutes she'd mumble something that he had to really focus on hearing. Most of what she said didn't make sense. Finally something did.

"I can't. Sorry….need him…too long…" Elliot had to really listen. He didn't understand what she was talking about, but the words were fairly clear.

"Part…need him…" Olivia appeared to become agitated and he was trying to decide if he should wake her. She moved her head from left to right and pain seemed to be etched into her features now.

Elliot lightly touched her arm and called her name. She wasn't waking.

"Tim, please…stop…stop….sorry." Olivia was becoming more and more frantic.

It was clear to Elliot now what she was dreaming about. Anger flushed through his body as he tried harder to get Olivia to wake up. He leaned in close to her and gently rocked her shoulder while calling her name a bit louder this time.

Olivia woke with a start and her eyes were wide as she looked at Elliot. He could see the fear in them and he hurt for her. He was going to severely hurt this guy. It took her a few seconds to realize she was dreaming and that is was truly Elliot leaning over her.

"El," she was relieved and it showed. She slowly pulled her arms up to reach around his neck. Her body still felt weak, but she made her arms grasp him.

He held her and breathed in her scent. Even in the hospital after two major surgeries, she still smelled like Olivia. He loved this woman and maybe Casey was right, it was time to make sure she knew.


	10. Chapter 10

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 10

I don't own these characters blah blah blah

The next two days seemed to be a blur to Olivia. She slept a lot and wasn't sure when it was night or day. Her mind was constantly trying to decide if she imagined being with Elliot while he grieved, or if she did indeed see and hear him. Nothing made sense to her.

She felt better in that she could shift her position in the bed and even sit up. The pain was ever present, but not near as piercing as it had been. She knew she wasn't ready to go home physically, but she so wanted out of this hospital.

Cragen, Fin, Munch, and Casey had all been in to see her. She had flowers delivered every few hours and numerous cards delivered. Her warm, caring personality made her well liked throughout the NYPD. She asked the nurses to deliver some of the flowers to patients without; just who she was.

Elliot came every morning and evening. The nurses had to kick him out when it was getting too late. He stayed well past visiting hours, but managed to talk the nurses into over looking him. He could be persuasive. Olivia was sure he flashed that grin of his or maybe gave that sad puppy look. She always fell for it, so there was no doubt so did the nurses.

Olivia tried not to think too much about what she thought she heard Elliot say. He had plenty of time to open up to her, but hadn't. Maybe she was imagining things. Maybe he was just so worried, but now that it looked like she would recover he was content with letting things get back to normal.

Mary had quickly became Olivia's favorite nurse. She always made Olivia last on her rounds, so she could sit and chat. Mary enjoyed hearing stories about some of the funnier moments Olivia and Elliot had shared throughout their partnership. It did Olivia good to laugh and she found herself looking forward to Mary's arrival.

After only four days, Olivia was moved out of ICU and into a private room. She was sad to say goodbye to Mary, as her station was the ICU floor only. Mary had grown fond of Olivia and was sad to see her leave even though she knew it meant her favorite patient was getting better.

Once settled into her new room, it wasn't long before her doctor was in. He seemed impressed by her recovery and informed her it was time to get moving. Olivia was both happy to get out of the bed, but scared of the pain that was still tugging at her chest. She wished Elliot were here with her for this, but she knew her recovery depended on herself, physically and mentally. As expected, it was tough. Her legs were weak, her body felt heavy and it hurt to breathe. As much as she would have liked to go home, she knew after her first trip out of bed, there was no way.

As expected Elliot came by after his shift. He couldn't hide the excitement on his face at seeing Olivia sitting up in bed reading a magazine. She looked good, beautiful. She had color back in her face and had gotten a hold of some lip gloss. Elliot assumed Mary hooked her up. Olivia was never without her lip gloss and he was so pleased that she was quickly returning to herself.

"Elliot, you don't have to come here every night after work. Have you seen your kids lately." Just like Olivia, worried about everybody else.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." Elliot looked a little nervous.

"Okay. Is everyone ok?

"They have been dying to see you, but I told them they had to wait until you got better."

"Aww. Of course, I'd love to see them." Elliot couldn't help but smile when Olivia's face lit up. He knew she cared about his kids, always has.

Elliot went to the door and opened it to allow each one of his children to enter. Maureen was carrying Eli who immediately yelled out her name.

"Hey guys!" Olivia reached for Eli, but Elliot took him from Maureen and gently placed him on the bed so he could hug Olivia. At two and a half, he couldn't understand how sore Olivia was.

Each one of Elliot kids hugged Olivia and talked excitedly to her about anything and everything. After a few minutes the excitement died down and Dickie was the one to ask what was on everyone's mind.

"Are you going to be Dad's partner still?" he looked at the floor after seeing the surprise on Olivia's face.

"Of course I am." Olivia quickly looked at Elliot who seemed just as surprised at his son's question. "As soon as I am allowed back to work."

"Dad says you saved his life." Kathleen spoke up looking first at her father.

Elliot could tell Olivia was uncomfortable, but she always had a way with kids and teens.

"Well, actually he saved mine as well. Our jobs can be dangerous at times, but also rewarding. We got the bad guy so that's the good thing."

Maureen was the oldest and in college. She loved Olivia and had her suspicions that her father cared for her more than just his partner. "Olivia, you almost died. Doesn't that scare you?"

Olivia sighed as she once again looked towards Elliot. "Yes, it does scare me. What scared me more was that your father was in danger as well. I would do anything to protect him, and I know he would do the same."

Elliot knew how serious Olivia took their partnership, he felt the same way. To hear her voice that, did something to his heart that he couldn't explain.

"Can we see the bullet hole?" Dickie then asked being a typical young teen boy.

"Richard!" Elliot gave his son that infamous Stabler stare.

"I don't think I even want to see it." Olivia laughed. She looked down to see Eli curled up against her . He was beginning to fall asleep listening to Olivia and his siblings talking. Elliot could see how much she loved him as he watched her stoke his son's hair.

Elliot's thoughts went to when Eli was born. How Olivia had saved his wife's life and ultimately Eli's as well. The car crash that resulted in his early birth. Elliot never did get over the guilt of not taking his wife to her appointment himself, but as always, Olivia was there to help.

"Okay, guys. Liv needs her rest." Elliot could see how tired Olivia had become.

They said their goodbyes and a quiet fell over the room. Olivia was alone again and couldn't help but smile. Elliot's kids were great. She loved how great a father he was to them. She thought about going back to work and wondered if she would be hesitant at all; gun shy as they called it. She thought about the fear she felt at seeing her partner in danger. Seeing Elliot in danger. That's what scared her the most.

A week had gone by since the shooting and Olivia was anxious to get out of the hospital. She was feeling stronger each day and knew she would be released soon. Elliot had been by each morning and night, but still hadn't mentioned anything to her about his feelings. Olivia was convinced now he was just speaking out of grief and guilt; that is if she even heard him right in the first place. She must have heard what she wanted to hear. She couldn't help but feel defeated and even a bit silly for thinking he may have feelings for her that extended beyond partnership.

A knock on the door brought in another flower delivery. Olivia couldn't help but smile despite the amount of flowers she had given away to other patients. The young delivery man set the flowers on the table farthest from her bed as directed. Once he left the room, Olivia decided she would go investigate and see who the flowers were from this time. She slowly lowered herself to the floor so she was standing upright on her own. She felt strong; almost back to normal. Her chest ached, but didn't scream in pain anymore. As she made her way across the room, she really thought about demanding to be released.

Olivia picked the card from the beautiful arrangement of all red roses. She hardly glanced up as the delivery was made, but now was amazed at how beautiful these flowers were. Her heart skipped a beat as she opened the card. Maybe Elliot was just waiting for the right moment to talk to her. Disappointed immediately replaced excitement and hope as she read Tim's name on the card. She replaced the card and made her way back to her bed. Why couldn't things ever just work out the way she wanted. She was relieved to lie back down, but felt good about walking.

Olivia closed her eyes and sighed. She had broken things off with Tim and was convinced it was over in every way. If she had any feeling for him, he killed them by hurting her. She was hurt and embarrassed. He managed to make her question her ability to defend herself as well as further damage her ability to trust. All because she wouldn't ask for a partner change. Olivia rubbed her temples with her fingers trying to relieve the impending headache.

Maybe she should've considered a partner change. She and Elliot were beginning to act like a boring old married couple. Knowing each other's body language as well as being able to finish each other's sentences. Tim had made her feel alive; at least for the few months they dated. Olivia let her mind drift to the good things her and Tim shared. How she laughed with him and how he held her after making love. How he wanted to be with her every second of the day, but realizing she was so independent. He was jealous of Elliot, but he just didn't understand the dynamics that come with partnership; especially at their level. She felt confident she could make him understand what Elliot was to her, but he didn't give her a chance.

Olivia cursed herself for making excuses for Tim. He had surprised her with a punch that knocked her off her feet. A tear leaked out of Olivia's eye as she replayed that night in her mind. She was so surprised. She knew he was upset, even angry, but couldn't believe he would ever hit her. His strong hands grabbed her by the arms and quickly hauled her to her feet. Those same hands that so skillfully made her feel alive the night before were leaving bruises on her the next day. The look in his eyes scared her enough to bring out all her instincts as a trained detective. He had the upper hand and let her know just that. Nothing she tried could prevent the onslaught of his anger and frustration. She listened to the door slam as she lied on the floor of her apartment trying to catch her breath. She knew she had at least two broken ribs and could only imagine how bad her face was. Her phone and gun were in her bedroom and she knew neither would help her. She was now a victim. And that thought pissed her off more than Tim's betrayal. She couldn't protect herself, how could she protect anybody else..

Tears streamed down her face as she pushed aside the emotions from that day. She thought about all the things she could've done. Even what she should've done. Instead she hid until she was healed enough to return to work. Kept Tim and the incident a secret. She couldn't handle facing the guys at work; she was supposed to be as tough and strong as they were; how could she explain this to them.

Elliot knew, as did Fin. She was sure the captain had gotten wind of it too when Tim decided to show up at the hospital. She was reminded of how she couldn't protect herself each time Tim's name was mentioned or his presence made known. Olivia glanced over at the flowers Tim just had sent to her and wished things had been different. She had loved him, but knew all too well what staying with him could cost her. She closed her eyes as her thoughts weighed heavy on her. The hospital was starting to get to her as well. She wanted to go home; for things to be back to normal.

Olivia felt her limbs weaken and her eyes became heavy. She decided not to fight the sleep that was taunting her. Maybe she would be able to have a better attitude after a nap. She listened to the distant pages as she let sleep consume her.

Tim decided to stop by the precinct. He would demand answers from Olivia's superior. Her partner wouldn't let him in to the hospital to see her, so he would find out somehow. He was facing court in a few weeks for assaulting an officer, but he wasn't worried. His lawyer assured him that they would get the charge thrown out. So, there really was nothing Elliot could do to him today anyway.

"I'm looking for Captain Cragen." Tim flashed a smile to the officer at the front desk. She smiled back impressed with what stood in front of her. The officer directed him to the correct floor and watched him leave. He smiled again as he waved from the elevator. As Tim entered the busy squad room, he took a minute to look around. Olivia had never had him meet her here; always meeting outside the precinct for lunch. He found her desk in no time as it was covered with the roses he had sent. He slowly strolled by noticing how the flowers covered the papers and files that littered her desk. He kept an eye out for Elliot, but realized that he must be out. He really didn't want to tangle with him today.

Tim knocked on the captain's door and was waved in. He quietly closed the door behind him as he noticed Olivia's boss on the phone. Cragen's eyes met with Tim's and a look of disgust crossed the older man's face as he motioned for him to have a seat.

"Can I help you?" Cragen asked hanging up the phone.

"Yes sir. I'm Tim Hendricks." Tim offered his hand.

"I know who you are. What do you need?" Cragen refused his gesture.

"It seems Detective Stabler won't allow me in to see Olivia in the hospital. I doubt he really has any legal right to do that, but I don't want to upset Olivia by causing a scene." Tim didn't appear at all uncomfortable.

"And you are here talking to me why?" Cragen was making it obvious he didn't have the time of day for this Tim Hendricks.

"I want to know how she is. Will she be returning to work? Will she continue to be partnered with somebody that obviously doesn't have her back.?" Tim asked his question very easily knowing he was getting under the captains skin with each one.

Cragen sat down behind his desk and glared at Tim. The silence that filled the room was heavy causing Tim to smile despite himself.

"I do believe the questions you have asked are none of your business." Cragen finally answered.

"I don't think you understand, sir." Tim stood forcing Cragen to do the same. "I love Olivia. I don't want her hurt. I know the job can be dangerous, but I don't believe Detective Stabler has her best interests at heart."

Cragen slowly walked out from behind his desk until he was standing face to face with Tim. "I decide who my detectives are partnered with. Your opinion means nothing to me."

"I just don't think you're seeing the whole picture here." Tim walked around the room briefly glancing out at the squad room. "Olivia isn't safe with him."

Cragen crossed his arms as he watched Tim stroll around his office.

"Olivia is lying in a hospital bed because of Stabler. He can't protect her. She almost died because of him and I intend to make him pay for that." Tim fixed his glare on Cragen as he finished his statement.

Cragen approached the good looking, confidant man in front of him. "Are you threatening my detective?"

Tim laughed before speaking. "If you won't reassign her, then maybe I'll convince her to ask for a new partner."

Tim opened the door and strolled out into the busy squad room. Elliot had returned to his desk and looked up in time to see Tim leaving Cragen's office.

"Detective Stabler. How nice to see you again." Tim offered Elliot his hand

"What are you doing here." Elliot also ignored Tim's gesture as he rose to his feet and closed the space between them.

"Just chatting with your boss." Tim grinned at Elliot. "Might want to start looking for a new partner."

"Stabler!" Cragen boomed from his office.

Elliot's glare never left Tim as he slowly made his way out of the precinct.


	11. Chapter 11

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 11

I don't own these characters, except Tim Hendricks. Figures, I get to own the ones nobody likes…

Elliot slammed the door shut to Cragen's office and headed to the locker room. He paced in front of his locker ordering himself to keep control. He couldn't believe this guy had the nerve to walk into his house and make demands and threats. Cragen wasn't phased by his threats or demands, but Elliot was more than pissed. Olivia was his partner and unless she wanted a change, it wasn't happening. He didn't care what Tim Hendricks wanted. He sat on the bench facing the lockers. Her locker directly under his. He let his eyes rest on her name. He couldn't imagine doing this job without her. He needed her more than even he realized. He couldn't imagine living without her, not now that he acknowledged his feelings; at least to himself. He had to let her know how he felt. Even if she didn't have feelings for him in that way, he would never forgive himself if he lost the chance to share his with her. His eyes watered and his blood boiled. What if she still had feelings for Tim, despite what he had done to her. He lost control and before he knew it his hands were bleeding from the metal of the lockers. Sweat poured down his face, mixed with tears. He wiped both away, barely noticing the burning sensation in his arm where his wound was slowly healing.

"Feel better?" Cragen's voice brought Elliot out of the dark hole he was drowning in.

Elliot slumped down onto the bench.

"The squad will be glad to know they're be getting new lockers courtesy of one Elliot Stabler- again." Cragen took a seat next to his detective.

"Sorry." Elliot mumbled as he ran his hands over his face.

"I don't want you mentioning any of this to Olivia." Cragen's voice was kept low. "I don't want her worried or upset. All I want is for her to recover."

"Yes sir." Elliot looked towards his boss.

"Olivia didn't report the attack, so therefore one didn't occur unless she does so. Maybe you could get her to do just that so we can do something about this son of a bitch." Cragen got up and left as quietly as he appeared.

Elliot opened his locker and grabbed a change of clothes. He wiped his hands with a towel and cleaned up. He was going to see Olivia, but he knew she wouldn't want to discuss what happened with Tim. He didn't want her to, but he wanted her to report it. He knew exactly why she didn't and exactly why she wouldn't now. He ran his fingers over the name on her locker and headed out.

Olivia awoke from a nap that lasted nearly four hours. She felt great, considering she had a hole in her chest. She was going through caffeine withdrawal. She lived on coffee and that was not on her menu. The doctor didn't want anything to over stimulate her heart. Although she was making remarkable progress, he was still a bit concerned with her breathing. Olivia had bothered and begged her nurses for even a soda, but they wouldn't give.

Olivia was trying to sit up when she heard a knock. Mary poked her head in and was a welcomed sight.

"I got the message. How's my favorite detective patient." Mary hugged Olivia and helped her get situated.

Olivia had missed Mary. The nurses on her new floor were good, but didn't believe in bending the rules at all.

"Did you bring it?" Olivia whispered.

Mary looked at her with those stern eyes that were probably used for scolding her own children when they were younger. "Did you ask for it?"

"Yes, I did. I'm dying here, Mary." Olivia whined.

"No you're not dying. Stop being so dramatic. Last week, yeah maybe you were dying. This week, you're just whining." Mary smiled as she pulled the bottle of diet coke from her purse.

"It's not coffee, so it'll have to do. Not very good at smuggling things in."

"It'll do just fine, thank you." Olivia drank from the bottle and rolled her eyes as if she had gotten the fix that she had been craving for a week.

"You know I could lose my job." Mary warned. "So, next time you want something illegal, ask your handsome partner."

"Diet Coke is hardly illegal. Look at who's being overly dramatic now." Olivia laughed as she held Mary's hand.

"Good to see you're doing so much better." Mary commented as she rubbed Olivia's arm.

"I want out of here so bad, can't stand hospitals." Olivia whined wishing, but knowing Mary didn't have a say in her release.

"Why don't you just relax, get better, and enjoy the company." Mary instructed as she nodded towards the door.

Elliot was walking in. He stopped when he noticed Olivia had company. He offered Mary a warm smile.

"Detective Stabler. How nice to see you again." Mary kissed Olivia on her cheek and headed out. "Has your partner always been this crabby with no caffeine?"

"Probably a good thing she doesn't have her gun while she's in here." Elliot joked raising an eyebrow.

Mary laughed and patted Elliot on the arm as she said her goodbyes.

"I take it you found someone to hook you up?" Elliot pulled up a chair next to Olivia's bed.

"Everyone needs a go-to person." Olivia smiled before taking another swig of her coke.

"You look good, Liv." Elliot was amazed at Olivia's appearance.

"I feel good. I wish I could get out of here. You know how I hate hospitals."

"Liv, it wasn't even a full week ago, you nearly died from a gunshot to the chest. Take it easy, enjoy the down time." Elliot knew he would receive the glare he got from her when he finished speaking.

Olivia looked at her partner with a concerned look. "What's going on, El?"

"What do you mean?" Elliot tried knowing it was useless. She always knew when something was bothering him.

"El?"

"Tim Hendricks came to see Cragen today." Elliot decided to go for broke. Cragen said not to mention it to her, but Olivia deserved to know what was going on.

He watched as different emotions played out through her expressions. "What did he want?"

Elliot stood and paced the length of the room before speaking. "Olivia, why didn't you report the attack?"

Olivia refused to look at Elliot. "What did he want, El?"

"He wants Cragen to reassign you. He feels I'm not good enough to be partnered with you. That I don't have you're back." Elliot blew out a loud sigh as he returned to his chair.

Olivia layed her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes.

"Liv?" Elliot was concerned. Was Olivia thinking the same thing?

"El, I trust you with my life. I don't want another partner. Do you?" Olivia never opened her eyes.

"Olivia, look at me." Elliot waited until Olivia opened her eyes and was looking directly into his eyes.

"I could never do this job without you. I would gladly give my life if it kept you from being harmed in any way. I am so sorry I didn't protect you. I am so sorry you almost died because I couldn't shoot in time." Elliot had tears in his eyes.

"El, come on. You were wounded, I know that." Olivia had tears of her own starting. "You couldn't."

El looked down at his hands. He wanted so much to hold her, as if that would erase this awful week from their history. "Liv, I wished you trusted me completely."

Olivia didn't say anything, but her look showed confusion.

Elliot knew this was shaky ground, but he decided to go for it. "I wished you would've trusted me enough to come to me when Tim hurt you."

Olivia again closed her eyes, as if that would make the whole situation go away. She was silent for a long time before looking at Elliot with tear filled eyes. "How could I tell you or anyone what I allowed him to do. I am trained to defend myself, and I couldn't." Olivia let the tears flow.

"Olivia, you had no reason to believe he would hurt you. You didn't have your gun and he surprised you. All you could do was survive." Elliot moved his chair closer so that he could reach for her hand.

"I preach to women all day everyday about justice and testifying. What a hypocrite, huh?" Olivia sniffed as she wiped away her tears.

"It's different, and you know that." Elliot smiled at her. "I don't look at you any different."

"That's just because I saved your sorry ass." Olivia smiled as she watched Elliot laugh.

Elliot took a chance and placed his hand on Olivia's cheek. He let his thumb gently rub her cheek bone. He was thrilled when she didn't pull away. Instead she looked directly into his eyes. He wondered if she had any clue how beautiful she was.

"Liv, I was so scared. So scared of losing you. I thought I was going to lose it…completely."

Olivia was losing it. Elliot's hand was warming the skin on her face. His simple touch was doing more for her recovery than any doctor could. She couldn't pull her eyes away from his if she wanted to.

"I love you, Olivia. I really love you." Elliot whispered the words she accepted she would never hear from him.

Olivia reached up and covered the hand that was still holding her face. Tears streamed down her face now and Elliot gently wiped each one away.

"I'm sorry if I upset you or if you don't feel the same, but I really love you." Elliot searched her eyes for an answer, any answer.

Olivia couldn't form the words she wanted to say. She had waited so long to hear those exact words from him that she doubted what she was hearing.

"Liv?" Elliot looked devastated. "Say something…anything."

"I was there. I heard you….in the rain…outside." Olivia was rambling and she knew it.

Elliot was now confused. "I know this isn't a good time to tell you something like this, but I'm afraid of losing you and you not knowing."

Olivia continued to search Elliot's eyes. "Elliot, do you have my badge?"

Elliot was thoroughly confused as to where Olivia's head was. He had blindsided her and he wanted to start the conversation over. Maybe he should've waited. He slowly reached into his front pocket and pulled out her gold shield. He watched her face as she looked from it back to Elliot.

"Fin gave it to you…in the waiting room. It was supposed to be surrendered with my weapon."

"Olivia, what's going on?" Elliot returned her badge to his pocket and ran his hand over his face. "Yes, Fin gave it to me. I was supposed to turn it over, but…it helped. It helped me."

"I don't want another partner." Olivia blurted out.

Maybe she was feeling better because of more pain meds. Elliot wasn't sure how she felt about his confession. She seemed to hear him, but that was it. He couldn't help but feel rejected. She probably still has feelings for Tim after all. Then it dawned on him.

"I don't want another partner either." Elliot answered her seemingly random statement. She must be worried about Cragen splitting them up. Elliot turned and headed for the door. He had to get out of there. The small room had gotten too confined and he was starting to panic.

"Elliot, don't leave me." Olivia's voice was strange to her as well as Elliot. The pleading tone caused him to immediately turn to face her. She was almost out of the bed.

He hurried to her, but she was on her feet by the time he reached her. "Liv, you shouldn't be out of bed yet."

Her arms went around his neck and his instantly went around her waist. He focused on supporting her at first until he realized she was standing on her own. He relaxed and let himself feel her body against his.

"I love you too, El." Olivia whispered into his ear as her hold around his neck tightened.

Elliot closed his eyes as he took in the scent of her. He held her close, wishing he could freeze this moment when he noticed her body trembling. He pulled back and noticed how exhausted she appeared.

"Come on, let's get you back in bed." Elliot helped her even though he knew she'd prefer to prove she could handle it herself.

Once she was laying back against the pillows, he sat on the bed next to her. He returned his hand to her face. He seemed to be reading her mind when he interrupted her thoughts. "I will never hurt you."

Olivia struggled to make eye contact until Elliot asked her to look at him.

"Never." he reiterated. He moved in close until his lips were only inches from his partners. He seemed to be waiting for permission.

Olivia stared into his eyes for a brief moment before closing her eyes and moving towards him. Permission granted.

His lips met hers, gently, slowly at first. His thumb carefully caressing her cheekbone, he lost himself in her kiss. He was startled when she pulled back, searching his eyes.

"El, tell me this is real. That I'm alive…that this is really happening." Olivia bit her lower lip nervously.

Elliot grinned as he realized where she was coming from. "Can I show you instead?"

His lips met hers once again, this time kissing her with more meaning and desire. She allowed his tongue to explore her mouth as she quickly surrendered to him. She knew she really had died, because this had to be heaven.

As their kiss deepened the monitor started beeping a bit too often. Elliot nervously pulled back looking at the machine and then to Olivia. "Are you okay?"

The concerned look amused Olivia. "It seems you raised my heart rate."

"Well, good thing that thing's not hooked up to me. We'd have the whole staff in here." Elliot joked as he stood from the bed just as one of Olivia's nurses entered.

"Everything okay, Miss Benson." Olivia's least favorite nurse checked her monitor.

"Never better." Olivia smiled at Elliot who was carefully sliding away from the nurse. "When can I be released? I really need to get out of here."


	12. Chapter 12

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 12

I don't own these characters, but I love them just the same.

Elliot couldn't believe what was happening. He finally manned up enough to tell Olivia how he felt. He couldn't believe his ears when she had told him that she felt the same. He was excited beyond belief. He was on cloud nine as he prepared to return to the precinct. As he drove, he could still feel her lips on his and her arms around him. He insisted in living in the moment, not ruining what had just transpired between them. The rest they would figure out later.

It was unusually quiet as Elliot entered the squad room. He glanced around until his eyes fell onto his partner's desk. There must have been thirty dozens or so of beautiful red roses. Who has money like that? He knew exactly who would do this and he also knew it wasn't for Olivia; it was to get to him. All the other flowers were donated, clearing Olivia's desk this morning before he left. Now the desk was buried again, with a note left within plain view.

Elliot glanced at Fin, Munch and the Captain who had came out of his office with a pure look of disgust on his face. Elliot picked up the paper that held a message that was displayed for all to see.

_My dearest Olivia. Beautiful roses for a beautiful woman. It won't be long, my love, before you are in my arms again. This time it will be forever, I promise. Love, Tim._

_Elliot crumpled the note up and threw it away. He looked to Cragen with fury in his eyes. "Why is he sending these here, knowing she won't be back to work for at least weeks?"_

"_You know damn well why. Were you able to persuade her to report the attack?" Cragen asked fairly certain he knew the answer._

"_She won't talk about it too much. She's embarrassed and disappointed in herself. I don't know how to get her past that." Elliot slumped down at his desk, staring at the flowers. "Can we get rid of those?"_

_Cragen nodded and left to make the necessary calls. Elliot didn't like the tone of Tim's note. It wasn't meant for Olivia, it was meant for him. It was threatening, but he wasn't sure if he was threatening him or Olivia. Elliot replayed his last visit to Olivia, and he felt confident that she no longer had feelings for Tim Hendricks._

"_Stabler, Fin….rape down in Soho." Elliot shoved his chair back and grabbed his jacket. He would see Olivia later and make sure. He wanted to hear her tell him that she loved him again._

_Olivia slept peacefully for the majority of the afternoon. Although she was feeling considerably better, she tired easily. She had fallen asleep thinking of the kiss she and Elliot had shared earlier. She couldn't wait to see him again. She smiled to herself before falling asleep. She felt like a school girl with a crush on the cutest boy in school. _

_It was late afternoon when Tim approached her room. Stabler couldn't stop him from seeing Olivia; only Olivia could. He slowly, quietly opened the door only to find her sleeping. He closed the door and made his way to her bedside. He stared down at her and felt his pulse racing. He wanted to touch her, but was afraid he'd wake her. She had him thrown out before, but that's only because Elliot showed up. Tim felt he could get through to her if Stabler wasn't around. He reached out and gently pushed her hair aside. He ran his fingers over her cheeks until she began to sir. _

"_El?" Olivia breathed before opening her eyes._

_Tim couldn't help the anger that invaded his senses. He waited until she opened her eyes before he grabbed her face with his hand. Her eyes went wide with fear as his grasp tightened. "Why would El be touching your face like that?"_

"_Tim…please." Olivia tried to pull his hand away, but he refused to let go, causing her pain._

"_I spoke with your boss, today love. You will not be partnered with that loser any longer. I think you should resign completely; it's too much for you obviously." Tim's eyes scanned the length of her body_

_Olivia let go of his hand only to reach for the call button for the nurse. Tim quickly grabbed it as he shook his head. "You make everything so much harder than it has to be." _

"_Tim, please, you're hurting me." Olivia knew she was in no condition to fight him._

"_I never meant to hurt you, Olivia. I love you." Tim slowly released his hand from her face. "I made a mistake before and I'm sorry. Stabler is no good for you, I think that's obvious now."_

"_We've been over this. I'm not quitting and I'm not changing partners. Please leave, Elliot will be coming by soon." Olivia rubbed her jaw where Tim had hurt her._

_Tim leaned down to where his face was only inches away from Olivia's. The fear in her eyes was apparent even though she tried to remain stoic. "Either you request a partner change, or I'll make the changes myself."_

_Olivia locked glares with Tim for what seemed like eternity. "Are you threatening my partner?"_

"_We were good together. I love you and I know you loved me." Tim remained close to Olivia's face. "I would give anything to be able to touch you, to love you again."_

"_And you really think this is the way to go about it…by making threats?"_

_Tim expression changed and Olivia tried to keep her breathing even and steady. "Why won't you do this simple thing for me? Are you in love with him or something?"_

"_No. He's my partner, has been for years. I trust him with my life. We've been over all this." Olivia was growing tired of explaining and was becoming more and more nervous. Where was Elliot?_

"_He's not doing such a good job with your life, now is he." Tim placed his hand on Olivia's chest and pushed down until she cried out._

"_Please, Tim. I'm sorry. I will ask for a change." Tears slipped down Olivia's face. She hated feeling so defenseless._

"_All of this could've been avoided if you would have done that months ago." Tim moved in and placed his lips to hers. She turned her head to avoid him._

_Tim stared into Olivia's eyes. "I want you back."_

"_No. I will never forgive you." Olivia silently cursed herself for speaking her mind._

_Tim's eyes never left hers until he backhanded her out of nowhere. He left in a angry rush, leaving Olivia stunned and holding her face._

_Tim sped off from the hospital. Why did Olivia have to be so difficult. Why did she make him so angry? And he was angry. He knew she wasn't going to ask for a partner change. Yeah, he would make that change. With Elliot out of the picture, Olivia would be begging him to come back to her._

_Olivia called for the nurse. Her chest was killing her and her nerves were shot. She asked for pain medication and for her partner to be called in. Elliot had requested that there be no phone in her room, so she wouldn't be bothered. How she wished she had a phone to call him. She was worried about him, Tim was angry, angry and unpredictable._

_Olivia's least favorite nurse arrived. She immediately tended to Olivia. "What happened, Miss Benson?"_

"_Please get me a phone in here. I need to contact my partner." Olivia pleaded with the nurse who ignored her request when she noticed the blood over Olivia's gown._

_She quickly paged for the doctor. "I think the stitches have been torn. What happened?" the nurse asked examining Olivia's face as well._

"_I just need a phone, please." Olivia was beginning to grow frantic and the monitor reflected the sudden change in heart rate._

_Olivia had felt so good this morning, but now was in a lot of pain. Her chest was throbbing setting shooting pains throughout her body. Her face stung and she was aware of the bruise forming along the side her eye. How did he get in. Elliot made sure he wasn't allowed in to get to her._

_The doctor showed up and quickly removed her gown so he could examine her gunshot wound. He didn't have a phone with him. Why was nobody bringing her a phone? Elliot didn't know what had happened. He didn't know that Tim had threatened him. She was worried and began to panic. Her breathing became rapid. She couldn't get enough air into her lungs. She frantically pulled at the doctors arms. Why wouldn't he let her call her partner. She had to warn him._

_Olivia felt a slight burn in her thigh. They had injected her with a sedative. She felt everything slow down. She could barely hear the doctors and nurses speaking over her. She barely felt the doctors hands on her chest. She tried to fight it, but her body was not allowing her to move. The pain was almost intolerable. What did he do when he pushed on her chest? Where was Elliot? The damn heart monitor was buzzing away. The last thing she heard was her doctor ordering her to be transferred back to ICU._

"_Cragen." Captain Cragen was in his office waiting for word from Elliot and Fin on their latest case._

"_I'll be right there." Cragen grabbed his jacket and headed to the hospital. He was directed to the ICU floor and looked for Olivia's doctor. After a few minutes he was informed of her condition._

_The doctor took Cragen aside as he tried to explain. "It appears, Detective Benson was attacked a few hours ago in her room. Her wound was re-opened and she appears to have a few contusions on her face."_

"_I need to see cameras. Does she know who it was?" Cragen was furious. He was already calling in for a detail to be place outside his detective's door._

"_She didn't say. She was having difficulty breathing. We are prepping her now for surgery. It appears her lung has collapsed due to the trauma."_

"_Can I see her, first?" Cragen was actually surprised at the doctor's response._

"_Quickly, sir. I don't know what you'll get. She's pretty much out of it."_

_The doctor led Cragen to her room and even though he was warned, Cragen was taken back by her appearance. Her right eye was bruised and swollen. There were bruises on either side of her jaw where Tim had grabbed her face. She had a breathing tube in and the monitors were beeping in many different tones and speeds._

_Cragen bent down so he was close to his favorite detective. He picked up her hand and when she realized who was there, she squeezed his hand lightly._

"_Olivia, tell me. Was this Tim Hendricks?"_

_Cragen's heart broke when he noticed a single tear roll down her face. She shook her head and kept her eyes closed. She couldn't tell him how worried she was about Elliot._

_Cragen stood up and patted Olivia's hand. "You hang in there. You'll be okay, I promise."_

_Olivia held tight to her boss' hand as he turned to leave. The gesture made Cragen bend back down to her level. "What is it?"_

_Olivia didn't know how to converse with anybody but her partner without words. She looked at Cragen and willed the tears to stop. He seemed confused at first. "I'll get Elliot here." Cragen knew there was more._

_There was a pleading in her eyes as she stared at her boss. "He'll be okay. I don't want you to worry about him. Get better, we need you." he gave Olivia a kiss on the top of her head and quickly left the room._

_The alarms were going off and doctors and nurses were running past him. He couldn't turn around even though he knew the emergency was for Olivia._


	13. Chapter 13

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 13

I don't own these characters blah blah blah

Elliot picked up his cell phone noticing his boss was calling. "Stabler."

"Elliot, Munch will relieve you, I need you to get to the hospital now."

"What's going on, Cap?" Elliot was already heading to the car. Olivia was doing great when he left her earlier that morning.

"Olivia's been rushed back into surgery. Her lung collapsed." Cragen wavered on how much to tell him. He decided to go for it. "Elliot, she was attacked by Hendricks."

Elliot wasn't able to move. His chest ached as he struggled to take a breath. Olivia was doing better, but she was in no condition to defend herself.

"How bad?" Elliot's voice didn't sound like his own as he forced the question out.

"Bad enough. Just get there and stay there."

"We need to get him. I need to get him." Stabler found his voice and his fury.

"Stay at the hospital. That is an order." Cragen's tone meant business.

Elliot hung his phone up and headed to the hospital. His thoughts were on Olivia and the kiss they shared earlier that morning. He refused to let his mind wander to what Hendricks may have done to his partner and how scared she must've been. He slammed his fist down on the steering wheel as he approached a red light. It was going to be hard to control his anger, but he had to find a way.

Elliot rushed into the hospital and found Casey. She was standing by the nurse's station nursing a cup of coffee. Elliot cautiously approached her hoping she had good news. Her expression told him that she did not. "Casey?"

"They took her back into surgery." Casey told Elliot what he already knew. She walked with him to sit down in the waiting room chairs that were becoming more and more uncomfortable each time.

They sat in silence, both thinking about how just over a week ago they were doing the same thing. Waiting.

Finally, Elliot spoke. "How bad."

"She's bruised. He did some damage to the original wound." Casey didn't want to say too much, especially not being too sure as to what happened herself.

Elliot blew out a long breath. "I told her this morning." he glanced sideways at Olivia's closest friend.

"And?" Casey was thankful for the tangent.

"She caved." Elliot smirked amused with himself.

"Uh huh." Casey suppressed a chuckle. "You do know she was probably under the influence of something."

Elliot laughed despite of the situation. "I think she may love me too." he looked down at his hands.

"I think that's a given." Casey knew how Olivia felt about Elliot.

Olivia's doctor came out and noticed Elliot immediately. He shook his hand before explaining how the surgery went. "Detective Benson suffered a collapsed lung due to the trauma she endured earlier."

Elliot's heart was thumping against his chest and he was sure both the doctor and Casey could hear it.

"We've managed to get her breathing back under control. She's in a ICU room now. And yes, you may see her." the doctor grinned at Casey before looking to Elliot. "She'll be out for awhile thought, so don't expect too much."

Elliot grabbed Casey hand as they headed off towards Olivia's room. He was pleased to see the protective detail that Cragen had arranged was already outside. He flashed his badge and slowly entered the room. Elliot's breath caught as he stared at his partner. Her right eye was a nasty shade of purple and swollen. She had bruises along her jaw line. And a breathing tube. He glanced at Casey gently rubbed his back encouraging him to approach her bedside.

He leaned in close wondering if she'd be able to hear him. "I'm here, Liv." he picked up her hand noticing no movement on Olivia's part. He kissed her fingers letting the tears fall silently. He looked for Casey suddenly embarrassed for crying. She had left, sensing that he needed to be alone with Olivia. Elliot stared at Olivia's face, letting her bruises fuel his rage.

Cragen had assembled a group of detectives to find Tim Hendricks. He didn't want Elliot out looking for him. He didn't know if he threatened him directly, but the look in Olivia's eyes told him that she was scared for him, her partner.

Olivia quietly watched her partner sleep in the chair by her bed. She noticed him when she had awoken just minutes earlier. Elliot feet were propped up on her bed as he slouched in the chair. Olivia couldn't help but think of how sore he'd be when he woke. She also couldn't deny how safe she felt with him there. She took a few minutes to realize all that has happened. She didn't know what time or what day it was. She knew she was being taken back into surgery, but had no clue how long she's been out. Her head hurt and her chest was sore as hell. She tried to move, but quickly decided against it.

Mary entered the room putting on the light over the bed when she noticed Olivia awake. She tapped Stabler's feet, waking him. "Where do you think you are, the Hyatt?"

Olivia grinned watching Elliot almost fall out of the chair. "Liv, you okay?"

Olivia nodded as she watched Mary change out her I.V. bag. "Elliot you don't have to stay here. Go home, get some sleep."

"I do have to stay here." Elliot stood and stretched. He moved out of Mary's way as she made her way to the other side of Olivia's bed.

Mary finished her check on Olivia's vitals. She gently patted her on the shoulder, grimacing as her bruised eye looked worse than when she was brought back to the ICU. She patted Elliot's shoulder as well and quietly left the room.

"Where is he?" Olivia asked watching Elliot pace the length of the room.

"Don't know." Elliot sighed. "Cragen has grounded me. I can't leave here."

"So…you're being punished?" Olivia tried to suppress the grin that was forming.

Elliot made his way back over to her bed. "I could think of harsher punishments." He reached for her hand.

Olivia closed her eyes as she held onto Elliot's hand. "I'm so tired of being in here."

"Liv, what happened?" Elliot sat on the edge of her bed, lightly running his fingers along her jaw.

"He was here when I woke up. Started ranting about me changing partners again." she was silent for a few minutes. "Said he would make the change for me."

"I'll find him and put an end to this…all of this." Elliot looked at her eye with disgust.

Olivia watched his expression carefully. "El, I'm fairly certain he's coming for you. Just lay low and let Cragen handle it."

Elliot stood ready to argue then suddenly stopped himself. "There's a detail outside your door, but never mind them. Mary's your nurse again, and I'm sure she's got your back. He won't get to you again."

Olivia smiled at the comment about Mary. "El, he wants you out of the picture." her voice caught slightly.

Elliot sat back down on her bed. He moved in close. "You know me better than anyone. I'll be fine. You just worry about getting better." He carefully brought his lips to touch hers. He pulled back and looked her in the eyes.

"I should've trusted you." Olivia whispered. "I should've come to you when he hurt me."

"Doesn't matter now. I'm pretty sure Casey's going for attempted murder on a police officer after this attack."

"That's a stretch." Olivia looked confused.

Elliot held her face in his hands. "Could've easily been murder. Jesus Liv, you just got out of surgery because of him."

"I got to get out of here." Olivia whined.

Elliot stood and headed for the door. "I'll be back."

Olivia watched him leave wondering what he was up to. Mary entered the room a few minutes later. She sat down in the chair next to Olivia's bed and grabbed the T.V. remote. "Watcha wanna watch? Oh, doesn't matter, you'll be out again in no time."

"I'm not tired, I feel pretty good." Olivia was happy to have Mary back with her.

"After what I put in your IV, you'll be in la la land in no time. You deserve to relax a bit." Mary looked over at Olivia. She had just drifted off, her breathing slow and steady.

Mary quietly got up to leave the room. She made sure Olivia's protective detail was in place and resumed her rounds.


	14. Chapter 14

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 14 I don't own these characters, except for Tim and Mary.

Cragen, Munch, Fin and Elliot worked around the clock looking for Tim Hendricks. It was as if he had fallen off he face of the earth. Elliot knew that was too good to be true. He kept his guard up constantly.

Olivia was improving quickly. She left Mary once again and was placed in a private room where she continued to heal. Once again she talked Mary into smuggling her some caffeine and could've kissed the woman when she came through for her.

"I love you, Mary." Olivia was all smiles when Mary entered her room after being cleared by Olivia's detail.

"And I love you, however, I am about sick of you being in this hospital." Mary pulled the Diet Coke from her purse and gave it to the detective. She also pulled out lip gloss for her. Olivia was pleased as she applied it to her dry lips.

After a few minutes, Olivia smiled at Mary. "You're getting good at this smuggling act. Maybe I'll take you with me next time I have to fly."

Mary took a seat next to Olivia's bed. "I heard some talk that maybe, just maybe you'll be getting paroled from here soon."

"I am so ready. I hate hospitals." Olivia drank from the coke can very happy to have gotten her drug of choice.

"I know. You've told me that every chance you had." Mary smirked at her. "I will miss you."

"Mary, you've been a godsend. Thank you for taking care of me." Olivia was serious as she reached for the older woman's hand.

She took hold of Olivia's hand, smiling at her favorite patient. "I need to go, start my shift. Please take it easy. Don't overdo it." Mary gave that look to Olivia.

"Yes, ma'am." Olivia hugged Mary as she headed out. Olivia was left with her thoughts. Elliot had stopped in, but only briefly. He was almost totally consumed with finding Tim. Casey had work piled on top of her and hadn't managed to get by for the past few days. She was ready to get out of there and go home to her own bed.

Olivia slowly lowered herself to the floor. Her heart monitor had been disconnected yesterday so she didn't have to worry about it. It felt good to stand again as she made her way towards the bathroom. She hadn't gotten the clearance, but all she wanted right now was a shower. The sponge baths were okay, but there was something so refreshing about a shower.

As she made her way into the bathroom, she couldn't help but smile at how much better she felt. Olivia turned the water on and waited for it to warm. She lost the hospital gown and grabbed a towel. She faced the mirror and for the first time got a good look at her wound. It was about an inch over her left breast. She froze for a moment as she realized just how close she really came to dying. The bruising was still very severe from the bullet, but she could see where it was already starting to heal. She folding the towel and placed it over her wound, figuring she shouldn't get the stitches wet.

She also got a look at her face. The bruising was considerably worse than she thought. She didn't think Tim had hit her that hard, but the proof was staring back at her in the mirror. Olivia sighed heavily as she made her way into the shower. The warm water felt great on her bare back. She put her head under the water and let it soak her through. She lost the towel, but didn't care as she soaped her body. She washed her hair with the small bottle of shampoo that was there. Olivia let the water run over her body for what seemed like hours. Her legs were beginning to weaken, so she decided she should work on getting back to bed.

She toweled off and wrapped the towel around her body. It covered most of the bruising on her chest. She brushed out her hair, wanting so much to get back to normal. Her breathing was getting a bit tougher as she figured she had enough. She open the door to find Elliot sitting in the chair waiting for her.

His eyes traveled her body before he began to chastise her. "Do you really think you're ready to be in the shower alone?"

Olivia thought for a minute. "Actually, I don't think I'm ready to be in the shower with anybody else just yet." she winked at her partner as he continued to take her in.

"Very funny, Liv. Probably not the smartest move at this point."

"Come on, El. I feel great. I just want to get back to normal again." Olivia slowly made her way over towards the bed. Elliot could see she most likely had overdone it. He couldn't help but feel for her. She had been in this hospital for over two weeks. He went to her to help her back to bed.

She didn't realize until he helped support her how costly this move could've been. Elliot struggled to keep his eyes on her face as he helped her. God, his partner was built. And she was nearly naked leaning on him. It was all he could do to keep his hands to himself and help her. She grabbed for the new gown that Elliot had layed out for her when he first came in. Elliot turned around to give her some privacy as she quickly changed from the skimpy bath towel into the hospital gown.

He pulled the chair up closer to her bed as she settled back down to relax. "Feel better no?." Elliot couldn't help but smile at his independent partner.

"I do." Olivia applied more lip gloss that Mary had given her. "Any luck?"

Elliot shook his head. "It's as if he packed up and left the country."

"Well, maybe he did." Olivia was trying to stay positive knowing they both knew better.

"Have you seen your kids lately, El." Olivia could tell Elliot was running on empty.

"I really want to find Hendricks." Elliot spoke with a harsh edge to his voice.

Olivia was fading quickly. She reached for Elliot's hand and when he complied she laced her fingers with his. "We'll find him eventually; or we won't. I just want to get back to work. You need to get some rest and go see your kids." He stared at her for a few minutes. She was quite the sight. Despite the wet hair and fatigue consuming her own face, she was beautiful. He moved in and pressed his lips to hers. She was very receptive to his kiss. She was glad to see him leave, only because she knew he would fall asleep in the chair again. What she really wanted was for him to slide in next to her and hold her, but she would never ask that. It was too soon. His kids had a way of rejuvenating him and she knew he needed just that.

Casey had brought her a change of clothes the next morning. She was being released and she couldn't wait. She sat on he edge of the bed with her feet dangling. Her mind seemed a million miles away.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Casey was concerned with where her friend's head was.

"I'm ready. A little nervous is all."

"About?" Casey thought she knew, but Olivia didn't admit being nervous too often.

"Anything, everything." Olivia looked Casey in the eyes as she spoke. "Will I be able to be on the streets with Elliot again and not freeze up? He counts on me, Case, I have to be sure I have his back."

"I'm sure you'll have to talk to someone department issued before you're completely back to duty. What else?" Although Casey knew that was a major concern, she was pretty sure that wasn't all.

"We don't know where Tim is." Olivia's voice was barely a whisper. "What if he's waiting on me to get out of here. What if he catches Elliot off guard?"

"I want to tell you not to worry about that, but until he's in custody, I think you have to be careful." Casey draped her arm over Olivia's shoulders.

"I don't know what's going to happen with Elliot and I." Olivia looked into Casey's eyes again. "We can't be partners if we're involved in a relationship and I can't do this job without him."

Casey pulled her into a tight hug. "You guys will figure it all out. Lets get out of here." As if on cue the nurse arrived with a wheelchair and her discharge papers.

"Yeah, thanks but I'm not riding in that." Olivia stood and began collecting her things.

"You ride or you stay." Mary had pushed her way past the timid nurse's aid that Olivia had planned on strong arming.

Casey giggled as Olivia quickly sat in the chair.

"It's funny how they all forget that they were here for a reason." Mary winked at Casey as they headed out into the hallway. May pushed Olivia into the elevator and down to the main wing of the hospital where Elliot was waiting for her. The officers assigned to Olivia's room were officially discharged as soon as she was secured in the car with Elliot.

Olivia stood and immediately grabbled a hold of Mary. "Thank you." she whispered into her ear.

Mary hugged her tight. "Please be careful out there. There's not too many of the good guys left."

Olivia smiled as she held Mary's hands. Mary hugged Elliot as well warning him to look out for her favorite detective. "Goes without say, ma'am."

"Oh and Detective Benson. You owe me at least a six pack and two tubes of lip gloss." And with that Mary was back in the elevator heading back up to ICU.

Olivia was thrilled to be lying on her own couch watching her own television. It seemed like forever since she had been home. She was surprised at how exhausted she was by early afternoon. She felt herself drifting off listening to the soothing sound of Elliot's voice as he worked from her dining room table. He was her protective detail now; at least until further notice.

Olivia awoke to Elliot ordering Chinese for them for dinner. He was going over their order with the guy on the phone. "Just tell him it's for Olivia."

Elliot did as he was told, and the communication problem was solved. He hung up the phone and looked at her. "You really don't cook much do you."

"Why should I? It's just me most of the time." Olivia sat up and stretched.

Elliot stared at her, lost in his thoughts.

"El?"

"Yes, Liv."

"What's on your mind? You okay." Olivia sat down at the table across from him.

"No, I don't think so." Elliot's expression turned serious. " I love you."

Olivia was confused. "You say that is if it's a bad thing. Are you telling me you don't; not in that way?"

Elliot stared at his partner. "I almost lost you before I could share how I felt with you. I guess it's all just hitting home now."

There was silence in the small apartment. Olivia tried to keep eye contact with Elliot, but was failing. He moved over to her and lifted her chin with his fingers. He waited until she was focused on his eyes.

"I do love you in that way. If I was absolutely sure I wouldn't hurt you and that you were ready, I'd take you in there and show you." Elliot motioned with his head to her bedroom.

Olivia's eyes widened. "I've definitely have to get back to the gym. Have to get back in shape."

Elliot laughed as she managed to lighten the mood. "Your shape is just fine."

Dinner arrived and they enjoyed the evening resting.

Two weeks later, Olivia was released to work out. She wasn't due back to full active duty for a few more days, but was thrilled to be working out again. She was in the precinct gym running on the treadmill. Olivia usually ran every day, so it was good to be back at it. She had been running for over thirty minutes when Elliot found her. He tried not to notice the sweat soaking her sports bra, but he was a man after all. He approached the front of the treadmill and waited for her to remove her headphones.

"First day back. Should I bother telling you not to over-do it?" he grinned at her.

"I feel great. I need this." she was barely out of breath. She always found a way to amaze Elliot. Her wound was uncovered by her workout top, but she didn't seem to mind. She noticed him looking at it with concern.

"Really El, I feel good."

"Okay. As soon as your done, we need to make a visit to the hospital."

"Why?" Olivia slowed the machine down so she was walking.

"Mary received a threatening call from Hendricks." Elliot watched with concern as Olivia's mood changed with his words.

She hit the emergency stop button. "Is she okay?" Olivia grabbed her towel and wiped the sweat from her

face.

"I guessing. The hospital called it in to Cragen an hour ago. She's been pulled from the floor for now."

Olivia sat down on the bench and dropped her head in her hands. "I wish I would've spoke up when he first hurt me. All this wouldn't be happening now."

Elliot sat down next to her. " We'll get him Liv. You know we will. Come on, let's take Mary that six pack of diet coke." he pushed her arm trying to lesson her guilt.

Olivia hit the showers while Elliot headed up to get the details of the threat. His fury returned in full force when Cragen sat him down in his office.

"Olivia does not go with you to question that nurse. Take Fin."

"It's important to Olivia to be there. She needs to be a part of finding him, for her own good." Elliot tried to reason with his captain.

"Elliot, first of all, she's not back to full active duty yet. And secondly, he specifically threatened her life as well as the nurse's." Cragen sat on the edge of his desk.

Elliot stared at his boss for a long couple of minutes.

"He was always in the area. He's outplaying us, beating us at our own game." Cragen hesitated for a brief moment. "He knew when she was released. He knows she will come help that nurse that helped her. I will not let her go, period."

"Yes, sir." Elliot clearly hadn't understood the specifics of the threat. He stood to leave the office as Olivia had made her way up the squad room.

He couldn't help but notice how good she smelled as she pulled her aside to explain. She was pissed at first, but understood. "El, he threatened you when he attacked me. I need to be there, for you as well."

"Orders, Olivia." Elliot motioned towards the captain's office. "Please stay here. I'll be careful, I promise."

Olivia watched Elliot and Fin hurry out. She sat at her desk and dropped her head into her hands. Mary didn't deserve this, and she was grounded. She would understand why she couldn't come; Elliot would make sure she did.

Cragen watched his favorite detective struggle with her feelings. Tim Hendricks was causing such chaos amongst his people that he was struggling with his feelings as well. It was hard to stay in control when he wanted this man dead for the pain he caused his people.


	15. Chapter 15

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 15

Olivia stood and entered Cragen's office. She leaned in the door jam watching her boss busy himself at his desk. He looked up and held Olivia's stare for a few moments before motioning for her to take a seat. She did after closing the door.

"What's on your mind, Detective." "Cragen knew exactly what was bothering her.

Olivia kept her gaze trained on her hands. Cragen waited patiently knowing she needed to talk.

"Olivia?"

"Captain, I need to be involved in this. I can't sit by while Tim hurts anybody else." Olivia now looked up at her boss.

Cragen stood and came around to sit on his desk directly in front of Olivia. "Despite the fact that you didn't report the original attack, you are not responsible for what's he's doing."

"I should have reported. I just…" Olivia's voiced trailed off as she shook her head.

Cragen placed his hand on Olivia's shoulder. "I know."

Elliot and Fin arrived at the hospital and were immediately escorted to the head of security's office. Elliot entered and found a visibly shaken Mary pacing the floor. She immediately approached Elliot when she saw him. "Where's Olivia?"

"She's at the house….the precinct. She's fine. Tell me what's going on." Elliot guided her to have a seat while Fin began looking through the security tapes for anything suspicious.

"I got a phone call a little while ago. He identified himself and thanked me for taking care of Detective Benson." Mary's voice was shaking as she spoke. Elliot moved in closer in an attempt to calm Mary.

"Okay, what else did he say?" Elliot knew she was scared and tried to make her feel safe.

"He said he wanted me to talk to Olivia. To try to make her reconsider letting him back in her life."

Elliot's stomach turned. The thought of Tim ever being in Olivia's life was enough to make him feel sick.

"I told him it was not my place; nor my business." Mary looked at Elliot with pure worry etched into her features.

Elliot was being patient, but grew even more concerned watching Mary recall her phone threat.

"He said to make it my business. He said I had until the end of my shift to have Olivia meet him here in front of the hospital."

"When is your shift over?" Elliot looked at his watch.

Mary looked up quickly at Elliot. "It ended over an hour ago. He said he'd make me pay if I didn't get a hold of her."

Elliot motioned for Fin. "Anything else you can remember?"

"He said that if he couldn't have her , then nobody could. Then he laughed. Said he always hated that cliché." A few tears leaked from Mary's eyes.

Elliot whispered to Fin and he left the room. "I'm going to arrange for an officer to take you home and stay with you."

"What about Detective Benson?"

"She'll be safe. Try not to worry." Elliot was anxious to put an end to the problems Tim was causing once and for all.

Tim stood and stared at the security guard he just killed. "Poor guy, just doing your job." he said to himself as he quickly took the man's uniform. Tim had ambushed the guard patrolling the back of the hospital. He changed into the other man's clothes and made his way around to the front of the hospital. Tim noticed Fin speaking with another guard across the parking lot. He entered and was relieved not to receive a second look from hospital staff or any of the visitors. All he had to do was find out where Elliot was. He spotted Elliot from a distance speaking with a uniformed officer outside the security office. He ducked out of sight as Elliot turned and quickly headed down the hall.

Tim's made his way to the nurse's station. Everybody was busy tending to patients. The police were trying to keep the threat low key as to avoid any unnecessary panic or concern. He called 911 to report the body sighted behind the hospital. This should avert any attention away from the floor they were on give him the opening he needed.

He heard the call over his new radio requesting all available guards to the entrances of the hospital. He watched as the head security official left the small office where he knew they were keeping Mary for the time being. Tim slowly made his way to the office opening the door. All he had to do was get through one uniform and then he'd have who he needed to get his love, his Olivia to come to him.

Tim opened the door and entered as naturally as he could. The officer moved his hand to his weapon relaxing a bit as he noticed he security uniform. He nodded to Tim and went back to listening to what was going on outside the hospital through his radio. Mary realized who the guard was just as Tim pulled his gun and fired once at the officer. He collapsed and Tim quickly grabbed Mary by the arms and pulled her to her feet holding her close to him. He carefully placed the gun next to Mary's temple. "No screaming."

Mary was scared and shaking violently. She looked down at the officer who was in obvious pain. He was clutching his stomach, blood pouring from him.

"Let's go. If you scream or make a scene, well…." Tim laughed as he opened the door and peered down the hallway. He pulled Mary out of the office and together they made their way to the back stairway.

Once in the stairway, Mary calmed down enough to speak. "Why are you doing this. Why did you shoot that officer?"

Tim turned Mary so that she was facing him. "Detective Benson is quite fond of you. You know that, I know that. You're a smart woman, wise." Tim's expression softened as he took a seat on the stairs.

"Don't hurt her any more, please. She's a good person." Mary couldn't help the tears that slid down her face.

"I don't want to hurt her." Tim sounded offended. "I love her."

Tim's attention was directed to his radio. "We've got to go now. They've found our officer friend." He grabbed Mary by the arm and directed her down the stairs.

Elliot met up with Fin behind the hospital. It had been determined the guard was dead. He was identified and the detectives immediately knew it was Hendricks. Elliot made a call to the police captain on scene to lock down the hospital. Fin and Elliot headed back to the front of the hospital when Elliot's phone rang.

Without looking at the screen, Elliot answered. "Stabler."

"Hey, El. Good to speak with you again." Tim laughed into the phone.

"Okay, Hendricks. You've got my attention." Elliot stopped walking and motioned to Fin to wait as well.

"Woman can be so stubborn sometimes, making things so much harder than they ever need to be. Don't you think, El." Tim was purposely using Olivia's nickname for Elliot to get under his skin.

It was working. "Where are you?"

"Mary and I are long gone now." Elliot cringed at his words. "Olivia wouldn't want me to hurt Mary, would she, El?"

"There's no reason to hurt Mary. Come on, Hendricks. What do you want?"

Tim's laugh was unnerving Elliot and his patience was growing even thinner.

"I want Olivia. It really is as simple as that."

"Olivia is through with you Tim. You made sure of that." Elliot was stalling. Fin had a trace put on Elliot's phone, but he had to keep him talking.

"Come on, El." Tim's voice had gotten louder. "All I asked was for her to get a new partner. It's not like I asked her to stop being a cop."

Now Elliot was getting pissed. "So when she said no, you just kicked the crap out of her."

Elliot regretted the outburst. He had to stay calm and keep Tim calm. Mary could pay if he didn't.

"I never should've hurt her." Tim's voice had softened. "It's not like I got her shot or anything, you did that." Tim laughed again and Elliot could feel his face redden.

Fin got Elliot's attention. "He's inside still, somewhere."

"Hendricks. I want you to let Mary go. She's innocent, man."

"I don't want to hurt Mary. I like Mary."

"I know you're still here at the hospital. Tell me what you want so we can end this now."

There was silence for a few seconds.

"I want Olivia here now. I want her to talk to me. If she cares about Mary, she'll come."

Elliot slammed his fist against the door that led into the hospital. He knew it would come to this and Tim was leaving him with little choice.

"Benson!" Cragen called Olivia who had returned to her desk. She entered the captain's office nervously.

"What's going on, Cap?'

Cragen pulled her gun and shield from his drawer. Her first thought was Elliot had finally turned her badge in. He slowly slid them over to her, his hand not moving when Olivia reached for them. Olivia looked at her boss knowing something was terribly wrong.

"Hendricks is at the hospital. Two dead. A guard and a uniform." Cragen watched as Olivia processed the information. "He has Mary and is using her to get to you. He's demanding you come down there."

Olivia immediately stood. Her breathing had became uneven causing a bit of light headedness. She sat back down hoping the Captain didn't notice. No such luck.

"Are you ready for this?" Cragen was concerned.

"I have to be." Olivia worked to get herself under control. "I have to be." She put her gun in the back of the waistband of her jeans and clipped her badge on.

Cragen watched as she headed to her desk pulling her radio from the drawer. He shook his head as he grabbed his own radio and followed her out. He pulled the bullet proof vests from the trunk and proceeded to get behind the wheel. Olivia climbed in, thankful to have her Captain with her.

"Hendricks. Think about what you're doing. Two dead already. You're not going to make it out of here." Elliot was trying to handle the situation. He had handed the phone off to the hostage negotiator, but Tim insisted on only talking to Elliot.

"I'll make it. Not so sure about Mary here, though. You really should get Olivia here now!" Tim was getting agitated. Mary looked up at him with tears in her eyes. He smiled at Mary trying to reassure her. Mary could see how Olivia could fall for him. He was quite good looking, but he had just killed two officers.

"She's on the way. Where do I send her when she gets here?" Elliot knew Tim was smarter than that, but tried anyway. Uniforms were searching the hospital, but hadn't located Tim and Mary.

"Come on, El." Tim yelled into the phone. "Stop playing with me. I want Olivia here now!"

Elliot thought about what he was hearing in the background. He grabbed for his radio when he realized where he was. "Fin, the parking garage."

Cragen and Olivia rode in silence most of the way to the hospital. The weight of the vest was making Olivia's chest sore. She wasn't sure if it the pain was coming from where the wound was healing still, or her heart. She had cared for this man. Now he was a murderer. And it was because of her. She fought the tears back as she tried to get her mind where it needed to be. Two dead, one hostage. Mary.

"Cap, can you pull over."

Cragen looked to Olivia and pulled over quickly. Olivia immediately got out of the car and fell to her knees. She pulled her hair back with one hand before vomiting. Cragen was by her side, but she waved him off. It took a few minutes, but she got to her feet. She sat back in the car and looked at her boss.

"Captain, I can't do this." Olivia held her head in her hands. She felt her gun pressing against her lower back. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Cragen giving her time to pull her self together.

Elliot's voice came over their radio. "Fin, he's in the parking garage."

Olivia looked up at Cragen with a determined look. "I have to help Mary. Let's go."

Although Cragen was worried about his seasoned detective, he knew she couldn't and wouldn't turn back.


	16. Chapter 16

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 16

I don't own…blah blah blah

Olivia took a minute to holster her weapon properly on her right hip. She adjusted her bullet proof vest so it fit snugly against her chest. Her heart was pounding, her head spinning. She wasn't sure if she was feeling uneasy because of it not being too long ago that Williams had shot her. Or if the fact that the perp was Tim, or that the hostage was Mary. Where was Elliot? His voice on the radio, brought her mind back and helped her focus. She paced behind the police barricade that had been set up outside the parking garage entrance. She wanted, no needed to be by Elliot's side right now. She waited.

"Hendricks!" Olivia heard Elliot's voice again. "We'll arrange it so that you can talk to Olivia. I need you to let Mary go."

"I want to talk to Olivia now." Tim's voice was low and precise. He was hidden in the parking garage watching as officers flooded the place.

Elliot decided to try a different approach. "Tim, I know how you feel about Olivia. Shit happens, man. So you made a mistake with her. Come on, Tim." Elliot and Fin stood side by side as they watched the uniforms and swat personnel get into place. The garage was dimly lit and their voices echoed. Elliot listened for any sound or movement that might give Tim's location away.

Olivia and Cragen entered the garage and went in opposite directions. Olivia stayed low with her gun drawn. She forced thoughts of when she and Tim were happy together out of her mind. Although they didn't date long, he did make her happy. Until…

She caught movement in the far distance to her right. She saw Fin move into place behind a car; no sign of Elliot. She carefully listened to the interaction on the radio. "Elliot, north side." Fin's voice was kept low.

Olivia carefully made her way to the west side of the garage. She fell in with the swat team as they attempted to set up a flank. Cragen had his gun drawn as well as he joined a few officers and headed to the east side of the garage.

"El." Tim's voice sang into Elliot's ear. He had put his ear piece in so he could handle his weapon and radio. "I'm running out of patience."

"So am I. Let Mary go and we'll fight this out. Man to man." As Elliot spoke he moved cautiously from car to car, checking in and under each one.

"If I don't talk to Olivia in two minutes, I'll let Mary go. Of course, she'll probably be dead by then." Tim's voice worried Elliot. He seemed too calm, too collected. Then that changed startling him for a moment.

"Come on, El." Tim voice was louder and he seemed suddenly agitated. "I know she's here. I'm tired of the games."

Elliot continued to move swiftly through the garage. He saw Olivia in the distance doing the same. He was both concerned and relieved to see her.

Tim stood with Mary four cars in front of Elliot. His gun was placed against the side of her head as he used the nurse as a shield. "I want to speak with Olivia now." Tim hollered to Elliot and the other officers who were all out of Tim's sight.

"Olivia!" Tim screamed her name.

"There's no way out of this, Tim. Come on, Olivia wouldn't want you to hurt Mary. Don't do this to her." Elliot would like nothing more than to shoot the bastard that had hurt his partner so bad.

"Where is she. I really need to see her." Tim had lost his composure, making him a loose cannon.

"She's still on medical leave. She can't be here." Elliot hollered to Tim feeling more and more nervous watching him tighten his grip on Mary.

"Oh yeah." Tim laughed. "Because she was shot…because of you."

"Hendricks, please let Mary go." Elliot was losing what little patience he had left.

"Put your gun down, El. Put it on the ground and I'll let Mary go."

"I can't do that." Elliot moved closer to where Tim was standing with Mary behind a small compact car.

"Then I guess it really is over." Tim looked to Mary and cocked the gun.

"Okay, okay!" Elliot hollered to Tim. Elliot placed his gun on the ground.

"No, Elliot." Olivia whispered to herself. She had gotten into position and was waiting to take the shot. The shot on her ex-boyfriend, her ex-lover.

"Kick it away from you, to the left." Tim was surprised to see Elliot comply so easily.

Elliot stood with his hands in a surrendering position. "Now what, Hendricks? You know this place is swarming with cops. There's no way out."

Tim moved closer to Elliot, never moving the gun from Mary's head. "Get on your knees."

Olivia closed her eyes at the sight before her. She struggled with keeping her breathing steady. She saw Fin out of the corner of her eye. She wanted to acknowledge that she saw him, but couldn't tear her eyes from Elliot. "Now!"

Tim's voice shook Olivia as she watched Elliot slowly kneel down. Tim moved to where he was standing directly in front of the kneeling Elliot. He placed his gun to Elliot's forehead knowing that even if another officer decided to take a shot he'd still be able to get one shot off into Elliot's head.

"Go, now." Tim pushed Mary away from them. She looked toward Elliot who nodded for her to get away.

Mary quickly left the scene running. Olivia reached up from her position out of Tim's sight and pulled Mary down to her. Mary stifled a scream when she saw it was Olivia. The usually strong nurse broke down onto Olivia's shoulder as the detective held her.

"It'll be okay. I need you to go now." Olivia whispered to Mary.

"He killed two policemen aleady." Mary was really beginning to lose it. "What if he shoots…"

"Shhh." Olivia pulled Mary away so she could look into her eyes. "I need you to get to safety."

Mary nodded at Olivia as tears welled up in the Detective's eyes.

Olivia place her hand on Mary's cheek. "I'm so sorry, Mary."

A uniformed officer quickly escorted Mary away from Olivia and out of the garage.

Olivia's attention was immediately directed back towards Elliot at the sound of Tim's angry voice.

"It her or you, El." Tim cocked the gun that was pushed into Elliot's forehead. His voice was loud, insinuating he knew Olivia was there, somewhere.

Elliot prayed Olivia would stay hidden. He knew Tim was a loose cannon, but felt as long as he waited for Olivia there was a chance the swat team could get a shot in. Elliot's thoughts were interrupted when Tim kicked him in the stomach causing him to fall the rest of the way to the ground. Elliot quickly scrambled to his feet knowing Tim was trying to get Olivia out of hiding by hurting him.

Tim placed the gun back to Elliot's forehead. "Olivia!" he screamed as he turned Elliot around placing the gun to the back of his head.

Olivia felt her heart would beat out of her chest. Sweat rolled down the side of her face. It was a cool day, but the parking garage, bullet proof vest, and chaos made the temperature irrelevant. She couldn't let Tim hurt Elliot, she would never forgive herself. He wasn't giving anyone a clear shot, so her options were limited.

Elliot's thoughts were of the time they were in this similar situation with Gitano. He lost Olivia for a few months after that case. They had both realized their feelings for each other had gotten in the way of doing the job. His words had hurt Olivia to the point where she had left SVU and him. He knew Olivia had the same thoughts going on in her head right about now.

"No, Olivia!" Elliot hollered out. His eyes scanned the garage within his view but he had lost track of Olivia's whereabouts. He knew she was close by and he knew she could see them.

"It's you or him, Olivia." Tim also scanned the parking garage. Elliot could feel the gun being pressed into the back of his head.

Olivia swallowed hard. She had turned her radio off as to not give away her position. She needed to know where Fin was. She trusted Fin, Elliot trusted Fin. Tim was growing agitated and this concerned Olivia. She knew she had to make a decision now.

"Olivia. No!" Elliot screamed out to her.

Tim punched Elliot in the kidney causing him to drop to his knees. Tim dropped down behind him, refusing to give up his shield. As much as Elliot didn't want Olivia to show herself, he knew she would with Tim hitting him. Tim pulled Elliot up to his feet, keeping the gun planted against the back of his head.

"I've killed two men already, Olivia." Tim hollered to her. "I'll kill your precious partner too."

Elliot closed his eyes knowing that would work. And he was right.

Olivia emerged from behind a car only three cars down from where Tim had a gun driven into the back of Elliot's head. She slowly approached them with her gun drawn on Tim. She fought to keep her hands steady as she stopped about twenty yards in front of Elliot.

Elliot closed his eyes wishing it hadn't come to this. When he opened them he looked directly into Olivia's. He was right. Her eyes told him that she was thinking about when they were in this situation last. The incident with Williams happened so fast. Gitano was a different story. And now, Hendricks. A whole new deck of playing cards for them both.

"Tim, please. It's over." Olivia's voice was comforting to Elliot and he hoped it was to Tim as well.

Tim just stared at Olivia unable to speak. He knew she would come to him. She was beautiful, even with a gun on him. He couldn't believe he let her get away from him. That he had hurt her in the way he did. "You probably want to kill me right about now." Tim's voice was calm as he talked to Olivia.

"No, no I don't." Olivia moved a bit closer but stopped when Tim moved the gun from the back of Elliot's head to his temple. "Tim, things just got out of hand. Let me help you."

"You can't help me now, it's too late. I'll go to prison for killing those cops. Death row. I'd rather die now." Tim laughed as he spoke. He hit Elliot again in the ribs.

"No, Olivia." Elliot huffed out through clenched teeth. "This is what he wants. For you to shoot him."

"Shut up, El." Tim mocked his name. "What I want is for her to miss and shoot you." he laughed at his statement.

"She won't miss." Elliot laughed despite his pain.

Olivia used to feel confident about her shooting accuracy. She was nervous, scared, and worried that she wasn't ready to handle this situation. She hoped Elliot really did have the confidence in her that his words implied.

"You or him, love." Tim broke into her thoughts.

Olivia's world seemed to be in slow motion. Her gaze shifted to Elliot's face. How she loved that man, her friend, her partner. What if she missed and killed him. She shuddered at the thought.

Elliot is the only person who could all but read her thoughts through her eyes. "Liv, it's okay." he spoke softly knowing she was struggling. Elliot grew worried when his words didn't seem to get her attention.

"Livia." Elliot tried again a little louder. Panic began to set in as Elliot realized Olivia had frozen up. He couldn't blame her. The woman had been through so much recently. This was an impossible position to be in and yet she faced it with such courage.

"Benson!" he screamed her name causing her to lock eyes with him. "It's okay." he spoke softer now that he had her attention again.

"I'm sorry." she mumbled as tears fell from her eyes threatening to block her vision.

"Put your gun down, sweetheart." Tim voice caused Olivia to look at him instead of Elliot.

"Liv." Elliot fought for her. "Liv, it's okay."

Olivia stood in a trance for what seemed like hours, but was only a few moments before she slowly lowered her gun. Elliot could feel Tim's hold loosen a bit as he watched Olivia seemingly give up. She never removed her eyes from his. Elliot watched as he saw defeat change to determination in his partners eyes within a few seconds.

Elliot watched as Olivia knelt down to the ground. "Tim, please. Please let him go, I'm sorry."

Tim laughed as Olivia begged him for her partner's life. The same partner he had asked her to get rid of months earlier.

"All you had to do was change partners, Olivia. None of this would've happened."

"I know, I'm sorry." Olivia talked softly to Tim, but her eyes focused on Elliot's eyes. "If I had, we'd still be together. I'm sorry, Tim."

Olivia had laid her gun down onto the ground but had yet to let go of it. Elliot knew he had a split second to move and hoped Olivia could react in time. Otherwise, Tim had an open shot on her, or him. Whichever one he chose to kill.

Elliot looked into Olivia's eyes right before he dropped to the ground. Olivia raised her gun at the same time as Tim pointed his at her. She fired first hitting and dropping Tim instantly. Elliot pounced on Tim, securing the gun. He then flipped him over cuffing his hands behind his back despite his screams of pain.

Fin was immediately by Olivia's side as the swat team converged on the suspect. Olivia had frozen with her gun still aimed at Tim. Elliot watched from the ground as Fin carefully placed his hands over Olivia's. "Livia." Fin whispered. "It's over."

Olivia let Fin take the gun from her, never taking her eyes from Elliot. She hadn't gotten to her feet yet and neither had Elliot. The letdown was disabling to both detectives. Olivia felt herself getting dizzy as she began to loose her balance. Fin grabbed her and helped her to lie down calling for medics.

Elliot scrambled to her side grabbing her hand. "Liv, talk to me."

"I'm okay, El. Just a little dizzy. It's hot in here." Olivia worked at getting her vest off. Her sweat soaked shirt underneath told the story. "Is he dead?"

"If you wanted to kill him, you would have." Elliot pushed her sweat soaked hair from her face.

"I didn't want to kill him." Olivia smiled at her partner.

"I know. Good thing you had the shot, because I did." Elliot helped her to her feet just as Cragen approached them.

He smiled at Olivia. "Detective, once you're cleared for duty, you will immediately be placed on leave pending further investigation."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Olivia knew procedure. "I'd like to see Mary." Olivia looked to Elliot.

He nodded as he draped his arm around his partner. "I think she'd like to see you as well."


	17. Chapter 17

When Pain Doesn't Hurt

Chapter 17

I don't own these characters; the main ones anyway.

Olivia sat on the back of the ambulance letting the paramedics check her out. Cragen insisted and she would never admit it, but she wasn't feeling well at all. Elliot was being checked out as well, he took quite a few kidney shots from Tim. Tim was on his way to the hospital with a gunshot wound to the shoulder. He'll live…in prison for the rest of his short life. He was right, most likely on death row.

Once the paramedics were finished with Olivia, she remained seated on the ambulance. She took in the scene around her. There were police and paramedics and suits milling around. Elliot startled her when he came and sat next to her. There wasn't very much room, but neither detective seemed to mind. Olivia felt Elliots warm thigh against her own and closed her eyes to savor the moment.

"You okay?" Elliot knew she was having a hard time with the whole situation.

"I'm fine, El. How about you?" she placed her hand carefully on his back.

"A little sore, but otherwise unharmed." Elliot kept his gaze focused on his partner.

Olivia offered a slight smile, but Elliot could see the tears starting. She hurriedly wiped at them before they could fall. "I'm sorry, El."

Elliot pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around her. He didn't care who saw them. This is his partner and she had just been through a harrowing experience. Not to mention saved his sorry ass…again.

Olivia could have stayed within the safety of her partner's strong arms forever if life would have allowed it.

"Benson, Stabler." Cragen's voice interrupted their moment. Olivia sighed as she pulled away from Elliot reluctantly. "I need you to go separately with IAB to give your statements." Cragen was all business.

Elliot looked down at Olivia who got to her feet slowly.

"Are you sure you're okay." Elliot asked again bracing himself for the usual irritation from asking her that again.

She shook her head. "Just feeling a bit sick."

Elliot nodded as he watched her walk off with Agent Tucker. He always knew his partner was the job. She would always come through for him and has. He could only guess the extent of her relationship with Tim Hendricks, largely due to the fact that she kept it from him. He guessed she really did have feelings for him. Tucker would most likely exploit those feelings as he investigated causing some more pain for Olivia. She seemed to be preparing for this as she left with him. He wished he could be there with her as she explained to their superiors what led to today's events. He knew that she would try to carry the blame for the deaths of the police officer and security guard.

"Stabler." Tuckers flunky was calling him. "Today, please."

Elliot normally would've said something a bit borderline to the young wannabe. He didn't feel like it, not today. He wanted to hurry through it and go find Olivia. As strong and tough as she was, she needed him and he intended to be there for her; with her.

Olivia sat across a table from Agent Tucker in a small office inside the hospital. He offered her a cup of coffee which she politely refused. "Tough situation." Tucker began.

Olivia eyed him and wasn't sure if he asked a question. The quiet of the tiny room was nerve wracking to Olivia and she prayed this would be over soon.

"Detective, what is your relationship with the suspect?"

"Tim Hendricks is an ex-boyfriend."

"Is that it?"

"Yes." Olivia knew he was going to try to make this more than it was; which was too much.

Tucker studied the detective for a moment. "What is your relationship with Detective Stabler?"

Olivia smiled knowing their game. "Detective Stabler is my assigned partner."

Tucker nodded without removing his gaze from Olivia. "Why would Hendricks believe you and Stabler were too close?"

Olivia could feel the anger churning in the pit of her stomach. "Tim Hendricks was not happy with my male partner. He asked me to ask for reassignment. I refused. Our personal relationship ended at that point."

"Is that all Detective?" Tucker could tell he was getting to Olivia.

"Yes."

"Aren't you on medical leave? Why were you on scene today?" Tucker was reaching and Olivia knew it.

"I am. Was asked to report by my Captain. The suspect was asking for me by name, threatening a hostage."

"And you knew the suspect at the time was Tim Hendricks?"

"Yes."

"Don't you think you were a little too close to the situation?" Tucker was tapping his pen on the table waiting for Olivia's response.

"It didn't matter. He was threatening to kill a hostage if I didn't respond. He had already killed two officers, so I felt his threats were valid." Olivia was growing tired of this seemingly pointless line of questioning.

"Detective Benson. You have fired your weapon twice in the last four weeks. Is that correct?"

"Yes." Tucker was growing tired of Olivia's short answers. She knew better than to offer up too much at any one time.

"Don't you think that's a bit excessive?" Tucker leaned across the table so his face was only inches from Olivia's.

"No Sir, I don't." Olivia remained stoic. "My partner's life was on the line each time."

"And you would use any amount of force necessary to save your partner's life." Olivia hesitated wondering if this was a statement or question.

"Detective Stabler would do the same if in the same situation."

"You sure about that?" Tucker relaxed back in his chair.

"Yes."

A nerve wracking silence fell between them. Olivia glared at Tucker as he continued to write notes.

"The shooting appears justified at this time. We'll look into the details more the next few days." Tucker collected his papers and when he was ready to leave he stared at Olivia once more. "I'll be suggesting Detective Stabler be reassigned this week."

Olivia felt as though she had been punched in the stomach. The air left her lungs and she became instantly dizzy. Her eyes lifted toward Tucker who seemed oblivious to her pain. "What's your reasoning for reassignment…Sir?" Olivia's voice didn't sound like her own.

"I think there's more to your relationship with Detective Stabler. The emotional trauma you both have endured over this last month especially could prove to be difficult to work around in the field. I'll be in touch with Captain Cragen later today."

Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. Everything was by the book and still they wanted to punish her; to take Elliot away from her.

"Detective, take at least another week before returning to active duty. Speak with the department shrink for full clearance as well. Understood?"

"Yes sir." Olivia mumbled.

Elliot was leaning against the wall outside the small room waiting for Tucker to finish grilling his partner. She did good today. She was the hero, yet she was being investigated and her personal business broadcasted. He really hated the politics that went along with this job sometimes.

Elliot straightened when the door opened and Tucker emerged. "Stabler." he acknowledged Elliot.

Elliot just glared at him and entered the room closing the door. He sat down across from Olivia who looked like she had just lost her best friend. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Olivia spoke.

"He's reassigning us." her voice was barely above a whisper. She didn't look up at Elliot; she just kept her chin resting on her folded hands.

Elliot wasn't too surprised to hear this, but it made his chest heavy nonetheless. "I don't think Cragen will go for that."

"Do you really think he has a say. Tucker out ranks him as well." Olivia did look up at Elliot this time. Tears threatened, but Olivia fought them back. "El, I can't do this job without you."

Elliot moved his chair closer to Olivia and took her hands in his. "Are you kidding me? You have got to be one of the best detectives the NYPD has seen in a long time, not to mention and excellent shot. You'll do fine with another partner."

Olivia studied Elliot as he spoke. Did he want a new partner. He didn't seem too upset. Olivia stood and walked towards the door. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I….I'm….sorry, El." Tears did fall this time and Olivia turned towards the door to hide them.

"Hold on, wait, Olivia." Elliot rushed to her and turned her around gently by her arms so that she was looking at him. He wiped away a few tears with his fingers. "The last thing I want is a new partner."

Elliot waited for Olivia to take in what he was saying. "I wonder myself if I can do this job without you, we've been partners for so long." Elliot cupped her face in his hands. "I want to be more. I want to be more than just your partner. I love you."

Elliot waited a few seconds before moving in closer and kissing Olivia. It was a gentle, romantic style kiss that told her how he really felt about her. When he deepened the kiss, she knew he truly did want to be more than just her partner.

Olivia's heart was racing. She held onto his strong forearms as she kissed him back passionately. She was truly disappointed when he pulled back. Elliot stared into Olivia's eyes. All Olivia could think about was how incredibly sexy this man was. She lowered her hands to his chest and struggled with what to say.

"If we can no longer be partners, I'll find a way to deal with that. If you will accept me into your life, I will work every day to make you the happiest woman alive." Elliot held her close to his chest as he breathed in her scent.

"I don't want a new partner, El. Tucker's going to separate us, I know it." Olivia pulled back and looked into his eyes. "He'll never be able to separate us completely."

Elliot smiled and bent to kiss her again. He couldn't believe how crazy this day had been. With all the trauma, chaos, and nerve wracking moments this day provided, here he was kissing Olivia Benson.

"Let's go see Mary." Olivia said as she turned the handle to the door.

Mary was in a private room resting comfortably in a hospital bed. Olivia lightly knocked and slowly entered. Elliot followed, both surprised and concerned.

"Oh, Olivia. Thank God you're both okay." Mary couldn't hold back the tears of relief she shed.

"Are you okay?" Olivia moved to her bedside taking her hand in hers. "What happened?"

"Ah, the docs just want to check me out for a bit. Had a bit of chest pain, shortness of breath."

"Heart attack?" Olivia was concerned. "I'm so sorry, Mary."

"Sorry? For what? Sorry you didn't kill that bastard, maybe." Mary laughed causing a low chuckle from Elliot.

Olivia couldn't help but smile.

"I'm going to go find Fin and Cragen." Elliot turned to leave.

"You really need to make a move on that." Mary raised her eyebrows at Olivia.

Olivia smiled watching him leave. She turned her attention back to Mary. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Stop worrying about me. How are you doing? It couldn't have been easy to face him like that?" Mary offered Olivia to sit down and talk to her like a mother would. How Olivia wished she were her mother.

"It wasn't easy, no." Olivia started. "It was even harder to see him threatening you and Elliot…because he was angry with me."

"You've been through a lot these last few weeks." Mary smiled at Olivia knowing she was carrying the guilt of the whole day on her shoulders. "You're such a strong woman."

Olivia smiled at Mary, tears in her eyes. "I don't feel very strong right now."

"I'm sure." Mary held her hand. "You're an amazing woman, Detective Benson."

Olivia stood and leaned over the bed to hug Mary. "Thank you, Mary, for everything."

Mary watched as her favorite patient left her room.


	18. Chapter 18

When Pain Doesn't Hurt- Chapter 18

I don't own the main characters; only the supporting ones.

Olivia had been tossing and turning in her bed for at least four hours now. Her body was so exhausted, but her mind wouldn't let her rest. Her thoughts were of Elliot, Tim, Mary, and even Williams. The sound of his gun going off woke her whenever she would drift off. She was frustrated. She was on leave for another week before she would be allowed back to work. She usually worked her way through her drama.

Olivia got up and dressed. She headed for the precinct gym. She decided to work off her excess energy. She was cleared medically, but IAB wanted to tie up all loose ends before she returned to work. She put her headphones on and hit the treadmill first. It only took a few minutes before she had worked up a respectable sweat and was running at a decent pace. Working out helped clear her mind.

Elliot got to work early and decided to hit the gym himself. He stopped halfway through the door at the sight of his partner, former partner, before him. He knew it was rude to just watch her, but she impressed him over and over again. Her determination, her ability, and her physical strength. She was a cop's cop. Elliot was convinced one of the main reason's she had survived her gunshot wound was due to her top physical condition.

Elliot wasn't happy about Turner's decision to separate them. He worried about falling in sync with another detective. He worried that Olivia's new partner wouldn't have her back the way he did. He worried about her. He loved her. That was the only bright spot in this whole situation. He was free to pursue her without any worry for either of their careers. Elliot watched as the sweat soaked her sports bra. He climbed onto the treadmill next to her and locked eyes with her when she glanced his way. He was quickly up to speed with her and together they ran.

Olivia was always one to prove herself. Always feeling like she had to work harder to be just as good as the guys. Had to be strong, and tough in order for Elliot Stabler to accept her as his equal. Little did she know, that Elliot had to work hard to keep up with her. They matched stride for stride, it felt right. They would always be in sync; one way or another.

Olivia had hit the ten mile mark and slowed down considerably. She wiped her face with her towel and glanced over at Elliot. She removed her headphones as she slowed to a brisk walk.

"Where were you running to?" Elliot slowed his machine down as well.

Olivia shrugged wiping more sweat from her face. "Couldn't sleep, restless, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Elliot watched her dismount the treadmill and start crunches. He stepped down from his machine and stood over her. He knelt down at her feet and leaned on them so that their eyes met with each crunch. Her abdomen constricted and relaxed and once again Elliot was impressed.

"How've you been feeling?" Elliot thought he better say something before Olivia calls him out for staring.

"I'm good." Olivia huffed out between crunches.

They switched positions and Elliot effortlessly worked his abdomen. Olivia looked him in the eye each time he raised up. She wasn't good at all. How was she going to return to work knowing she wouldn't be by his side. Elliot finished and sat up trying to read his partner.

"We'll be alright; you know that, right?" Elliot's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

Olivia smiled and got to her feet. She toweled off and looked at her partner, former partner. "We always are…somehow."

Elliot moved closer and cupped her face in his large hands. He looked her in the eyes for a few seconds before moving in and kissing her gently. The emotions from the past few weeks seemed to all come to the surface. Olivia couldn't control the tears that flowed freely and sensing this, Elliot wrapped her in his arms.

"El, I was so scared. What if I couldn't make that shot and Tim killed you. I wouldn't…I couldn't…"

"Shhhh. You made it. I never doubted you could and would make the shot." Elliot's voice seemed to help calm her racing heart.

"It was Gitano all over again." Olivia whispered.

"I know." Elliot gently grabbed her arms and looked into her eyes. "It's not the same thing now. I will not push you away this time."

They detectives were interrupted by other officers entering the gym. Olivia grabbed her water bottle and headed for the locker room. Elliot followed.

"Want some company tonight?" Elliot asked not wanting to leave her.

"Sure. I have a few things to take care of first. I'll see you later?"

Elliot nodded. "I have to meet my new partner today."

Olivia stopped in mid stride as she was heading for the showers. She didn't turn to look at him. She knew he wanted to know how she felt about it, but it felt like he punched her in the stomach.

"Liv?" Elliot realized how he must've sounded to her and instantly regretted it.

"I'll see you tonight." Olivia continued on to the showers.

Olivia struggled with the idea of new partners. Elliot was and had been her partner for so long. They knew what the other was thinking and could read each other's body movements. That wasn't something that just happened when you get a new partner. The trust she had in Elliot wouldn't be matched by another detective and she knew it. She could only imagine who Tucker would assign her to.

Olivia dressed and headed out in to the bullpen. She noticed Elliot in Cragen's office with Tucker. Elliot looked unhappy as he stood at attention while Tucker spoke to him. Olivia sighed and left the precinct. She was headed to Rikers. She needed to speak to Tim one last time.

Casey accompanied Olivia to Rikers. Olivia would obviously be testifying for the prosecution, so it was necessary for Casey and Tim's lawyer to be present. They all knew this was a personal visit, but played the game nonetheless. Olivia dressed down in a pair of jeans and a long sleeve turtle neck. It was still cold outside and the temperature was always cold at Rikers.

Casey entered first and acknowledged the defense attorney. Olivia followed and took a seat across from her former lover, Tim Hendricks. Tim immediately broke into a smile as he eyed Olivia who seemed very uncomfortable. Casey stayed against the far wall and engaged Tim's lawyer in idle chit chat.

"I'm surprised you wanted to see me." Tim started reaching for Olivia's hand. His hands were cuffed, but in front of him giving him at least some freedom to move.

Olivia ignored his gesture, glaring at him instead.

"Is there something you wanted to say to me?" Tim tried again. "Must be for you to come all the way out here."

Olivia couldn't help but feel for him. He looked as if he hadn't settled in to well. His face was bruised. He wore a sling where Olivia's bullet was removed from his shoulder.

"I thought I did, but I'm not so sure anymore." Olivia rubbed her temples with her fingers.

"I know you won't believe me, but I did…do love you." Tim's voice was barely above a whisper.

Olivia looked him in the eyes. "You hurt me…twice. I nearly died in the hospital because of you. You killed two officers. Scared the hell out of Mary. Threatened and hurt my partner. All because you love me?"

Tim looked down at his hands. "I'm sorry. I was so afraid of losing you."

Olivia got to her feet. "Save it. I really don't know what I was looking for from you. I'm sorry, Tim. Sorry things worked out the way they did." Olivia headed for the door.

Tim stood as well and hollered at Olivia as Casey opened the door. "Why didn't you just kill me then, Olivia. Everybody knows you could've. It would've been so easy for you. Nobody would've blamed you. I wish you would have killed me. I'll die here Olivia. I'll die here in this shit hole. Did you really hate me that much?"

Casey urged Olivia to exit the room. Olivia turned to look at Tim with tears in her eyes. "I loved you. You just wouldn't believe it. I'm sorry."

Olivia leaned up against the wall on the outside of the interview room. Casey gave her a few moments before urging her on out of the prison. The ride back to the city was quiet. Each woman lost in their own thoughts.

"Are you okay?" Casey tested the waters.

"Case, I really don't think I can do this job. Not without Elliot."

Casey was expecting something about Tim, not Elliot. "Olivia, you'll be able to have Elliot in your life in so many other ways. He loves you."

Olivia smiled. "I love him, always have."

"I know partners rely on each other so much. I get that. You're both outstanding detectives, I'm sure you'll both be just fine." Casey smiled at Olivia who was taking in her friend's words.

Casey dropped Olivia off at her apartment. It had been a long day and Olivia was exhausted. She lied down on the couch and was quickly asleep. A light knocking on her door woke her with a start as she struggled to figure out what time or day it was for that matter.

Olivia looked through the peep hole and saw Elliot. She was sure she looked a mess, but didn't care. She opened the door and immediately wrapped her arms around his neck.

Elliot was surprised at first but relaxed into her hold. He slowly walked them backwards into her apartment and closed the door. "Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah. Sorry about that." Olivia grinned as she realized how desperate she must've seemed.

"Don't be sorry. He wrapped his arms around her waist and moved in to place a passionate kiss to her lips.

"Is everything okay? I saw Tucker in Cragen's office this morning when I was leaving." Olivia led him to the couch.

"Cragen tried to argue with him to keep our partnership, but Tucker wouldn't budge. I was reassigned." Elliot sighed before continuing. "And so were you."

Olivia looked into Elliot's eyes and could see concern in them. "What's wrong, El?"

"I've been transferred to Queens SVU and will be partnered with a rookie. They tell me he's good and definitely cut out for this unit." Elliot took her hands in his before continuing.

"You'll be staying in Manhattan SVU and will be partnered with Richard Gomes." Elliot waited for her to locate the name in her memory.

"NO!" she found it. "I won't work with him again. Elliot, he hates women being on the force and gave me such a hard time when I was first assigned before I came to SVU." Olivia paced the floor of her small living room. "Why is Tucker doing this to me…to us?"

"Cragen is aware of how Gomes is and tried like hell to get you reassigned."

"El, what am I going to do. I just am not up to proving myself all over again, especially to a jerk like him."

Elliot gently guided Olivia to sit back with him. He protectively wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Oh, there's no need to prove yourself to anyone. He either does the job or he doesn't."

"You know as well as I do that it's not that simple. I can't trust him to have my back." Olivia closed her eyes as she briefly relived her shooting a few weeks back.

"I have no doubt you'll hold your own. You're a tough, smart cop." Elliot pulled her into an embrace silently wishing it didn't have to be one way or the other. He was worried for her, for him. He was too old to be training a rookie. She didn't deserve to have to put up with a chauvinistic asshole. He made a mental note to make a call to Fin in the morning. Tonight, if she would let him, he would hold his partner.


	19. Chapter 19

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 19

I don't own the main characters, but I have created the supporting ones. The ones we're not supposed to like; except for Mary of course.

Elliot lied in the darkness that was his bedroom. Olivia had asked him to leave after they had briefly fallen asleep together on her couch. He would've given anything to stay with her all night, but it all had to be on her terms. He knew she loved him and he knew they both wanted to explore this new relationship. He would be patient. She had been through so much in this last month that he was more than happy to take it slow. Whatever she wanted was fine with him.

Elliot couldn't help but think about the scene in the parking garage. He thought back to how easy it was for Olivia and him to communicate without speaking. He thought about his new partner and how he was dreading learning someone else. Their jobs could be so unpredictable and demanding; it scared him to have to rely on another detective to read him.

He really worried about Olivia and her reassignment. She could definitely hold her own and was such a smart, intuitive detective. Without a partner she could trust, she was basically a sitting duck. He didn't like it and was powerless to do anything about it. Cragen had argued Tucker's decision almost to the point where he was facing disciplinary action. Elliot was impressed by Cragen's concern for Olivia. They had been such a tight, close unit for so many years.

He let his thoughts roam to when he was first partnered with Olivia. His first thoughts were of how incredibly beautiful she was. He doubted her ability at first. She seemed so young, so naïve to the types of crimes they would be investigating. He doubted she would last long. She proved him wrong over and over again. Over a decade later, she was even more beautiful than she was then. She had proven herself and then some. He found he could count on her whenever he needed her. She often times took his anger on the chin to help him through a tough time with his wife. She had more than one reason to ask for a new partner, but never gave any indication that she wanted one. She took their partnership seriously and he tried to understand what she may be going through now; now that it was coming to an end.

He also found himself thinking about her relationship with Hendricks. She didn't mention Tim to him at all. And of course hid the abuse as well. Casey had said that she was happy with him until he hurt her. Elliot thought about what must've been going through Olivia's mind as she prepared to shoot the man she may have actually loved.

He didn't want to rush her. He didn't want to push. He didn't want to screw this up. He loved Olivia for so many years, only recently admitting that he was in love with her as well. The only good thing to come out of their reassignments was the freedom to be more than partners. Elliot wanted that, he wanted her. He would wait until Olivia decided she was ready to be more than partners.

Elliot's alarm woke him. He was surprised to realize he had drifted off hours ago. He showered, dressed and headed into the precinct. He would be cleaning out his locker and desk today and reporting to Queens SVU. He arrived to an already busy squad room. He cleaned out his desk first, removing his personal pictures. He had a group pic of his kids as well as one of the whole squad at a Christmas party. Olivia was simply gorgeous that night. She came with a date, and left well before Elliot did. Elliot sat and stared at the picture. Olivia was standing next to him and had her arms around his waist. He remembered they were all so close to each other so as to get everybody in the picture. Elliot could still smell Olivia's perfume that she had on that night just by looking at the picture. He remembered her leaving with her date after giving him a Christmas kiss on the cheek. He remembered being so envious of her date that he drank until completely drunk just so he wouldn't think of them.

Fin cleared his throat to get Elliot's attention. "Tough break, you leaving and all."

Elliot quickly put the picture into his bag and opened his top drawer. "Yeah, pretty much sucks."

"I hear you got yourself a rookie partner?" Fin was struggling to make conversation. The two detectives were never best of friends, but they both cared for Olivia

"New to the SVU anyway." Elliot answered absently. "I'm worried about Olivia."

"She'll be fine, home girl is tougher than you ever give her credit for." Fin threw a bunch of files over onto his desk.

"Fin." Elliot got up and motioned for Fin to follow him.

They made their way up to the roof. They often came up there to clear their heads or cool their tempers.

"What's up man?" Fin asked once they were out in the cold air.

"Olivia's upset about her new partner. She's actually worried." Elliot knew Fin cared a good deal for Olivia.

"Why? Other than the obvious." Fin waited patiently for Elliot to find the right words. Elliot didn't want to betray Olivia's confidence, but he was nervous about leaving her with Richard Gomes.

"She's being partnered with Richard Gomes."

"What!" Fin knew exactly who he was. "He's not even SVU."

"Well, he is now." Elliot's jaw clenched with each word. "He doesn't like women being on the force and he doesn't like Olivia. Tucker knows how he is and still assigned him to Olivia."

Fin shook his head and waited for Elliot to continue.

"I know she can hold her own." Elliot spoke again after a few moments of silence. "I just hate that I won't be here."

"I hear you." Fin looked into Elliot's eyes. "I'll be here."

Elliot cleared out his locker and said his goodbyes. He looked over at Olivia's desk. She had been his partner for so long that it actually hurt him to walk away from her. He knew in his head that the possibilities were so much more now for him and Olivia, but his heart still ached.

Olivia pulled into the parking garage at the hospital. She had just been to see her doctor and was given a clean bill of health and a full return to duty. She would have to return to work in the morning, but she had one visit that she wanted to make first. The sounds in the parking garage of closing doors and car ignitions seemed louder than she remembered they should be. She pushed the memories of Tim and Elliot from her mind. She entered the elevator and released the breath she didn't know she was holding. Mary would make her feel better, she always did.

Olivia stopped at the cafeteria and picked up a diet coke. She smiled as she paid the cashier and took the elevator to the ICU floor. The normal hospital sounds were a bit disturbing to her as she walked the hallway. It was only a month or so ago that she was at death's doorstep right here in this hospital. Olivia forced the memories from her mind again and continued to the nurse's station. Mary was reading a patient's chart and didn't notice the detective approach.

"Excuse me." Olivia tried not to startle her.

Mary looked up and immediately dropped the file onto the counter. "Olivia!" She threw her arms around her former patient's neck.

Olivia accepted her hug and waited until Mary was ready to let go. "I brought you something."

Mary had a confused look as she waited for Olivia to continue.

She put the bottle of diet coke on the counter and Mary couldn't help but laugh. "I knew you were a woman of your word." Mary hugged her again.

"How are you? Have you been taking it easy?"

"I'm good." Olivia explained. "Ready to return to full duty tomorrow."

"I'm so glad. You really had us scared a few times while you were here." Mary hugged Olivia again.

"How are you feeling? You had me scared too you know." Olivia held Mary's hands while they walked to the nearby waiting room to sit.

"I'm good. Just some anxiety issues. Getting old fast it seems."

"I'm so sorry, Mary. If I had known or even thought Tim would…" Olivia was stopped in mid sentence by Mary's finger to her lips.

"You couldn't have known what he would do. He was so obsessed with you. He's a sick man, no doubt and is where he belongs. I'm just so sorry that those two officers were killed." Mary couldn't help but let a tear fall as she took herself back to that terrible day just a few weeks ago.

"I still hate that he scared you and involved you."

"It's over. You stopped him before he hurt you again or your partner. Speaking of whom…" Mary eyed Olivia suspiciously. " May I ask how that's going?"

Olivia sighed. "They are reassigning us."

Mary waited until Olivia looked up at her. "I see."

The women sat in silence for a few moments before Mary rubbed Olivia's back. "You'll be okay, I'm sure."

Olivia flashed Mary a grin before standing. "Take care of yourself, Mary."

Mary hugged Olivia again. "Be careful. I don't want to see you back here…unless for a visit, of course."

"No offense, but I'd rather not come back here." Olivia glanced around the ICU ward.

Olivia arrived back at her apartment and dropped her purse and keys on her end table next to the couch. She hadn't heard form Elliot all day, but wasn't too worried. She turned on the television and lied her head back on the back of the couch. She knew Elliot was starting his assignment in Queens and was probably busy getting settled in. Her heart still ached knowing their partnership had come to an end. She was anxious to get back to work, but was not looking forward to her new partner. She closed her eyes and surrendered to sleep.

She was awaken by light knocking at her door. She looked through the peep hole and saw Elliot. She opened the door and welcomed him in.

"I figured Chinese?" Elliot made himself comfy on her couch and started getting the food out.

Olivia smiled as she joined him. There were definitely possibilities in being reassigned.


	20. Chapter 20

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 20

I don't own the main characters…..

Olivia entered the squad room an hour early. Cragen was in his office, but otherwise the bullpen was empty. She put her purse into her lower drawer and sat at her desk. Her eyes drifted over to Elliot's desk that was empty. She stared at his empty chair and worked to control the tears that began to well up in her eyes. Something about seeing his empty desk made all this seem real. She forced the tears away and got up to make her usual morning coffee.

"Benson." Cragen's soft voice startled her in the quiet squad room. He motioned for her to join him in his office.

Olivia set her coffee on her desk and proceeded into her boss' office. Cragen motioned for her to sit and she did.

"Glad to have you back. We missed you around here."

"Thank you, sir." Olivia didn't know why, but she felt nervous talking to her captain.

There was silence for a few minutes before Cragen came around to the front of his desk. He leaned up against it before speaking. "I tried, Olivia. I tried like hell."

"I know." Olivia stared at the floor. "Tucker has always had a beef with us…with me."

"Maybe." Cragen sighed. "He believes you and Elliot are too close. Twelve years is a long time to be partnered with somebody, especially in the SVU."

"Is that how you feel?" Olivia raised her eyes to look at her captain. Olivia knew what Cragen thought didn't matter when it came to Tucker. It meant everything to her, though.

"No, it isn't." Cragen returned to his seat behind his desk. "Your new partner should be arriving shortly."

Olivia met Cragen's eyes briefly before returning her gaze to the floor. "Sir, I don't know if this assignment will work out."

Cragen sighed before making the statement he knew he had to make. "It will and you will work to make sure it does. He is a decorated detective out of homicide. You will be lead detective here at SVU. I expect your closing rates to remain just as good if not better than when Stabler was here."

Olivia shook her head and stood to leave. She turned before opening the door and looked at Cragen. He hated seeing the doubt in her eyes and the lack of confidence in her stance. "Yes, sir."

Cragen watched her return to her desk. After a few minutes she got up and headed for the locker room. Cragen rubbed his hands over his face. He knew Olivia was one of the best NYPD had to offer. He knew she was tough. He also knew she had been through so much in these last months.

Olivia sat on the bench and stared at the lockers in front of her. She noticed Elliot's name was gone from his locker. She sighed and opened her locker. Elliot had put his name plate in her locker. It was just a piece of tape with his name written in black marker, but to her it was more than that. Elliot knew she would have a hard time today and his gesture brought tears to Olivia's eyes. She gave herself a few minutes before she had to start her day. She fixed her make up and headed back to her desk.

Richard Gomes had arrived and was settling in to his new desk; Elliot's desk. Olivia glanced his way without a greeting.

"Benson!" Richard came out from this desk and offered his hand to Olivia. She hesitated but finally shook his hand.

"You don't seem happy with this arrangement." Gomes sat on Olivia's desk and smiled up at her.

"Wow, you are a good detective. Get off my desk." Olivia gave him a slight shove.

Richard held his hands up in mock surrender. He slowly went back to his desk, sat down and fixed his gaze on Olivia. "You know, I am the envy of the whole homicide division."

"Is that right?" Olivia headed to get more coffee as her previous cup had grown cold.

Richard came up behind her and reached over her shoulder to get his own cup. "Oh yeah. You're a celebrity in your own right. Sexy detective in the sex division."

Olivia quickly moved away from her new partner. She shook her head in disgust and headed back to her desk praying for a call to come in.

Fin had arrived and made his way over to Olivia. "Hey, baby girl. Glad to have you back."

Fin squeezed Olivia's shoulder heading to get some coffee himself. He sized Richard up as he approached him.

"Richard Gomes, homicide."

"Fin Tutuola, SVU." Fin brushed by him ignoring his hand.

"So, what's up with Benson?" Richard leaned against Fin's desk.

Fin eyed him before looking over at Olivia who had buried herself in a few open case files.

"Been through a lot lately. Not to mention having to get a new partner."

"Okay." Richard seemed to accept Fin's explanation. "She needs to relax some."

"She'll be fine." Fin couldn't stand this guy and now he remembered why. His arrogance and insensitivity would never work in the SVU.

"Maybe she needs what all women need to relax and chill out. I can't imagine someone as sexy as she is doesn't get it on a regular basis."

Richard hit the floor. He looked up to an angry Fin who was pulling him up to his feet. He grabbed Gomez by his throat ready to squeeze the life out of him. Olivia was immediately grabbing Fin's arm.

"Fin. Let him go." Olivia looked into her colleague's eyes. "It's okay. Let him go."

Richard was pissed and pointed his finger in Fin's face over Olivia's shoulder. "Don't ever touch me again, homey."

"I got your homey!" Fin reached for him again but Olivia got in between the two men.

"Fin, please, stop." Olivia's voice was enough to calm Fin although he continued to eye Richard.

"Don't ever talk about another officer like that…Homey." Fin stormed off to the locker room.

Cragen watched the commotion from his office. He never left his desk, although he knew he should get out there. He knew of Gomes. Knew what he was about. Hated that he was here in his squad.

"Benson, Gomes. My office." Cragen hated how their names sounded together.

The detectives stood in front of their captain waiting. Cragen stood face to face with Gomes.

"Welcome to SVU, detective Gomes. What happened to your face?"

Olivia glanced at Richard and noticed the shiner that was appearing. She fought to suppress her grin.

"Nothing sir." Richard lied.

Cragen nodded and returned behind his desk. "Got a call. Rape reported in midtown." He handed Olivia the address. " Benson, you run point."

"Yes sir." Olivia headed out and grabbed her radio from her desk. Richard followed her to the elevator.

"What's the address?" he asked glaring at Olivia.

Olivia gave him the address and entered the elevator. She walked to the cruiser with Richard following.

"Got the keys?" Richard held his hand out.

"Yep." Olivia got behind the wheel.

"Oh, no. I will drive." Richard held the driver's side door so Olivia couldn't close it.

Here we go, Olivia thought to herself. "I am perfectly capable of driving. The longer we argue about this, the longer the rape victim has to wait for us. So, move." Olivia looked him in the eye and refused to back down.

"I refused to be chauffeured around by a woman." Gomes stepped away from the car.

Olivia ignored his comment, closed the door and drove off leaving Richard in the precinct parking lot staring after her. He shook his head and headed back into the squad room.

"Pretty hard to have your partner's back when you are not with her." Fin mocked as he walked around him with an open file in his hand.

Richard knocked on Cragen's door and was waved in. Cragen hung up the phone and motioned for him to have a seat.

"Captain, I need a car?" Gomes was struggling to control his anger.

"What's wrong with the cruiser?" Cragen had an idea what was going on.

"Olivia…Detective Benson left without me."

"I see." Cragen smiled to himself. "Benson doesn't waste time getting to a crime scene. She… we are all about the victims in this unit."

"Sir, I am not a new detective. I've been around for fifteen years now. I don't appreciate being labeled weak side detective to anyone, let alone…" Gomes caught himself.

Cragen stood inches from Gomes' face. "Detective Benson is the lead detective. I may not have had a say in you being placed here, but I do have a say in how my squad runs. You are new to the SVU and she is a strong detective. Follow her lead or turn in your shield. Are we clear, Detective?"

Cragen watched the anger burn in Gomes' eyes. "Yes, sir."

"Now get your ass to the crime scene now and back up your partner."

Richard stormed from the precinct and took his own car to the scene. He flashed his badge as he was escorted into the living room of the small house. He stood off to the side as he observed Olivia speaking softly with the victim. Olivia looked up when he entered but didn't otherwise acknowledge him.

Olivia brushed by Gomes as she headed to the cruiser. "Where are you going?"

"To Mercy. She's willing to do the rape kit."

"Why do we need to be there for that?' Richard appeared frustrated.

"Because I said I would stay with her through it." Olivia's eyes were challenging as she reached for the handle of the car door.

Richard quickly grabbed her arm and pushed her into the side of the car. Olivia immediately reached for her gun, but Richard had grabbed her hand before she could grab hold of it.

"What were you going to do, shoot me?" he chuckled at the fear in Olivia's eyes.

"If I have to. Let go of me, now." Olivia's voice was soft but forceful.

Richard let her go but kept his weight on the car door preventing her from opening it.

"I have been doing this a lot longer than you, sweetheart." Gomes leaned in close enough for Olivia to feel his breath on her face. "I suggest you respect that."

"Again, a victim waits. Move, detective." Olivia kept eye contact with Richard and felt a sense of relief when he moved from her car. She hurried to the hospital trying to control her anger. She couldn't believe her partner had just put his hands on her. She rolled her up her shirt sleeve and saw the reddened skin of her forearm. She parked the car and forced the thoughts out of her head. There was a young, scared woman that needed her right now. How she missed her real partner. Elliot knew what it meant to be a SVU detective. He knew how to handle a woman. He knew how to work with her and what was important. She refused to allow herself to be intimidated by Gomes.

Olivia arrived back at the house before her partner. She immediately immersed herself in the case. Richard strolled in about a half hour later. He sat at his desk and glared at Olivia.

"You got something to say…Detective." Olivia could feel his stare but refused to look at him.

"You plan on working this case by yourself?" Richard's voice was hard and disturbing to Olivia.

"You plan on working with me or against me?" Olivia answered this time staring him down.

Richard put his feet up on the desk and grinned at Olivia.

"Is there something funny?" Olivia was growing more and more annoyed by her partner by the minute.

"I heard your partner choked when you got shot."

Olivia felt her blood pressure rising. "Maybe you shouldn't believe all that you hear."

"It sure is important to have a partner that can protect you, don't you think."

"If you're worried, perhaps you could ask Tucker for another partner. I'd be okay with that." Olivia headed to the file room where Richard followed.

"I also heard you were sleeping with your partner. Gives a whole new meaning to watching your partner's back." Richard laughed as Olivia slammed the drawer to the file cabinet. She looked Richard in the eyes, but decided to walk away. How was she going to deal with this man.


	21. Chapter 21

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 21

I don't own these characters…except the ones I created.

Olivia stayed late at the precinct going over her notes and trying to find something, anything that would even slightly resemble a lead in their latest case. She was growing more and more frustrated as her thoughts kept jumping from the task at hand. She thought about her first day with her new partner. She thought about how she missed her old partner. She even thought about her former lover and how wrong things turned out with him.

The desk lamp gave off just enough light for her to read, leaving the rest of the squad room in relative darkness. Olivia rested her head in her hands for a moment to give her eyes a rest. She found herself fighting the fatigue that suddenly set in. It had been a rough first day back to work, emotionally and physically. She absentmindedly rubbed her chest where her wound was nearly healed.

She propped her head up with one hand while turning pages in her notebook. Her eyes challenged her to just give in, even for just a few minutes. Olivia heard Elliot holler and then she heard the gunshot. Her body jerked and the pain in her chest was immediate. Olivia quickly stood and fought to catch her breath. She allowed herself to doze off and the nightmares consumed her…again. She clutched at her chest as she willed her breathing to slow.

"Olivia?"

Olivia quickly pulled her weapon and turned towards the voice. A reflex that seemed automatic.

Elliot quickly put his hands up and waited for her to recognize him before moving slowly towards her. "Liv, easy."

After a few seconds, Olivia lowered her gun. She bent over and put her hands on her knees trying to catch her breath. Elliot reached her and carefully took her gun from her.

"I'm sorry, El." she panted as she straightened to a full standing position.

Elliot held her by the shoulders so that she was looking directly at him. "Okay?"

"Yeah." Olivia raised her hands to her face. "I must've dozed off and…"

Elliot led her to sit back down as he lowered himself to sit on her desk. He waited until she looked up at him with a questioning gaze. "Stopped by your apartment once I dropped the kids off, but you weren't there. Just a guess you'd be here."

"Yeah, was just getting ready to leave." Olivia closed the files and stood to grab her jacket. Her hand went to her chest as she worked to put her jacket on.

"You okay?" Elliot stood next to his former partner and motioned to her chest.

"Just a little sore. Long first day back." Olivia smiled but the smile didn't come close to reaching her eyes.

Elliot reached for her hand. He smiled at her before looking at his old desk. "How's the new partner working out?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and headed for the elevator. "You did come to give me a ride home, right?"

"Of course." Elliot boarded the elevator right behind Olivia and couldn't help but feel the loss of the partnership right in the heart of his chest as well. He knew she wouldn't tell him the specifics about her first day with Richard Gomes. And he knew better than to push. He figured she didn't need to know that he had already been filled in by Fin.

Elliot pulled up in front of Olivia's apartment building. She glanced over at him and waited a few moments to see what he planned to do. He looked into her eyes and hoped she would invite him up. He missed her; he hated work now that it didn't include her.

"Did you feel like coming up?" Olivia could feel her heart begin to race.

"I do. Only if you really want company." Elliot held his breath trying not to appear too anxious.

Olivia smiled and proceeded to get out of the car. Elliot followed and they walked the stairs to her apartment together. Once inside, Elliot made himself comfortable on the couch. Olivia brought him a beer and sat down next to him. "How was your day. How's it been going with your new partner?"

Elliot laughed as he let his head fall back and rest on the back of the couch. "He'll be okay. Definitely got some growing to do."

Olivia loved to see Elliot laugh. "I'm sure you'll break him in gently."

Elliot straightened up and reached for Olivia's hand. "I miss you already, Liv." He then reached up and placed his palm against her cheek.

Olivia could feel her breath catch the moment he touched her. She watched him as he moved closer so that she could feel his breath on her face. She didn't wait for him. She pressed her lips to his and instantly felt light headed. They shared so many emotions within one kiss that Elliot quickly stood separating them.

"Elliot?" Olivia was confused, concerned. She also stood and approached him.

"Are you sure you're okay with this. With…us?" Elliot's eyes were fixed on hers.

"I'm sure. Are you sure, El?" Olivia asked noticing a sinking feeling in her chest.

" I almost didn't get a chance to tell you how I feel. I just don't want to mess this up." Elliot looked at his former partner trying to read her thoughts.

Olivia moved closer to him and grabbed his hands with her own. They stared into each other's eyes for a few moments before Elliot frantically kissed her . His sudden movement caused her to feel off balance until Elliot's strong arms wrapped around her. He pulled back to look at her and ask the silent question. He saw the answer and gently lifted Olivia into his arms. He lied her down on her bed and removed his shirt and tie before joining her.

Olivia brought her hands up to feel his chest. She had dreamt of touching him this way for what seemed like forever. Elliot kept his position to allow her to touch him. He closed his eyes and lost himself in her touch. He captured her mouth with his again while his fingers worked to undo the buttons of her shirt. He pulled the shirt away and let his eyes move over her. She saw his eyes stop on her bullet wound. She covered the area with her hands instantly feeling insecure.

Elliot gently removed her hands and laced his fingers with hers. He pinned them down onto the mattress on either side of her head. Her heart raced as she watched Elliot. She trusted him; completely. He looked her in the eyes before lowering his lips to her chest. He let his lips skim her wound. He could feel her heart beating and hear her rapid breathing. He gently laid his head onto her chest and listened to her heart beat.

He couldn't believe they were here, together, like this. He was forbidden to touch her for so many years. He knew his partner was a beautiful woman, but he couldn't believe his eyes as he took her in. He released one hand so he could cup her face. He kissed her passionately. His hand slid down to remove her bra, exposing her full breasts to him. He looked back up to see her eyes closed.

"I'm sure, El." came the words in a whisper that said tonight would be the night they would become more than partners.

The ringing of Olivia's cell startled them awake. She groaned as she reached for it without opening her eyes.

"Benson." she huffed out glancing at her bedside clock. Elliot watched now knowing how she answered his many late night calls. He smiled watching her even though he knew she would most likely be heading out.

"Yes, Captain. I'll be there as soon as I can." Olivia closed her phone and lied back down rubbing her forehead. Elliot reached in and trailed his lips down her neck to her shoulder.

Olivia sighed wishing she could lay here forever with this man. "You know the drill." she mumbled.

Elliot sighed as he watched her get out of bed and head into the bathroom. He glanced at the clock to see it was almost five in the morning. His phone went off a few minutes later. For a brief moment, Elliot forgot they worked out of different precincts now.

Olivia emerged from the bathroom in a towel, her hair still wet from her quick shower. "You too?"

Elliot was dressed and sitting on the edge of her bed. "What was your call?"

"Cragen called us all in. Pretty big case, said he'd fill me in when I got there." Olivia hurriedly dressed herself and brushed out her hair.

"Mine was child abduction, murdered parents." Elliot paused and looked up at her when she slowed her movements. "Two children. Reported sighting in five different boroughs."

Elliot could read her mind and grabbed her arms so she was facing him. He knew how she was with cases that involved kids. He knew how he was. They counted on each other to keep the other grounded; focused.

Olivia looked Elliot in the eye before mumbling the name that was on both of their lips. "Gitano."

"I'm guessing that's your call as well." Elliot watched his former partner slide her badge on her belt and holster her gun before pulling on her jacket. "Are you going to be okay, Liv."

Olivia reached in and kissed him. "Be careful."

Elliot knew he couldn't afford to be worrying about her. He also knew she was more than capable of doing her job and doing it well. He knew he loved her.

Elliot dropped Olivia off at the one six and headed to Queens. He hated leaving her. They should be working this together. This is what they do. Damn Tucker. He watched her until she disappeared into the precinct.

Olivia entered the already busy squad room. Cragen was surrounded by uniforms and detectives from all shifts. Maybe Elliot was correct in assuming this was big.

"Oh, Good Morning, Benson. Nice of you to show this morning." Gomes was at his desk waiting patiently for Cragen to dispense assignments.

"Screw you, Gomes." Olivia absolutely hated seeing him at Elliot's desk. Cragen got everyone's attention and confirmed that there was indeed a double homicide, double child abduction. Olivia closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. She blocked out the commotion briefly and let herself feel Elliot's hands on her as they were just a few hours earlier. She already missed him terribly and worried how he would do with his new partner on such a sensitive case..

"Benson, Gomes." Cragen called pulling Olivia from her thoughts. Here we go, she thought and stood to start the day.


	22. Chapter 22

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 22

I don't own the all the characters, just the story.

Elliot arrived at his new precinct and immediately got to work. He was assigned as lead detective on the case as the crime scene was in Queens. Dead parents and abducted children. There were reported sightings of the kids with an adult male in Queens, Soho, Manhatton, Brooklyn, and even in Harlem. SVU detectives in each city as well as uniforms were all working the case.

Elliot glanced at his new partner as the neared the address where the parents bodies were found. John Sims was surprisingly poised and focused. His features revealed a sure, but young detective. He obviously hadn't yet been poisoned by the depravity of the crimes that were ahead of him. Elliot hoped he truly had what it took, this initial case for him would definitely be an initiation.

Elliot entered the apartment after flashing his badge to the uniforms at the door. John followed Elliot's lead as they both took in the scene. There was blood everywhere. On the floor, the walls, the ceiling. The victims were located easily and Elliot began making his notes. John found photos of the abducted kids and cringed before showing them to Elliot. A five year old blond, blue eyed boy with a bright smile and a ten year old, dark haired, brown eyed girl with a similar smile.

John stared at the pictures and simply shook his head. "Got kids, Sims?" Elliot hoped he didn't.

"Yeah. One. You?"

"Five." Elliot stood and pulled his partner aside. "You have to keep your mind on these two right here. It's hard, but it'll eat your heart out if you don't."

CSU was processing the apartment for any forensic evidence. Elliot and John joined in speaking with any other residents of the apartment building. Elliot knew that time was of the essence if they were to find these two kids alive. Information was shared amongst all the SVU detectives assigned to the case and tips and leads were available almost instantly. Elliot and John stayed busy all day following up on each tip they received talking to at least a dozen witnesses. Those kids had been missing at least twelve hours now and Elliot could feel his heart swelling.

Olivia and Richard had been out all day following up on tips and leads as well. Richard drove; Olivia wasn't interested in a chauvinistic pissing match. She was interested in finding these kids. Her mind constantly slipped back to the little boy and girl that Gitano had taken. The similarities to that case were so similar that it made Olivia's stomach turn. Olivia's thoughts were of the young victim she had talked to only yesterday. She made a mental note to stop by and see if she had remembered any other details. So many times, once the initial trauma subsides, the victim's memory spits out new details. Olivia had learned this over the years. She needed to stay with the case from yesterday, but knew time was an issue when it came to locating these children.

They returned to the precinct for updates. It was after nine p.m and it was clear nobody would be going home until this case was solved. Richard sat with his feet up on the desk as he stared at Olivia while she spoke with Fin, comparing notes. She hadn't said anything to him throughout the day if it wasn't case related. He didn't know how Stabler put up with her moodiness for so many years. His thoughts were interrupted when Olivia returned to her desk. He lowered his feet to the floor and focused his attention on the updates and new tips that had come in. He looked up when Olivia's cell phone rang.

"Benson." Olivia knew it was Elliot on account of the ring tone. Her voice lowered as she spoke and she turned her back to their adjoining desks.

Olivia hung up her phone with a small smile on her face. " Boyfriend?" Richard's voice even annoyed her.

Olivia glanced up at him, but didn't comment.

"Probably the reason it took you so long to get in here this morning, huh?" Richard knew he was getting under her skin, but continued anyway. "Must suck to have to wait at home alone knowing that you are going to be working all night with me."

Olivia could feel her blood pressure rising. She pushed back from her desk and headed for more coffee. Richard followed. "Most men wouldn't wait around for any woman that couldn't put him first."

"Why are you so interested in my personal life, Gomes." Olivia put her cup down and squared to look her partner in the eyes.

"Partners should know everything about each other, don't you think."

"No." Olivia pushed past him and returned to her desk. Richard followed once again.

"Maybe this boyfriend understands your line of work."

Olivia slammed her hands down on her desk causing coffee to spill. The squad room silenced, the attention was now on Olivia and Gomes. Fin walked over to Olivia and stood behind her glaring at Richard.

Olivia stepped forward until she was only inches away from Richard. She was a tall woman, but still found herself looking up at him. "My personal life is none of your business. Stay out of it."

Richard smirked at Olivia as he layed his hand on her shoulder. "Just trying to lighten the mood, Benson. You're much too tense."

Olivia shrugged his hand away. "There is a murdering child abductor that we are trying to find. Maybe you should concentrate on that. You know, do your job…Detective."

Richard's face was immediately red with anger. He glared down at Olivia until she turned to walk away. He started to follow until Fin stepped in front of him. "Take a hint."

The two men held each other's stare. Olivia was through the locker room and into the bathroom in a matter of seconds. Her pulse was racing. She cursed Tucker for assigning her to this pathetic excuse of a partner.

She splashed cold water on her face as she forced her mind to replay the events of the night before. He was everything she thought he would be and then some. She wished he were here working this with her. She sat down on the bench closest to the sink. She leaned her head against the wall, feeling a tightness in her chest. She knew fatigue was setting in; it had been a long day. She absentmindedly rubbed her chest where her wound was all but healed. There was a scare that itched and sometimes the area was tender to touch. She smiled to herself as she let herself feel Elliot's lips as he gently kissed her chest.

She was startled as a loud bang hit the bathroom door. "Let's go, Liv."

Olivia immediately jumped up at the frantic tone in Fin's voice. She rushed into the bullpen grabbing her jacket. Fin fed her the latest as he too grabbed his radio and jacket. Kids spotted with the adult male in Queens. Richard was in the car waiting for his partner as the other detectives left the precinct.

Richard told her about the bulletin as he drove. "The three of them were spotted in a school yard in Queens. He took off in a dark blue late model sedan. Uniforms followed until he abandoned the car in a deserted industrial park."

Olivia cringed. Gitano. They pulled up to the sight where the search was on. Olivia glanced around and noticed squad cars and unmarked police vehicles at every entrance and exit. She felt her stomach turned as she noticed how many empty warehouses were in this particular search area. A chopper flew overhead as she followed Richard and pulled on her bullet proof vest. She felt familiar pain as she tightened it to fit her properly.

The air was blowing cold and the night was lit up by the lights of the polices vehicles. The chopper was searching with a bright light as well. Olivia shielded her eyes as she scanned the area the Queens Captain was sending them. He must be Elliot's boss. Her heart raced at the thought of Elliot being here. She knew he was; he was lead detective.

Olivia entered into one of the buildings behind Richard. He was all cop now and that brought surprising relief to Olivia. She could hear his heavy breathing as they quietly crept through the empty building. They made their way deeper into the building when it instantly was pitch black. Olivia quickly reached for her flashlight. She spun around quickly when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Richard shielded his eyes from her light as he watched her breathe a sigh of relief.

"Listen." he whispered.

Olivia was concerned with the door shutting and was confused as to their whereabouts within the building. She tried to slow her heart down to listen to what Richard heard. It was faint, but it was a child crying. She pulled out her radio, but Richard grabbed her hand.

"What are you doing?" he seemed annoyed. "He's in here, you'll tip him off."

"We are trapped in here with him and those kids. I'm calling for backup." Olivia shrugged his hand off again.

Richard forcefully grabbed the radio from her, shoving her hard in the process. Olivia lost her balance and fell to the cold hard ground. She got to her feet as she scrambled for her light. She felt for the number pad on her phone and hit two.

Elliot was making his way through another building with John. He felt the phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it to look at the ID. "Liv?" he whispered into the phone.

He listened carefully as he tried to understand what was going on. He heard Richard swearing at Olivia.

"If you call for backup then he'll run." Gomes was loud.

"So what if he does. This place is surrounded from one end to the next. We're trapped and need help." Olivia spoke for Elliot's benefit knowing Richard wouldn't hear her common sense.

Elliot and John took off at a dead run back to where his captain was waiting with Cragen and the other brass. Cragen's eyes met Elliot's as he recognized the look on his face.

"Olivia…Benson and Gomes have him isolated. Where did you send them?" Elliot's captain tried to remember the detectives and their assignment.

"Didn't she radio it in? She would've given her location." Cragen knew something was off by Elliot's tone.

"I haven't heard anything over the radio. They haven't called in." Elliot's captain was confused. "What do you got, Stabler?"

Elliot looked at his boss before speaking directly to Cragen. "She's having trouble with Gomes. She called my cell so I could hear what was going on. They have him isolated, and are trapped. Gomes won't let her call it in."

"What do you mean, won't let her call it in?" Cragen was growing more and more angry as he listened to what his former detective was telling him.

Elliot and Cragen shared a look that explained it all.

Olivia shone the light around the building as she looked for the door they came in through. She felt a nagging pain in her lower leg below the knee. She shined her light on her leg to see it was bleeding. She then shined the light around where she fell to see the jagged metal that was everywhere. She fought the fury within her as she strained to hear the child again.

"Let's head further in. They're in here somewhere." Richard instructed.

"Gomes, we need to call it in. You are wasting time and risking those kids."

"Dammit, Benson. Find him, we'll find the kids."

Cragen and Elliot shared another look as they listened to the conversation from Elliot's phone.

Elliot's jaw clenched with each word Gomes spoke.

Olivia directed her light in the direction of where she had first heard the child crying. "I heard the crying from over this way." She started carefully walking away from Richard.

Olivia stifled a scream as she felt a strong arm grab her arm. "I said we find him. Are you going to work with me or not?" Richard applied more force than was necessary to get her attention.

"Richard, please. Let go, you're hurting me." Olivia's voice was full of fear and frustration.

Cragen's face matched Elliot's as they listened carefully. Cragen looked to Elliot's captain and demanded to know where his people were. Every available officer, or detective was sent in the general direction of where Richard and Olivia were sent. John struggled to keep up with his much older partner as they sprinted across the lot to where Elliot thought they may be.

The stopped at the entrance to a building that hadn't been entered yet. John watched as Elliot tried t compose himself. "Your old partner?"

Elliot shook his head.

"I hear she's good. Best SVU has to offer." John realized Elliot was close to losing it.

Elliot shook his head again. "She'll get to those kids, despite her asshole partner."

John shook his head this time. "On my silent count?"

Elliot acknowledge his new partner and fell in behind him as they entered the pitch black building. His heart was heavy and his legs felt like lead. He could only imagine the emotions that Olivia was dealing with right about now.

Richard shoved Olivia again. "You're a pain in the ass, Benson."

Olivia ignored the bruise that was forming on her arm as she listened for the child. She walked away from Richard, wishing she had a partner that had her back. She had her gun at the ready as she worked the flashlight. She stepped carefully as she scanned every area. She no longer knew where Richard was, but didn't care. She made her way further into the building. Her heart was racing. Her instincts were yelling at her that their perp was in here with them. She felt a grip on her leg and jumped back. She shined the light down and into the red swollen eyes of the little ten year old girl. She had blood on her clothes and on her face. Olivia quickly made her way towards the girl shining the flashlight in every direction.

When she reached her the girl grabbed onto Olivia and wrapped her arms around her neck. Olivia shut her light off and lowered herself to the ground with the girl still attached to her. She gently loosened the girl's grip. "Where is he?" she whispered to the traumatized little girl.

The girl sobbed into Olivia's chest. Olivia reached for her phone that was still connected to Elliot's. She had no idea if Elliot had even gotten her call, but she had to try.

"El, I found the girl. I don't know where the perp is. I don't know where I am, it's too dark." Olivia's speech was breathy and whispered. Cragen had to listen carefully.

"Sit tight, Liv. We're coming." Olivia recognized her captain's voice. She knew that meant Elliot had gotten the call and was indeed coming for her. She worked at calming the little girl as well as herself. Her leg throbbed below her knee from the gash and her heart refused to slow down any. Her vest made it hard to breath in her seated position.

She heard footsteps in the distance. She gripped her gun tighter as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. Hopefully it was Elliot. But she didn't know. Could be the perp, or Richard. Olivia knew if she couldn't see them, they couldn't see her either. She placed her finger on the girls lips and moved them up closer to the wall they were leaning on.


	23. Chapter 23

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 23

I don't own these main characters, just the supporting ones.

Elliot had propped the door open to allow a small amount of lighting to enter the cold, damp building. He and John separated upon entering. The further Elliot traveled into the building the darker it got. Elliot wanted to call out for Olivia, but didn't want to give either of their positions away. He too had a strong sense that their perp was indeed in there with them. His heart raced as he scanned the area his flashlight could reach.

John was making his way further in as well. He listened to every noise, not knowing if he was approaching the perp, the kids, or Olivia. He scanned the area in front of him with his light and had his gun ready. His heart was beating rapidly and he fought the sweat that threatened his sight. He was nervous; who wouldn't be.

Olivia listened to the approaching footsteps that seemed to stop and start. She prayed the little girl, whose face was buried in her chest, would remain as quiet as possible. She tried to make them as small as possible as she waited until she could see something. Olivia saw the stream of light from a flashlight and squinted to see who was behind it. The light fell on her and the little girl and Olivia instinctively covered the little girls head with her arms.

"Detective Benson?" Olivia didn't recognize the voice, but she spotted the NYPD jacket. She blew out a long breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Yes." Olivia slowly made it to her feet.

John Sims watched Olivia limp as they began to walk back the way John came. He reached to take the girl from her, but the terrified child wouldn't let go of Olivia's neck. Olivia gave John a look that said she was okay and they continued. A door slammed causing the detectives to both drop down to the ground instantly. Within a few seconds lights were turned on and they could see they were in a small room with covered windows. The detectives scanned the walls that held pictures of a beautiful woman. At least a hundred photos of the same woman. Olivia got to her feet and walked over to the wall to inspect further. The little girl looked up and stared at the wall.

"That's my mommy." she informed. Olivia looked from the little girl to the pictures and could easily see the resemblance.

"What's your name, honey?" Olivia was able to set the girl down so that she was standing.

"Kylie Matthews." the little girl mumbled.

Olivia crouched down so that she was looking her in the face. "Who is the man that took you and your brother?"

Kylie began to cry. "Daddy."

Olivia pulled her into her arms and let the girl cry for a few seconds. "Kylie, I need you to tell me where your brother is."

"I don't know. Daddy was mad at him cuz he wouldn't stop crying."

"Okay." Olivia looked up at John who watched Olivia with interest. He wondered if she knew that her leg was bleeding pretty bad.

"Detective John Sims." John thought he better say something. "I'm Elliot's new partner."

Olivia nodded and gave a slight smile. "Olivia Benson."

"I know. Elliot cares a lot about you, you know." John made his way over to the window and tried to remove the boards that blocked them from the outside.

Olivia couldn't help but think back to the previous night. It had seemed so long ago by now. Olivia looked around the room. She watched John try the door only to find it locked like they had assumed. He was young, Elliot was right. Olivia watched with interest as she could see his mind working on overdrive.

"I hope for your partner's sake, that Stabler doesn't find him out there." John glanced at Olivia and Kylie.

Olivia thought about Richard and how she would refuse to work with him. Maybe even make a formal complaint. Although she doubted it would do any good, not with Tucker running the show. She looked down at her leg and winced as she inspected the cut. Definitely will need stitches.

"I hope he finds 'Daddy' first." Olivia looked at Kylie who continued to cry quietly.

John waited until Olivia looked up at him before pulling his gun. He waited until she shielded Kylie and turned them both away from the door. He then took aim and fired his gun, breaking the lock off the door.

Kylie screamed as Olivia held her close to her. Olivia had her gun ready now and they slowly made their way out of the room. John took the lead, carefully scanning for any movement. Olivia followed with Kylie hoping to get the little girl out to safety. They were almost to the front of the old, abandoned warehouse when Olivia heard crying in the distance. John heard it as well as they both had to make quick decisions. Getting Kylie out was the priority, but they couldn't leave the little boy behind.

John wanted Olivia to make it out to safety with the little girl, but didn't want to leave them. Olivia couldn't leave Kylie's brother behind although she had already had confidence in Elliot's young partner to find him and get him out as well. The boys cries seemed louder which drew both detectives towards the sound. A gunshot rang out and Olivia watched in horror as John fell at her feet. Olivia instantly hit the ground with Kylie in her arms. She scanned everywhere she could see ready to shoot, but could see nothing.

Elliot heard the shot. He cursed under his breath as he made his way in the darkness towards the sound. Cragen had joined Elliot's captain in rerouting all available officers toward the correct building. His heart was racing, not knowing if they had found the children, or if Elliot had found Olivia and Richard.

Olivia crawled over to John. She quickly scanned his body to find where he was hit. "My leg." John breathed out. Olivia set Kylie down as she quickly pulled John over behind a bunch of crates that she happened to see while scanning with her flashlight. She pulled Kylie into her chest and crouched down with her and John to wait. He obviously was close and Olivia was scared. Scared for the kids, scared for John, scared for Elliot. Scared for herself. She couldn't see anyone and it once again was dark.

Olivia could hear officers storming the building. She was confused as it seemed they were entering from the wrong direction. Where was Elliot. She could hear John's breathing as he tried to manage the pain. Olivia helped him remove his jacket so she could use it to apply pressure to his wound. Her hands ran down John's leg below the knee looking for the wound. "It's above the knee." John's breathing seemed to be getting more and more rapid.

Olivia flinched as John cried out when she found it. Olivia quickly tied the jacket around his leg as tight as she could. She was worried about the blood loss. He was hit in the thigh and she was worried about how close it was to the femoral artery. Olivia's hands were covered with blood as she tried to comfort the young detective.

"Go on. Get her out of here." John's grip on Olivia's hand was tight and strong.

"I'm not leaving you." Olivia pulled him further behind the crates as she used her body as a barricade for him. She wiped his forehead as John had broken out in a pretty good sweat due to the pain. "Hang on, Sims."

John closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of his fellow officers entering the building. He knew it wouldn't be long now, one way or the other.

"Detective Benson." John mumbled.

Olivia looked down and focused on seeing John's face. She didn't want to shine the light of her flashlight for fear of giving their hiding spot away. "John?" Olivia's voice was fearful as her fingers went to his neck.

John's breathing was slowing and Olivia fought to control the panic she felt. She leaned in close to his face and whispered to him. "You have to hang on, John. Please, please hang on." Olivia tried to keep her voice from wavering.

John closed his eyes, trying to concentrate on Olivia's voice. He held onto her hand as if it were a life line. "You have to go. Get her out of here." John gritted his teeth as he spoke.

Olivia ignored him as she struggled to see something; anything. There was a small light in the distance and she focused on it as she held tight to John's hand. Kylie whimpered quietly as Olivia worked to keep her calm. She could hear doors being kicked in and officers yelling in the distance. She tried to hear the cries of Kylie's little brother, but couldn't.

"John? John, still with me?" Olivia was having a hard time hearing his breathing. She felt for a pulse and felt a small sense of relief when she found one. "John, they're coming for us. Hang on for me." Olivia wiped the sweat from John's forehead as she tried to comfort him.

Olivia divided her attention between Elliot's partner, the little victim and the light that was slowly making it's way towards them. Her bullet proof vest was causing her to sweat and the weight of it was making her chest sore. She was anxious to get moving again, but knew she couldn't leave John. She could only hope that the light coming towards them was Elliot.

Olivia moved Kylie further behind the crates as she silently worked to barricade the little girl. "Be as quiet as you can, Kylie. Can you do that for me?" The little girl shook her head and watched as Olivia stacked crates up in front of her.

Olivia looked up again and noticed the light wasn't far away at all as she quickly moved in front of John. She lied down flat on her stomach, using her body as a shield for John. She carefully took aim, pointing her gun toward the figure walking up on them.

Elliot frantically searched for the man who murdered two people and abducted two kids. He had to believe Olivia was okay; he couldn't find her. He had lost track of his partner and that disturbed him as well. This particular warehouse was huge and the late hour was making it darker and much more difficult to search. Elliot listened to the swat team as they converged on the building. He knew how dangerous it was to be roaming around in the dark, but he had to find her before this maniac did.


	24. Chapter 24

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 24

I don't own SVU or the main characters.

"Get those flood lights set up, we need light in there." Cragen's authority overtook Elliot's new captain. Captain Cragen had been around for a lot longer and was growing increasingly impatient. They've heard two gunshots so far, yet no report of either suspect or officer injury. Cragen only had radio contact with Fin and his group of officers. They were located outside the building securing the exits.

Olivia forced herself to breath as she steadied her gun. She knew the figure had the advantage as he was using his flashlight. Olivia did the best she could to hide Kylie and John, but without lighting it was hard to know if they were even remotely safe. She heard shouts in the distance as doors were being kicked in.

Olivia flinched as the light fell on her. She shielded her eyes trying desperately to see who was behind the light. "Scared Benson?"

Olivia was momentarily relieved to see her partner. She slowly exhaled as she lowered her gun. Richard kept his aimed at her. Olivia looked up at him with wide eyes. "What are you doing Gomes?"

"It seems as though you wanted to shoot me, Detective. Just taking precautions."

Olivia felt anger as well as fear forming in the pit of her stomach. "Richard, I didn't know if you were the perp. Please, lower your weapon." Olivia slowly began to get to her feet.

"No, lay back down. I don't trust you. Shove your gun over to me." Richard spoke in soft tones that unnerved Olivia. She did as she was told, not totally believing what was going on. Her partner was threatening her with a gun. She could feel her body giving out on her. She was exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally. She heard John moan behind her and she gathered herself enough to plead with Richard for him.

"Detective Sims has a GSW to the thigh. Looks bad. Can we do this later?" Olivia was scared, but her voice came off as annoyed.

Lights flooded the building and Olivia could see much better. Richard's stance was very intimidating as he continued to keep his gun trained on his partner. Olivia heard gunfire not too far away and instinctively covered her head with her hands. She heard police shouting and knew that Kylie's father had been apprehended. She glanced back up in time to see Elliot come from behind Gomes. She watched as Elliot slammed into Richard's back, taking him to the ground. There was a brief struggle, but Elliot was furious. He repeatedly landed punch after punch to Gomes' face causing him to lose consciousness.

Olivia got to her feet and immediately got in front of Elliot. She grabbed his shoulders preventing another blow on the now unconscious Gomes. Elliot wrapped his arms around her for an instant before moving his hands to her face. He searched her eyes and then her body for injury.

"El, Sims took a bullet." Olivia headed back to where she had barricaded Elliot's partner.

"I need EMS north side. Officer down, I repeat officer down." Elliot hollered into his radio. He felt a wave of nausea pass through him as he remembered saying those exact words only a few weeks ago for Olivia. Elliot joined Olivia by John's side.

"Hey partner." Elliot surveyed his wound. "You're going to be fine. Hang in there."

John reached for Olivia's hand. "You were right, Stabler. Benson is one tough chic."

Olivia raised an eyebrow at Elliot. "John, they got him." She then stood and retrieved Kylie who instantly grabbed onto Olivia. Elliot smiled as he watched her with the child.

The paramedics rushed to John's aid as Elliot helped a limping Olivia. Elliot too tried to take Kylie from Olivia, but the terrified child wasn't having it. Elliot helped them out into the cool night air. Cragen breathed a sigh of relief as he watched his best team emerge from the busy warehouse. Elliot led Olivia to a waiting ambulance where paramedics took Kylie. She had blood on her but Olivia was unsure as to what her injuries were. Elliot was staring at her as she leaned up against a police car with the lights still going.

"Are you okay?" Elliot helped her remove her vest. Her hand went to her chest. Elliot noticed the blood all over her hands, but was fairly certain it was John's blood.

Olivia gave Elliot a slight grin. "I think I need stitches." she glanced down at her leg. "El, Kylie's brother?"

"Safe." Elliot moved in to wrap his old partner in his arms. "You riding with Kylie?"

Olivia shook her head and climbed into the ambulance. "I'll meet you there. I'm sure they are going to take John directly into surgery. Elliot removed his own vest and met Olivia's gaze.

"Hey, El. I think you got yourself a good partner." the doors to the ambulance slammed shut and the sirens pierced Olivia's subconscious. Her head was spinning and the small smile on the little girls face as she studied the detective was what kept Olivia focused.

Cragen approached Elliot before he could get into his own car. "You know I need statements."

" Cap, can we do it at the hospital. I need to see how John is doing. Olivia said it was bad." Elliot's head was spinning by now. The letdown from the emotional stress of the last few hours was hitting him hard.

"Sure. Elliot, what happened to Gomes? Paramedics said he was unconscious." Cragen's tone told Elliot he knew what had happened.

"I saw him holding his gun on Olivia. She was on the ground and he ordered her to surrender her weapon. At first, I thought it was our perp. So I reacted." Elliot looked up at his former boss.

Cragen crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at Elliot for a brief moment. "That's your story?"

"Yes, sir." Elliot moved closer to Cragen so he wouldn't be overheard. "Cap, you need to get him away from her. He's gonna get her killed."

Cragen sighed and walked away from Elliot. Elliot knew Cragen had the same thoughts. He could read the older man's expressions when they first heard the conversation on Elliot's cell phone. Elliot took off for the hospital, his partners needed him.

Elliot checked into the surgical waiting room and found that John was in surgery as expected. He introduced himself to his wife and gave her a brief description of the events that lead to her husband being injured. He still didn't have all the answers as far as John's injury, only Olivia could fill in those blanks. Elliot promised Mrs. Sims that he would be back, that he had to check on the officer that saved him down in emergency.

Elliot finally found Olivia back in the emergency room getting her leg stitched up. She was laying on a hospital bed in one of the bays of the busy ER. Her eyes were closed but Elliot could tell she wasn't sleeping. He watched her for a few minutes before announcing his arrival.

"I'm glad to see you." Olivia couldn't help but smile as Elliot pulled up a chair next to her.

"What's the damage?" Elliot motioned to her leg while taking her hand in his.

"Fourteen stitches and one tetanus shot."

"What happened? Do you know?" Elliot figured she must have tripped over something given the darkness of the warehouse.

Olivia stared straight ahead as she thought about what to say. "Give it to me straight. Don't protect him." Elliot could feel the fury building.

"El, I can't whine about Gomes. I have to find a way to work with him. Tucker's assignment, remember."

Elliot stood and ran his hand over his face. "Cragen heard the conversation you and he had when you called my cell. There's no reason to find a way to work with him." Elliot paused as he looked at her. "I'm not entirely sure what was going on when I found you, but it didn't look like he was going to help you."

Olivia leaned her head back and ran her hand over her own face. "I couldn't see who was coming, I could only see the light of his flashlight. John had just been shot, so I wasn't sure who it was. I waited, ready to fire if necessary. I was scared to death, Elliot." Olivia's voice trailed off.

"He shined his light down and only then did I see it was Gomes. He had his gun on me even after he acknowledged he knew who I was. When I went to stand up, he ordered me back down and demanded I push my gun to him. I didn't have a reason to shoot at that time, nor did he. He said he didn't trust me, but never took his gun off me even after I lost my weapon."

"How did the leg injury happen?" Olivia jumped not realizing Cragen was in the doorway.

Olivia glanced at Elliot before looking at her boss. She sighed before speaking. "I wanted to call in our location and that we may have found the girl. He grabbed my radio and shoved me. It was dark, I tripped. That's when I dialed Elliot's number from my pocket."

"The rest we heard. I need your statement as soon as possible." Cragen turned to leave but stopped and looked back at Olivia. "Don't leave anything out. Oh, Detective Sims is out of surgery and is asking for you."

Elliot and Olivia exchanged relieved glances. Once Cragen left Elliot reached over and held Olivia close to his chest. They shared a very comfortable silence until Olivia pulled away. "Are you ready?"

"Only if you are." Elliot helped her off the bed and together they left the emergency ward. Olivia sported a slight limp due to her severe cut, but she was determined to keep her pain hidden.

"Detective Benson, you better be visiting." that all too familiar voice was a welcome to her ears.

Olivia turned to see Mary looking her up and down. Olivia had blood on her clothes which alarmed Mary. "I'm okay, really. Need to see Detective Sims."

Mary embraced her fondly. "He's been asking for you."


	25. Chapter 25

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 25

I don't own SVU or the characters, just the story.

John was resting peacefully with his wife by his side. Olivia and Elliot entered his room quietly. The sounds brought back recent memories for Olivia. John's wife immediately came over and shook Olivia's hand.

"Thank you so much for saving my husband, Detective Benson."

"I do believe it was quite possibly the other way around. How's he doing?" Olivia glanced toward Elliot's young partner.

"He's going to be okay. Out of work for a while, but he'll definitely be around to see our daughter grow up. He's been asking to see you."

Olivia smiled at the woman before heading over to John's side. He opened his eyes as she approached. "Benson." he smiled at her.

"How're you doing?" Olivia took his hand in hers.

"Been better, I guess. How about you? Get that leg looked at?"

"Minor. Thank you, John. You showed up just when I needed you." Olivia looked towards Elliot who was leaning up against the back wall giving them time.

"Can I say something that may be out of line, Detective?" John asked causing Elliot to join Olivia by the side of the bed. "I was in a lot of pain, but I heard and saw the whole situation when Gomes showed up."

"What do you mean, John?" Olivia felt Elliot's hands on her shoulders.

"Everyone knows his reputation. He hates woman being on the force. Been reprimanded often for comments to that effect." John glanced up at Elliot before continuing. "He knew it was you, he just wanted to make you conform to him. He couldn't stand that you are as strong if not stronger than him."

Olivia could feel Elliot's hand tighten on her shoulders a bit causing her to look up at him before back to John. "I'll deal with him. Get better, okay. Elliot needs you in good shape."

John nodded at her as Olivia headed for the door. "Detective Benson?"

Olivia turned to face John again. "Thank you for being strong. I never would've made it out of there alive if it weren't for you."

Olivia smiled and nodded before leaving the room. She sat down on the bench outside the ICU ward and took deep breaths. She buried her face in her hands as she felt the tears start. She felt somebody sit down next to her, but didn't bother to look up.

"Elliot called me, thought you'd need a friend." Casey draped her arm around Olivia's shoulders.

Olivia sat up and leaned her head back against the wall as the two women sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Case, I think I've had enough." Olivia let out a long sigh.

"Yeah maybe." Casey heard her friend. "Looks like Kylie and her little brother will be moved out of state to an aunt who will take custody. Kylie's father died in the warehouse. The two dead at the apartment were Kylie's mother and stepfather."

Olivia stared straight ahead. "What am I going to do about Gomes? What can I do?" Olivia rubbed her chest absentmindedly as she spoke. Casey watched her carefully.

"Still sore?" she asked concerned.

"Yeah, my vest is heavy; agitates it." Olivia ran her hand through her hair and let out another sigh. "Elliot almost lost another partner."

"Yeah, but he didn't." Casey worked to keep Olivia talking. "Been tough without him, huh?"

Olivia still stared ahead. "I miss him in so many ways, Case." Olivia looked to her friend. "He spent the night with me, before we got the calls for this case."

Casey smiled which encouraged Olivia to smile as well. "He's everything I dreamed he would be."

Casey hugged Olivia and whispered into her ear. "You deserve him. You deserve to be happy."

Elliot slowly walked up to the two woman and they both stood. "My boss sent me home. What about yours?" he asked Olivia winking at Casey.

"I assume the same. I wanted to stop in and see Kylie first." Olivia hugged her friend goodbye before turning to Elliot. "Come with?"

Elliot took her hand as they left the ICU ward and headed to pediatrics. Kylie was admitted for observation as she had a small gash on her forehead that required stitches. She was given a sedative to help her sleep given the ordeal she was just involved in.

Kylie's nurse directed Olivia into Kylie's room. It was dark and quiet and Olivia took comfort in the sound of the little girl's breathing. Olivia stared at her while she slept. She felt for her, losing her parents. Losing them in such a violent, tragic way. Olivia placed place her hand over the little girl's hand.

"Hi." Olivia whispered when Kylie opened her eyes. A smile instantly appeared on Kylie's face. "My name's Olivia."

"You saved me." Kylie's voice was soft and quiet.

Olivia smiled at her and moved her hair back away from her forehead. "Got a pretty bad cut on your head."

"Is my mommy okay?" Olivia's heart broke as she wished she had another answer for her other than the truth.

"No, honey. She's not." Kylie looked down at her hands.

"My daddy is dead too."

Olivia shook her head not knowing which daddy she meant, but it didn't matter. Kylie looked up at Olivia with tears in her eyes. "What about Tommy?"

"Tommy is fine. You and Tommy will be going to live with your Aunt Susie" Olivia forced the tears back as she spoke with the little girl. It's cases like these that remind Olivia just unfair life really is.

Kylie seemed content knowing she wouldn't be totally alone. Olivia watched as her eyes grew heavy until they closed and the little girl was once again sleeping. She sat with Kylie for a bit longer before heading out.

Elliot was standing down the hall talking quietly with Captain Cragen. They stopped when they noticed her come out of Kylie's room. Olivia crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at each of them knowing something was up.

"How is she?" Cragen asked knowing how attached Olivia sometimes gets; especially with the children.

Olivia simply shrugged. "What's going on?"

"I want you to go home, take the day off. First thing in the morning, I want you in my office at eight a.m. sharp. Detective Gomes will be there as well."

Elliot sensed the apprehension in Olivia's stance. She nodded to her boss and quickly looked to the floor.

"Olivia, I need to know. Tucker needs to know exactly what happened in the warehouse."

"Tucker has had a problem with me for years now. He wants me to quit. That's why he assigned me with Gomes to begin with." Olivia's features showed defeat.

Cragen gently took his detective by the shoulders prompting her to look up at him. "Maybe so. Tucker does outrank me. It is my squad and you are my detective until he decides otherwise." Cragen looked over at Elliot briefly before returning his attention to Olivia. "Gomes is acting in an unprofessional manner that is putting lives in jeopardy. I will get the Chief of Detectives involved if I have to."

Olivia held Cragen's stare. "Go home, get some rest."

Elliot and Olivia left the hospital. The early morning sun was bright and the detectives squinted against it. Elliot slid his arm around Olivia's shoulders as they walked to his car. Olivia hesitated before opening the door. "El, I don't know if I even want to do this anymore."

Elliot used his fingers to raise Olivia's chin so her eyes met his. "You've been through hell these last weeks. You need a break maybe, but quit? I don't know, Liv, this is in your blood."

"How many more children have to be hurt or killed? How many more woman raped, scared. How much more danger will I have to put myself in before it's out of my blood?" Olivia opened the door and climbed in the car. Elliot sighed as he headed around to the driver's side.

Once home at her apartment, Olivia immediately hit the shower. The hot water against her skin eased the tension away slowly. She let the water massage her body until it began to run cold. She emerged and dressed in sweats and a NYPD t-shirt. She was disappointed to see that Elliot had left. She knew he had to get a shower himself as well as see his kids. She knew he would want to see his kids; especially after a case like this one. She lied down in her bed where she felt her body give up the ghost. Her limbs felt heavy just before she didn't feel them at all. She could still smell a hint of Elliot as she welcomed the memories of their time together that seemed so long ago. She allowed her eyes to close, just before allowing sleep to claim her.

Once home at his apartment, Elliot immediately hit the shower. He let the hot water massage his body as his thoughts were of Olivia. She was worn out; no doubt, but was she really ready to give it up. He couldn't and wouldn't blame her if she truly did want to quit. A person could only take so much; and she definitely had taken more than her share. His thoughts went to when she had called him from the warehouse. The frustration and aggravation he felt listening to Gomes try to undermine her. The danger he put them both in. Elliot emerged from the shower, dressed and headed out to see his kids before they headed out to school.

Olivia cringed as Tim came closer to her now slumped over form. It took a few seconds to process that he had indeed just punched her causing her to hit the floor. She felt the blows to her ribs and heard his angry words. She tried to get to her feet, her gun was just in the next room. Her back hit the wall harshly as Tim's angry eyes met hers. He backhanded her with enough force to make her vision blur and she felt the floor beneath her again. The slam of the door made her jump as pain pulsed though her entire body.

Olivia's eyes shot open and she listened to the stillness of her apartment. Her heart was beating erratically and she placed her hand on her chest to try to slow it. Her legs felt like lead when she tried to move them, so she lied still waiting for the panic to pass. She glanced at her clock on the bedside table, realizing she had only been asleep about two hours.

She recognized the dream for what it was. Her life was a mess right now and she definitely felt out of control. Tim was so good to her in the beginning. He was fun and made her happy. She allowed herself to think about a possible future with him if things continued to go smoothly. Of course, they didn't. Tim is now at Rikers awaiting trial for the murder of a police officer and security guard. She forced the image of Tim holding a gun to Elliot's head from her mind. She forced the image of his face just before she shot him from her mind as well.

Olivia felt her eyes slowly close as she tried to clear her mind. She was so exhausted, physically, emotionally, mentally. How she wished Elliot were here with her. She reached for her phone and hit the familiar speed dial number.

"Stabler." Elliot's tone told her he knew it was her calling.

"Hey. Did you see your kids?"

"I did. You okay?"

There was silence. "Liv?"

"I need you." Olivia whispered into the phone.

"I'll be right there." Elliot hung up and the phone and headed to her apartment. She needed him and he wanted her. He felt his heart speed up as he neared her apartment.

Elliot slid into the bed with his former partner, still not totally believing this was really happening. He wrapped her in his arms and felt her body relax against him. He listened until her breathing fell into a peaceful rhythm before he surrendered to his own exhaustion.


	26. Chapter 26

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 26

I don't own…blah blah blah

After sleeping half the day away and spending the rest with Elliot, Olivia was in much better spirits. It felt strange in a very comfortable way to spend time outside of work with Elliot. This part of their relationship was so new that Olivia constantly had to remind herself that it was real. This was the same guy she worked alongside for years. The same guy that she argued with, fought with and defended. The same guy she took a beating over. Olivia smiled as she admitted to herself that she'd endure Tim's wrath again if it meant she would be able to love Elliot this way.

Elliot left to pick his kids up for the evening giving Olivia some time to think about what was ahead of her in the morning. She replayed the scene in the warehouse over in her mind trying to see where she may have misunderstood Richard. No, there was no misunderstanding. Olivia wrapped her injured leg tightly and headed to the precinct gym. She loved to work out and found it cleared her mind as well.

Olivia was pleased to see Fin in the gym as well. It was well after his shift and he still had plenty of energy to burn. "Hey, baby girl. Gluten for punishment are ya?"

Olivia smiled at him as she boarded her treadmill. Fin continued to punch the bag throwing in occasional kicks. Olivia loved having Fin around. His presence made her feel comfortable in a non intrusive way. She was jogging at a steady pace, having worked up a respectable sweat when Fin appeared in front of her. He held up gloves and headgear and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"I need a sparring partner."

"I don't think so, Fin." Olivia had sparred with him before and he doesn't cut her any slack.

"Why not?" Fin asked pointedly. "Chest sore?"

"No. I'm fine." Olivia slowed the treadmill down. "Just…"

"Just what? Afraid?" Fin taunted her. He hated seeing her lack confidence in any way and he knew these past weeks had stolen so much of that from her.

Olivia glared at him. "No, I'm not afraid." Olivia lied.

The treadmill came to a stop and Fin shoved the gloves and headgear at her and cleared the equipment off the mat. She pulled on her NYPD t-shirt over her workout attire and strapped her headgear on. She slipped the gloves on and joined Fin on the mat.

Olivia raised her hands in a protective stance and watched Fin carefully. She effectively blocked each punch he threw until he landed one on her chin that pushed her off balance. She was stunned for a moment but immediately came back at him. "Take it easy, Fin. What are you trying to prove."

"What's the matter, Liv. You go soft on me?" Fin landed another punch and Olivia fell. Fin immediately followed up by approaching her only to receive a well timed, well placed kick to his abdomen. He fell back off balance allowing Olivia time to get to her feet. She was pissed, but not at Fin. She knew what he was doing and surprisingly it was working.

Fin watched Olivia carefully before coming at her with a series of punches that were all successfully defended. Olivia was breathing heavily, but felt good. She sparred with Fin for a bit longer before a few other officers entered the gym. Olivia had just removed her gloves to get some much needed water when she heard a grating, annoying voice behind her.

"Well, well. Detective Benson, playing with the big boys." Richard Gomes laughed as Olivia's posture stiffened.

Fin immediately came to Olivia's side. He had gotten the details on the warehouse situation and wanted to hurt Gomes as much as Elliot did. "What's your problem, man?" Fin growled.

"I got it, Fin." Olivia looked Richard in the eye. His face was bruised and swollen.

"Yeah, Fin. Let the little lady try to handle her own problems." Richard's buddies had joined him when Fin had gotten loud. "Whatd'ya say, Benson. Want to work out?"

"Screw you, Gomes." Olivia turned to walk away from him when he shoved her. Fin immediately got in his face, but Olivia grabbed ahold of him before fists started flying. She stood face to face with Richard and stared him down. "Yeah, let's go."

"Liv, what are you doing? You don't have to prove yourself to this idiot." Fin tried to reason with her. He was trying to help Olivia regain some of her lost confidence and now he worried he had put her in a position to get hurt. Elliot was going to kill him for this.

Olivia was focused as she slid the gloves back on. She walked around Fin and met Gomes on the mat. She threw a punch before he was ready knocking Richard off his feet. She immediately followed up with two more connecting shots while he was on the mat. Richard finally shoved her off of him, but Olivia was furious. Fin wanted to laugh, but was nervous about Gomes' retaliation. Sparring was just that, but this was personal.

Richard got to his feet and eyed Olivia. "What the hell, Benson?"

Olivia watched every movement Richard made until he charged her. She anticipated the move and easily sidestepped him landing another shot to his head. Richard definitely had the size advantage, but Olivia was trained to defend herself against and apprehend criminals twice her size.

Richard was pissed and Olivia knew it. Fin knew it as well and tried to intervene. "Liv, I think we're done here. Let it go, Gomes."

Olivia made a mistake and looked over at Fin. Richard capitalized and lowered his shoulder into Olivia's chest and drove her hard into the mat. Olivia's hands came up to protect her face and head from the blows Richard followed up with. She could barely defend herself, without any air in her lungs. Fin pulled him off of Olivia and shoved him up against the wall.

"What the fuck, man! Are you a stupid son of a bitch? Are you trying to kill her?" Fin was yelling at Gomes.

Olivia could barely hear Fin due to the sounds in her head. She heard the gunshot that wounded her. Tim's angry voice as he kicked her. The gunfire in the warehouse. Kylie's crying voice as she searched for her. She pulled herself to her feet and motioned for Gomes to return to the mat.

"Liv. Enough okay. You don't have to do this. Fuck him, he ain't nobody." Olivia stared into Fin's eyes. He had the same worried, scared for her look on his face as he did when he rescued her from Harris while undercover.

"I'm okay, Fin. I am a trained NYPD detective that has to be able to take care of myself. I'm not done with this son of a bitch." Olivia put her hands back up and Fin shook his head moving out of the way.

Richard laughed out loud before taunting Olivia. "Benson, women have no place in a man's world. You can't cut it. Got your ass kicked by your boyfriend, got yourself shot, now getting your ass kicked in the gym. Women are too weak." Richard pulled his hands up in front of his face as the two detectives squared off.

"Fuck you, Gomes." Olivia breathed out before charging him. Richard defended himself spinning Olivia around capturing her arms behind her back. In one quick, well timed move, Olivia threw her head back, catching Richard in the face. He stumbled back as his nose spewed blood all over the mat. Olivia followed up with a perfectly placed kick to the abdomen sending him flying back about four feet before he fell on his ass. She continued her assault on her asshole partner with repeated punches much like she had witnessed Elliot do to him in the warehouse.

She could hardly catch her breath when she felt strong arms pull her up off of Gomes. "Enough. Liv, enough." Fin wrapped his arms tightly around Olivia until she calmed down. Richard struggled to get to his feet. As he approached them, Fin turned so that he was facing Olivia's bloodied partner.

"You want more, Gomes, you get me." Fin wasn't a big man, but he wasn't afraid of anybody.

Richard eyed Olivia and walked off into the locker room. Olivia made her way over to the bench where she pulled her gloves and headgear off. She was sweating and breathing hard. "I'm sure I just made things a lot worse."

"Yeah, maybe." Fin couldn't help but laugh a little. "I do believe you kicked his ass, baby girl."

Olivia sat in silence before looking up at Fin. "Richard is bigger than Tim, yet I couldn't even react when…when…" Olivia couldn't finish her thought.

Fin locked eyes with her. He respected Olivia more than any other of the officers he had worked with over the years. "Liv, you loved him, right?"

"I don't know. I thought so. Thought maybe I could."

"You couldn't know he would attack you like he did. You weren't prepared. There's a big difference." Fin watched and wondered if he was getting through to her. "Nobody doubts your ability, Liv. You're a damn good cop."

Olivia smiled at Fin. Her chest was sore where Richard had plowed into her, but she felt so much better about herself.

"Nice shot with the head. Gotta admit, you had me nervous for just a second there." Fin laughed at loud.

Captain Cragen caught wind of the incident taking place in the precinct gym and hurried down. He got there in time to see Olivia squaring up with her partner. He fought with himself whether to intervene or not. He knew how it was and knew he should let the situation play out. He worried about Olivia more than any other of his detectives. He was hard on her, but he knew she could handle it. He carried a special place for her in his heart.

He felt his blood pressure rise dangerously high when Richard drove her into the mat out of anger. It was all he could do not to bust through the gym doors and shoot the asshole himself. He watched Fin pull Richard away and held his breath while Olivia regrouped. He went from feeling worry and concern to pure pride as he watched Olivia get out of Richard's hold with a perfectly placed head to the face. He laughed to himself as he headed back upstairs to his office. He dreaded tomorrow's meeting, but he so wanted Richard out of his unit. He intended to fight until he got just that.

Olivia arrived the next morning early. She started typing the reports from the case they just finished, plus updates on the previous unsolved case. She watched Cragen come in and head directly into his office. It wasn't long before Lt. Tucker arrived. He nodded at Olivia and headed into Captain Cragen's office as well. Olivia let out a long sigh and returned her attention to her reports. She looked up as Richard arrived and sat down at his desk, instantly plopping his feet up.

Olivia glanced up at him and couldn't stifle the grin that forced it's way onto her face. His nose was broken and his eyes were even more bruised then before he showed up at the gym last night. She leaned back in her chair and met his gaze. "You got something you want to say, Gomes?"

His eyes stayed locked with Olivia's. "If you're little protector wasn't there last night, I would've put you back in the hospital."

"Are you threatening me?" Olivia could feel the anger start to churn in her stomach.

"Benson, Gomes." Captain Cragen's voice interrupted what was sure to be a very heated conversation between the two detectives. Olivia stood and headed for her captain's office. Richard followed.

"Have a seat detectives." Tucker ordered. He waited until they were settled before he began.

"Detective Gomes. What happened to your face." Lt. Tucker looked confused as his injuries appeared too new.

"Nothing case related, Sir." Richard shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Olivia looked up at Cragen who was carefully studying Tucker.

"Detective Benson. Give me your account of the events from two nights ago as it pertains to the case of Anthony Reynolds."

When Olivia finished giving her statement, Richard was asked to do the same. Olivia listened to Richard lie his way though the warehouse scene and wondered how this would play out. She looked to Cragen who refused to meet her glance. The detectives were excused while Tucker remained to talk with Cragen.

"So what do ya think, Benson? Think they'll split us up?" Richard's eyes were arrogantly glued to Olivia's ass as she made her way to get coffee.

"If there's a God in heaven." Olivia answered more to herself than to Gomes. She turned around catching him watching her body. She wondered how much more disrespect she could take from this man.

"I bet your ex-partner assaulted me simply because I am now your partner." Richard stated as he sat on the edge of Olivia's desk after she had sat down. He leaned in to speak with a lower voice. "Probably knows how close partners can get and is worried."

Olivia leaned back in her chair and stared Richard down. "Get off my desk."

Richard ignored Olivia's demand. "You're such a tough bitch…make me."

Olivia fought the urge to swing at him. He was trying to provoke her into losing her temper.

"How long have you been doing your old partner? I'm sure those late night stakeouts weren't as bad as they're made out to be." Richard reached out to touch Olivia's face. She grabbed his wrist and bent his hand back until he was off her desk and on his knees in pain.

"Don't ever touch me." Olivia walked away and headed to the locker room. She ran cold water over face in an attempt to cool her temper. She refused to let Gomes or Tucker win by giving it all up, but she was so tired of fighting. When she returned, she noticed Gomes was in Cragen's office. It was a few minutes before he headed out and started packing up his personal belongings out of Elliot's desk. Olivia watched with interest before glancing towards Cragen's office. He motioned for her to come in and to have a seat, closing the door behind her.

Cragen sat back down behind his desk as Lt. Tucker moved to stand in front of Olivia. "Detective Benson, it has been brought to my attention that your partnership with Detective Gomes isn't working out."

Olivia looked between her captain and Tucker. "No comment, Benson?" Tucker seemed impatient.

"Wasn't asked a question." Olivia was hoping that Tucker was considering giving her Elliot back.

Tucker ran his hand over his face in frustration. "Relax, detective. I will be reassigning you." Tucker nodded towards Cragen and headed out of the office. Once he was gone, Cragen got up and closed the door.

"Gomes is being given the opportunity to retire, otherwise he will be disciplined. Severely disciplined; like fired. Loss of pension, benefits, ect."

Olivia watched her boss as he leaned on his desk in front of her, his arms crossed against his chest. "Olivia, I'm pretty sure I already know, but are you and Elliot involved…intimately?"

Olivia knew they wouldn't give her Elliot back, so she had no reason to hide the best thing that has ever happened to her. "Only recently."

Cragen sighed and walked around to his desk and sat down. "Okay."

"What happens now?" Olivia could feel the tension in the small office.

Cragen leaned back in his chair and smiled at Olivia. "It means you will be reassigned a new partner. It means Elliot stays in Queens and it means you finally have somebody that you deserve and that I am sure will treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

Olivia smiled and got to her feet. "Thank you, Captain."

"One more thing, Detective. What did happen to Gomes' face?" Cragen asked as if he didn't know.

"Well, I needed a sparring partner and who better than my partner at the time." Olivia reached for the door.

"If you say so. I need those reports before the end of day today." Cragen smiled telling Olivia he knew exactly what happened to Gomes' face.


	27. Chapter 27

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 27

I don't own…blah blah blah

Olivia returned to her desk. She glanced up at Gomes as he finished gathering his personal belongings. He glared at her before coming over and taking a seat on her desk. He knew this irritated her and was pleased when she said as much.

"Well, I guess you got your way, Benson." Gomes continued to glare at her.

"It didn't have to be like this, Richard." Olivia kept eye contact with him.

"It seems to me you're used to getting your way. A bit spoiled." Richard smirked as he talked.

"We are done here. So if you don't mind." Olivia motioned for him to get off her desk and move on.

He stood grabbing his box. He turned to leave but abruptly stopped at turned. Olivia had gotten to her feet so that she was face to face with him when he turned. Richard stood approximately four inches taller than her and it was hard not feel intimidated in his presence. He looked down at her, but she refused to back down. "We're not done. Not yet." Richard winked at her and turned to leave.

Olivia sighed and took a seat once he had boarded the elevator. She thought about his words for a few minutes, but was so ready to be done with him. She turned her attention to the paper work Cragen wanted done.

Cragen watched the exchange from his office. He too was relieved that Gomes was now out of his squad. He thought about Olivia and Elliot and the fact that they were now involved. He wanted to be happy for them, but he knew Tucker would never let Elliot come home now that they had admitted to a romantic relationship. He picked up his phone to call the Chief of Detectives. He thought about pairing Olivia up with Fin, but didn't want to mess with the dynamic that Fin had with his partner. He needed another detective, preferably one that would respect his people.

Elliot was chained to his desk all day. He had plenty of paperwork to finish up from their latest closed case. With his partner out of commission for a few weeks, he may as well make the most of his down time. As he typed away, his attention was directed toward the entrance of the squad room. Olivia's partner was leaning against the wall watching him. Elliot seemed confused before he decided to approach him. Richard stood to his full height in an attempt to intimidate.

"Gomes?" Elliot couldn't help but wince at the sight of his face. "What the hell happened to you?"

Elliot knew, thanks to Fin, exactly what happened and fought like hell to keep from smiling at the poor detectives misfortune.

Gomes ignored his question and glared at Elliot before speaking. "I've decided to retire. SVU isn't my cup of tea."

Elliot took in his statement, waiting for him to continue. "And you're telling me this why?"

Richard smiled at Elliot before pretending to choose his words carefully. "Thought you'd be happy to know that I'm no longer a threat to you."

Elliot smiled back not liking the way this conversation was going. "You were never a threat."

"Your old partner….she's sexy as hell." Gomes blew a long breath out. "Got a bit of a mouth on her though."

Richard was trying to push Elliot's buttons and it was working. He grabbed Gomes by the shirt and backed him into the wall. "Are you threatening Olivia?"

Richard pushed Elliot off of him and smoothed out his shirt. "All I'm saying is she's playing hard ball with the big boys. Not the place for a woman."

"You got something to say, sit it." Elliot could feel his blood pressure rising.

"You know her…well." Richard laughed before continuing. "You may want to explain to her that she isn't as tough as she thinks."

Elliot shoved Gomes again and his fist was caught from behind by another detective in his squad. Richard laughed when a few other detectives came to see what the commotion was about. "Don't worry boys, I was just leaving. Just wanted to let Detective Stabler here know that his former partner may be in danger."

Elliot charged him again, but was restrained. Gomes was escorted out and a furious Elliot retreated to the locker room. He paced and swore until his breathing was under control. He knew it was important to control himself, he didn't want the reputation at his new house like he had under Cragen.

He picked the phone up to call Olivia, but put it back down. He didn't want her thinking she couldn't take care of herself or her problems, but Gomes did come to him. He picked up his phone again, but again decided against calling. Instead, he sent her a text.

_Dinner tonight?_

Olivia's phone chirped as she was typing. She glanced and saw a message from Elliot. She smiled as she read the message. She felt like a school girl. She was relieved that Cragen knew about her and Elliot and had given them his blessing. It was important to her that he approve.

_Love to. Seven?_

_Olivia was focused on getting her paperwork completed. She stopped at the hospital on the way home to check on John. She had taken a liking to the young detective and couldn't help but feel at least somewhat responsible for his injury. He was resting peacefully when she quietly entered his room._

"_Hiya, Benson. What are you doing here?" _

_Olivia smiled as she approached his bedside. "Just wanted to stop in and see how you were doing."_

"_Doing great." John smiled. "Should be out of here in a few days, a week of two of physical therapy and hopefully back to work shortly thereafter."_

"_I'm glad to hear it." Olivia cleared her throat. "John, I'm sorry about what happened."_

"_Hey, stop right there, Benson. How can you be to blame for any of what happened?" John struggled to sit more upright. "Our job was to find that child and get her to safety. You…we…did just that."_

_Olivia smiled despite herself. "Yeah, she's got a long road ahead of her. Her and her brother."_

"_Because of you, they'll get a chance to travel it."_

"_You're right." Olivia sighed._

_John watched for for a few minutes. "Benson, don't get me wrong. I love that you came to visit, but you should be off shift now." He looked up at the clock. "I bet Elliot has been cursing me all day having to be chained to his desk."_

_Olivia laughed at that. She too looked up at the clock._

"_Shouldn't you be looking forward to a night with him instead of being here with some young crippled kid?" John thought about how frantic Elliot had been to find Olivia in that warehouse._

_Olivia reached down and gave John a quick hug and headed out. She arrived home and began getting ready for her dinner date with Elliot. She showered and then decided on a dress that she was sure he hadn't seen her in. As she slipped the dress on and fastened the back she took a moment to check it out in the mirror. She loved the way she felt in this dress, but then her eyes were glued to her reflection. _

_Her gunshot wound was nearly healed now. A scar and some discoloring was all that remained. Her thoughts took her back to the pain she felt when she was shot. The fear she felt when she saw Elliot in the alleyway facing a sure death. She ran her fingers over the scar and closed her eyes. She wondered if Elliot would have ever confessed to her how he felt if she had not been injured._

_She jumped at the sound of the doorbell. Elliot was early; or she had simply spent too much time in her head. She answered the door to him and he stood and stared at her. Olivia immediately covered her chest with her arms._

"_I'll just be a minute. I need to change."_

_Elliot reached out and grabbed her arm, gently turning her to face him. "You look beautiful." He took a hold of her other arm and lowered them both to her sides. He placed his finger under her chin making her look him in the eyes._

"_It's been a long week." Olivia sighed in an attempt to mask her self consciousness._

"_And tonight we relax." Elliot took her by surprise as he placed his mouth on hers. She recovered quickly and wrapped her arms around him. She completely forgot about her scar as she lost herself in Elliot's kiss._

_They talked about their situation, the situation with Gomes and about John over dinner. Elliot decided against bringing up Gomes' visit to him earlier in the day. He didn't want to ruin the evening, but he worried that Gomes' was blowing more than just smoke. He watched her while she spoke to the waiter. She was beautiful and strong, and confident. He let his mind drift to Tim Hendricks and what he had done to her. How could any man hurt somebody like Olivia? His thoughts took him back to the parking garage and the pain in her eyes as she tried to talk Tim into surrendering. She had almost died. He almost didn't have the chance to tell her how he felt about her. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest when he recalled how scared he was as he hollered into his radio for help. He held her head in his arms and pleaded with her to stay with him._

"_Elliot?" Olivia was calling his name. She looked concerned and confused. "Where did you go?"_

_Elliot shook his head and looked into her eyes. He took her hands in his. "Are you ready to go?"_

"_Okay." Olivia was concerned. He seemed on edge all of the sudden. They left the restaurant and headed back to her place. She unlocked the door and placed her purse and keys on the table by the door. He shut and locked the door before turning to face her._

"_Elliot, what's wrong?" Olivia's voice was the same soft tone she used with victims. He looked around her living room picturing Tim hurting her here. She hadn't spoke of Tim lately, so he didn't know why he was in the forefront of his mind tonight._

"_El?" Olivia cautiously approached him._

_Elliot seemed to snap out of his trance. "I thought I had lost you." he whispered._

_Olivia shook her head as she watched him. "No, you didn't." her voice was barely audible._

_She wasn't surprised this time as he placed his hands on her face and pulled her in to meet his mouth. They had so much to work through, but nothing mattered at the moment. She felt him lowering the zipper of her dress and she was more than ready for him. She led him toward her bedroom, never taking her eyes from his. He worked to steady his breathing as he felt her under him. He owed it to her to tell her about Gomes and his threatening comments. Later, right now he was going to love her like she deserved to be loved._


	28. Chapter 28

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 28

I don't own SVU, or the main characters in this story. Just the supporting ones.

Olivia walked into Casey's office with coffee for the both of them. She was dreading meeting with her, but was dreading the trial even more. Tim was pleading not guilty, although there was absolutely no doubt to his guilt. "Case, I don't get why I have to explain what happened between Tim and I. It's not going to change what he did." Olivia was whining and she knew it.

"He's pleading not guilty, so there will be a trial. He knows he doesn't stand a chance at anything other than the death penalty." Casey took the coffee from her friend with an appreciative nod.

"It's his way to punish me one last time. He knows I won't want to get on the stand and explain how he humiliated and hurt me. Especially in front of my friends and colleagues."

"Probably." Casey leaned back in her chair and studied her friend from across the desk. "His lawyer will probably go for an insanity plea."

Olivia shook her head and stared at her hands. She willed herself not to remember Tim the way he was when they first met. It's what he did to those officers, to Mary, to Elliot. "Ok, lets get started."

Casey gave her friend a comforting smile before sitting up straight in her chair. She put the mini tape recorder on. "Olivia, I need you to describe in detail, your relationship with Tim Hendricks. Don't leave anything out, no matter how small a detail you think it is."

Olivia stared at her friend. She wouldn't want anyone else prosecuting Tim, but was hesitant nonetheless. Casey turned off the recorder and sighed. "Liv, I know what happened. I just want to make sure I know everything so that there are no surprises at trial. It is a very cut and dry case, but you know how these things go."

Olivia blew out a breath and nodded towards the recorder. "Okay, let's get this over with."

Olivia returned to the precinct after meeting with Casey. Her feelings were all over the place. These past three months had been such a crazy ride. The chapter with Tim was finally coming to and end, but not before she would have to share their relationship with everyone she tried to hide it from. All in the name of justice, life just wasn't fair. She knew this, probably better than anyone. It still sucked.

She poured her morning coffee and headed towards her desk. "Benson, Sims. My office." Cragen's booming voice almost made her spill her cup. Sims? Olivia looked up to see John Sims hurrying into the squad room.

"Late, my first day. Go figure." John smiled at Olivia and walked past her into Cragen's office.

Olivia was stunned, but pleased. She hurried into Cragen's office and closed the door behind them.

"Detective John Sims, welcome to the one six." Cragen shook his hand and smiled at Olivia. "Detective Benson will be your partner and I expect the same if not better closing rates than she and Stabler had. Am I clear, Detective?" Cragen sighed to himself as he recalled saying the same thing a few short weeks ago.

"Yes, sir." Detective Sims answered right away. Cragen liked him. Reminded him of a young Stabler.

The detectives left their captain's office. John settled in to Elliot's old desk and smiled at his new partner. "Funny how things work out, huh?"

"I'd say so." Olivia was relieved to finally learn who her partner would be. She liked John, he seemed to get what SVU was all about. The victims. She smiled back at John. "You've got some big shoes to fill, you know."

"I know, Gomes had quite a reputation." John winked at his new partner. "Oh…you meant Stabler?"

John noticed the look on Olivia's face when Gomes' name was mentioned. "You know, Benson, I took a lot of shit when my squad found out I was being transferred here."

Olivia looked puzzled. "Why? From what I understand you were making a pretty good impression at Queens SVU."

"They found out I was being partnered with 'Badass Benson'. Kicking Gomes' ass has made you a bit of a legend." John laughed before continuing. "I'm a relatively new detective and a rookie to SVU and have already earned my bullet hole."

Olivia laughed at his description. "How is your leg healing?"

"Good as new, ma'am." John answered.

"John, calling me ma'am will get _your ass kicked." Olivia joked with him._

"_Stabler said you could be moody; especially before your morning caffeine."_

_Olivia smiled at the mention of Elliot's name. Things were going so well for the two of them. He was careful not to crowd her and she was mindful of his relationship and the time he needed to spend with his kids. They seemed to be working this new relationship as smoothly as their partnership. Olivia knew there would be bumps in the road, much like her partnership, but for now she was enjoying what they had. _

_It wasn't long before the new partners were sent out on a case. It was quickly becoming business as usual._

_Elliot was falling into step with his new partner as well. A seasoned detective who seemed to be a perfect match for the temperamental detective known as Stabler. Elliot missed working side by side with Olivia on a daily basis, but laying by her side all night was easily helping him cope. He thought about these last few months and tried to wrap his brain around all that has happened. He sighed out loud, gaining a questioning look from Ronald White, his new partner._

"_You okay, Stabler?" Ron asked as he drove._

"_Couldn't be better." Stabler answered as he braced himself. Ron's driving had a lot to be desired, but he would adjust._

_Another week had passed before Tim Hendrick's trial was to begin. Elliot sensed Olivia's apprehension as she tried to sleep the night before. "You going to be okay?" Elliot's soft tone next to her in her bed was enough to always make her okay._

"_Sure." Olivia answered as she held onto his arm that was draped over her abdomen. "Just not looking forward to it."_

_Elliot moved his fingers in a mesmerizing rhythm on her bare stomach relaxing her. She couldn't help but feel safe, and content in the arms of her former partner. She found herself drifting off to the feel of his touch and the quiet, soft breathing of him sleeping next to her._

_Elliot sat behind Olivia and watched as Casey whispered to her before the trial began. He looked over to see Tim with his gaze focused on Olivia. He could feel the anger boiling in his stomach as he forced himself to remain calm. He knew getting angry and lashing out at Tim would not help Olivia. Tim caught Elliot's eye and waved to him as though they were friends that haven't seen each other in a while. Elliot glared at him before diverting his attention back to Olivia. He caught her eye and offered a comforting smile. She looked nervous, but focused._

_The charges were announced against Tim and the judge asked him to state his plea. "Not guilty, your honor." Tim answered the judge looking directly at Olivia. Elliot watched as Casey placed her hand on Olivia's back and whispered to her again. They all sat while both lawyers gave their opening arguments._

_Casey called Olivia to the stand. Elliot noticed her usual confident court persona was shaky at best. She was used to being the testifying detective, not the victim. She was sworn in and her eyes went immediately to Elliot and then to Casey, never to Tim._

_Casey was the ultimate professional, she got right down to business proving her case. It really was an open and shut case, but they had to go through the motions. She asked Olivia to state her name and to point out the defendant. Olivia did so still refusing to look Tim in the eye. Casey paused for a moment walking back to her table. She made eye contact with Elliot, almost as if to warn him to keep his cool. She asked Olivia to describe the extent of her relationship with the defendant, Mr. Tim Hendricks._

_Elliot really didn't want to hear what Olivia had originally decided to keep from him. He wanted to leave the courtroom for this, but knew Olivia would see it as him abandoning her. He watched her carefully, knowing how to read his partner. She was uncomfortable, but very much in control of her emotions. Elliot watched Casey as well as she asked Olivia question after question trying to paint a picture of a very unstable, unpredictable Hendricks. Casey was the one Olivia turned to when he had hurt her and Elliot knew Olivia definitely trusted her friend. Casey approached Olivia and asked her in her best caring prosecutor voice to describe in detail the night in which Tim had attacked her._

_Olivia paused and glanced at Elliot. He knew she wished she were anywhere but on that stand about to tell everybody what happened. Casey was trying to make the jury understand why Olivia ended their relationship. Elliot glared at Tim while Olivia spoke. He seemed amused watching her. Olivia's voice kept pulling Elliot's attention away from Tim. She was doing good, although he heard the waver in her voice from time to time._

_Casey quickly made her point and moved on asking Olivia to explain what happened in the hospital with Tim and then to the parking garage. Olivia was on the stand for the better part of an hour before Casey finished allowing Hendricks lawyer to cross examine. This is where it really got hard and Casey, Elliot and Olivia knew it. Elliot watched as Olivia shifted uncomfortably in her seat. _

"_Detective Benson, how long have you been a member of the NYPD?" he began._

"_Thirteen years." Olivia answered in a voice Elliot recognized._

"_Haven't you been extensively trained in self defense, not to mention have the ability to take down criminals twice your size when necessary?"_

_Casey warned her to answer only the question and nothing more. "Yes." Olivia answered._

_Elliot could read his partner's mind. She was immediately back to doubting herself and her abilities._

_Elliot listened to Olivia defend herself and watched as Casey interrupted with objections when necessary. His attention was divided between listening to Olivia and watching Hendricks. Tim sat with a smirk on his face the entire time Olivia was testifying._

_Tim's lawyer called him to the stand. Elliot leant forward and placed a comforting hand on Olivia's shoulder. She was emotionally drained and now had to listen to Tim's side of the story._

_Olivia felt sick as she listened to Tim describe their relationship and how he explained the night he beat Olivia as a 'simple misunderstanding between lovers'. He spoke with confidence and often smiled at Olivia. Casey leaned close to Olivia several times whispering encouragement. Olivia was glad Casey was in control. This is what her friend did best and she was preparing to go in for the kill. She stood and slowly approached Hendricks when it was her chance to cross examine._

_Tim's lawyer was diligent about objecting; some statements were over ruled, others sustained. Casey was intentionally provoking Tim with her line of questioning to get him to lash out. His cool, professional demeanor was a façade and the jury needed to see the real Tim Hendricks. Tim took an opportunity to mention that Olivia wanted to kill him, for revenge, when they were in the parking garage._

_Casey checked her notes and read off Olivia's shooting scores for the past five years. She followed up with the comment that sent Tim into a verbal rampage._

"_If Detective Benson wanted to kill you, she could have easily managed that. NYPD officers are trained to shoot to disable which is, in fact, exactly what Detective Benson did."_

_Tim stood and shouted at Olivia, calling her a worthless whore. He yelled at how she lied and cheated and got what she deserved. It was her fault those officers died; she should be the one on trial. The judge ordered him to be seated. Tim obeyed but his cold, icy glare never left Olivia. She looked him in the eyes finally. Watching his tirade brought her back to that night he hurt her out of anger. She remained still and quiet as order was restored._

"_I have nothing further." Casey walked back to take her seat by Olivia. She had a satisfied smirk on her face as she prepared to give her closing argument. Casey turned and glanced at Elliot. He remained still and quiet as well waiting for Casey to finally end this nightmare for Olivia. She rose and headed to stand before the jury._

_The court was in recess while they waited for the jury to deliberate. Elliot sat close to Olivia outside the courtroom while Casey stood in front of them. "I don't expect it'll take long." Casey was more than confident._

"_I don't know." Olivia sighed. "He presented a pretty believable case for himself."_

_Casey shook her head. "Don't worry, Liv. It'll be over real soon."_

_Tim and his lawyer walked past the trio. Tim turned to Olivia and Elliot could feel her whole body stiffen. Elliot pulled Olivia closer to him as they both watched him walk by._

"_Good luck, beautiful." Tim smiled the smile that originally won Olivia over._

_Elliot began to stand, but Olivia grabbed a hold of him. "Don't, El."_

_Casey was right. It took less than an hour and they were being summoned back into the courtroom. As they took their places Olivia watched the jury file in. The guilty verdict was announced, to no one's surprise. Tim immediately started lashing out at Olivia. He charged her, but only got a few feet before being tackled by officers. Olivia never moved from her sitting position. Elliot was standing in front of her. He had anticipated Hendricks to at least try to get at her when the verdict was read. Apparently so did the court officers. They removed him in handcuffs immediately. Olivia could hear him yelling and cursing her even outside of the courtroom._

"_Are you okay?" Casey had sat down next to her and noticed her trance like appearance._

"_Yeah." Olivia let herself smile at her friend and then at Elliot. She stood smoothing out her skirt and taking a deep breath. It had been a long day and fatigue was evident in both Elliot's and Olivia's features. Casey began to gather her materials and place them in her bag. She stopped when she felt Olivia's hand on her arm._

"_Thank you, Case." Olivia was indeed grateful to her friend and knew that she protected her the best she could throughout the entire trial._

_Casey smiled as she hugged Olivia tight. "The case was easy; everything else was tough. It's over."_

_Elliot hugged Casey as well before he and Olivia left the courtroom. They had both been given the day off for court, so there was no need to return to their respective precincts. Elliot drove back to Olivia's apartment. They didn't talk; each left to their own thoughts. Elliot glanced over at Olivia a few times before giving in to the silence. "Want to talk about it?"_

_She smiled at him before answering a short no._

_Elliot nodded. He decided to try again. "It's okay that you loved him. You couldn't know what he was capable of." He knew he was treading on dangerous ground with that one._

_Olivia leaned her head back on the seat. "I didn't love him, El. I cared for him, but didn't love him." She sighed but refused to look at Elliot. "I thought maybe I could…love him."_

_Elliot was quiet knowing she would have to work this out for herself. He accepted her silence and walked with her into her apartment. She refused dinner, opting for a long, hot shower instead. Olivia let the water run over her body and face, washing away the tears she let fall. The trial was tough, like she expected, but she wasn't prepared for the letdown that would follow._

_She heard a knock on the door. "Liv, you okay? You've been in there a while now."_

"_I'm fine, El." she didn't move. Not even when the water turned cold._


	29. Chapter 29

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 29

I don't own the show or the characters except the supporting ones I've created. (Does anybody else miss Mary?)

Olivia emerged from the bathroom feeling a bit guilty. She knew Elliot wanted to help her deal with all she was feeling right now, but she had shut him out. She sighed as she sat on her coffee table watching him doze. He had waited so long for her to get out of the shower that he had drifted off. This was all so new to her, to them. So much had transpired between her and Elliot these last few months and she couldn't help but feel a bit overwhelmed. As thrilled as she was to be able to love Elliot the way she had dreamed of for years, she was even more afraid of losing him. She knew her tendencies when she felt this way was to push the man in the picture away. She definitely didn't want to do that with Elliot.

She realized how long she had been in the shower and couldn't help but feel sorry for Elliot. He had made himself a sandwich and was nursing a beer that had since grown warm. She took the beer bottle from him and carefully placed it on the side table before leaning in towards him. She could smell the beer on his breath but that didn't stop her from pressing her lips to his. It only took a few seconds before Elliot was awake and fully participating.

"I'm sorry I took so long." Olivia apologized after pulling back from him.

"I told you…take as long as you need." Elliot kept eye contact with her until his mouth was on hers again. His hands were in her damp hair holding her still so he could make her feel how much he wanted her. He still found it so hard to believe that he was kissing Olivia Benson, his partner. She would always be his partner, they both knew that.

Olivia effortlessly undid and removed his tie before starting on the buttons of his shirt. She ran her hands over his chest while she continued to explore his mouth with her tongue. Elliot pulled Olivia up with him as he stood from the couch. He took her hand and led her to her bedroom. He slowly undid her robe and let it fall open exposing all of her to him. He was so mesmerized by her beauty that he had frozen where he stood. Olivia moved her arms to cover her chest, making sure to hide the ugly reminder of how close they had come to never having this.

"Don't." Elliot whispered gently moving her arms from her body. He closed the distance between them taking her in his arms. He held her tightly against his body instinctively knowing what she needed. She had a tough, emotional day and he wanted to make sure she knew he was there for her. He could feel the rise and fall of her chest against his own with every breath she took.

"I love you." Elliot's words were soft, yet strong as he cupped her face making her look him in the eye. There were tears forming in Olivia's eyes as she stared at him.

A smile began to appear on Olivia's face as she continued her assault on her partner. She made fast work of his belt and unbuttoned his pants. Elliot took control at this point lowering her to the bed. His mouth was on hers again and his hands roamed her body. Being together like this was still new to them, but Elliot felt confident he could read his partner well enough to know if she wasn't comfortable. He lowered his lips from her mouth to her throat. He could feel her tremble underneath him, and he briefly wondered if he should slow down. He noticed her breathing pattern was changing and he looked up to make sure she was okay.

"I love you too, El." Olivia whispered as her hands held his face until he reached for them with his own. He continued his trail down to her chest starting at her scar. It was a scary reminder of what he could've lost, but it's also why he was here, about to make love to her.

And that is what he did. They lost themselves to each other for hours before exhaustion claimed them both. He would wake to see her peacefully sleeping next to him and he simply stared. He said a silent prayer thanking God for letting her live. For giving him the opportunity to love her. His thoughts went to that terrible night when she should have died. The blood running through his fingers as he tried to stop it. The fear and panic that wrecked his body as he frantically called for help. How on earth did she survive? How did she put up with him all these years? She stood up to him and took him on when he was out of line. She propped him up when he was ready to cash it all in. She let him hurt her with his angry words when he was mad at everything, but her. She took it…for him. She took it, the bullet from Williams that would've surely killed him.

"You think loud." Olivia murmured without opening her eyes. Elliot was startled from his thoughts not realizing she was awake. He smiled at her as his hands reached for her body yet again.

Olivia yawned as she poured herself her morning coffee. "Late night?" Fin startled her as he came up behind her to fetch his own coffee.

Olivia gave Fin a friendly smile as she made her way to her desk. She carefully placed her coffee on the desk and pulled out her chair. Fin had followed taking the opportunity to talk with her before the others arrived.

"Good job yesterday…in court." he knew it was a tough day for her.

"Thanks, Fin. I'm just glad it's over."

"I take it you heard about Gomes?" Fin watched as Olivia's facial features showed that she hadn't.

"Served the suspension, but fought to stay on board. They moved him back to homicide."

Olivia just shook her head. "It's just as well, I suppose. He's got no business dealing with victims; especially children."

"I hear that." Fin agreed. He greeted John as he made his way to his desk.

"How'd it go yesterday?" John smiled at Olivia as he settled in.

"It went well, John, thanks." Olivia really liked her new partner. She would have rather still had Elliot side by side every day, but John was holding his own.

The new partners worked together on following up on leads on their current cases. John had a knack for this division. He was compassionate, yet tough. He was likable and even traumatized female victims didn't always shy away from him. Every now and then he'd tease his partner with a joke about Elliot, but all in all he respected Olivia. He knew he could stand to learn a lot from her and he took his position as her partner seriously.

Cragen knew they had found a sufficient replacement for Stabler with John Sims. He was sold as he watched Olivia and John in the interrogation room with a suspect wanted for three uptown rapes. Olivia worked her magic while John played along. They seemed to feed off of each other naturally. Olivia was frustrating the suspect and finally got him to snap. He lunged for her, but John had him pinned faced down on the table before Olivia could even react. Cragen smiled as he watched the exchange between Olivia and her new partner.

Cragen praised him for his alertness and reaction, but John shrugged it off. "She's my partner, Sir. Simple as that." He had leaned in so that nobody else could hear him. "Besides, Stabler says he'll kill me if I let anything happen to her. I believe him."

Cragen smiled and shook his head as he headed into his office. Sims was definitely no Gomes. Olivia deserved to have a partner she could trust.

Elliot was doing well with his new partner as well. He missed Olivia terribly, but found it different working with a male after so long. He continued to put in long days, but the longer nights he spent with Olivia were worth it. Elliot was glad she was now partnered with Sims. He liked the guy and could tell he meant business. He trusted him to have Olivia's back in the field, without in any way demeaning her abilities as a very seasoned NYPD detective. Things were going well for them and they were happy. Elliot was in love again and it felt so very different this time. He figured he knew her so well after so many years as partners, but he couldn't possibly know how she would capture and keep his heart. He cursed himself for waiting so long to confess to her, but was genuinely thankful for what they had.

Olivia and John headed out to follow up on a lead on a guy suspected in their latest rape case. He was a mechanic by day and a suspected rapist by night. Olivia read over their notes, while John drove. There really wasn't a struggle for power, like with Gomes, and Olivia was glad for that. She read out loud a few things she had written about this particular suspect when they had first spoke with him.

"How do you want to play him?" John didn't like this guy from the beginning, but wasn't so sure about him being the perp. Olivia on the other hand was sold, just needed a bit more evidence before they could bring him in for formal questioning.

"Short and sweet. We know it's him, we got proof, we just need him to slip. Either way, I think it's time to bring him in to talk at the house." Olivia gave her opinion and waited for John's opinion.

He nodded in agreement as they approached the local repair shop. There were lights and police vehicles already there and quite a few cops on scene. Olivia pulled her sunglasses on top of her head as she flashed her badge to the uniforms blocking entrance into the building. John did the same as he followed her in.

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks as she came upon the scene. She identified the murder victim as their prime suspect. Richard Gomes turned to acknowledge the two detectives that had just arrived onto his scene.

"Well, well, well." he smirked at Olivia looking her up and down. He was intentionally trying to make her uncomfortable. "What brings you here, babe?"

"It's Detective, and we were following up on a suspect of ours. What happened?"

"Uh, he was murdered." Gomes had no interest in helping Olivia. "Not your case, so unless you want to hang out with me a while, get lost."

"This is still very much our case, and yeah I do intend to hang out a while." Olivia had no intention of backing down from Gomes. John couldn't stand this man and he watched his every move carefully.

Richard put his finger into Olivia's chest as he demanded her back from the scene. He was quick and had her backed up against a wall before John could close in. "I said it isn't your case."

John grabbed Gomes and spun him around to face him. "You got a problem with our being here, talk to me."

Olivia hadn't yet seen John so angry. He wasn't a big man and was considerably smaller than Gomes, but his anger made him that much more intimidating.

"Ah, so you're the new boy assigned to protect this bitch."

John's fist met Richard's mouth before Olivia could pull him back. She had gotten in front of John to stop him from continuing. "I got it." she looked into her partner's eyes. "Okay?"

John relaxed but only a bit as Olivia turned to face Gomes again. She couldn't help but smile knowing that Elliot would've done the same thing, if not worse. "They should've fired you already. I will get this case from you and find out who is behind this murder. He was the prime suspect in our rape/murder case, making this belong to Manhattan SVU."

"You try sweetheart." Gomes wiped the blood from his split lip. "I should of killed your ass when I had the chance."

Olivia had stopped at his words and closed her eyes in an attempt to calm the anger she felt brewing within. Her thought went to the darkened building and Richard forcing her to give up her weapon.

John started towards Gomes again, but was yet again restrained by Olivia.

"You tapping that too, kid?" Gomes laughed as John and Olivia left the building. Olivia paced a bit before settling down enough to call Cragen. She had to fill him in on the events of the murder and force Homicide to turn the evidence and the case back over to them. She left out the part about Gomes.

Olivia didn't want to leave the scene. They were all supposed to be on the same side, but yet this happened frequently. Not usually with so much animosity, but Olivia refused to let this case go. She owed it to the victim who no longer had a voice. That is who she was and what she worked and stood for.

"You shouldn't have done that." Olivia was finally calm enough to speak to her partner.

"Maybe not. I'm not going to just stand there while that idiot threatens you."

"I can handle him, John." Olivia was trying not to get annoyed with her partner, but Gomes just brought that out in her.

"I know you can. However, I can't handle standing by while he gets in your face. Doesn't work too well for me."

Olivia looked him in the eye before calling a truce. She wasn't mad at John, not at all. She was just mad. Her phone rang and she answered Cragen right away. "We're in." she said to her partner as she turned to head back inside.

Gomes was pissed as he made his way into the small parking lot. He immediately approached Olivia while his partner stood in front of John blocking him from helping her this time.

He reached out grabbing her by the face and shoving her against her own car. "Little bitch gets her way again with one call to daddy."

Olivia brought her arms up in a defensive maneuver she had learned at the academy years ago. It worked surprisingly well against someone who should've expected it. The action pulled his arms away from her and left him exposed for Olivia's hands to come down hard on his nose. Richard stumbled back wiping the blood now from his nose. Olivia pulled her gun on him as she anticipated him to retaliate from that hit.

"Not exactly by the book, now is it Benson?" Gomes glared at her.

John was frustrated as all he could do was watch as his partner was forced to defend herself. "Not much is by the book when it comes to you, Gomes."

Richard continued to glare at Olivia. "You'll learn in time, sweetheart. This is a man's world, you don't belong." Richard let his eyes travel Olivia's body. He made sure she understood the threat that was being implied. He made an obscene gesture with his tongue and reached down and grabbed his crotch.

He laughed as he walked away with his partner, getting into his car.

John stared at Olivia until she finally relaxed and looked his way. John immediately put his hands up in a mock surrendering position. "Bad ass." he whispered.

Olivia rolled her eyes at him as she headed into the building. John wasn't sure, but he thought he saw her rubbing her jaw where Richard had grabbed her. He made a mental note to fill Stabler in, just so he would have the heads up. John was not as experienced as he or Olivia, but his instincts told him that Richard was coming for her. He hoped that Richard was all talk, and he hoped that Stabler would keep today's events to himself. He believed Stabler could and would hurt him if he let anything happen to Olivia. He also didn't want Olivia mad at him for running to Elliot with a situation she obviously was handling; her own way.


	30. Chapter 30

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 30

For the record, I STILL don't own the main characters.

The detectives spent the better part of three hours on scene. Olivia was nothing but thorough with her examination of the crime scene and then the interviews of anyone and everyone around. She and John both had a feel for who they were looking for, but took the time to investigate every angle.

John watched Olivia cautiously. She seemed to be on auto pilot; almost as if the incident with Gomes hadn't happened. He doubted she was able to blow it off that easily. He knew he couldn't blow it off at all. He was worried that this whole situation was getting out of hand, quickly.

"We good?" John broke the silence as they rode back to the house.

Olivia gave him a questioning look before answering. "Why wouldn't we be?"

John shrugged. "You seemed a bit pissed at me…for hitting Gomes."

Olivia smiled at John who intentionally kept his eyes focused on the road. "Nah, Elliot would've done the same thing, I suppose."

"Olivia…" John briefly wandered if he should tempt fate. "I think things are getting out of control with Gomes. I'm worried about you."

Olivia blew out a long breath. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Okay, actually I'm worried about Gomes. How many times can he handle you breaking his nose." John smiled when he looked over at Olivia.

Olivia smiled despite herself. "It was just a chance happening that we met up with him here. I doubt we'll have to deal with him much, if at all."

John accepted her answer but he doubted that she believed what she was saying. They drove along in silence until John once again tempted fate. "Are you going to mention this to Elliot?"

Olivia was growing annoyed with her partner's concern. "Why would I? We handled it."

John was learning quickly when to drop things with Olivia and this would be a good time. He pressed his lips together to stop himself from yelling at her to take Gomes seriously. He wanted to make her admit that this guy has serious issues with her. He wanted to tell her to be careful, that he didn't like the feeling he had in the pit of his stomach.

Olivia stormed through the bullpen and headed to the restroom. She splashed cold water on her face and worked to get her emotions under control. Fuck Gomes. Who did he think he was? She was pissed that he once again put his hands on her. Olivia noticed the faint bruising that had started on either side of her mouth where Gomes had grabbed her. She looked at her watch, nearly quitting time. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she would sit down with Cragen and file a formal complaint. She doubted it would do any good, but at least there would be a record started.

Fin looked up at her when she sat at her desk. "Everything okay?"

"Fine." Olivia huffed out. "Where's John?"

"Locker room." Fin knew she wasn't fine, but unlike John, he didn't have to learn when to lay off.

Olivia pushed her chair back and headed for the locker room. John didn't deserve the attitude she was giving him. She found him in front of his locker ready to hit the gym. He looked up at her when she entered and he could see the bruises starting as well. He shook his head and grabbed his towel.

"I'm sorry…for giving you a hard time today. I know you are worried."

"No biggie. If you're good with everything, then so am I." John stepped around his partner and headed for the door.

"I'm going to talk to Cragen in the morning, file a formal complaint."

John nodded that he heard her. "I'm going to run awhile, feeling a bit stressed." He raised his eyebrows at her knowing she was stressed as well.

Olivia changed and joined her partner in the gym. Olivia watched him run on the treadmill for a moment before boarding the one next to him. She was up to speed in no time and immediately started feeling better. They ran, stride for stride, together as partners. Olivia could feel the sweat running down her face and down her back and chest. She didn't care, running was freeing for her. John glanced her way a few times realizing this was how she cleared her mind as well.

Olivia watched Fin enter the gym and head towards them. "Ah no. Not today, Fin." There was no way in hell, she was going to spar with him today. Fin motioned for her to shut the machine down. She slowed to a walk, as did John, and finally stopped.

"What is it?" Olivia looked at John and then back at Fin.

"Cragen just left to meet with Tucker." Fin noticed the bruises on Olivia's face. "Something happen with Gomes today, Liv?"

"We had a run-in." She stepped off the treadmill and wiped her face with her towel.

"He's filing a complaint against you for pulling your weapon on him. And you for assaulting him." Fin looked at John before returning his focus to Olivia's face.

Olivia turned to John who began to swear out loud. "He fucker grabbed her and slammed her against the car. His partner kept me from helping her, what was she supposed to do. She had to defend herself." John slammed his fist down on the treadmill screen.

Fin looked from Olivia to John, back to Olivia. "Liv, did he threaten you?" Fin's voice was laced with anger.

John stormed out of the gym leaving Fin alone with Olivia. "Talk to me." Fin ordered.

Olivia told him the whole story from the beginning. "I'm not afraid of him." Olivia finished hoping her voice at least sounded strong.

"Maybe you should be." Fin never sugar coated anything with her. "He's out of control, Liv."

"I know. I was going to file a complaint myself in the morning." Olivia ran her hand through her hair.

"Well, it looks like you'll have to defend yourself instead." Fin shook his head. He hated seeing Olivia in any kind of trouble. He watched her walk out of the gym. He wished he could just take care of this for her, she has had to deal with so much lately.

Olivia sat at her desk and waited for Cragen to return. He had sent her a message to meet him at the station. She showered and changed and waited for her boss to direct her as to how to deal with this. John had gone home for the day. Even though he was upset, she knew he'd have her back in all this.

It was fairly quiet in the bullpen, only a few other detectives milling around. Cragen walked in and motioned for her to join him in his office. Olivia closed the door once they were both in his office and took a seat in front of his desk. Cragen sat down at his desk and rubbed his face with his hands.

Olivia studied her captain. He was aging quickly it seemed and she hated that she was causing him any stress in any way. He looked up at her and frowned instantly. "What happened to your face?"

Olivia let out a long sigh. "Never mind." Cragen interrupted. "From the beginning."

Olivia explained the day's events to her boss hoping he would be able to fix this for her. She was so exhausted. So tired of dealing with Gomes. Cragen sat silently waiting for Olivia to finish.

"You and Sims be in Tucker's office at eight tomorrow morning. I'll meet you there and we'll put this thing to bed once and for all." Cragen knew Olivia was tired. He knew she was struggling with her confidence.

"Yes, sir." Olivia stood and headed for the door.

Elliot was waiting at her desk. He waved to Cragen before turning his full attention to Olivia. His smile instantly vanished when he saw her face.

"Elliot, please. Not right now." Olivia grabbed her purse from her bottom drawer and slipped into her jacket.

Elliot followed trying to honor her wishes. They got into his car and he headed for her apartment. She knew she wasn't being fair to him. She just needed a break from the day. Elliot shut the door behind them once they entered her apartment. He immediately turned her to face him. "Don't shut me out."

"El, I just need a break." She pulled from him and headed toward the kitchen and grabbed a beer for them both. Elliot took the bottles from her and set them down on the table.

"Let me be here for you. What happened?"

"Gomes…again." Olivia looked Elliot in the eye before turning away. She began reciting the story for the third time ending with her talk with Cragen. Elliot watched her wondering if there was more before he spoke.

"Where the hell was Sims?" Elliot was furious but was trying to control it for Olivia's sake.

"El, Gomes' partner kept him from doing anything to help. He tried."

Elliot accepted her answer but headed for the door anyway.

"Elliot, don't do this. It will only make things worse." Olivia's voice sounded even strange to her.

"What do you want me to do, Olivia." Elliot hollered at her hating that he once again couldn't control his anger.

"Nothing. My problem, I'll deal with it." Olivia hollered back.

"Like you dealt with Hendricks!" Elliot cringed as he watched his words slam into Olivia. She seemed shocked, hurt, and then angry.

"Get out, Elliot." Olivia's voice was very calm and controlled.

"Liv, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I'm just pissed." Elliot rubbed his temples with his fingers.

"This is exactly why I didn't mention Tim to you. I need you to go."

"Please, let me stay with you. I can't stand the thought of somebody hurting you." Elliot begged. He reached out to touch her face and felt sick when she flinched away from him.

"Please, just go." Olivia whispered embarrassed that she reacted the way she did to Elliot's gesture.

Elliot was torn between giving her the space she asked for and not wanting to let her out of his sight.

He slowly turned toward the door and left her alone. He wished she would've let him stay with her, but he knew it had to be her to call the shots; at least for now.

Elliot pulled up in front of John Sims' house. He repeatedly told himself to calm down as he approached his front door. John's wife answered, surprised to see Elliot.

"I'm sorry to bother you. Is John available?" Elliot instantly felt bad for bothering Olivia's partner at home.

Elliot entered John's house to wait. John appeared within a few minutes, having just gotten out of the shower. He approached Elliot and shook his hand. "I'm not surprised to see you."

John led him back outside the house. "I try to keep work matters at work, best I can anyway."

"I understand." Elliot mumbled and he did. "What the hell happened today with Gomes. Olivia told me, but she threw me out when I got pissed."

"That guy has a serious problem with Olivia. I wanted to call you today and fill you in. You know, to watch your back kind of thing."

Elliot clenched his jaw and thought before speaking. "Did he specifically threaten her?"

"I think so. He assaulted her, although she'd prefer to blow it off as him just being an asshole." John sighed as he leaned up against the railing to his porch. "We have to be in Tucker's office tomorrow to defend ourselves."

Elliot gave him a questioning look encouraging him to continue.

"I punched him when he was giving Benson a hard time and she pulled her gun on him after he shoved her into the car." John smiled briefly. "After she broke his nose again, I think."

Elliot smiled too, but only for a minute. "Sorry to bother you…I just can't stand…I hate that…"

"I know." John rescued him. "She's struggling with it all. Trying to be strong, but I'm worried."

Elliot shared a knowing glance at Olivia's new partner. John crossed his arms over his chest. "I may be out of line here, but maybe try her again. She doesn't seem to stay mad long."

Elliot gave John a weak smile and headed down to his car. He hoped he was right and Olivia would let him in. As he drove he tried to understand where Olivia was coming from. He didn't have the struggles coming up through the ranks as she did. So he tried to understand her reasoning for taking this stand against Gomes. He could see that John was worried about Gomes' threats. Elliot wanted to find Gomes and rip his throat out for touching Olivia, let alone threatening her. He knew she didn't want him to get involved like that, but he loved her. So this is his problem to end. He respected her strength, but she is a woman. She belongs on the force without a doubt, but she doesn't deserve to be harassed and humiliated by this asshole. He also knew she was still dealing with the issues that stemmed from her relationship with Hendricks. He cursed himself for throwing that in her face. Why did she love him, he was such a jerk to her sometimes.

He waited patiently hoping she'd open the door to him. She did and stepped aside allowing him to enter. Olivia closed and locked the door and turned to look at him. Elliot stared at her as well, forcing himself not to look at the bruising on her face.

"I'm sorry." Elliot's voice was soft and low. Olivia nodded. "You shouldn't have to put up with him disrespecting you like this."

"I know." Olivia's voice was laced with defeat and that only fueled Elliot's suppressed anger.

Elliot reached out to pull her to him and she easily surrendered. She was so thankful he returned. She was totally consumed with listening to his heartbeat and feeling his hands on her back, that she was startled when he began to speak.

"I know better than anyone that you can take care of yourself….but please…please be careful." Olivia pulled back to say something, but Elliot quickly pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her with so much passion that it didn't matter what she was going to say. He admired her strength, but she definitely was a woman and she wanted him.


	31. Chapter 31

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 31

I don't own SVU, or it's characters.

John paced in front of Tucker's office building waiting for Olivia to show up. He was early, expecting her to be as well. He figured she'd probably want to give him hell for talking to Elliot last night. He thought if they met up early, that could happen, and then they would be ready to present an united front.

John caught sight of her coming up the sidewalk. She looked good, relaxed and that did wonders for his apprehension. "Hey." John was surprised to see what a good make-up job could do for bruises.

"Hey yourself." Olivia smiled at him. "You ready to do this?"

"I'm ready for this to be over." John opened the door for her and together they entered.

Tucker motioned for them to enter his office. He greeted each of them with a very formal greeting and encouraged them to have a seat. It was obvious to John that Olivia was used to dealing with Tucker so he felt it best to follow her lead.

"I need to question the both of you regarding a complaint filed by homicide detective Richard Gomes." Tucker started by glaring at Olivia. Olivia held his gaze and patiently waited.

"Detective Sims, let's start with you." John shifted nervously in his chair. He looked at Olivia who relaxed against the back of hers. She made eye contact with him and he felt a sense of calm come over him as his nerves settled.

Cragen nodded to his detectives as he entered Tucker's office as they were leaving. He didn't look happy as he shut the door behind him. Olivia shook her head and headed out of the building. The weather was warming up and the sun felt nice on her face as she headed with John to his car.

"What do you think he's going to do?" John slid in behind the wheel.

"I really don't know." Olivia sighed as she got in beside him. "We'll know soon enough, I suppose."

They arrived at the precinct and immediately dove into their case. Olivia followed up on phone messages she had received since leaving yesterday afternoon. She tried to keep her mind focused, but couldn't help but think about Gomes and his threats from the day before.

Fin and his partner had returned from a call just in time to see Cragen enter the bullpen. "Benson, Sims. My office." Fin gave Olivia a reassuring nod as she slowly pushed her chair back and got to her feet. They entered and had a seat in front of the boss.

Cragen looked at Olivia for a long few seconds before turning his attention to John. "Detective, you have a one week suspension for assaulting another officer."

"Captain, he can't punish John for any of this." Olivia was angry but was quickly quieted when John placed his hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay. I shouldn't have lost my temper like that, especially on scene." John waited until Olivia sat back down before he did as well.

"It pained Tucker to admit it, but he dismissed Gomes' complaint about using unnecessary means." Cragen attention was fully on Olivia.

"So, what now? He gets yet another slap on the wrist and we all move on." Olivia's anger only slightly dissipated.

"No, Gomes will be terminated today." Cragen seemed satisfied with the outcome. Olivia didn't look happy, neither did John.

"Sims, I need your gun and shield" Cragen knew why John lost his temper and he didn't blame the young detective. He was following orders by suspending him when he would much rather give him a medal.

Olivia gave John an apologetic look and left the office. "I'm sorry, sir. This will never happen again." John placed his gun and badge on his boss' desk. He headed for the door when Cragen stopped him.

"Tomorrow. Start your suspension tomorrow. I need time to find Benson a partner for the week. I don't want your case to suffer because of this." Cragen held out his badge and gun to him.

"Isn't this a little against protocol, sir?" John seemed confused.

"It's my call, I'll take the heat if there is any." Cragen looked out at Olivia who was immediately back on the phone. "I don't doubt Gomes' will be angry and want to retaliate after his meeting with Tucker today. I need you here today with her."

"Yes sir." John placed his badge back on his belt and holstered his gun.

Olivia called Elliot and told him the outcome. Neither spoke for a moment. Olivia was feeling frustrated that this should be a good outcome for her, but it was anything but. They both knew that Gomes would be angry. She promised him she would be extra alert as she progressed through her day.

Cragen approached her desk as John took a seat at his own. Olivia looked over at John and then back up at their captain. Cragen motioned for Fin to join them before he spoke directly to Olivia.

"Richard Gomes will be terminated today, he will be angry, and may be foolish enough to retaliate. He is not above the law and is to be arrested if need be. I don't want this blown off. I want the threat to be taken seriously. Sims starts suspension tomorrow, my orders. Fin you are to work together with Benson and Sims today. Their case is priority and I don't want it to suffer. Understood?"

Olivia dropped her head into her hands as she rested her arms on her desk. She knew the captain was right and she was thankful that he wasn't grounding her. Their case shouldn't have to suffer because of Gomes. It would be in her nature to argue the extra protection, but she was actually a bit relieved.

The three detectives returned to the precinct exhausted after spending most of the day in the field following up on leads. Their suspect seemed especially elusive and frustrations were high. Olivia was beyond frustrated as she slammed her locker door shut. John quietly closed his locker door as he eyed his partner.

"It's going to be a long week." John just wanted to get her talking.

"I'm sorry, John. You have a suspension in your jacket now because of me."

"Not so. I chose to punch him. Felt good, I might ad." John smiled at her. "You going to be okay?"

"Yeah, John. Try not to worry so much." Olivia was beginning to relax. "I'm going home, taking a hot bath and opening a bottle of wine."

"I'll give you a lift home." John offered holding the door open for her. Olivia accepted wishing John didn't have to be punished for standing up for her.

John returned a week later and was eager to dive into his case load. Cragen had worked some magic with his vacation time, personal time, and comp time in an effort to get him a paycheck. Olivia had begged their boss to find a way so that John's family wouldn't suffer at all for this.

Olivia had touched base with John daily while he was gone with updates on Gomes. Nobody had heard from him since he had been let go and Olivia found herself wondering if perhaps he had decided to just move on. That would be in his best interest, but Gomes didn't always think that way.

Things were very much business as usual. Olivia had been temporarily partnered with a detective out of Brooklyn and they were able to close their case successfully. There was little time to celebrate as the familiar boom of Cragen's voice announcing another case welcomed John back.

They headed out to an apartment not far from Olivia's place. The victim was an young woman in her early twenties, raped and beaten. Olivia and John flashed their badges to the uniforms on scene and made their way into the apartment. Olivia was given the name of the victim at the door.

"Justine? I'm Detective Benson and this is my partner, Detective Sims." Olivia had a soothing voice that most victims were receptive to and Justine was no different. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Olivia inwardly cringed at the bruises that had formed on the poor girl's face and arms. Justine was shaking as she began to speak causing her voice to waver terribly. Olivia moved from in front of her, to sit next to her on the sofa. The young woman seemed to relax a bit within the close proximity of the strong detective.

John hung back taking notes from the conversation Olivia held with Justine. He knew the sensitive nature of such a crime and could see the fear on Justine's face. Olivia was good with the victims and he knew to capitalize on that. Olivia was able to get a name of a possible suspect and then encouraged the young woman to head to the hospital to be checked out and complete a rape kit. Justine refused, but reconsidered when Olivia explained how important it was to have the kit done for evidence they would need to nail the bastard that hurt her. After promising to stay with her, Olivia boarded the ambulance with Justine. John began to track down a former boyfriend whom Justine named.

Olivia returned to the house after getting Justine home safely to find John had brought in their prime suspect. He was awaiting her return to interrogate him. John noticed Olivia looked exhausted, but she didn't stop.

"Ready?" Olivia quickly pulled off her jacket and draped it over her chair. She listened carefully to John as they approached the room where Justine's ex was impatiently waiting for them. Olivia glanced at their suspect through the one way window to size him up. He appeared angry and agitated. Olivia took a deep breath, glanced at John and headed in.

Olivia was pleased at how their interview was progressing. John participated with well timed comments to compliment his partners. Jordan Dexter's size was deceiving until he stood in an attempt to intimidate Olivia. John's hand was immediately on his shoulder encouraging him to sit back down. John's presence made Jordan think twice each time his anger got the best of him. Olivia worked at him for over an hour until he finally admitted he had been in Justine's apartment. He claimed consensual sex, so Olivia continued until he was writing up a full confession. It was a rare case. Open and shut in one day. Interview, arrest and confession all by the book. The detectives returned to their desk while Jordan was led out in handcuffs. He glared at Olivia as he was led away. "All you bitches are the same." he hollered as he spit at her.

He was kept at a safe distance, he didn't come close to hitting her. Olivia shook her head as John stood in a purely reflexive motion. "Another satisfied customer." Olivia smiled at John. She began typing up her report thrilled to be able to finish and head home at a decent hour. She looked forward to seeing Elliot and hoped that he had as good a day as she did.

Fin strolled into the bullpen pretty pleased himself on the progress of his case. "Sims, we're heading over to the Tap for a few. Coming?"

John looked up at Olivia who was typing a way with a mission to finish. She was glad Fin was including John, after all he had proven his place here. John agreed and shut down his computer.

"How about you, Baby Girl." Fin sat in front of her computer screen so she would have to stop typing.

"I want to finish, meeting Elliot for dinner." Olivia shoved Fin out of her way.

"I think he's standing you up, he already agreed to meet us there." Fin headed to the locker room.

"Well, I guess we're going to the Tap." Olivia finished her report and closed down her computer as well.

"You deserve some down time, Detective." John pulled his jacket on as he watched Olivia do the same. "Pissing Dexter off must have made you at least a little thirsty."

"All in a days work." Olivia smirked at him. Olivia never seemed to stop impressing him, but it was her way with Justine and victims in general that impressed him the most. Gomes couldn't be more wrong, she did belong in this 'man's' world. She was good at what she did, and he was thrilled to be her partner.


	32. Chapter 32

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 32

I don't own…

The Tap was a small dive that was often frequented by off-duty cops wanting to unwind and relax after a hard day. It wasn't far from the precinct so the detectives took advantage of the nice weather and walked the short distance. Fin ordered up a few pitchers of beer as they headed to a table in the back. He knew Elliot was coming so he slid in next to John leaving Olivia on the other side by herself.

The detectives instantly relaxed in each others company. Fin poured Olivia a glass of beer and slid the pitcher to John. "You doing okay, Liv?" Fin couldn't help but look out for his colleague and friend. He poured himself a glass and drank half of it right away.

Olivia was making fast work of her own glass of beer. "I'm fine, Fin. Things are going really good right now." John watched Olivia smile at Fin. He respected their relationship, realizing how close they were. Olivia looked over at John noticing he hadn't touched his beer.

"John? Not a beer drinker? I'll go get you something else." Olivia was up before John could protest. It was obvious she was going to get him something, so he spit out his drink of choice and watched her head up to the bar.

"No sense arguing with her, I've learned." John started munching on the peanuts that were placed on their table.

"Nope." Fin polished off his glass and poured more.

They talked a bit before John realized it was taking Olivia a while to get back. He looked up towards the bar and found her carrying a conversation with some guy. He figured she was just being polite; she didn't seem to know him. "Should I go interrupt? She looks uncomfortable." John asked Fin directing his attention to the bar.

"Nah, Liv's good." Fin shook his head. "Probably some loser wanting to buy her a drink or something. Your partner seems to attract all kinds." Fin laughed.

John wondered if he'd ever stop feeling so protective of her. He never thought he'd be partnered with a woman and he was finding it hard to find that balance. He was relieved to see her dismiss the guy and head back to the table. "I about died of thirst here." John teased.

"Sorry about that." Olivia handed him two drinks. "Happy hour." she explained when he questioned her.

John thanked her and the detectives talked about their latest closed cases. "Where's your boy?" Fin looked at his watch noticing Elliot still hadn't arrived. Olivia had decided to slow down as she had put away a few glasses of beer without eating. She checked her phone seeing a text from Elliot saying he was on the way.

"He's on the way." Olivia answered Fin before turning her attention to the gentleman from the bar who had approached their table. John continued to munch on peanuts as he watched Olivia's expression change with the appearance of the guy from the bar.

"Hey, Sam. These are my friends, Fin and John."

He placed a mixed drink down in front of her. "My friend over there wanted to buy you a drink."

Olivia glanced towards the bar, but politely refused the drink. "Oh how nice. Tell him thank you, but I am done for the evening." she flashed him a smile that even John could tell was simply a polite gesture.

"I think you'll really hurt his feelings if you don't take it." Sam wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Okay, then thank you and tell him thanks as well." Olivia took the drink and placed it on their table. Sam nodded towards Fin and John and walked away from their table.

She glanced back up to the bar and nodded to Sam's friend. "You aren't going to drink that, are you?" John hated that he just couldn't relax.

Olivia looked at Fin and then to John. "Of course not, John. Relax." Olivia checked her watch again beginning to grow a bit impatient. She hoped Elliot wouldn't be held up much longer. She glanced around the bar taking in her surroundings. Fin watched her eyes scan the room.

"What's up?" he took the bowl of peanuts from John and helped himself.

"Probably nothing. Just wish Elliot would get here already." Fin could read the anxiety on her face.

"Want to ditch this place?" Fin offered pouring himself more beer.

Olivia shook her head. There wasn't but a few people in the bar. A few at the bar itself and a couple across the room at a small table. Olivia's new friends were seated at the end of the bar talking amongst themselves. She sighed and tried to shake the paranoid feeling that seemed to suddenly engulf her.

Fin drank his beer, glancing up at the bar. "Maybe you get a hold of Elliot. Tell him change of plans."

Olivia followed his gaze and noticed that just Sam's friend was now at the end of the bar alone. She turned her attention to John who was scanning the bar himself. "You ready?" Olivia usually trusted her instincts and they were screaming at her now.

John finished off his drink before nodding. Olivia turned back to Fin and noticed his eyes following Sam as he approached their table again. "Listen, man. She ain't interested." Fin stood to intimidate.

Sam raised his hands in a surrendering position. "Hey, how about I just want to talk to her for a second." Sam gave what appeared to be an innocent smile.

"How about you get lost." Fin took a few steps towards Sam before Olivia also stood to intervene.

"Sam, thanks again for the drink. We're getting ready to head out. It was nice meeting you." Olivia was talking to Sam, but looking at Fin.

Sam was quick as he grabbed Olivia by the arm, pulling her to him. She immediately felt the end of a gun being pressed into her ribs. "No, no, no." Sam taunted as he looked from Fin to John who both made moves to reach for their own weapons.

"Sam, what are you doing?" Olivia worked to remain calm. Sam was anything but calm and she worried about him nervously pulling the trigger. She felt him pulling her gun from her side. He quickly placed it in the back of his pants.

"Olivia and I are leaving. We have some business to tend to. You follow, she dies. Got it?" Sam raised the gun to Olivia's head when John pulled his weapon despite Sam's warning.

Gunfire erupted by the bar and Olivia could hear screaming and hollering. She took a chance and spun out of Sam's grasp causing him to fire at her. She had hit the ground in an attempt to avoid being shot when bullets littered the wall above her. Fin fired once hitting Sam in the chest, but the gunfire was still raining on the three detectives. Olivia covered her head and took cover under the table. It was from there that she saw her friend hit the ground hard. Pain was in his eyes as he looked her way before closing them. Olivia saw the blood on his shirt and felt an instant wave of panic come over her. Bullets were still flying making it impossible to reach Fin. She quickly scanned the bar trying to see where the gunfire was coming from.

"Let's go!" John was pulling her up to her feet. He fired toward the bar as they left what was once a cozy out of the way section of the Tap. Olivia didn't want to leave Fin, but knew they had to move now. She reached down and pulled her gun from Sam's pants and followed John.

It was considerably darker in the bar due to the damaged lights. The partners ducked beneath and between the tables until they found an area that provided at least a little cover. Olivia leaned back against the wall. She fought to get her breathing under control. Her hands were shaking as she gripped her gun tightly. She felt John leaning against her and the same wall. His breathing was just as rapid.

John looked toward Olivia when he felt her flinch. She quickly aimed her weapon and shot once. Sam's friend fell at her feet and she moved without hesitating to seize his weapon. The action earned them more gunfire and they both lied flat on the floor until it was quiet once again.

Olivia knew they had to move, otherwise they were sitting ducks. She motioned for John to head in one direction as she started in the other. She motioned that there was one more to him as they separated. She was fairly certain there was only one more. Only then did she realize she had heard Elliot's voice before the gunfire started. Maybe she just hoped she heard his voice. She prayed he wasn't here yet.

Olivia wanted to get back to Fin, but knew it was too dangerous. She could see John making his way through the bar quickly so she hurried to follow him. She figured he must've seen the third shooter. She tried to listen for any movement, but couldn't hear anything over her own heart beating. She lost sight of John, but continued with her gun drawn out in front of her.

Olivia spotted the young couple that was sitting at the table on the other side of the bar from them. They were both lying on their stomachs, shot in the back as they ran. Olivia crouched down behind a game machine that provided her some cover while she tried to regroup. She glanced back to where they had left Fin. From what she could tell, he hadn't moved. She could feel tears start, but quickly recovered. She continued to scan the darkened room, hoping to catch movement from their perp. She carefully made her way to the front of the bar where the entrance was. She peered around the corner of the wall she was moving along. She hated the quiet that was surrounding her, but knew she couldn't afford to be scared.

Olivia focused in on a form behind the bar. As she got closer, she realized the form was yet another body. Her heart began beating fast despite her attempts to control her panic. She blinked several times to clear her vision, but she knew the form of the man lying face down on the ground in front of her.

"No, no, no, no." she breathed out as she grabbed a hold of Elliot. She disregarded her need for safety, knowing Elliot needed her. She lied her gun down so she could use her hands to carefully turn him over.

'

"Elliot, El, El." Olivia's voice broke with each word she spoke. "I'm here." she placed her fingers on his neck trying desperately to find a pulse. She started to panic when she couldn't find one right away. She finally found one, although it was weak at best.

Her hands searched his body until she found what she dreaded finding. He was bleeding from a gunshot wound to his abdomen. His eyes remained closed as Olivia leaned over him. She couldn't control the tears that fell from her eyes as she leaned in close to his face. "Hang on, El. Please, hang on for me."

She had just placed her fingers back on his neck when she heard the unmistakable sound of a gun cocking behind her. She knew she made a very bad mistake. Her eyes fell onto her gun lying just a few inches away and she thought about going for it.

"Say goodbye, darling." Olivia shuddered at the sound of the gunman's voice. Her ears were instantly ringing as she listened to the loudest gunshot she had ever heard. She felt Elliot's still body underneath her. Her body covered his as blackness consumed her sight. Her chest was screaming at her as a severe pain made it's way throughout her entire body. She couldn't see anything, she couldn't hear anything. Finally, she couldn't feel anything, but the still body of her partner, her friend, her lover.


	33. Chapter 33

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 33

I don't own these characters…

"Olivia." John's voice seemed so far away, as if in a tunnel, but she heard him. She felt his hand on her back as his voice got closer. "Olivia, come on. It's over."

John was nervously trying to get his partner to acknowledge him. Richard Gomes was lying on the ground a few feet from them; dead. John was only a few steps away when Richard aimed his gun at Olivia's head. There was no doubt in his mind, that Gomes would've pulled the trigger. John pulled his first, shooting Gomes in the back. The force of the nearly point blank shot knocked Richard into Olivia before he fell to the ground, for good.

It took Olivia a few moments to realize that she hadn't been shot. The sound of the gunshot so close to her head was convincing enough for her to actually feel the pain through her body. Richard's weight had pushed her down onto Elliot and the ringing in her ears caused her to believe that it was over for her.

She turned and looked at John who was on his phone, but kept his hand on her back. She couldn't make out what he was saying even though he was kneeling down next to her. Paramedics and police officers made their way into the building and over to where she had yet to let go of Elliot. John slid his phone into his pocket before holding his hand up to the paramedics asking them to wait. He placed both his hands on Olivia's shoulders and gently turned her to face him.

"It was Gomes. I got him, he's dead." John watched as the realization of what had just happened sink in. She looked to her left, shaking her head as her eyes landed on Gomes' body. She looked back at John before turning her attention back to Elliot.

"El?" her voice was nothing more than a breath as she grabbed his hands, holding them in hers. "El, please don't do this." Olivia's voice broke as she lost control. She grabbed onto him as she cried into his chest. John grabbed a hold of her and gently pulled her off Elliot, giving the paramedics access to work on him.

"It's bad, John. He's hurt bad." Olivia forced herself to her feet, using John's strength as a crutch.

"I know." John mumbled as he struggled with how to help Olivia. His heart was bleeding for his partner. She was such a strong woman but right now he was witnessing her losing it. She pulled away from him kneeling back down by Elliot. She started yelling at the paramedics for not moving fast enough, and for being too rough with him. Didn't they know, he had been shot? John once again, pulled her from Elliot.

He wrapped his arms around her and gently walked her away from the scene. John glanced over to where paramedics had loaded Fin up on a stretcher. Olivia looked up and saw him as well. She stopped them from leaving, so she could see her close friend. He had an oxygen mask on, but his eyes were open. She grabbed his hand, not caring about the tears that steadily streamed down her face.

Fin reached up touching her face, before he was hurried out of the bar and into an ambulance. Olivia collapsed onto her knees. She watched them load Elliot onto a stretcher as well. She wanted to go with him, but her body refused to get up. She felt paralyzed as she watched him being wheeled away from her. She closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands.

How could she let this happen? Why didn't she just let Richard win? Beating him at his own game surely wasn't worth all this pain. Her need to prove herself, even this late in her career, caused all this tragedy. She looked up at John who was standing over her in such a protective way. He was talking to the first officers on the scene. Paramedics approached to tend to Olivia. She waved them off, refusing any care. She looked down at her shirt which was almost completely covered in blood. The memory of her own gunshot wound was very real as she stared at the blood. Her hands were covered in blood as well. Elliot's blood.

"Olivia." Cragen crouched down so that he was face to face with his severely wounded detective. She looked up into her captain's eyes hoping for but dreading any news on Elliot and Fin.

She tried to speak, but couldn't form any words. She just shook her head as tears fell relentlessly.

"Let's get out of here." Cragen took a moment to scan the bar and take in what his people just went through. He looked at John and the two locked stares. Cragen couldn't believe the bravery this young detective showed and the loyalty he had towards his partner. John was nothing but strong and Cragen worried about where his mind was right now. He just saw two fellow detectives go down and had just barely saved a third.

Cragen coaxed Olivia up to her feet and draped his NYPD jacket over her shoulders. He nodded to John who reluctantly let Olivia leave his protective cover. She needed to get to the hospital. She was a mess right now, but she would want to be with Elliot, when he woke up. John cursed himself for thinking the worst, but she needed to be there if he woke up. The wound looked bad and John sensed that Olivia knew just how bad off Elliot was.

John watched as his captain led Olivia out into the night air. He took a few minutes to look around the bar himself. He took in a deep breath as he spotted the young couple lying face down. He spotted Sam and his friend. He turned to see Gomes lying where Olivia had been hovering over Elliot. He noticed the waitress' body a few feet from Gomes. How did he not see her earlier. He saw two more bodies that he didn't even know were in the bar, dead near the exit.

He walked outside into the frenzy that was media and police lights. He was immediately confronted by reporters shoving tape recorders up to his face. He pushed past them all until he was intercepted by the Chief of Detectives who guided him over away from the chaos. John felt like he was in a tunnel of his own now. He was lost in his own thoughts. Richard Gomes had been on the force for at least fifteen years. He couldn't believe he would resort to murder to try to avenge a bruised ego.

"Detective Sims?" John glanced up at the detective that was questioning him. He realized that he had been talking to him, but was so wrapped up in his own head that he never heard him. "Why don't we start from the beginning."

John definitely didn't want to do that, although he knew he had to. He was the only one right now with answers. "Any news on Detective Stabler or Tutuola?"

There wasn't. He knew there wouldn't be so soon. He pulled out his cell phone from his pocket. He had a dozen missed calls from his wife. He sighed as he called her. She was probably worried out of her mind. He figured this was all over the news already given the media that instantly converged on the small, out of the way bar.

Cragen pulled up at the hospital and turned the car off. He looked over at Olivia who hadn't spoken a word. Her eyes were fixated on nothing in particular out the front window. "Olivia?" Cragen's voice was quiet, not unlike a father's comforting voice would be.

She slowly turned to face her boss and the look on her face burned his heart. "He didn't make it." she mumbled.

"We don't know that." Cragen tried in vain to give her hope. "Let's get in there. You should get checked out as well."

He went around and opened her door and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. They headed into the hospital only to be bombarded by the media. Cragen didn't expect this so soon as he cursed under his breath. They were shoving recorders in Olivia's face and asking her questions she was in no position to answer. "Detective, is it true that your partner was killed by a member of the NYPD?"

Olivia's eyes widened as she looked up at the innocent reporter. Her partner. John? Richard? Elliot. Olivia stopped and stared at the reporter as she tried to put everything together. Gomes was the voice she heard behind her. John did say he was dead. Was it Gomes that shot Elliot? Olivia was shaking and gave in to Cragen who was pulling her into his chest. He shielded her the best he could from the media as he encouraged her into the hospital.

They were directed to a waiting room upstairs outside the operating room. John Munch, Fin's former partner was waiting for them and immediately took her in his arms. They were such a close unit and this was inconceivable. Munch had many a run-in with Gomes throughout his career, but never thought he'd go this far. Both Fin and Elliot were taken immediately into surgery with life threatening gunshot wounds. There was nothing to do but wait and that was hard on all of them.

Olivia sat down on the floor leaning against the wall. She was emotionally exhausted and could feel her body growing weary as well. She held her head in her hands as she tried to make sense of what all happened. Everything seemed to happen so fast, yet it seemed to go on forever. She quickly jumped up to her feet looking for Cragen. He was speaking with uniforms when he noticed her frantic approach.

"Where's John. I lost him in the bar when we were looking for the last gunman. I found Elliot, but not him. Did they find him? Cap, we got to go back…"

"Liv, slow down." Cragen grabbed her by the shoulders forcing her to look at him. "Detective Sims is safe. He's okay." Cragen didn't have all the details yet , but he knew John was the one to shoot Gomes. He knew that John was the reason Olivia was standing before him freaking out. It suddenly occurred to him that Olivia had blocked out anything that happened after finding Elliot.

Cragen led her over to sit down. He sat next to her and wished there was some way to fix this. "Do you remember how many shooters were in the bar?" Cragen needed to fill in the blanks, for her as well.

He could see Olivia replaying the evening in her head. "Two. Three." she corrected herself. "Fin shot Sam and I shot his friend."

Cragen seemed puzzled. "Did you know them?"

"I met Sam there at the bar. He and his friend were sitting at the bar until Sam kept coming to our table." Olivia shuddered as she recalled Sam holding the gun to her head. "I never saw a third shooter."

"How did you know there was a third guy?" Cragen knew there was, but was interested in Olivia's answer as he worked to follow the events as she remembered them.

Olivia realized then that she did hear Elliot's voice. He must've been shot once he arrived. "I heard gunfire at the entrance of the bar, both Sam and his friend were at our table." Olivia looked up at Cragen. "Elliot must've been shot when he arrived. They were waiting for him."

Cragen let her pace as she rubbed her forehead. He knew she was working it out in her head. She made her way back over to him. "Fin went down and all I could hear was gunfire, but couldn't see where it was coming from."

Olivia slowly sat down prompting Cragen to continue. "Then what?"

"The gunfire stopped, and John and I headed out. It was dark, hard to see. I shot the friend when he came up on us in the dark." Olivia knew she was essentially giving her statement and was okay with that. "Fin?"

"Taken to surgery. No word yet." Cragen waited for her to continue.

"I saw John head toward the front of the bar and followed. I lost sight of him, but found Elliot. He…he had been shot and wasn't moving." the tears welled up again in her eyes as she recalled the moment she realized it was Elliot lying on the floor, not moving.

"Okay. I know that is hard, Liv, but do you remember what happened after that."

Olivia grew agitated and shook her head as in disbelief. "I was so stupid. I let go of my weapon to try to help Elliot. I wasn't careful at all." she briefly glanced up at her boss. "I heard his voice behind me. Gomes." Olivia stood up and began pacing again.

Cragen stood as well and stopped her so she would finish. "I heard his gun and the shot. I felt pain in my back and I couldn't breathe. I thought…"

Cragen kept his eyes locked on her as she realized how it ended. "John got Gomes, before he got to you. It was Gomes all along."

Olivia closed her eyes as she realized the enormous pressure John must've been under. "John's okay." her voice was a whisper.

Olivia sat down again, leaning her head against the wall. Casey rushed into the room and made her way over to Olivia. She immediately pulled her into a hug. "Case. Any word on Elliot? Fin?"

"Nothing yet." Casey couldn't believe what happened when Cragen called her. She knew Olivia was a strong woman and a crazy tough detective. She also knew how much she loved Elliot and was surprised to see her functioning at all.


	34. Chapter 34

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 34

I don't own these characters..,

John was left to deal with the mess at the Tap, while Fin and Elliot fought for their lives at the hospital. He was anxious to get to the hospital himself, not that he could do any more than the rest of them; wait. He walked the events of the evening with the lead detectives. It seemed to be a very open-shut case as he stood over Gomes' chalked outline on the floor. He had his gun taken from him pending investigation. Olivia's and Fin's were seized as well. All routine; even being relatively new, he knew this. John still couldn't quite wrap his head around Gomes and his pure hatred for Olivia. How a man could not only throw his career away, but his life too. His thoughts traveled to Olivia and how close Gomes had come to killing her. He felt a rush of anger invade his senses as he thought about what Gomes was willing to do to do just that.

He drove to the hospital in a daze. He was worried about his partner. He knew there was not much he could do to help her at this point, but that didn't change the fact that he wanted to be there with her…for her. He touched base with his wife before heading in to the hospital. She was being so understanding, although she was scared to death when she saw the news bulletin. John had called her before leaving the precinct to let her know where he was going and that he would be late. A drink with his co-workers turned into complete chaos. He loved his wife and hated that he made her worry. He loved being on the force and he worked hard to balance the two.

John made his way to the waiting room where so many officers and detectives had gathered awaiting word. He scanned the room until finding Olivia sitting amongst her…their unit. She had her head leaning against the wall and her eyes closed. There was a quiet sense about the room, officers speaking in hushed tones. By now it was common knowledge that John had fired the final shot, saving his partner's life. Members of his old unit, Elliot's unit now, came and shook his hand. Nobody spoke any words. John acknowledged them all, but his attention was on his partner.

Cragen got up, shaking John's hand and offered him his seat. He knew Olivia was worried about John and would be glad to see him. She remained still, eyes closed as John took a seat next to his partner. He knew she wasn't sleeping, but didn't want to disturb her nonetheless.

"How many? Total?" Olivia's voice was quiet, almost haunting.

"Eight dead, two wounded."

Olivia didn't react to John's answer. Finally she spoke again. "Eight dead, two wounded because he wanted to get me."

John was at a loss as far as what to say to her. She spoke the truth, but he didn't know how to alleviate the misplaced guilt he knew she was harboring. He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. He was exhausted and for the first time all evening felt it. He felt uncomfortable waiting to respond to her comments, but didn't want to be anywhere else.

"Are you okay, John?" just like her to be worried about somebody else.

"I'm okay." He took a chance and draped his arm over her shoulders. He was pleased when she relaxed into his side. "I'm sorry Olivia…about Elliot and Fin."

She looked up at him and he could tell she was broken over this whole situation. He hadn't been partnered with her long, but long enough to know what she was about. He sent out a silent prayer, begging for Elliot to survive.

Olivia looked up when a doctor entered the room causing the room to grow silent. Cragen approached him and was immediately escorted through the same door the doctor appeared from. Olivia's panicked gaze fell on John who quickly got to his feet. He anticipated Olivia charging the door and intercepted her when she stood to do just that.

"I have to know." Olivia pleaded with her partner to let her go after Cragen.

John pulled her to his chest looking to Casey for help. Casey was by her side whispering to her friend. Olivia seemed to relax, until Cragen returned. He instantly had the attention of everyone in the room.

"Detective Tutuola has made it through surgery. He is resting comfortably in ICU at this time. The next twenty-four hours are critical, but his chances are good right now."

Olivia was glad to hear that Fin would most likely be okay, but couldn't relax with the news. She kept her gaze on her captain as he waited for the news to sink in.

"Detective Stabler is still in surgery." Cragen excused himself and made his way over to Olivia, Casey and John. He looked Olivia in the eye as he struggled to find the words to tell her what he had just been told.

"Liv, he's a fighter, you know that." Cragen knew better than to sugar coat anything with her. "They're trying like hell to control the bleeding, but they're having a hard time."

Olivia stared at her boss without reaction. "He's not going to make it." her words were barely audible.

John's heart was heavy as he watched her come to terms with the latest news. "Cap, do you think we could go see Fin?"

"Doc said one at a time. He's not awake yet." Cragen returned his attention to Olivia. The news the doctor gave him was anything but good. He worried about how she would handle losing Elliot. They knew in their chosen profession, it was always a real possibility. He had watched Elliot struggle with it just a few months ago. He nodded to John who accompanied a seemingly numb Olivia up to the ICU.

Olivia and John approached Fin's room and quietly entered. His eyes were closed and there was a small light on over his bed. Olivia cautiously approached his bedside fighting the images of him taking the bullet that put him here. She leant down close to him. "I'm so sorry, Fin. I never should've let it get this far."

"Fin opened his eyes, and reached for her hand. "Baby girl, that bastard got what he deserved." Fin smiled.

Olivia couldn't smile as she watched her friend try to comfort her. "At what price. Is there much pain?"

"Nah, I'm good." Olivia knew Fin was lying. "How's Stabler?"

"Don't know. Still in surgery." Olivia fought hard to control the tears that were threatening again. "It doesn't look good, though."

John came up behind Olivia rubbing her shoulders. Fin looked to him. "Nice shot, rookie."

Olivia looked from Fin to John and then back to Fin. "You were conscious?"

"Yeah, couldn't move though or I would've blown his ass away."

Olivia looked up to Fin's nurse entering the room. She rubbed his arm as she turned to leave. Fin and John shared a look that spoke volumes. John followed his partner out of the room. He admired her for her strength and bravery, but hated that she felt like she had to continue that here. The love of her life was barely alive, and she fought to bury tears.

"Hey." a quiet comforting voice made Olivia look up quickly. Mary grabbed hold of her and hugged her tight. After a few moments, Olivia try to explain to her why they were here.

"I know exactly what happened. All over the news, plus got some info from the E.R. Here, put this on, you're a mess." Mary held out a scrub top that she sized up to Olivia. "May be a bit big, but you'll feel better."

Olivia looked at Mary confused for a moment. "You know everything?"

"I know enough. If you'll excuse us." Mary looked to John before pulling Olivia down the hall. John knew of Mary and the bond Olivia had formed with her.

Mary pulled her into a small office and handed her the shirt. "Go on, change. Your shirt is covered in blood.

Olivia did as she was told. "But, it's Elliot's." she protested all the while pulling her shirt over her head.

"It's not doing him any good on you." Mary stared at Olivia wondering how much more she could take before she completely lost her mind.

"Mary, it's bad, I know it. I really don't think he's going to…"

"Shhh." Mary cut her off. "Better?" she asked when Olivia slid into the oversized top.

Olivia shook her head but finally lost the war on her tears. She turned away from Mary and wiped frantically at them. Mary placed her hand on her shoulders and talked softly into her ear.

"Elliot just got out of surgery, not fifteen minutes ago." Olivia turned to face Mary.

Mary handed her a tissue. "Clean yourself up, I will get you in there."

Olivia did as she was told again. "Is he going to be okay. Please, tell me."

"Honey, I really don't know. They had a hell of a time with him in surgery. You're right, it's bad." Mary searched her eyes as she waited for Olivia to catch up. "I will let you in to see him, but it has to be quick. Maybe if he hears your voice, it'll help."

Olivia grabbed on to Mary again. "Thank you."

Mary led her out of the small office and into the post-op area. She handed Olivia a mask and gown and put one on herself. She turned Olivia to look at her before entering. "It has to be quick, okay?"

Olivia nodded taking a deep breath. Mary grabbed her hand and led her in to see the love of her life, even if it were for the last time.


	35. Chapter 35

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 35

I don't own these characters; at least the main ones.

Olivia knew it wasn't normal procedure for her to be let in to see Elliot this soon; it was all Mary's doing. Mary nodded to the team of nurses that were attending to Elliot. They stepped back allowing Olivia room to slide into the small space beside Elliot's bedside. Olivia glanced at Mary who encouraged her to talk to him.

The sight of her strong, invincible partner made breathing hard for Olivia. His eyes were closed and his face pale. He had tubes and wires coming from everywhere. The sounds coming from various monitoring machines made Olivia nervous as her eyes traveled his form lying so still. She carefully placed her hand on the side of his face that was open to her. He felt cool which surprised her.

"Talk to him." Mary whispered with tears in her own eyes.

Olivia was afraid to speak; not trusting her voice. She knew she couldn't break down in front of him; he needed her to be stronger than ever right now. She leaned in close and spoke to him as softly as she could manage. Mary left her side as to give them some privacy.

"El. I'm so sorry, El." she cursed herself hearing her voice crack. "Please fight with me, El. I need you. Your kids need you." she stopped to get her breathing controlled. "I love you. I love you and I need you. Please El. Please fight."

Olivia wiped the tear from his face that had fallen from hers. He didn't move, didn't seem to hear her. She knew she had heard him when their positions were reversed, so she kept talking to him.

"It looks like Fin is going to be okay. That's good news, El." she took a moment and wiped her face. "John's a hero. Figures huh? The rookie gets the collar." Olivia tried to smile, but couldn't. "He's a good, smart cop."

Olivia felt Mary's hands on her back and she knew her time was up. "El, I'm not leaving. Okay, I'll be here." she leaned in and carefully and gently put her lips to his. Mary guided her out into the hallway. She quickly hugged Olivia while she cried.

"You did good." Mary helped her remove the paper gown. "I'm sure he heard you."

"Thank you. For everything…just thank you." Olivia wondered what caused Mary to be taken with her the way she was. She didn't care. Mary was the angel that Olivia needed these last few months.

"I'll get you back to him as soon as I can. I fought to make sure he's my patient." Mary winked at her. Olivia was glad to hear that. She headed to the waiting room where she saw John being questioned by the suits. He looked exhausted. He looked up when he noticed her and she met his glance. She owed this man her life, no doubt. There was no way he would run with the 'hero' title, not his character. She returned to the chair she had vacated a while ago and all but collapsed. John finished up and joined her. She smiled at him and he did the same. "Any news?"

"I got to see him." Olivia shook her head and gave up on her losing battle with the tears. John didn't hesitate as he pulled her into a tight embrace, encouraging her to let it go. And she did. She cried for what seemed like forever, hidden in her partner's strong arms.

Mary checked Elliot's vitals every fifteen minutes. She shook her head as she recorded the information on his chart. She has seen many officers come in through the ICU during her career. She admired and respected them for what they stood for and the evil they were fighting. She couldn't help but wonder if it was even worth it.

"Oh, Detective Stabler." Mary talked to him even though he showed no signs of consciousness. "You know you're putting that partner of yours through hell." Mary sighed as she squeezed his hand. "It's hard enough to fight the evil in the city, but then you have to fight against your own people as well. What is this world coming to?"

Elliot's monitors were beeping steadily and that alone was a good sign. Mary thought back to when Olivia was placed in her care after her surgery. Just another of NY's finest shot in the line of duty. She felt bad for thinking it, but she really didn't think Olivia would pull through. She had the same feeling now, but refused to give up; at least until he did.

Cragen stood when the doctor entered the waiting room. The handful of detectives that were still milling around all waited patiently for what they hoped was good news. Olivia was on her feet and falling in behind Cragen immediately.

"Detective Stabler is out of surgery, and has been moved to ICU. He is touch and go at this point. The amount of blood he lost was substantial. We removed the bullet from his abdomen." The doctor looked from Cragen to Olivia and then to John who had joined them. "It wasn't a through and through and the bullet was resting along his spine. There was significant swelling on the spinal column. The extent of the damage is unclear at this time."

"Do you mean he could be paralyzed?" Olivia startled herself as she spoke.

"Right now we worry about him surviving the surgery. I'm going to be honest, Detectives. It doesn't look good. I know you want to see him and maybe that'll help him as well."

Olivia was down the hall before Cragen could suggest for her to go. "Let's go get some coffee and I want the play by play from you. No suits, no formalities. I want to know what the hell was going on between Gomes and Benson that led to all of this." Cragen looked John in the eyes.

"Yes sir." John followed his superior officer feeling a odd sense of relief.

Mary met Olivia at the door to Elliot's room. "There's been no change, but that's okay right now." she tried to warn, yet prepare her.

Olivia simply shook her head and followed Mary in. Elliot had been moved to a private room that was dark and quiet, minus the machines. She quickly was by Elliot's side reaching for his hand. Mary noticed she looked a bit better, although the circles under her eyes were prominent.

"I'm back, El. You're doing good." Olivia let her fingers rest on his forehead as she leaned in close to his face. "You're going to make it, El. I know it, I feel it."

Mary watched the two detectives for a few moments before leaving the room. How she hoped Elliot did pull through, for his sake, and for Olivia's.

Cragen leaned back in his uncomfortable chair in the hospital cafeteria. It was practically deserted as it was just past three in the morning by this time. John started from the beginning; that being the incident in the warehouse. Cragen listened carefully, knowing some of what John was telling him, surprised at some other things he said.

"I had no doubt that Gomes was going to shoot her in the head." John had gotten through the entire scene at the bar. "He had nothing to lose at that point."

"How did he know you all were going there?" Cragen seemed disturbed.

"I don't know, sir." John shook his head.

"Why don't you go on home, get some rest. You deserve it, Detective. You did good tonight."

"I'd rather stay here, in case Olivia needs me." John gave Cragen a look that said he would probably disobey his order if it was in fact an order.

"Okay." Cragen was still amazed at his loyalty. "What about your wife, have you spoken with her lately?"

"I have, but I'll call her again." It was clear to Cragen that John's feelings for Olivia were in no way misplaced. He was young, yet he was professional.

"You do that. Olivia will probably be in with Elliot for as long as they'll let her. How about you and I go check in on Fin." Cragen stood and stretched prompting John to do the same.

Cragen walked out of the cafeteria giving John some privacy to call his wife. He rubbed his forehead as he recalled all that John had told him about Gomes. He had had some strong, tough detectives under his command throughout the years. Elliot and Olivia were no doubt two of the toughest, but even so there was only so much any one person could take. Olivia was built of something indestructible, but she was only human. He wondered how much longer he would do this job. It was definitely taking it's toll on him as he aged.

Mary checked in on Elliot every fifteen minutes. Olivia held her breath each time hoping she wouldn't throw her out. Mary went about her business as if Olivia wasn't present except for a comforting smile as she left each time.

Morning had come and Mary made what was to be her final rounds of her shift. She quietly entered Elliot's room as she had each time previous. The sun was beginning to lighten the room a bit as morning had arrived. Olivia had fallen asleep with her head on Elliot's shoulder and her hand firmly grasping his. Mary couldn't help but notice how peaceful she looked, if not for the awkward position.

"She'll be complaining about her back when she wakes up." Elliot's weak whisper made Mary's heart jump. He kept his eyes closed, until Mary approached the other side of his bed.

"Well, good morning, Detective Stabler. It seems you made it through the night." Mary began her routine checks. "I'm going to get the doctor in right away."

"Give her a few more minutes before calling them in." Elliot pleaded with Mary.

"She'll be thrilled to see you're awake." Mary protested knowing she would honor his request.

Elliot forced a smile, but felt entirely too weak to move. He closed his eyes again listening to Olivia's soft breathing.

Mary finished her vitals and headed to the door. She glanced back at her two favorite patients and was filled with so much hope. Maybe, just maybe another one survived.


	36. Chapter 36

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 36

I don't own the main characters…

Elliot stared at a spot on the wall as he listened to Olivia's quiet peaceful breathing. He figured she was exhausted to be able to sleep that sound in such a bad position. He tried to put the time line together as to what day it was, but was only frustrating himself. He tried to remember what exactly happened, and that was frustrating him as well. He remembered entering the Tap and scanning the bar for Olivia and Fin. He remembered looking to his left and seeing Richard Gomes. And he remembered feeling his stomach turn right before all hell broke loose. Richard Gomes was there to get his revenge on Olivia, but he didn't remember seeing her. He looked down at her, almost to reassure himself that she was okay; that Gomes didn't hurt her. He fixed his gaze back on the spot on the wall and forced himself to try and remember more.

He remembered hearing Olivia's voice and he remembered feeling searing pain in his abdomen. He remembered hearing gunshot after gunshot and trying like hell to move. He remembered hearing Olivia talking to him; she was so close to him. Then she was gone. He couldn't hear anything after her voice went silent. He begged his body to move. He had to find her, to help her against Gomes. She had dealt with him enough on her own, now he had had enough. He would put an end to this asshole; if only he could move.

"Olivia!" Elliot's sharp voice made him jump and startled Olivia awake.

"El, I'm here. I'm right here." Olivia quickly got to her feet and moved into his line of vision.

His eyes were wide as he looked into hers. "You're okay?" his eyes traveled her body.

"Yes." Olivia reached over and hit the nurse's call button. "I'm fine, El." Olivia couldn't help the tears that welled up again.

"Gomes?" Elliot's eyes were busy as he frantically tried to put the pieces together.

"He's dead. John shot him." Olivia watched his eyes dance along the wall as he spoke. She gently placed her hand on his cheek, drawing his gaze back to her. "Okay, El?"

He stared into her eyes trying to relay to her how scared he was for her, even though he was in a tremendous amount of pain. A group of nurses and doctors entered the room and quickly converged on Elliot.

"Ma'am, you'll have to leave while we examine Mr. Stabler." one of the young doctors abruptly announced to Olivia.

"It's Detective Stabler and I'm not leaving my partner." there was no way she was going to leave him now. She pushed past the medical team and grasped Elliot's hand.

"It's okay, Liv." Elliot's eyes were closed but he squeezed her hand. A young nurse gently grabbed her arm and led her away from the bed. Olivia thought about fighting her off, but then thought better of it. Elliot said to go and she knew the doctors needed to check him out now that he was awake.

She found herself out into the bright hallway and wandered down to the now empty waiting room. She stretched and tried to work the kinks out of her back muscles. Her legs barely held her up; she was so exhausted. She didn't feel anything but relief as she let herself smile for the first time since all hell broke loose. Elliot had woken up. She allowed her body to sink into the chair and let her eyes close.

"I heard he's awake." Olivia opened her eyes to see Casey with two cups of coffee. "Thought you could use this."

"He just woke up. A bit disoriented, but they're checking him out now." Olivia reached for the coffee as Casey took a seat next to her friend.

"I've got to head out, got court this morning. Just wanted to check on you." Casey rubbed Olivia's shoulders for her.

"Thanks." Olivia let out a long sigh. "Where's John?" Olivia looked at her watch surprised to see it was after eight in the morning.

"Cragen made him go home to get some rest. He's probably going to order you to do the same."

"Yeah, probably." Olivia said as she stood to stretch. "I'm not leaving him; not yet."

"Cragen has fended off the suits all night from questioning you. I doubt he'll have much luck this morning." Casey spoke as she carefully watched Olivia's expression. "Anything I need to know?"

"What do you mean? There won't be a trial unless any of them survived." Olivia eyes locked on Casey's.

"No, none of the gunman survived, including Gomes. There were five other casualties." Casey wasn't sure how much information Olivia knew or remembered from the night before. "Detective Gomes was a member of the NYPD, so we have to anticipate lawsuits and whatnot."

"Gomes was fired and was no longer a member of the force." Olivia instantly became agitated.

Casey was sorry she brought any of this up. "Liv, calm down. It'll be okay, I'll take care of any of that."

Olivia rubbed her temples with her fingers. Her head was pounding just thinking about the extent Gomes was willing to go to try to kill her. Including shooting Elliot.

"Cragen called Kathy this morning. I'm sure she'll be here soon." Casey felt it necessary to warn her friend that her lover's ex-wife was to be expected.

Olivia continued to rub her forehead as if that would stop the headache from progressing. "Of course, she is the mother of his children."

"And his ex-wife." Casey was forcing Olivia to accept what very well may be coming her way.

"She has blamed me every time something went wrong with her and Elliot. She gets pissed at me every time he gets hurt. Why would this time be any different, except for this time it was my fault." Olivia refused to open her eyes.

"The blame falls on Gomes for all of this. I know it's pointless to point that out to you, but it's true." Casey squeezed her friend's shoulder before standing to leave. "Maybe you do go home and get a shower and some rest. Avoid her."

Olivia glared at Casey prompting the smart lawyer to make a quick departure. "I'll check on you later."

Olivia relaxed back into the chair and replayed the events of the previous night in her head. She made herself jump as she recalled the sound of the gunshot going off behind her head. She quickly got to her feet and paced until her heart slowed down. The doctors had enough time, she was going back in whether they liked it or not.

Elliot was resting when she let herself back into his room. The doctors had given him something for the pain which caused drowsiness and Elliot welcomed the distraction from his own thinking. He heard her voice, but was finding it impossible to keep his eyes open. He felt her pull up the chair close to the bed and reach for his hand. She didn't push him to talk, or even acknowledge her. She just sat with him while he drifted in and out of consciousness until he gave in completely.

Olivia thought about taking Casey's advice and going home for a shower. She knew it would help her feel better, but she would never forgive herself if something happened and she wasn't here for Elliot. Olivia checked her watch realizing that it wouldn't be long before she would be forced to go over every detail from the night previous. She stood and looked out the window at the morning view of the city. It had seemed so long ago that she was excited about actually have a good, productive day. How she let herself be talked into celebrating out with the guys instead of going home to a quiet night with Elliot. Her mind felt like it was in over drive as the cop in her functioned without her permission. How did Gomes know they would be there at that particular bar? How could he know unless he followed them and even then, how would he know to have his boys in place?

Olivia was pulled from her thoughts by a quiet knock on the door. She watched it open revealing Elliot's ex-wife. The two woman locked gazes, neither speaking. Kathy made her way to Elliot's bedside, where she gently stroked his face and spoke softly to him. Olivia decided she needed to give them some time, she was his ex-wife, she reminded herself. She decided more coffee was in order and headed down to the cafeteria. She was immediately greeted by Elliot's oldest daughter who was getting coffee as well.

"We heard it was terrible…last night." Maureen searched Olivia's face for what she might tell her without saying.

"It was." Olivia sighed not wanting to have this conversation period, let alone with one of Elliot's children. Maureen stared at Olivia in silence. Olivia knew the young woman needed to talk, she wanted some answers. "Want to sit for a while?"

Maureen nodded and joined Olivia at a small table towards the back of the cafeteria. Once seated Olivia waited for Maureen to ask the questions and decided she would answer only what she asked.

"You look tired. Probably been up all night, huh?" Okay, that wasn't the kind of question Olivia was bracing for. She nodded taking a sip of her coffee.

Maureen tried again. "Is he going to be okay?"

"It was really scary last night, but he was awake for a little bit this morning." Olivia answered truthfully knowing that his children trusted her.

"It's all over the news. They are saying that the shooter was a former detective. Did my dad know him?"

Olivia rubbed her forehead again as she stalled. "Yes, your dad knew him. He was assigned as my partner after they split your dad and I up."

"Why would he shoot him. Was it an accident?" Maureen was fighting tears trying to be brave for her father.

"No, it wasn't an accident. Wrong place at the wrong time." Olivia caught a glimpse of Cragen at the entrance of the cafeteria. "Listen, sweetie. I need to go and talk to my boss. Go see your dad. He's probably sleeping, but I'm sure he'll know you're there."

"Okay." Maureen stood when Olivia did. She grabbed a hold of her and hugged her tight. "I'm glad you're okay, Liv."

Olivia just held Elliot's child until Maureen was ready to let go.

She forced a smile and walked with her until they met up with Cragen. He acknowledged Maureen and waited until she had gone down the hall toward the elevators before speaking to Olivia.

"Kathy's in with him, I assume."

Olivia nodded as she watched Maureen disappear from sight.

"Would I be wasting my breath if I ordered you to go home, get some rest?"

"Yes you would. I can't leave now, Cap. He woke up for a while earlier; I need to be here."

Cragen let out a long sigh and scratched his forehead. "I figured. IAB will want a full statement from you as soon as possible. Are you ready?"

"No, but I'd rather get it over with." Olivia wanted to see Fin and let him know how Elliot was doing. "How is Fin?"

"He's…Fin." Cragen smiled. "It looks like he'll be okay. Bullet missed anything important."

Olivia let herself smile at the news of her close friend. "I'd like to see him for a while before I get interrogated."

"Of course. I'll let IAB know we'll meet with them in two hours at the house. I will let John know. I want him there as well." Cragen turned and left Olivia standing alone outside the cafeteria. He was going to make her leave the hospital anyway. Damn!

Olivia entered Fin's room expecting to see him at least resting. He was sitting up and eating breakfast watcing T.V. He tried to get her to eat with him, but her stomach wouldn't handle food. She was running on pure nerves and caffeine. The morning news was covering the story and Olivia slowly dropped into the chair by Fin's bed with her eyes glued to the television. Her picture and John's flashed on the screen, followed by Elliot's and Fin's. Gomes' official police photo was shown as the anchor announced him as the former NYPD detective killed by friendly fire.

Olivia looked to Fin who had what she assumed was the same disbelieving look on his face as she had on hers. "Friendly fire my ass." Fin spoke for the both of them. She turned back to watch the rest of the story and then sat in silence once they moved on to other news.

"Why aren't you in with Elliot?" Fin's voice echoed in her head.

"Kathy's in with him now." Olivia answered without moving her eyes from the television. Fin knew she wasn't paying attention to whatever was on, she was just too tired to look away.

"Liv, you really need to get some rest. You're no good to him if you can't function."

Olivia turned to look at Fin and slowly shook her head. "I'm glad you're okay." She stood and leaned in to hug him. Fin watched her leave his room knowing she wasn't going home.

She headed back to Elliot's room, relieved to see Kathy had left. Elliot's eyes were wide open, staring at the ceiling. "El?"

"Where were you?" Elliot's tone was angry.

"I wanted to give you some time with Kathy. Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay. Why did you leave?" Elliot's eyes stayed glued to the ceiling.

Olivia didn't like the way he was speaking to her, but figured he was probably in a lot of pain. She reached for his hand only for him to pull away. "El, what's wrong? Are you in pain? Did you want me to get the nurse?"

Elliot continued to stare at the ceiling. "Why did you leave?" he asked her again, his voice short and strained.

"El, I wanted to give you some time with Kathy. I just went for some coffee." Olivia was confused, but kept telling herself he wasn't himself. She watched his face carefully, reading him used to be second nature to her. A single tear escaped and slid down his face. She wanted to take his hand but wasn't sure if he wanted her to touch him.

"I couldn't find you…in the bar. Where were you?" Elliot still refused to look at his former partner.

"El, I was there. I didn't see you come in." Olivia knew he was trying to put everything into perspective, but his tone was unnerving at best.

"Gomes was in the bar." Elliot closed his eyes as he groaned in pain. "He lost it. He was going to kill you, Liv."

Olivia hated seeing him in so much pain. She called for the nurse. "El, it's okay. It's over."

"No. He was a fucking cop, Liv." Elliot was getting upset causing himself more pain. "He was your partner. How could he do this?"

Olivia grabbed Elliot by the shoulders to calm him. She looked him in the eyes. "El, please. Calm down."

Elliot grabbed Olivia's arms squeezing with all his strength. Olivia was surprised that he had any strength at all, let alone enough to cause her to wince in pain.

"I'm going to kill him" Elliot looked Olivia in the eyes.

Olivia was thankful to see the nurse as she attempted to pull herself away from Elliot. "Don't leave me again." Elliot's voice was now weak and vulnerable.

Olivia nodded her head, not trusting her voice. She stayed with him until he was once again out. She had to get to the precinct to meet with IAB. She wanted to call Cragen and tell him there was no way she could leave him now; she promised him. He would understand why she left, he knew all the procedures that go with a cop involved shooting. She was nervous, confused and worried. She had never heard Elliot sound so scared. Something was wrong, she could feel it. Something other than the obvious.


	37. Chapter 37

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 37

I don't own SVU or the main characters in this story.

John entered the precinct looking as if he didn't sleep at all. He had showered, shaved and changed clothes, but his face still carried the weary, stressed look he went home with. Cragen summoned him into his office upon his arrival and John immediately obeyed his commanding officer. He took a seat when Cragen motioned to the row of chairs that were set up for this official meeting. John knew why he was there and he knew it was necessary to relive and retell the torturous facts of the night before.

Cragen stood as the suits entered his squad room and then his office. He was a bit nervous as Olivia always showed up early when she knew she was expected for any meeting. He was preparing his covering excuse for her when he looked up to catch her entering. She looked like hell. He would put his foot down and order her to get some rest as soon as she and John gave their official statements.

Olivia entered the office and took a seat next to John. She met his gaze for a moment and then looked to Cragen to signify she was ready; ready to get this over with. Separately, she and John gave their account of the shooting and the events leading up to it. It was then that they were separated. Cragen sat in on each interview with his detectives making sure they weren't being railroaded into saying anything but what was necessary. He listened but refused to make eye contact with Olivia as she was asked to explain the problems between herself and Gomes during their short partnership. He was angry that he was forced to take Gomes into his squad, and he was angry that he treated Olivia the way he did. He was angry that Gomes was able to get to his people the way he did.

He listened to John as he told the same story with the same facts as Olivia did. John finished by explaining his actions in the bar as he fired his weapon, killing Gomes before he could kill his partner. Cragen watched as John spoke with the confidence of a seasoned detective. He had gained more experience these last few weeks than most experience their whole careers.

John and Olivia were both cleared and their weapons returned. Cragen was sure they would be, but he couldn't help but feel stressed about the investigation. He stared at his two detectives when they were left alone in his office. Hearing the events as they both recalled them had been chilling to say the least. Olivia knew she was only alive because of John and his good judgment and even better timing. How do you properly thank somebody for something like that?

"You need to go home and get some sleep; both of you." Cragen looked from Olivia to John with a look that screamed at them that he wasn't asking, he was ordering.

"I have to get back to the hospital." Olivia stood glancing at John before looking at her boss with an almost pleading stare.

"I know you want to be with Elliot." Cragen started with that fatherly tone he seemed to have adopted when dealing with her. "He needs you to be the strong one this time and you are so exhausted you can barely stand."

"Cap, I'm fine. I just really…"

"That is an order, Benson!" Cragen resorted to his captain tone, the volume startling her as she sighed in defeat. "Sims, see to it personally that she gets home."

Olivia looked to John who gave her an apologetic glance in return. Olivia left the office angry. Angry at Cragen, angry at John and of course, angry at Gomes. She was pissed as she stormed off into the locker room where she sat down on the bench in front of the row of lockers that Elliot had so often abused. She counted the dents as she forced herself to regain control of her emotions. She hated that she didn't know how to help Elliot. She hated that Cragen was forcing John to be her chaperone. He was at least fifteen years her junior, had a fraction of the experience and was responsible for saving her life. She wanted to be angry at him, but knew she had no right or reason. She needed to get back to be with Elliot, but she knew Cragen was right, as usual. She was running on empty and wanted to sleep. She wanted to sleep with hopes of waking up and realizing this was all a terrible nightmare.

John cleared his throat softly, letting her know he was there in the doorway to the locker room. She looked up at him and saw the emotion that was behind his dark, caring eyes. He had been through this hell with her and she felt guilty for not being able to help him. She wanted to be there for him like a partner should. She couldn't find her footing right now to even take care of herself, let alone her partner. She forced a smile his way, but her eyes dropped to the floor in front of her.

"Just a few hours, okay. You'll feel better, and it'll get Cragen off our backs." John felt like he was walking on glass around her. He knew how much she wanted to be with Elliot and he also knew she was considering blowing off Cragen's order.

Olivia looked back up at John before getting to her feet. "I can't go home."

"So you catch a few hours in the crib." he didn't miss a beat.

Olivia stood still for a few minutes longer before agreeing to John's suggestion. She headed up the stairs to the crib noticing John was following. As they entered the dark, cool room Olivia selected a bottom bunk towards the back of the room. She lied down on the usually uncomfortable twin bunk letting her body sink into the thin mattress. She didn't want to admit it, but her body was giving out on her and was now thanking her for allowing it to rest.

"John, I don't need a babysitter."

"Good thing. You're much too old for me to baby sit." John felt fairly confident that Olivia was too weak and tired to come after him for his comment.

"I'm nervous about Elliot." she blurted out realizing her partner had chosen a bunk across from her.

"Just a few hours and I'll go back to the hospital with you." John's murmured looking at his watch. It was close to five in the afternoon. He thought about visiting hours being over before they got back to the hospital. He really wasn't too worried about it. If Mary was there she wouldn't deny Olivia access to Elliot. John glanced over at Olivia to tell her to wake him when she woke, but he was too late. She had fallen asleep with her arm draped over her eyes almost as if to block out the world from getting in.

He lied still in the darkened room listening to his partner breathe. His thoughts were a jumbled mess within his head. He had only been partnered with Olivia for a few months, but he had developed a tremendous amount of respect for her. He was concerned with what would become of her if Elliot didn't recover. John felt himself begin dozing off and gave in. He promised her a just a few hours, then they would go see Elliot.

Elliot woke after sleeping much of the day away. He was still feeling an incredible amount of pain and was sweating profusely. He scanned the room looking for Olivia, but couldn't find her. He began to panic as he strained to see in the dimly lit bar. He saw Gomes, but not Olivia. Where was she? She knew he was coming. She would've told him if there had been a change of plans. He hollered for her, but he was forced to stop when the pain was too much to handle. He fumbled for the nurse's call button and waited for someone to come help him.

Mary had just begun her shift and reacted immediately to Elliot's summons. She quickly entered his room to find him moaning in pain. She checked his vitals while she questioned him as to his pain level. He ignored her questions, instead asking his own.

"Where is Olivia?" he huffed out trying to breathe through his pain.

"I don't know, but she'd be here if she could, you know that." Mary carefully injected his I.V. line with a strong dose of pain medication.

"Find her, please Mary." Elliot grimaced as he spoke. "Something's wrong."

"What's wrong, Elliot?" Mary finished with the medication. "Tell me what's going on."

"She said she wouldn't leave. Something's wrong. You're right. She'd be here if she could, something happened to her." Elliot forced out his concerns before he began to settle down.

Mary was surprised that Olivia wasn't here, but she believed she would be unless something came up. She monitored Elliot's breathing and checked his vitals again. His temperature was higher than the last reading and his blood pressure was raised as well. She waited until Elliot drifted off due to his medication before leaving. She would return in a few minutes to check his pressure again.

Elliot was finally able to relax. The pain that was so crippling to him a few minutes ago had subsided allowing him to breathe easier. He felt like his body was floating as he welcomed the relief. The sound of his monitor was fading out and he was once again unconscious.

He could see her, bleeding out from the gunshot to her chest. The one he couldn't prevent. The blood flowed through his fingers as he frantically tried to slow the bleeding until help arrived. He was scared, she was unresponsive to his touch, to his pleas. It was then that he realized he couldn't wait any longer. He was going to lose her without her ever knowing how he really felt about her. He admitted to her how he felt and she felt the same. They both knew if they admitted their feelings and acted on them, their partnership would end. It ended and she was partnered with Richard Gomes. Richard Gomes, the man who couldn't and wouldn't work with a woman partner. The man who had threatened and then made good on his threats to harm her. The man who intentionally shot him on his way to killing her. If only he hadn't admitted his feelings to her. They would never have been separated, Gomes never would've been in the picture and he wouldn't be here alone wondering where she was. Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe she did bleed out on that cold, wet cement.

He woke a few hours later calling for her. He was feeling severe pain from his wound and soaked in sweat. His heart was pounding against his chest as he called for her again. He called for Mary not wanting to be alone. He didn't feel well at all. He was scared. What if something had really happened to her?

Mary immediately called for the doctor on duty as she tried unsuccessfully to calm Elliot. He was delirious in his thinking as he was confusing Mary with his statements. She had a sinking feeling as she monitored his blood pressure while she waited for the doctor. Within a few minutes he wasn't making any sense. The only thing she could make out was when he called for Olivia.

John's cell vibrated in his pocket waking him. He looked at the I.D. and quickly rolled out of the bunk and headed out of the room. "Sims." he forced sleep out of his head as he answered his boss. John listened carefully to what Cragen relayed to him and let out a long defeated breath. He closed his phone and went back into the cribs where Olivia hadn't moved since she had fallen asleep. He was surprised to see they had been asleep nearly five hours. He knew she would be pissed, but she obviously needed the rest. He hated to wake her, especially after receiving the news that Elliot had taken a turn for the worse.

"Liv?" John sat on her bunk and gently called her name. She didn't budge. He tried again getting her to stir.

"Liv, we got to go." Olivia opened her eyes and looked at her watch that she couldn't see for the darkness.

"John, what time is it? You said a couple of hours." Olivia quickly got to her feet.

John sat back down on his own bunk and quickly put his shoes back on. He was tying them when he noticed Olivia staring at him. "What's wrong?"

"Cragen just called me. Elliot's not doing well at all. We need to get to the hospital now." John instantly saw the pain and fear consume Olivia's features and he couldn't help but kick himself for not waking earlier.

He quickly followed his partner out of the precinct and into the parking lot where she headed for the squad car. She fumbled with the lock on the driver's side, but gave the keys to John when he reached for them. He knew she was in no condition to drive and so did she. Her mind was elsewhere as she fastened her seatbelt out of habit. John used lights and sirens, stealing glances at his partner as they raced through the city streets. John was worried. He didn't like Cragen's tone, much less the news he had delivered.

They hurried into the hospital opting for the stairs instead of the elevator. Even in her distressed state, Olivia knew how long the elevator took this time of night. They reached the ICU floor and headed towards Elliot's room. Olivia's near run came to a complete stop as she saw Cragen with numerous officers and a few of her fellow detectives standing outside Elliot's room. Her heart was beating uncontrollably fast and she felt light-headed. She started toward the door, but Cragen stepped in front of her grabbing her by the arms. His face told her what she already knew, but refused to accept.

John heard what Cragen didn't say as well and was behind her in an instant as she dropped to her knees.


	38. Chapter 38

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 38

I don't own SVU or the main characters…

Elliot was tired, exhausted. He was too tired to fight anymore. He could feel his body shutting down and giving up. He could hear doctors rushing into the room, but couldn't make out what they were saying. He did hear Mary's soft voice and softer words. Olivia was right; this woman was an angel. She was talking to him and he was concentrating on her voice. She was the perfect distraction for the war that was raging within his body. He braved the pain for a brief moment and opened his eyes. He saw that Mary's face was close to his and she was talking directly into his ear. Why wasn't she doing something to stop this pain? Elliot tried to speak to her, but couldn't make his mouth form words, just grunts and groans. He heard the male voices of the doctors but still couldn't make out what they were saying. He instead concentrated on deciphering Mary's words.

"Elliot, you have to keep fighting. So many people love you and need you. Your children need you, Elliot. Kathy still loves you. Olivia loves you and needs you. Breathe El." Mary wiped his face as sweat pooled on his forehead and over his upper lip.

"Where…is…she?" Elliot forced out before letting out a defeated cry of pain.

"She's on the way. She was at the precinct, but she's coming El." Mary kept talking to Elliot as she followed the directions given by the doctors. He was given a heavy duty dose of antibiotics that his body wasn't responding to. His fever was dangerously high as the infection he developed was wrecking havoc on his weakened system.

"Mary, where is she?" Elliot grunted the words as he fought to catch his breath.

Mary fought to stay professional as she watched Elliot fight. Olivia's boss said they had called her and she was on the way, but Mary wasn't so sure even Olivia could help him at this point. "Wait for her, Elliot. She's coming. Hold on, wait for her." Mary's voice cracked a bit as she continued to mop the sweat from his face.

Elliot heard Mary but didn't respond. He tried, but couldn't. He felt his body relax and the pain subside completely. He tried to open his eyes but couldn't. His mind told him this was the end. He couldn't hear Mary any more and he couldn't wait for Olivia. He was too tired, too exhausted.

The doctors had exited Elliot's room and met with Cragen. Elliot's captain was also there, but it was Cragen that took command of the fallen detective. They wanted the name of Elliot's next of kin. Cragen's heart stopped for a moment when he thought about calling Elliot's oldest adult daughter. He desperately wanted Olivia here when Maureen was called. Olivia was so good with Elliot's children, but he was worried about her as well. He doubted she would be any good to anybody if Elliot didn't make it.

The doctors explained to Cragen that Elliot's body was losing it's battle against infection due to the gunshot wound he suffered just over twenty-four hours prior. He had fallen into a coma as his body's last defense against the infection that was quickly overpowering him. His prognosis was not good and the doctors suggested his family be present.

Cragen paced in front of Elliot's room waiting for John and Olivia. Elliot's captain said he would take care of making the necessary phone calls to Elliot's family. Cragen fought the guilty feelings for making Olivia get some rest. Otherwise, she would have been here. It was a loose-loose situation and now all he could do was wait for her to show and find a way to help her cope with what could very well be the end of her and Elliot.

It seem to take forever, but yet no time at all before Olivia came barreling down the hallway towards him. Olivia was so good at reading people and she read Cragen's despair filled face immediately. He felt so helpless holding onto Olivia as her legs gave out and she headed for the ground. His heart broke as he watched her shake her head in disbelief. Cragen was grateful for John's support as her partner seem to take over for the disabled captain.

Olivia buried her face in her hands as she fought the burning in her chest. Her heart was on fire and breathing seemed impossible. John quickly moved around so he was kneeling in front of her. He wrapped both arms around her, but she barely registered the contact. John looked up at Cragen and saw the older man wipe the tears that steadily streamed down his face. His attention was back to Olivia as he felt the sobs that wrecked her body against his chest. He had never felt so helpless in his life as he held his partner as she grieved.

"Olivia." Mary was pulling on Olivia's hands so she would look at her. John was relieved to see the one person that had any chance of helping Olivia right now. He slowly stood giving Mary access, but he stayed close by. Mary pulled Olivia up to her feet and held her in a tight hug. John could tell how much Olivia trusted her and watched as Mary talked softly into her ear.

Olivia looked into Mary's eyes through clouded vision. "He's really gone?"

"No, he's not." Mary wiped the tears from Olivia's face. "It won't be long, he's too weak."

Olivia forced a deep breath into her lungs as if she hadn't taken a breath in hours. Mary waited for her to get her composure before speaking again. "He asked for you many times before his body gave up and he fell into a coma."

"I told him I wouldn't leave him." Olivia whispered the words that Mary heard loud and clear.

"He knew you had to take care of business. He knew you were coming." Mary pushed her hair behind her ear as she forced Olivia to look her in the eye. "I was with him, he was talking to me. He knew."

Olivia looked over at Cragen and then at John. She took a moment to notice the other officers that were present before directing her attention back on Mary. "Can I see him?"

"Of course." Mary took her hand and led her into Elliot's room leaving John and Cragen watching until the door closed behind them. They shared a look that made words unnecessary.

Olivia fought and lost her battle with the tears as she approached Elliot's bedside. She stared down at him for quite a while before she pulled the chair up close to his bed. She looked around at the machines and monitors that were filling the room with an eerie sound that unnerved Olivia. She reached for his hand and pulled it up to rest against her cheek. "I'm sorry, El. I'm sorry." she cried hard as he lied in front of her unresponsive to her pain.

Mary stood by the door trying to give Olivia as much privacy as possible without leaving her. Tears streamed down the older woman's face as she could all but see Olivia's heart bleeding out. After a few minutes Olivia stood so she was hovering over Elliot. She used both hands to frame his face as she placed her lips onto his. Her quiet sobs were barely audible over the heart monitor.

"I love you." Olivia cried before lying her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating slowly. Her hand rested on his cheek as her tears soaked his hospital gown. She remained in that position, close to Elliot, for the better part of fifteen minutes just listening to his heart beating in her ear.

Mary approached Olivia and gently coaxed her to sit. Olivia refused to move giving Mary a pleading look. Mary rubbed her back before tending to Elliot's chart. Another ten minutes passed before Elliot's monitor screamed at them with a steady tone.

Mary looked up slowly realizing what was happening. Tears flowed freely down Olivia's face as she remained in the same position she had been in for nearly half an hour. Mary wondered briefly if she was hearing the monitor. The monitor screamed while Mary watched Olivia's hand slide from Elliot's face to his neck. Her eyes were closed as her fingers did what they had done so many times on other people. She rested her fingers on his neck for a few moments before returning her hand to his face. Mary wiped her own tears as she realized Olivia did know what was going on.

Mary left the room, but returned after only a minute or so. She approached Olivia who hadn't moved. "The doctors will be in to pronounce him."

Tears seemed to flow endlessly but Olivia was as quiet as Elliot. Her head hadn't moved from Elliot's chest and again Mary wondered if she had heard her. "He's gone."

Mary's heart broke as Olivia spoke. She again tried to get her to let go of Elliot and this time succeeded. Olivia kissed Elliot one last time before moving away from his bed. Mary pulled her into an embrace just as the doctors entered the room. Mary guided Olivia to the back of the room, and then headed over to assist the doctors. Olivia slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. She rested her head in her hands as she heard the monitor go silent. It was over. He was really gone.

Olivia looked up as Mary approached her. "It's time to go." her words were spoken softly.

"I promised I wouldn't leave him." Olivia protested.

Mary looked into Olivia's eyes before pulling her up to her feet. "It's okay, he knows."

John jumped to his feet as did Cragen when Mary and Olivia emerged from Elliot's room. They had been informed already and were waiting for Olivia. Olivia sat down in one of the chairs down the hall from where Elliot's lifeless body was still in the bed where she left him. John sat down next to her having no clue what to say. So he sat quietly, waiting for her to speak, or not. Finally she did.

"He's gone." she whispered staring at nothing down the hall.

"I'm sorry, Olivia. I really am." John answered her wishing he could take her pain away.

Olivia broke from her stare and looked him in the eyes. She stared at him, almost looking through him. "I wish you wouldn't have shot Gomes. I wish you would've let him kill me." the silent tears poured from her eyes again. John recognized where her words were coming from and he pulled her to him. She didn't want to be consoled, but she had no strength to protest.

Olivia sat with John quietly for the next hour. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want to live. Not without him. Her head was throbbing. Her chest was burning. Her stomach was spinning. Her legs wouldn't hold her and her will to care was quickly disappearing. John's attempts to get her to go home were ignored. Olivia finally stood and began to walk away from John. "I need some air."

John followed refusing to leave her alone. Olivia knew Elliot's family would be arriving any minute and she didn't want to be there for to see the grief on his children's faces. She loved his kids and she would help then without a doubt, just not right now. She couldn't. She didn't want to face Kathy either. She would, just not right now. She made her way down to the chapel and entered the quiet, welcoming room. John still followed without a word and took a seat next to her.

"Elliot believed in God." Olivia spoke softly to John. "He was Catholic."

"What about you?" John asked not necessarily expecting an answer.

"Don't really know what to to think." Olivia looked down at her hands. "Seems like there is too much wrong with the world. God wouldn't take a good man away from his children."

John wasn't sure how to answer her or if she even wanted an answer. He just sat quietly next to her. Olivia looked at John suddenly realizing he had been with her almost all day and now most of the night. "You should get home to your family, John."

"My wife knows where I am and she says to tell you how sorry she is." John draped his arm around Olivia's shoulders. "She knows you need me right now."

Olivia smiled. "I'm sure I look like total crap, huh?"

John smiled back. "You look great…for someone who just lost the love of her life." He gently took his thumb and wiped away the stray tear that had fallen at his words.

The two detectives sat in the dimly lit chapel surrounded by their own thoughts. John wasn't partnered with Elliot very long, but long enough to know what he was all about and what he stood for. He knew he loved Olivia and hated that they were separated as partners. Olivia couldn't see Elliot enter the bar, but John did. He saw the look on Elliot's face when he saw Sam with the gun to Olivia's head. It was a vision that John knew he would never erase from his memory. Then all hell broke loose. He knew Gomes had shot Elliot, but there was no time to prepare Olivia for what she eventually found. They were too busy scrambling for their lives. His thoughts jumped to seeing Gomes ready to fire his gun into Olivia's head from behind. John remembered feeling his heart jump into his throat as he took a split second to aim and then fire his own weapon. His ears were ringing, making it impossible to hear much for a few seconds. Gomes had fallen forward crushing Olivia onto Elliot. John wasn't sure if he had hit Gomes in time or if he had indeed gotten the shot off. His heart pounded in his chest as he worked quickly to pull Gomes off Olivia. She was alive; he had shot Gomes just in time. She was confused, quite possibly in shock. John watch the realization that she had not been shot again register in her mind. Her relief was very short lived as she was immediately focused on Elliot once again.

John looked over at Olivia. He could only imagine what was going through her head right now. He hadn't been partnered with her all that long either, but he felt like he knew her. He felt privileged to be partnered with her, and he respected the hell out of her. He knew how strong she was, but what he didn't know was how she would survive this. She had only recently recovered from her own life threatening gunshot wound. Then she helped him survive his, only to eventually have to fight for her life against Richard Gomes. Yeah, she was strong, but nobody could expect her to be tough enough to endure the loss of Elliot. He knew this could and would quite possibly break her, for good.

Olivia was leaning forward, her head resting on her arms on the pew in front of them. John couldn't see her face, but he watched her shake as he knew she had given in to yet another round of tears. He was frustrated that he couldn't fix this for her. He gently placed his hand on her back just to let her know he was there and that he cared. They sat together for what seemed like hours just listening to the quiet. Olivia had stilled and her breathing evened out. John briefly wondered if she had finally passed out, but realized otherwise when Olivia sat upright.

"How old are you, John?" John was surprised at the question, but answered immediately.

"Thirty-three."

Olivia slowly shook her head as if he had answered the question correctly. "How long have you been married?"

"Five and a half years." John carefully watched Olivia as she seemed to be analyzing his answers.

"I'm sure your wife worries about you everyday…doing what we do."

"She does." John was careful to let Olivia lead the conversation.

"Don't let her go through this. Don't let her feel this." Olivia looked into John's eyes giving him a look that broke his heart all over again.

"She understands why I do this. She knows why we do this. She knows the risks."

"Bullets don't hurt, not really. Death…" John winced as Olivia's voice cracked. " Death hurts bad, John."

Olivia stood and slowly walked out of the chapel. John followed until Olivia turned to face him. "Thank you for…just thank you. I'm going home, okay?"

John shook his head. "Did you want some company. I really rather you weren't alone right now."

Olivia shook her head and thought about what she wanted to say. "Go home to your wife and daughter. Okay, John? Go home to them, they need you. They will always need you."

John quickly grabbed her arm as she turned away from him. "I'll give you a lift home."

"I'm fine." Olivia motioned to a cab that had pulled up in front of the hospital. John watched her flash her badge to the driver and then watched until the cab was out of sight. He stood frozen as he waited for his emotions to catch up to him. And when they did, he collapsed onto a nearby bench. He kept it together all this time for his wife, for his partner, for her partner. He let the tears fall as she silently wondered what now.


	39. Chapter 39

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 39

I don't own SVU or the main characters.

A/N: I can't believe the responses I received to the last chapter. I definitely appreciate each one. I wanted to try my hand at writing grief and capturing the emotion that comes with it. I must admit, I think I upset myself as well. So, I decided to fix the situation (as is so easy to do with fiction writing J). The next chapter is dedicated especially to Lou3174, Jenn, Jax 118, Brazilian fan, and every one else who took the time to read and comment. Now, on with the story…

"Liv?" John sat on her bunk and gently called her name. She didn't budge. He tried again getting her to stir.

"Liv, we got to go." Olivia opened her eyes and looked at her watch that she couldn't see for the darkness. She closed her eyes trying to figure out where she was. John gently pushed on her arm trying to get her moving.

"John, I thought you were going home to see your wife." Olivia tried to breath through the pain she felt in her chest.

John gave her a strange look. She knew he was staying with her when they lied down. "Cragen just called. Elliot's not doing too good. He's asking for you."

Olivia forced herself to sit up. She stared at John for a few moments before getting to her feet. "He's gone, John." her voice was unintentionally laced with anger. "I was there…he's gone." Olivia's voice had become a whisper by the time she finished speaking.

John looked at her through confused eyes. He took a hold of her arms with his hands, turning her to face him. "Liv, he's not doing well, but Cragen didn't say he was dead."

Olivia backed away from her partner as she frantically replayed the scene at the hospital in her mind. "I was there…the monitor…Mary said he was gone." Olivia's eyes well up with tears as she shook her head.

John realized before Olivia did that she must've dreamed Elliot's death. "I think you had a nightmare. Elliot's not gone. We have to go right now, he's not doing so hot."

Olivia looked at John with fear in her eyes. "I can't go. What if he dies…again. I can't do this, John." Olivia sat back down on the bunk she had recently vacated. She buried her face in her hands desperately trying to control her emotions.

John sat down next to her and draped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her towards his chest. Olivia didn't protest the closeness as she let him hold her. They sat in silence for a few minutes before John tried again to get Olivia moving. "He's been asking for you."

Olivia sat up, pulling away from John. She quickly wiped her eyes, and once again got to her feet. "Okay. Let's go. I'll drive." she began searching for the keys to their squad car.

"How about I drive." John pulled the keys from his pants pocket. Olivia let out a long sigh agreeing she wasn't in the best condition to be driving. She slid into the passenger seat and watched John take his place behind the wheel. John looked over at her acknowledging her stare.

Olivia wished she could shake the heartbreaking déjà vu she was feeling. She felt her heart stop and then start again when John decided to use lights and sirens. She couldn't go through this again. Her pain was way too real to be simply dreaming. She stared straight ahead as John weaved through the city streets. Olivia rubbed her chest trying in vain to slow her heart down. She jumped as John's voice broke through her thoughts. "You okay?"

Olivia nodded not trusting her voice. She wondered if she'd ever be okay again. She concentrated on pushing the memory of her dream as far from her thoughts as possible. The detectives arrived at the hospital and quickly entered. They headed for the elevator, only to decide on the stairs. "No, let's take the elevator." Olivia headed back in the direction they came from.

"You know how slow the elevator is this time of night, especially." John questioned her decision.

Olivia felt the need to change the course of events as much as possible. Her memory of her dream was so clear and so fresh that she feared what was to come. Olivia didn't answer John; simply stood waiting for the elevator. John took his place at her side and waited with her.

"What if he dies?" Olivia's voice was quiet and weak. "What if I see him and he dies on me…like I dreamt?"

John was scared for her. What if Elliot was just minutes away from dying? The image of Olivia with Elliot in the bar right after she found him flashed into his mind. She was disabled with fear, fear of losing him. "What if he sees you and fights to survive?"

Cragen paced in the small waiting room. He was full of nervous energy while he waited for Olivia. The doctors had just told him to make the necessary calls to Elliot's family. He couldn't help but feel guilty for making Olivia get some sleep. He knew she wanted nothing more than to get back here to be with Elliot, and now he feared it may be too late. Mary exited Elliot's room and made her way over to the captain.

"Were you able to get a hold of Olivia? He really needs to see her."

Cragen blew out a long breath realizing what she was implying. "She should be here any minute."

Olivia exited the elevator and made her way down the hall to where Mary and Cragen were waiting. She searched her captain's face for something, anything that would tell her Elliot was okay. She quickly turned to Mary. "Is he…"

"He's been asking for you." Mary answered taking Olivia's hands in hers. "He's very weak. He's developed an infection due to his wound and is in tremendous pain. I've given him all the pain meds I can. Are you ready?"

Olivia fought once again with the tears that threatened to start. She wanted to see him, but was frozen with fear. Mary guided her towards Elliot's room and together they entered. John had been watching Cragen as he watched Olivia head in to see Elliot. "You okay, Cap?"

"These two are going to be the death of me yet." Cragen scrubbed his face with his hands.

Olivia felt like her legs were made of lead as she slowly approached Elliot's bedside. "His body is beginning to shut down. He's unconscious right now trying to fight this infection." Mary explained to Olivia Elliot's condition.

"Coma." Olivia half asked half stated.

"I have no doubt he knows you're here." Mary rubbed her hand up an down Olivia's arm before walking away to tend to his chart and give her some privacy.

Olivia stared at Elliot's motionless face for quite some time. She was afraid to touch him, afraid to do anything that was in any way reminiscent of her dream. She looked up at his monitor to find it beeping steadily. Olivia reached out to touch his face. She looked down at him through her tears. His face was rough as he had been close to two days without a shave. She ran her fingers over his cheeks, then over his lips.

Elliot did believe in God and Olivia found herself thinking about his faith and the lack of her own. She couldn't believe that a God that was supposed to be so good, could let something like this happen. Elliot was a good man, good father. He didn't deserve to be suffering so.

Olivia leaned in close to his face and whispered to him. She wasn't sure if he was hearing her, but she had to make sure he knew. Knew that she loved him, knew that she was there, knew that she couldn't go on without him. Her voice shook as she spoke, but she continued. Her heart was beating way too fast, she closed her eyes trying to force it to slow. She was scared.

Mary quietly left the room, leaving Olivia alone with Elliot. She held his hand in hers and lied her head on his chest. She wanted, needed to hear his heart beating. "Please, El. Please don't leave me." Olivia wished there was something she could do; she would do anything if he would just wake up.

Elliot did hear her. He did know she was there. He didn't want to leave her. His body refused his orders to move, to wake up, to do anything to let her know he was with her still. He wasn't feeling any pain and he was afraid to move for fear of disrupting his physical peace. However his heart was in terrible pain as he listened to her beg him. He could see her, but he couldn't make his body move to touch her. Even in such a state, she looked beautiful to him. Elliot thought about how much Olivia has been through, these last few months especially. He was being so selfish, lying here enjoying the pain free rest.

Olivia noticed Mary enter the room, but didn't move. She didn't want to risk not hearing him living. As she kept her ear to his chest, she stroked his face with her hand. She accepted she had been dreaming, but she couldn't help but anticipate hearing the monitor start screaming.

Olivia looked up at Mary when the steady rhythm of the monitor sped up. She got to her feet, but refused to let go of his hand. She leaned in close to his face. "No, no, El. You hang on, El. Don't do this." Olivia's voice shook as she spoke to him. Mary came over and placed a comforting hand on Olivia's back.

"I think he may be trying to wake up." As if on cue the monitor returned to it's steady rhythm, causing Olivia's heart to return to a manageable rhythm as well.

Elliot heard Olivia's voice clearly this time. She no longer sounded as if she were miles away. He heard Mary's voice as well. His angel; their angel. He couldn't see her anymore, but he could hear and feel her. He felt her hand on his face. Her hands were soft and cooling against his hot face. He could feel her breath on his face as she whispered to him. He suddenly could feel terrible pain again. The pain came in waves and made him flinch as if attacked.

Olivia jumped when he did. Elliot opened his eyes, relieved to be able to look into hers. He stared for a moment before closing his eyes again against the pain. He could feel Olivia wiping sweat from his forehead as he geared up for another round. "El? Elliot?" He heard her, just couldn't answer.

Then she was gone, completely. Olivia looked from him to Mary and fear paralyzed her from speaking, from moving. Mary called for the doctors after checking on Elliot. "He's fighting. Don't you give up." she made Olivia look her in the eye. "He knows you're here."

Olivia sat down in the chair by Elliot's bedside after the doctors had left. The pain medication was forcing him unconscious, which was hopefully giving his body time to regroup and recover. She refused to take her eyes off him. Minutes turned into hours and Olivia hadn't moved. Her mind took her back to when she first met him. So many years ago. She never in her wildest dreams thought she could love him as much as she did. She thought about how many times in their career their lives were risked. They knew it was a real possibility that one of them could die in the line of duty. It was a risk they took everyday. Then the awful memory of the night before in the bar invaded her mind. She closed her eyes against the visions, trying to force herself to see Elliot as he was with her in her bedroom, not lying on the floor in the bar.

Olivia looked at her watch. It took a minute for the time to come into focus as she rubbed her eyes. It was after three in the morning. She was feeling the fatigue as she fought sleep. She was afraid to dose off. What if he woke while she was asleep and she missed it? She couldn't do that to him. Mary was in and out of the room making her rounds. Olivia couldn't help but feel a bit of relief each time she appeared. She watched silently while Mary checked Elliot's pressure and temperature. She adjusted his I.V. lines and changed out his medication bags. Olivia let herself smile a little as she watched this woman who took such good care of her when she was in the hospital. Olivia wondered what it might've been like growing up with Mary as her mom.

Mary was gently shaking her. Olivia was confused for a moment, but quickly realized she had fallen asleep in the chair. "You, my dear, are going to need a good chiropractor when this is all over."

Olivia quickly sat up straight turning her attention to Elliot. He was still unconscious. "What's going on? Is he okay?"

"He was awake for a few minutes. He didn't want me to wake you. He's resting peacefully now." Mary talked quickly so Olivia wouldn't over react.

Olivia looked disappointed that she missed him. "Mary, do you think he's going to make it? Please tell me the truth."

Mary sighed as she took Olivia's hands in hers. "I hope so, honey. You two deserve to be happy."

Olivia looked at Mary waiting for her to answer her question. "I'm not a doctor, but my gut says he will. Now, have you had anything to eat lately? You're wasting away."

Olivia smiled at Mary as she busied herself with Elliot's paperwork. Just like a mom would be. Olivia wished she had been her mom while she was growing up. Hunger was not something Olivia had experienced in the last two days.

Olivia moved closer to Elliot and took his hand in hers again. She placed her other hand on his forehead noticing how much cooler he felt. His temperature must be down, a definite good sign. Mary winked at Olivia as she headed out of the room. Olivia felt the tightness in her chest subside a bit as she figured Mary knew something. Maybe she wasn't a doctor, but she was…Mary.

Olivia placed her head back on Elliot's chest. She once again found herself calmed by the steady beating of his heart. She ran her fingers over the stubble on his face. She had rarely ever seen Elliot without being clean shaven; she kind of liked it. She had no idea when Elliot would wake again, but for now she was content just being with him.

Olivia didn't know, but Elliot had been awake for a few minutes, before Mary had left the room. He felt a bit guilty for making her worry, but he wanted to savor the moment. He kept his eyes closed as she ran her fingers along his face. He could feel pain creeping up on him and he fought it silently as best he could as to not disturb her. Olivia noticed the difference in his breathing. She picked her head up off his chest, turning to look at his face.

He opened his eyes to see her staring at him. "Morning, beautiful." he croaked out.

Olivia's eyes immediately filled with tears that she couldn't control. "El…" Olivia was at a lost for words as she looked into Elliot's eyes. She could see the pain creep into his eyes as he tried to hide it from her. She reached for the nurse's call button. "I know you're in pain, El. You don't have to hide it from me."

Elliot's pain escalated quickly as she couldn't help but grimace. He talked softly to him trying to help him manage the pain while Mary administered more pain medication through his I.V.

"You left me. I was worried." Elliot breathed out refusing to look at Olivia.

"I had to go to the precinct. I was coming back, El. I would never leave you." Olivia knew he would understand later why she was gone, but she was all too familiar with that lonely, scared, abandoned feeling.

"I'm not leaving, okay?" Elliot looked Olivia in the eye this time. "Just tired."

Olivia smiled at him through her tears. "Okay. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."


	40. Chapter 40

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 40

I don't own SVU or the characters (I do take credit for owning Mary-who doesn't love Mary?).

"Sims." Cragen stood in front of his newer detective as he slept uncomfortably in a waiting room chair. John was only dozing and stood immediately after hearing his name.

"Relax." Cragen sat down motioning for John to do the same. John slowly lowered himself back down into the chair he just vacated and wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"Tell me something good, Captain." John's voice displayed the stress that he was feeling.

Cragen squeezed his shoulder. "He's been awake off and on, seems to be putting up a good fight."

John smiled before working out the kinks in his neck. "And Olivia?"

"Refuses to leave his side." Cragen blew out a long breath. "I have to get back to the house. Somebody's got to tie up the lose ends."

John stood when his captain did and looked him in the eye realizing he was about to speak. "You showed a tremendous amount of courage and strength. Your loyalty to your partner as well as your unit doesn't go unnoticed."

John took hold of his captain's outstretched hand. "Thank you sir. I just wish the innocent people in the bar…"

Cragen shook his head cutting John off. He shook his hand and walked off. He stopped at the nurse's station briefly before heading for the elevators. John sat back down, not quite sure what to do. He looked at his watch to see it nearing six in the morning. He wondered how Olivia was doing, he hadn't seen her all night. Cragen seemed confident enough that Elliot was doing better to leave. He wandered down to the nurse's station hoping to catch Mary.

"Detective Sims, you still here?" Mary came up behind him. "Of course you are."

John turned to find Mary smiling. "Uh, yeah. How is he?"

"He's doing better than last night. I gotta tell you, I was a little nervous." Mary patted his arm as she slid behind the nurse's desk. "Personally, I think he's fighting for her." Mary winked at John.

John smiled. He didn't doubt that at all.

"Hang around, I'm about to kick her out of his room for a bit. Might need a little help." Mary shook her head. "That girl can be stubborn sometimes."

John smiled again. He was quickly learning that about his partner. "Let me know if you need help." John walked away to answer his phone. His wife. He needed to get home to her and his daughter. Olivia was right.

Olivia leaned against the wall staring out the window of Elliot's room. She watched the sun come up over the city, mesmerized by it's beauty. She loved this city, despite what she witnessed over the years. Elliot had been sleeping somewhat peacefully for the last few hours; Olivia afraid to. She didn't want to risk missing him again should he awake while she dozed. She glanced over at his sleeping form before returning her attention to the city. She absentmindedly rubbed her chest where her scar would always be. Her chest felt tight as her mind recalled her finding Elliot on the floor of the bar. She knew she would have to write up her reports soon detailing the entire incident. She shivered as her mind jumped to her dream. She had many nightmares over the years that had rocked her, but this particular one was too real. She could still feel her heart bleeding for him when she thought he had died. Olivia let the tears fall needing the release.

"Liv?" Elliot's voice was weak, but it pulled Olivia from her thoughts. She was immediately at his bedside.

"I'm here, El." Olivia reached for his hand leaning in close so he wouldn't have to try to speak too loud.

Elliot forced a smile that was short lived. He was still in a considerable amount of pain, but was relieved that Olivia was there. He searched her eyes, noticing she was upset. "Okay?"

"I will be when you are." Olivia hated seeing him in so much pain. She gently let her fingers stroke his face. His eyes closed at the contact and his breathing relaxed, if even just a little.

Olivia turned to see Mary entering the room. "He's awake, but still in a lot pain."

"Good Morning, Detective." Mary smiled at Elliot and then Olivia. "The doctor will be in shortly. You, my dear, are out of here."

Olivia's head shot up, looking at Mary. "I can't leave him. I promised I wouldn't." her eyes pleaded with Mary.

"It'll just be for a little while. The doctors need to do a full examination." Mary looked at Elliot who squeezed Olivia's hand.

Olivia looked panicked. "I'll be okay. It's okay, go." Elliot forced a smile to reassure her.

Mary draped an arm around Olivia's shoulders as she walked her to the door. "My shift is over, but I'll stay with him until the exam is finished."

Olivia looked back towards Elliot and then back to Mary. "What if…"

"Take the time to go get something to eat." Mary looked Olivia in the eye. "Maybe talk to your partner. That young man has been here all night, he's worried about you."

Olivia smiled. John has been nothing but supportive. She looked back at Elliot before opening the door. She trusted Mary and she knew Elliot did as well, but her feet wouldn't let her leave. Mary came up behind her placing her hand on her back and guiding her out the door.

Once in the hall, Mary looked Olivia in the eyes. "He's doing so much better. I think we're still touch and go, but he's drawing his strength from you right now. You've got to take care of yourself so that you can be here for him. Okay?"

Olivia fought with the persistent tears that threatened once again. "I just want…I don't want to…I'm scared I won't be here if…" Olivia angrily wiped tears that managed to fall.

Mary was quick to reassure her. "He seems to be doing much better mentally this morning. He knows you're here, he knows you need a break. Take one, Detective."

John came out of nowhere and draped his arm around her shoulders. "Come on, I'm hungry." Mary smiled at John as she rubbed her hand up and down Olivia's arm. Olivia looked up at John and managed a weak smile.

They headed to the cafeteria in silence. Olivia lost in her thoughts and John unsure as to what to say to her at this point. He ordered coffee for the both of them and they sat down at a table. Olivia didn't realize how sore she was until she relaxed into the chair. She sipped at her coffee, thankful for the jolt it provided. He waited patiently for her to talk to him.

"I dreamt last night…in the cribs…that he died. That I was with him and he simply stopped living." Olivia looked up at John before continuing. "I have never had a dream or nightmare that was as real as that. I can still feel it."

"I know. He's doing better right?" John searched her face trying to figure out if she believed he was indeed doing better.

"I think so." Olivia voice was quiet as she took in a deep breath trying to clear her head. "I wish…I shouldn't have pushed Gomes the way I did."

"You know you can't blame yourself for any of this. No way." John's voice was louder and definitely stronger. "That son of a bitch would've of killed you and for what? No way. I'd gladly shoot him again now if it would help fix any of this."

Olivia looked up at John taking in his words. She took another sip of coffee and closed her eyes. She recalled hearing Gomes' voice behind her just before the gun went off. She slowly looked up at John to find him studying her. "He shot Elliot because he wanted to get to me. Because I got him kicked off the force."

"No, he shot Elliot because he showed up at the wrong time. Or the right time. Gomes' boys had a gun to your head, Liv." John reached for her hands. He was surprised at how cold they were despite holding her hot coffee.

Her thoughts returned to the scene in the bar. She recalled seeing Fin go down and hearing the gunfire throughout the bar. "I need to go see Fin."

"He's doing great. Spent a few hours with him earlier. Might even leave here today." John laughed. "Pissed off that the news guys were reporting Gomes being shot by friendly fire."

"Friendly fire." Olivia shook her head. She kept her eyes focused ahead looking at nothing. "Thank you, John." She looked directly into John's eyes.

He didn't have to ask for what, he knew. "I'm your partner, Olivia. Got your back." he winked at her. "Besides, I think I owed you."

Olivia laughed a little. "For what?"

"The warehouse. I got a little knick in the leg and was scared to death I was going to die. Just like a rookie, huh?" John was glad Olivia was loosening up a bit.

"You're no rookie, Sims. And you suffered a serious gunshot wound." Olivia shook her head at him.

"Yeah, well, I was scared and you seemed to know exactly what to do."

"Yeah, right. I'm an expert at surviving gunshot wounds." Olivia actually laughed. She stopped as quickly as she started. "Now, Elliot is fighting to survive his gunshot wound."

"And he will." John squeezed Olivia's hand.

Olivia looked at her watch. It was nearing eight in the morning. She wanted to lie down in her bed and sleep this nightmare away. Her body was sore and tense. Her mind was busy and tired. Her eyes were burning from the bright lights of the cafeteria. The partners sat in silence again. John looked up to see a woman approaching them and waited for Olivia to notice her. He knew Olivia was exhausted, mainly because her awareness of her surroundings was down drastically. John tapped her hand causing her to look up and only then did she notice Kathy Stabler standing at their table.

John noticed the tired apprehension fill Olivia's face as she made the introductions. Kathy nodded to John before returning her attention to Olivia. "Maureen is in with her father right now, I was hoping you could fill me in on a few things."

John rose, offering his seat to Kathy. Olivia didn't want him to go, but knew that Kathy wouldn't unless she talked to her. "Kathy, I'm really tired right now, could this wait?"

"My husband was nearly killed the other night…off duty. The news is saying he was shot by one of his own. Is this true?"

Olivia wanted to correct her in the worse way. Elliot was her ex-husband, Kathy's choice. "Yes and no. The man that shot Elliot was removed from the force a few weeks prior."

"Why was he even in that bar? He wasn't working?" Kathy's face showed anger and confusion.

Olivia was quickly becoming agitated. "Did he have plans with the kids that night? Otherwise why would you care where he was?"

Kathy's eyes burned into Olivia's. Neither woman spoke for a few moments until Olivia decided to attempt to keep things neutral. Especially with Elliot in such bad shape, he didn't need her and Kathy at each other's throats. "Look, Kathy. I don't have the answers you're looking for."

"You and Elliot are no longer partners." Kathy stared Olivia down.

"Yes."

"Why? Is it because you finally admitted to sleeping with my husband?"

Olivia shook her head and got to her feet. She was so exhausted she doubted she could defend herself against even Kathy at this point. "I never interfered with your marriage. Never."

Kathy stood as well looking as if she wanted to believe her. Olivia started to walk away when Kathy's voice drew her back. "I intend to fix my marriage. I want Elliot back. He needs to be at home with his kids."

Olivia felt as if she had just taken a bullet in the stomach. She knew how Elliot felt about his kids and she also knew he had caved to Kathy's guilt trips in the past concerning them. "Don't you think that's a choice for Elliot to make when he's ready?"

Kathy smirked as she pulled her purse up over her shoulder. "He'll always choose his family over you; always has."

Olivia watched Kathy leave the cafeteria and head to the elevator. She figured she was heading up to see Elliot. Olivia wandered out of the cafeteria herself. John fell into step beside her as they made their way out into the chilly morning air. Olivia's mind was taunting her and her emotions were pulling at her, yet her body refused to respond. "You okay?" John was nothing but a rock for her.

The wind was strong as they both sensed a storm moving in. Olivia wrapped her arms around herself against it as the cool air helped her breathe steadily. "When does Cragen want us back?"

"He didn't say. I doubt today if that's what you're asking." John wanted to know how the conversation with Elliot's ex-wife went, but wouldn't dare ask.

"Go on home, John. Get some rest, spend some time with your wife and daughter." Olivia looked her partner in the eye.

"I'd rather hang with you, make sure you're okay." John wanted to get home, but he hated leaving her upset. He knew she would deny it if he asked, but Kathy had upset her.

Olivia smiled at John before reaching for him. She hugged his neck and held on for a few moments before letting go. "We've already been through so much together. I don't want to help you through a divorce."

"My wife's being really understanding. She knows it's a tough time right now." John protested.

"Detective work, SVU specifically can be extremely hard on families. Elliot can fill you in on all that." Olivia looked up at he sky before looking back at John. "Go, take care of yours."

She turned and walked down the sidewalk of the hospital entrance and joined the other early morning commuters. John wondered where she was headed, but knew better than to follow. He watched her until he couldn't see her anymore, and then headed for his car. He did miss his daughter and so wanted to see his wife. He knew she would question him about the shooting and Olivia and Elliot, but he also knew she wouldn't push.

Olivia pushed on against the wind as she walked. She could feel the rain in the air as thunder rolled lightly in the background. Her thoughts crowded her head. She thought about Kathy and her threat to pull Elliot from her. His kids were his world; there was a good possibility that Elliot would want to return to their home to see them everyday. She shuddered at the thought of losing him completely for that is what would happen if he went home. He wasn't even her partner anymore.

Olivia could feel the rain begin to fall, but made no effort to escape it. The moisture felt cool and soothing against her face as she continued walking. She thought about going back to the hospital, but wasn't ready to square off with Kathy. Her thoughts shifted to seeing Elliot standing in the rain when she had been shot. He was an emotional mess, but he admitted that he loved her. Enough to give up the partnership to be with her.

She had been walking for over and hour. She was completely soaked from the rain. She wasn't far from her apartment and decided to go home, shower and change. She would go back to the hospital and be with him for as long as he wanted her there. Kathy had a point. He had always chosen his family over her, but they were only partners then. Partners with an incredible bond. Now he was so much more than her partner, he was her world. Her thoughts went back to her nightmare and how her heart still hurt from when she thought she had lost him. She knew without a doubt that she couldn't do this job without him, now she doubted whether she could live in this world without him either.


	41. Chapter 41

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 41

I don't own SVU or the main characters.

Kathy had made her way up to Elliot's room to find their daughter speaking softly with her dad. Elliot was holding Maureen's hand trying desperately to keep his eyes open for her. He was tired; so tired. He was also glad that Maureen was there. He was so proud of all of his children. Maureen filled him in when he asked about the others.

Elliot shifted his gaze when Kathy approached his bedside. "How're you feeling?" she rubbed his arm as she reached for his hand.

"Like I've been shot." Elliot was frustrated as he watched his ex-wife glance at their daughter. He was thrilled to see Maureen, but he'd much rather have Olivia holding his hand right now.

"I know you're in a lot of pain right now, but I want you to know that I love you and want to be here for you." Kathy smiled while she squeezed his hand.

Elliot pulled his hand away from his ex-wife, turning his head away as well. "Honey, I need to speak with your mother, okay?"

Maureen was familiar with the tension between her parents and was relieved to be asked to leave. She kissed her father, promising to return soon. He forced a smile telling her not to worry, he would be fine. Elliot stared at the door as it closed behind his oldest daughter.

"El, what's going on?" Kathy appeared worried as she switched to the side of the bed where Maureen had been.

"Where's Olivia?" Elliot asked still staring at the door.

"I don't know." Kathy hated that he was asking for her. "I think she left the hospital."

Elliot's eyes shifted to Kathy and stared her down. "What did you say to her?"

"Nothing, El. What's wrong?"

"Maureen said you saw her downstairs and went to talk to her. What did you say to her?" Elliot's tone was angry, but his voice was weak.

Kathy let out an agitated sigh. "She's tired, El. She probably went home to get some sleep."

Elliot closed his eyes. She promised him she wouldn't leave. He hated it, but Kathy was right. She must be exhausted. He hoped she was indeed getting some sleep. He was being selfish, but he wanted her with him at all times. He had to know she was okay.

Kathy's voice pulled him from thinking of Olivia. "El, I want you to come home. The kids miss you. I miss you."

Elliot slowly turned to face his ex. "You wanted a divorce, you got it. Now, you want me to come home?"

"I'm sorry, El. I made a mistake." Kathy's hands were on his face as she pleaded with him.

Elliot pulled her hands away looking her in the eyes. "I love my kids, but I don't want to come home, not this time, Kath."

Kathy looked shocked and Elliot watched as her expression changed to anger. "It's because of Olivia, isn't it?"

"Do we really have to do this now?" Elliot was getting angry.

Kathy stared at her ex-husband for a few moments before speaking her mind. "You were nearly killed because of her, doesn't that tell you something? She can't love you the way I have all these years, El."

Elliot closed his eyes while Kathy ranted. She was right, Olivia doesn't love him the way she did. What he and Olivia share is so different. He missed her terrible when she wasn't with him. He thought back to watching her take the bullet from Williams. How scared he was that she wouldn't survive. He thought how lucky he was to have her in his life now, not as his partner, but his lover. He hated the pain he was in, but would gladly go through it again if it meant that she would be safe.

"Elliot. El, are you listening to me?" Kathy had grown frustrated with him which suited Elliot just fine.

"Kathy, I'm tired. Could you leave now?" Elliot closed his eyes dismissing her and her comments. He was relieved to see the door close behind her. He called for the nurse hoping to get a phone. He needed to hear her voice, right then.

Olivia had made it home and entered her apartment quickly. She was completely soaked through and pulled her wet clothes off immediately. She stood in the shower under the hot spray and let the water run over her exhausted body. She was so tired that she could feel herself sway from side to side when she closed her eyes. Her mind was spinning as she fought to block out the images of the last two days. She turned the water as hot as she could stand and let it mix with her tears as it ran over her face. She was tired of crying, but couldn't seem to stop. She exited the shower and made her way to the bedroom to dress. She needed to get back to the hospital. She promised him she'd be there for him and she already missed him. She lied down on the bed, just for a minute. She could still smell his scent from the night before he almost died. She opened her eyes to see the room spinning. She closed them again and gave in to what her body desperately needed; sleep.

While her body could no longer function, her mind continued to race. Images of Elliot, John, Fin and Gomes crowded her attempt at peaceful sleep. Gomes' face was merely inches from hers as he threatened her. John had fallen in front of her, shot in the dark warehouse. She met Fin's eyes as he fell to the ground in pain in the bar. Elliot's face was so close to hers as he prepared to kiss her. He suddenly was unconscious on the floor of the bar. "Say goodbye, Darling." she turned to see Gomes with a gun aimed directly at her head. John wasn't quick enough, Richard fired.

Olivia shot up, her heart thumping, her head spinning. She worked to get her breathing under control only to then fight nausea. She made it to the bathroom just in time to relieve at least some of the motion that cursed her body. Coffee. All she had to eat or drink these past two days was coffee. She wretched violently causing her whole body to scream in pain. She pulled herself up and made it back to her bed where she immediately collapsed. She was shaking, but wasn't cold. She had to get back to Elliot, but her body refused to obey her commands to get up. She opened her eyes when she heard her phone ringing.

Olivia reached for her phone that was left on her bedside table. She focused in on the I.D., not recognizing the number. "Benson." she tried to make her voice sound as normal as possible, although she was feeling anything but.

"Liv."

Olivia sat up immediately, ignoring the pain in her head. "Elliot? Are you okay?"

"I am now. I need you… need to see you." Elliot's voice was comforting to her although he still sounded so very weak.

"Okay, El. I'm on my way, just needed a shower." Olivia stood carefully waiting for the dizziness to settle behind her eyes.

"I love you, Olivia." then he was gone.

Olivia stared at her phone when she realized he had hung up. He had a tone to his voice that she didn't recognize. She dressed nervously, wondering if Kathy had convinced him to go home with her once he was released. She let her mind roam back to when she had helped Kathy deliver her and Elliot's youngest son. They had been friendly at least back then, although Olivia knew Kathy had her suspicions. She shook her head as she tried to put herself in Kathy's shoes. Elliot was always faithful to his wife, a trait that always impressed Olivia about him. She was dressed and out the door in ten minutes. She was anxious to see Elliot.

John had made it home and almost instantly crashed. He had kissed his wife and hugged his baby girl, but then his body gave out as well. His sleep was restless as his mind wouldn't let him relax either. He kept waking after each disturbing dream to the quiet of his bedroom. Each time, exhaustion pulled him back under and he was asleep again. His dreams were of the chaos that took place in the bar. He could see Olivia being held by Sam as he placed a gun to her head. He saw Elliot enter the bar taking in the scene. He saw Gomes fire at Elliot and then the chaos erupted. He saw himself pull Olivia from under the table as they headed out into the darkened bar. His heart was pounding as he sat next to her scanning the bar. He flinched as Olivia fired at one of Gomes' boys as he had managed to sneak up on them. The gunshot Olivia got off woke John with a start. His heart was racing as he surveyed his surroundings again. Home. Safe. He closed his eyes again and was immediately pulled back into the hectic scene. He saw Gomes as he made his way to Olivia. She didn't see him as he crept up behind her and placed his gun to the back of her head. Elliot yelled at him to fire now, so he did. Elliot was unconscious, but John swore he heard him. He reached down, pulling Gomes off of Olivia where he had fallen with John's bullet lodged in his skull.

John jumped out of the bed, sweat forming on his face. His heart was racing and his breathing out of control. His wife entered the room when she heard him holler out. He reached for her and held her to his chest. Olivia was right, he had to take care of his family. Right now, his wife was taking care of him. She held him and didn't ask. He knew she wouldn't push him to talk about it, but John hated keeping her in the dark. "I watched eight people die. I watched two detectives go down with bullets in them. My partner was almost shot in the head, but wasn't because I shot him first…to kill."

John looked in his wife eyes as they filled with tears. He hated that he put all that on her, but he needed her right now and she seemed to sense that. She sat with him silently until he had gotten himself under control. He smiled at her and kissed her passionately. He lied back down needing sleep but afraid to give in. His wife stayed with him until he seemed to drift off peacefully.

Fin was a terrible patient. He complained about the food, the noise, the bed and even the nurses. He was ready to be released, but the doctors weren't ready to let him go. His arm was in a sling where they removed a bullet from his upper chest/shoulder region. He unhooked his I.V. lines and pulled on the pants he came in with two nights ago. He wanted to check on Elliot himself and knew he wouldn't be given permission to stroll the hospital. After his nurse had made her rounds, he headed out. He knew the way to ICU all too well and was directed to Elliot's room. He tapped lightly on the door and let himself in. Elliot's eyes were closed, but he wasn't sleeping. He seemed surprised, yet disappointed to sin Fin.

"Sorry, man. Was hoping Olivia was back." Elliot's eyes followed Fin as he approached his bed. He flopped down in the chair, obviously overdoing it.

"Feel like I'm in prison or something. All these rules are making me crazy. How you doing?" Fin watched Elliot as he tried to adjust his position. "Nah, man. Don't move too much."

Elliot blew out a long breath. "Hurts like hell." he grunted.

Fin nodded as they both fell silent. "Glad you're okay." Elliot kept his eyes closed as he spoke.

"You gonna make it, old man?" Fin tried to lighten the mood for Elliot. It seemed to work as he smiled at his colleague.

"I hope so. Worried about Olivia." Elliot gestured to his forehead signaling he was worried about her mental state.

"Me too." Fin looked at the ground. "Gomes really did a number on her…and then this." he motioned to Elliot.

The two men were silent again, both lost in their own thoughts. Elliot's breathing was becoming more and more labored. "Want me to get somebody for you?" Fins concern was genuine and Elliot knew it.

"I need you to look out for her, please, Fin." Elliot held his breath as a wave of pain traveled his body.

Fin stared Elliot down. "That's your job, man. You can't leave her, not now."

Elliot shook his head. "I don't intend to leave her…ever." Elliot fought with his pain. "I can't even fucking move!"

"What's going on, El?" Fin moved closer as Elliot was struggling with his breathing. He hit the call button for a nurse as he watched Elliot break out in a sweat.

Elliot grabbed Fin's gown, pulling him closer to him. "I can't fucking move." Elliot annunciated each word. "I can't feel my legs at all." Elliot closed his eyes against the pain in his chest and abdomen.

Fin turned when he saw the door was open. Olivia stood in the doorway staring at Elliot. Fin knew she had heard Elliot's confession by the look on her face. Olivia could feel her own legs grow weak as she tried to make them take her to Elliot. She leaned against the door jam for support as her gaze shifted from Elliot to Fin and back again.


	42. Chapter 42

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 42

I don't own…blah blah blah

"Fin. Should you be out of your bed?" Olivia found her voice and opted not to comment on what she had just heard.

"Probably not." Fin headed for the door stopping in front of Olivia. He waited until she made eye contact with him before he walked past her. Olivia watched him make his way out of the room leaving her alone with Elliot.

"Liv?" Olivia made her way over to Elliot and grasped his hand in hers.

"I'm here, El." she gently placed her hand on his face letting her thumb rub along his jaw line. He had grown a thin beard in just two days of not shaving. She made a mental note to herself to let him know that she liked seeing him with facial hair.

He opened his eyes and stared into hers for a few moments before speaking. "I'm not doing so good. I don't feel well at all." he closed his eyes again allowing himself to just feel her touch on his face.

"Do you want me to call the nurse?" Olivia used her other hand to wipe away the thin layer of sweat that had formed on his forehead.

"Won't do any good. I can't have anything else for awhile." Elliot slowly opened his eyes and held Olivia's gaze. "I can't move, Liv."

"Doctor said the bullet was resting along your spine, causing swelling. He said this may happen, but it should only be temporary. Try not to worry." Elliot recognized the tone in Olivia's voice as the one she so often used with victims. He wondered if she even knew she was talking to him as if he were a victim. He didn't care, her voice was soothing and he found it helped him settle down almost as soon as she started talking to him.

Elliot seemed to accept Olivia's explanation at first, but then doubted her and the doctor. "What if I can't walk again?" his voice held a hint of fear that Olivia picked up on immediately.

"Don't think like that, El. Give your body some time to heal." Olivia tried to keep her voice strong for him, but was failing miserably.

"What if I can't?" he asked again, his voice considerably softer. "I won't be able to work. You…you deserve a man that can…"

"I deserve you. Elliot, don't talk like this. I only want you, no matter what." Olivia swiped at the tears that began falling out of nowhere.

"I love you, but if I can't…"

"No, Elliot. I don't care, okay?" Olivia was crying now wishing she could make him understand. "I love you. You don't get to decide this for me. I love you and I want you, okay?" she hated that she sounded so weak when he needed her to be strong.

Elliot forced a smile as he raised his hand to wipe away the tears that Olivia missed. "Are you okay?"

Olivia was confused by his question. "I'm fine, El. I'm worried about you. I hate seeing you in so much pain."

Olivia watched as Elliot fought to stay awake. "It's okay, El. Go to sleep. I'll be here."

"But what if I… if we… never…" Elliot fell asleep in the middle of his thought.

Olivia knew what he was going to say. She didn't know how to make him understand that she didn't care if they never made love again. She just wanted him to get better. She just wanted to be sure he was going to live. Olivia stared at his sleeping face and prayed that the doctor was right. That any paralysis would be temporary.

She made herself as comfortable as possible in the uncomfortable chair as close to his bed as possible. She held onto his hand, running her fingers over the his scarred knuckles. She was comforted by the steady rhythm of his breathing. She glanced up at his monitor as it too kept a steady rhythm. Her thoughts took her back to the bar despite her efforts to block the scene out of her memory. She could feel her heart speed up a bit as she recalled finding Elliot. She knew how bad he was hurt when she first saw him. Olivia closed her eyes tight trying to force the vision from her conscious.

She looked up to a light knock on the door. Elliot's nurse came in and smiled at Olivia. Olivia watched her carefully as she tended to Elliot, taking his vitals. "His temp is down considerably, pulse is good." she offered at least some good news for a change.

Olivia smiled as she shifted her position. Her body was sore and her head was pounding. She watched the nurse leave wishing there was something they could do to speed up Elliot's recovery. She stood, making her way back to the window. It was early afternoon now and the busy city was in full swing. The sun was out giving the city streets an almost shiny glow. She had forgotten about the storm that soaked her early that morning, she barely noticed it anyway. She glanced at her watch, taking a few moments to register what she was reading. The days were beginning to all run together. She struggled to remember if she had talked to Kathy this morning or yesterday. She glanced over at Elliot wondering if Kathy had a chance to ask him to come home. Olivia felt that familiar churn in her stomach as she thought about Elliot returning to the house he and Kathy shared for years. His kids. She completely understood his need to be with his kids, and she wouldn't blame him if he decided to go home to them. She briefly thought about how she would cope if he did decide to go back to his ex-wife. She rubbed her chest over her scar while she repeated over and over in her mind that he wouldn't do that. They had come too far to just give up on what they had. How she hoped she was right.

"Now who's thinking too loud?" Elliot's voice pulled Olivia from her thoughts causing her to turn to face him. She hadn't realized she had let silent tears fall while her mind tortured her.

Elliot watched her make her way back over to his bedside. "You okay?" he reached up pulling her hand from her chest.

"I'm fine, El. You, feeling any better?" Olivia took his hand in both of hers.

Elliot didn't answer, just stared at her. "El?" Olivia seemed confused.

"I'm sorry, Olivia. If I hadn't started this whole thing with us, we never would've been split up. Gomes never would've been in the picture." Elliot's voice was surprising low and controlled.

Olivia braced herself fearing what Elliot was going to say. It was obvious he had a lot to say to her right now and she didn't dare interrupt.

"He hurt you, threatened you and challenged you from the day he became your partner." Elliot paused before continuing. "I saw what was going on in the bar when I arrived. Just didn't see Gomes into it was too late. I heard the gunshots but I couldn't move. I heard you, Olivia. I heard you talking to me, but then I heard gunshots. Then I didn't hear you anymore." Elliot's voice cracked.

Olivia grew frustrated with the tears that flowed non-stop as he spoke. He placed his hand on her face calming her with just his touch.

"I'm sorry for putting you through all that just because I was selfish. I was scared that I would lose you and you wouldn't know how I felt about you. Instead, we have this." Elliot put his hands up in frustration.

Olivia shook her head as she searched for her voice. "I pushed Gomes. I pushed him until he broke and you paid for it. I'm sorry, El." her voice shook as she spoke.

Elliot stared into her eyes not letting her look away. "I knew there would be trouble when I found out he was assigned to you."

Olivia worked to compose herself. She took a deep breath and wiped her face. She stood and backed away from Elliot. "Has Kathy been in to see you?" she knew she had.

"Yes." Elliot watched her pace his small room. He loved to watch her. He placed his arm behind his head giving himself more leverage. He was surprised with how little pain he felt.

"And?" Olivia stopped pacing and looked at him. He was watching her and he looked so good to her. He had a slight smirk on his face. "What?"

"You're cute when you're jealous." Elliot smiled now knowing he was stirring things up.

"I'm not jealous." Olivia smiled despite herself. "She wants you to come home…to be with the kids."

"She mentioned it." Elliot motioned for her to come closer to him.

Olivia searched his face for anything that would give her a clue as to what he wanted to do.

"I love my kids." Elliot looked her in the eyes as he spoke. "Other than Eli, they are all old enough to know that their mother and I don't belong together, at least not any more."

Olivia reminded herself to breathe. "I need to be with you. I love you. I'm just afraid…" Elliot's voice trailed off.

"What, El?" Olivia sat down on his bed leaning in close to him. "Tell me."

"What if I can't make love to you? You don't deserve to be saddled with somebody like me. You're too beautiful." Elliot placed his hand back on her face searching her eyes.

Olivia was silent for a minute just looking in those eyes that melted her inside. "El, I love making love to you, you're amazing." she paused as she smiled at him. "But I love YOU. I have for so long. I don't want to think about a day without you. Please, don't worry about that." she ran her fingers over his beard causing him to close his eyes. He pulled her in so her lips met his. She wanted to kiss him in the worst way, but didn't know where he was with all that. She kissed him lightly before pulling back. He pulled her back and kissed her passionately as if this would be their last kiss. His monitor indicated his heart rate was up and he rolled his eyes.

"Now the nurse will be in to check on me." Elliot ran his finger over her lips.

"I'm sorry, El. This isn't going to help you get better." Olivia leaned up but stayed sitting close to him.

"I don't know about that. I think I'm getting some feeling back." Elliot stated matter of fact.

"Yeah? El that's great." Olivia was truly relieved for him until she realized the grin he was sporting. She shook her head as she stood from his bed. "Men."

The nurse entered as if on cue and Olivia backed away from his bed. "I need some coffee. I'll be back."

"Okay." Elliot looked at her and she could feel that he was going to be okay. He loved her and nothing else mattered right now. She headed to the door and stepped out into the bright hallway. She headed to the elevator and waited. She could still feel his lips on hers and it was undoubtedly a natural high. She loved him and nothing else did matter right now.

The elevator doors opened causing Olivia to abandon her thoughts. She came face to face with Kathy as she exited the elevator. "Olivia." her tone was anything but friendly.

Olivia hated that she was here, but she trusted what Elliot had told her was the truth. She passed Kathy and boarded the now empty elevator. Kathy put her hand on the door, preventing it from closing. Olivia sighed not wanting a confrontation with Elliot's ex-wife, not now. The two women glared at each other until Kathy spoke.

"You don't have to be here, you know. His family is plenty capable of helping him recover. You're not even his partner anymore. Shouldn't you be back at the precinct." Kathy's voice was laced with venom.

Olivia had plenty to say to her, but decided against it. She reached up and gently pushed Kathy's arm down so the doors would close. She leaned against the wall of the elevator, closing her eyes tightly. She knew Kathy was hurting and she knew that she liked to take her frustrations out on her. She refused to let her ruin what she and Elliot had just shared. The doors opened and Olivia headed for the cafeteria.

"Lib!" Elliot's youngest son came running towards her. Olivia picked him up wrapping him in a tight hug.

"Hey, buddy." she held him close to her chest as he immediately grabbed for her necklace. Maureen was close behind him as she also greeted her father's former partner.

Olivia met Maureen's gaze as she placed Eli back on the ground. "How is he doing?" Maureen trusted Olivia and she knew how important that was.

"I think he's doing better." Olivia decided against sharing anymore. It wasn't her place to tell her that her father may be paralyzed.

Maureen stared Olivia down. "What's going on, Liv? Mom give you a hard time?'

Olivia smiled despite herself. "This is hard on everybody, including your mom. It's okay."

"She hates that dad is with you now. She wants him to come home." Maureen studied Olivia's face for a reaction.

"I would never stand in his way if he wanted to go home. I know he misses seeing you guys everyday." Olivia was careful not really knowing how Maureen felt about her father being involved with her, as more than partners.

"I know he is happy with you, Liv. I want him to be happy." Olivia was surprised for a brief moment as Maureen latched onto her. She wrapped her arms around the young woman and smoothed her hair.

Maureen pulled away and Olivia could see the tears forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry things didn't work out for your parents. I really am, Maureen."

Maureen reached for and picked up Eli. "It really is better this way."

"Lib, French fries?" Olivia couldn't believe Eli was almost three already. She smiled at the boy as they headed into the cafeteria.


	43. Chapter 43

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 43

I don't own SVU or the main characters. If I did….Chris would never want to leave!

Olivia waited until Kathy left the hospital before making her way back to Elliot's room. She had finally managed to eat a little with Eli and was feeling at least a bit steadier on her feet. She let her mind travel as she strolled the hospital halls. She thought about how close she had come to dying when she suffered her own gunshot wound. She thought about how she narrowly escaped death again, thanks to John. She felt her body shudder as the elevator doors opened to the hall leading to Elliot's room. Fin was standing outside his door and motioned for her to join him as she headed down the hallway.

"Fin, I really don't think you should be strolling around just yet." Olivia was amused by his dirty look as he led her to the ICU waiting room.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Fin spoke, looking her directly in the eyes. "You okay?"

Olivia was confused as she shook her head. "I wasn't shot, remember? You two were."

Fin shifted uncomfortably. "Gomes put you through a lot of shit."

"Fin, we'll all have to have our heads shrunk before getting back to work. You know, procedure." Olivia watched Fin as he seemed to be hiding the pain he was fighting. "You should probably get back to your room."

"I'm just worried about you. You tough and all, but…I don't know." Fin looked at the ground before continuing. "What if Elliot can't walk?"

Olivia let her eyes drop to the floor as well. They were silent together before Olivia answered him in barely a whisper. "I love him, Fin. That's all I know right now."

They sat together quietly for a while longer. "I'm sorry things got out of control and you…" Olivia motioned to his chest.

"You didn't cause this, baby girl. Just glad you are okay is all." Fin got to his feet and Olivia held his hand as she walked with him back to his room. Fin's nurse started giving him hell when they arrived. Olivia smiled despite the fact that her friend was in big trouble. He winked at her and started complaining about everything. Olivia laughed as she made a quick exit and headed back to see Elliot.

Olivia knocked softly and entered Elliot's room. He was awake, but staring at the ceiling. He didn't look at her way even when she greeted him. Olivia moved to his side trying to judge his demeanor. "El?"

Elliot refused to look her way and this unnerved Olivia. She hadn't been gone too long, but Kathy did just visit. Her mind frantically tried to guess what he was thinking about. "El, please talk to me." Olivia pleaded with him to tell her something, anything.

"I am going to be a fucking cripple. Is that what you want to hear?" Elliot's gaze stayed on the ceiling.

Olivia watched him wondering if he remembered their last conversation. "Has the doctor been in since I left?" she tentatively asked.

Elliot was silent, but his jaw flexed as he breathed. Olivia knew he was struggling with many emotions when he did that. She worked to keep herself calm as she waited for him to talk to her.

"Kathy talked to the doctor. I'm done." Elliot was angry and he didn't try to hide it from her. "You need to go."

Olivia flinched at his words. "El, the doctor wouldn't have shared that with her; at least not before telling you." Olivia found herself wondering if that were true.

Elliot slowly let his gaze fall on her. She was hopeful that her words made sense to him, but soon realized they hadn't. "I can't feel my legs still. I can't move and she comes in with that. The doctor doesn't need to tell me what I already know. She knows how to get information around her. She knows, Olivia." he turned his eyes back to the ceiling.

Olivia swallowed and carefully reached for his hand. She gasped as he quickly pulled it away. "I want you to get out of here."

"El. You don't mean that. I'm not leaving you. I won't ever leave you." Olivia fought to keep the tears at bay.

Elliot closed his eyes. He hated that he was hurting her, but she would realize later that it was for her own good. "Go."

Olivia pulled up the chair and sat down. "El, this isn't like you. I know things are tough right now, but you know I love you. I can't leave you."

Elliot quickly turned to face her. His voice made her physically jump. "Olivia! Get out of here!"

"No, El. I won't leave you." Olivia braced herself, watching his face grow red with anger. "What are you going to do? Throw me out?" she was immediately sorry for antagonizing him, but she also knew he needed her.

Olivia watched the expression on his face turn from pure anger to defeat in just seconds. He reached over and pushed the nurse's call button. "Elliot, please don't do this. I want to help you. I love you."

The nurse entered and tended to Elliot. "I don't want any visitors. Please escort Detective Benson out."

The nurse slowly looked toward Olivia, having no clue what was going on other than her patient's request. She gave Olivia a pleading look saying she didn't want to have to escort her out. Olivia nodded to the nurse as she stood. She leaned over Elliot so he had to turn his head away from her to avoid feeling her breath on his face. "I love you and you can be as mean to me as you need to; I'm not leaving you."

Olivia straightened and watched as Elliot refused to react to her words. She glanced at the nurse as she quickly made her way out of the room. She hurried to the bottom floor and then out of the hospital. The sun was setting and the air chilly. Olivia desperately tried to wrap her brain around the fact that Elliot had just thrown her out. He was hurting and scared; she knew this. He didn't want her to have to be stuck with him if he was indeed a paraplegic. Damn him. Damn him for thinking he could make that decision for her. She walked the few blocks to a little bar nearby. Her heart began racing as she entered. This bar was a bit more populated as happy hour had just begun. She found a spot at the bar and ordered something to take the edge off. Something that would calm her nerves and strengthen her resolve. She refused to give up on Elliot. She just needed something to take the burn out of his words.

John was enjoying his day with his family the best he could. He played with his daughter and fielded his wife's supporting looks. He couldn't help but think of Olivia, Elliot and Fin. He couldn't help but think of them and feel a bit guilty for being able to come home and be with his family. He had received a call from Captain Cragen ordering him back to work following his mandatory psych evaluation first thing in the morning. He was anxious to get things as back to normal as possible, but couldn't help but wonder if that would ever happen. He pushed his daughter on the swing in their backyard, trying to focus only on her squeals of "higher, daddy, higher." He was a lucky man and he knew just how lucky.

He kissed his daughter goodnight and tucked her in. He rarely got to do that anymore given the uncertain working hours of his new position. He kissed her goodnight and headed out into the hallway. He joined his wife in the kitchen as she cleaned up from dinner. He sat down at the table with a sigh watching his wife work. She made her way over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Call her." John's wife knew how lucky she was as well. He made it home to them, but she knew he was concerned about his partner.

John smiled at her and kissed her passionately. He pulled his phone from his pocket as his wife went back to the dishes. John hadn't heard from Olivia since they left the hospital early that morning. He didn't really expect to, but was hoping she would give him a call to share some good news about Elliot.

Olivia watched the people as they drank, laughed and talked amongst themselves in the bar. The music was loud and that worked well for her right now, although it failed to drown out her thoughts. She was comfortably numb by this point and didn't care if she ever left the bar. Here she didn't have to deal with Elliot, Kathy or anybody else that wanted a piece of her. She ordered up another drink and found herself in a simple, unimportant conversation with a man she had never met. He was friendly and commented on her drinking alone. She wasn't alone, not in this bar full of people.

Olivia jumped when her phone went off in her pocket. She pulled it out and answered without looking at the I.D. "Benson." she cleared her throat when she heard the sound of her own voice was unfamiliar.

"Olivia? Where are you?" John listened to the music and noise in the background.

"It's my partner." Olivia told the stranger as she turned her attention back to her phone. "Hey, John."

"Are you okay?" John quickly got dressed to head out not liking the sound of her voice.

"I'm good. Just a little pissed right now."

"Where are you?" John got the silent okay to go find her from his wife. He kissed her as he headed to his car.

John entered the bar with a sinking feeling in his chest. Memories of the tap and worry for Olivia now caused him to hold his breath until he found her sitting at the bar. She was talking with a few guys seemingly having a good time. He realized she was drunk, but could see that she was much more than just intoxicated right now. He pushed his way into the mix causing one of her friends to protest. He stood grabbing John by his shirt. John shoved his badge in the guy's face so that it touched his nose. "NYPD. Get off me!" John's voice made him even bigger as Olivia's friends quickly disappeared.

Olivia laughed as she finished her drink, motioning to the bartender to bring another. "That was a bit rude, don't you think, John?"

John sat down in the vacated seat next to her. "What's going on, Olivia?"

"You crashed my party, that's what's going on." Olivia drank from the new drink that was placed in front of her. John stared at her realizing just how much she looked like hell. Beautiful enough to attract 'friends' in the bar, but he knew she was hurting.

"Why aren't you with Elliot?" John put his hand on hers preventing her from taking another drink.

Olivia's demeanor changed with his words. "He threw me out." Olivia shook his hand away and proceeded to polish off her drink. John watched her wondering if she could stand at this point.

"Why?" John motioned for the check.

"He's mad. He's going to be a cripple." Olivia looked John in the eyes. "I tried to tell him that I didn't care, but he didn't care. Threw me out anyway." Olivia threw her arms in the air causing her balance to suffer a bit.

John placed his hand on her back to help steady her. "Olivia, he's just struggling right now. You know how he feels about you." John pulled his wallet out and took care of Olivia's bill getting a better sense for how much she drank. He glanced at his watch. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"I can't go home." Olivia looked up at John with fear in her eyes. He was taken back by her actions and helped her to her feet anyway.

"Then we'll walk. Let's get out of here. Not too fond of bars these days." John nodded to the bar tender as he walked Olivia out of the bar. She was surprisingly steady given the amount of alcohol she consumed.

The two partners walked in silence; John waiting for her to speak. He stopped their stride when she did. "He doesn't want me to be stuck with him if he can't…you know." Olivia looked away as tears formed.

"Didn't the doctors say this may happen and that it would most likely be temporary?" John scrambled for something, anything to say to make her feel at least a little better.

"Yeah, but he doesn't believe it. Maybe it's not temporary. Maybe he will be paralyzed, I don't care." Olivia grabbed the sides of her head with her hands. "I don't care, why can't he believe me?"

John pulled her into his chest and let her cry it out. When she finished she looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, John. You always seem to be here when I need you."

"Partners." John smiled at her. He watched as Olivia accepted his answer. "And as your partner, you stink of whiskey, bad." John backed away from her. "How do you drink that stuff?"

"Give it a few more years, rookie, you'll see." Olivia headed towards the hospital.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you home, get some sleep maybe." John knew she wanted to get back to Elliot.

Olivia ignored him and walked off without waiting. He jogged to catch up and escorted her back to the hospital. She held the elevator door for him as they rode up to Elliot's floor. "It's late. It would be better to see him in the morning." Olivia ignored him again.

They walked past the nurses' station without being stopped. It was late, but they all recognized the detectives. John leaned against the wall as Olivia slowly entered Elliot's room. He was sleeping soundly and didn't even flinch as she smashed her knee into the bottom rail of his bed. She lowered herself down into the chair and simply stared at him. He may throw her out in the morning or whenever he awoke, but until then she wasn't going to leave him.

Olivia felt hands on her as she struggled to open her eyes. "Come with me." Olivia focused in the darkened room and was relieved to see Mary.

"Don't make me leave him, Mary, please." Olivia tripped over her own words as the hour of sleep in the chair did nothing but make her that much more unbalanced. Mary continued to urge her along until she had successfully guided her out of Elliot's room. "I can't leave him, Mary."

Mary ignored her comments and guided her into the nurse's lounge where she had set up a cot. "Lay down." Mary ordered.

"I know he threw me out today, but I need to be with him. He's just scared right now." Olivia protested.

Mary turned Olivia to face her by gently grabbing her shoulders. "You are drunk off your ass right now. I need you to lay down here and sleep it off." Mary guided her down to the cot and watched as defeat crossed Olivia's features.

"How did you manage this?" Olivia seemed to give in and stretch out on the small bed.

"Just cashed in on the NYPD's frequent flyer miles." Mary draped a sheet over the weary detective noticing how fast she was back out. Mary couldn't help but hurt for Olivia. She had become so fond of her detective and hated seeing her in so much pain over Elliot. She knew what Elliot was doing, but knew only they could work this out. He was alive and his overall health was improving. Her job was to take care of him while he was her patient and she would do just that. It wasn't her job to take care of Olivia anymore, but her heart wouldn't let her stop. Olivia made her miss her daughter and just watching the drunk detective sleep made her realize just how much.


	44. Chapter 44

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 44

I don't own…

Mary worked tirelessly through the night checking on Elliot and her other patients. She included Olivia in her rounds and was pleased to find her completely unconscious each time she entered the lounge. Mary could only wonder how Olivia was even functioning given the tragic events and now Elliot's rejection. Getting smashed to cope didn't exactly surprise Mary, but it did worry her. Olivia hadn't moved an inch in the two hours since lying down and Mary hoped she wasn't sick whenever she decided to wake up.

Elliot was awake on and off the past two hours. He wondered where Olivia was and wished he could apologize to her. The last thing he wanted was for her to be away from him, but the thought of not being able to walk, to function, made him sick. He wanted her mad at him. He wanted her to want to leave him, to find somebody else. The thought of her with somebody else made him even sicker, but she didn't deserve to have to take care of him the rest of her life. He didn't get his eyes closed fast enough this time when Mary entered.

"How many times do you have to come in here?" Elliot felt as though he had a right to be pissy. Mary didn't deserve his attitude, but she was the one there right then.

"As many times as I deem necessary." Mary stuck the thermometer in his mouth when he opened it to reply. Elliot pulled it out just as quick.

"Detective, if I can't get your temperature orally, then there are other ways." Mary crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Elliot. Elliot returned her glare and slowly replaced the thermometer.

"That's a good boy." Mary smirked as she grabbed his arm to place the blood pressure cuff around his bicep. Elliot was pissed. Pissed at Mary, pissed at Olivia, pissed at Kathy, pissed at Gomes. He waited until Mary removed the thermometer before addressing his nurse, whom he once thought of as his angel.

"I need more pain medication." Elliot request was demanded.

"You need an attitude adjustment." Mary concentrated on recording Elliot's vitals before heading for the door.

"Mary, please." Elliot softened his voice.

Mary turned to face him and slowly made her way back to his bedside. "What's going on, Elliot?"

"I'm having a lot of pain and need something to help me sleep." Elliot decided he would try another route with Mary. Mary studied Elliot's face causing him to look away.

"Okay. I'll be back with something for you. I need to check on Olivia first." Mary headed for the door feeling Elliot's eyes on her as she expected.

"What's wrong? What happened to her?" Elliot couldn't suppress the panic that crept into his voice.

Mary opened the door before turning to face Elliot. "I thought you wanted her gone. Her condition doesn't concern you." Mary made her way into the hallway listening to Elliot holler her name.

She waited a few moments for effect and then reentered Elliot's room. "Detective, you need to calm down. You're going to wake the entire ICU."

"I don't care. What happened to Olivia? Is she okay?"

Mary approached Elliot's bedside and waited until he looked her in the eyes. "Please tell me, Mary?"

Mary sat down on Elliot's bed. He waited patiently knowing that Mary was intentionally baiting him; and it was working. "Do you remember sitting next to Olivia's bedside, in this same kind of uncomfortable chair, right after she got out of surgery?"

Elliot shook his head knowing that he had to play her game or she wouldn't tell him about Olivia.

"Do you remember how scared you were that she wasn't going to pull through?" Mary waited until he shook his head. She watched as he replayed that particular scene in his head.

"Do you remember how it felt to realize you loved her like I know you do, only to lose her?" Mary worked to keep Elliot's focus on her as she watched him fight with his emotions.

"Detective Stabler, if only you could have seen her when she thought you wouldn't pull through. That woman loves you more than her own life." Mary had tears in her eyes now that matched Elliot's.

"She shouldn't have to take care of me. I know she'll stay with me because she'll feel responsible some how. I don't want that for her." Elliot rubbed his face with his hands.

"Elliot, don't decide that for her. She'll take whatever you dish out. She'll take your anger and she'll take your mean words." Mary paused waiting for Elliot to look her in the eyes. "I know you don't want to hurt her, but I got to tell you, you're doing a great job of that."

Elliot lied his head back against the pillow. His gaze shifted to the ceiling. Mary stood to leave Elliot with his thoughts.

"Mary, is she okay? Where is she?" Elliot sounded defeated and it pulled at Mary's heart.

"She's in the nurse's lounge, sleeping off a nasty binge." Mary sighed before continuing. "She was here, but I made her leave per your orders, Detective."

Elliot swallowed hard as he thought about Olivia and how she had refused to leave. Until he threatened to have her physically removed. Why did he do that to her? His anger was now directed at himself. Olivia didn't deserve to be treated the way he treated her. "I need to see her." Elliot's voice was small like a scared child's would be.

Mary shook her head. "I don't know. She drank an awful lot. My guess is she won't be feeling so good when she finally comes to."

"Please, Mary. Talk to her?" Elliot's eyes begged her.

"I think it's up to you to talk to her…if she still wants to see you." Mary left Elliot's room to continue her rounds. There was no doubt in her mind that Olivia would want to see him.

Olivia woke a few hours later to her world spinning. She closed her eyes tightly in an attempt to stop the motion that controlled her existence. She sat up and opened her eyes looking for something to throw up in. She briefly thought about how there was a trash can conveniently placed next to the cot she had been sleeping on. Her thought were quickly shifted to how she felt like she were going to die. Her insides churned and burned as she violently puked in the trash can. Her head was throbbing as she slowly lowered herself back down onto her cot. She was sweating as she gave in to round two. Mary sat at the table in the little lounge waiting for Olivia to recognize she wasn't alone.

"I think I'm dying, Mary." Olivia realized it hurt to open her eyes for any amount of time.

"Not even close, sweetheart." Mary's words were both comforting and humiliating to Olivia.

Mary wondered if Olivia had fallen back asleep. "Olivia?"

"Hmmm." Olivia was trying to convince herself it was safe to sit up again, but was failing miserably. She lied still as she prayed the nausea would pass soon.

"Elliot is asking for you." Mary watched for her reaction, but grew worried when there wasn't one. "Olivia?"

"I don't care." Olivia's words were mumbled as she kept her position still.

"That's not true." Mary had hoped Elliot asking to see her would be good news.

Olivia sat up and immediately grabbed her head. "He threw me out. I can't make him understand that I don't care if he's paralyzed. Did the doctors confirm if it's permanent?" Olivia carefully lifted her gaze to reach Mary's face.

"Not that I'm aware of." Mary found it hard to look into Olivia's eyes when she saw the pain that filled them.

Olivia pushed herself to her feet only to quickly sit back down. She held her head in her hands.

"He's struggling with his emotions right now. He's pushing you away, but that's not what he wants. He's just confused and scared right now." Mary's voice was the sound of reason that Olivia was desperate for.

"I need to go home. I can't face him right now." Olivia stood successfully this time.

"My shift is over, I'll give you a lift." Mary offered pleased that Olivia would make him wait. Olivia was torn between wanting to run to Elliot and afraid to go near him. She would wait until she felt better before going to see him.

John was up early and quietly dressed for work. He tightened his tie and strapped on his gun. He sighed as he looked at himself in the mirror. He was Detective Sims again and ready to get back to work. He wanted to put this whole situation with Gomes behind them and get things back to as normal as they would ever be in his line of work. John kissed his wife goodbye and headed out. He planned to stop at the hospital to check on Olivia before heading in for his mandatory psych evaluation. He was stopped by nurses and a few doctors heading into Elliot's room. He stopped one hurrying nurse to ask what was going on.

"Detective Stabler tried to get out of bed and fell." the nurse recognized John as another detective and felt safe to continue. "He's got a nasty gash on his head and is being difficult to deal with. Do you think you could help calm him down?"

John doubted he would be of any help, but found himself following the nurse in. The doctor was looking at Elliot's head and going over restrictions with him. John quietly stood in the back of the room waiting to be of any service they needed. The doctor instructed him to stay in the bed until he has regained full feeling in his legs. John's eyes widened. Elliot got out of bed trying to rush the process. The doctor cleared out leaving Elliot alone with a few nurses or were cleaning him up.

"Hey, Hero!" Elliot noticed John.

"What's going on, El?" John made his way over to his side.

"Tired of being in the damn hospital; ready to go. Know what I mean?" Elliot nodded at one of the nurses as she finished tending to his wound.

"Getting some feeling back?" John was hopeful for him as well as Olivia.

"Maybe. Where's Olivia?" Elliot studied his face.

"Not sure. I left her here last night." John really wasn't sure what had become of Olivia last night. He left her with Mary so he wasn't worried.

"Mary said she was wasted. I shouldn't have made her leave." Elliot confessed to Olivia's partner.

"I found her at the bar down the street, yeah, wasted. She's having a hard time, Elliot." John wasn't worried about being out of line.

Elliot stared at him for a few minutes. "You back to work today?"

"If they clear me and decide I'm not a head job." John looked at his watch. Elliot watched the young detective as he nervously stood before him.

"Thank you, John." Elliot waited for him to make eye contact. "For everything. Saving Olivia's life and looking out for her now."

John shifted nervously. "She loves you man. She's hurting and wants to be here for you." John watched Elliot as his expression changed numerous times. He wasn't sure what the older detective was thinking, so he decided to continue. "I don't know how I'd react if I was facing paralysis, but I would like to think I wouldn't push somebody as wonderful as Olivia out of my life…especially if she didn't want to go."

John didn't wait for Elliot's response. He headed for the door not looking back and headed out. He went looking for Olivia. The nurse told him that she had left earlier with Mary who was taking her home. John was satisfied with that and headed into the precinct.

Elliot stared at the ceiling. He was ashamed and angry. He knew John was right, but how could he understand unless he was in the same situation. It wasn't that he wanted Olivia out of his life, he just wanted more for her. Elliot's thoughts were what he had seen in the bar before he saw Gomes. He recalled how his heart stopped when he saw Olivia with a gun to her head. He remembered making eye contact with John who was desperate with his own gun drawn. All before seeing Gomes. Then all he could hear was gunfire and finally Olivia's voice in his ear. He remembered trying like hell to move, but couldn't. He remembered her voice so filled with fear and panic. He hated that he was the reason she was so upset, but couldn't do anything to help her. John was man enough to call him out and he was a little pissed at him. He knew John was right in making his comments, he was Olivia's partner and Elliot knew how seriously John held that title. Elliot was grateful for that. That Olivia had somebody she could trust watching her back every day.

Elliot rubbed his head where he had hit it on the side table. He felt the headache starting and cursed himself for being so impatient. He had felt something in his legs for the first time since he was injured and was eager to feel more. Now he was afraid that he just made his situation worse. He slammed his arms down at his sides in frustration. He looked down as he felt his hands hit his legs. He could feel his muscles spasm as he tried to move his legs. He held his breath at the uncomfortable sensation that traveled his body. He hit the nurse's call button, both excited and scared. He picked up his cell from the side table and hit speed dial. He didn't just want to see her, he needed to see her.

Olivia heard her cell vibrate on the table as she was pulled from yet another nightmare. She was frustrated as Tim Hendricks made yet another appearance in her subconscious. She reached for the phone, squinting to see the name on the I.D. She placed the phone back down without answering. She didn't want to talk to Elliot right now. Even if he was sorry and wanted to see her, she wasn't ready. What if he wanted to yell at her some more? She just wasn't ready.

Olivia rolled over and closed her eyes. She desperately wanted to sleep. She was so tired. Tired of fighting, tired of crying, tired of hurting. Tired of caring. She felt herself slipping off to sleep, not really caring if she ever woke up. She vaguely registered the sound of her cell as it seemed to ring nonstop. "I can't do this anymore, Elliot. You win." Olivia spoke out loud to a silent room as she let herself drift off.

A/N: I've been having a hard time finishing this story. Not really wanting to say goodbye to all my friends! I hate that Chris isn't returning next season, but his character is still contracted to star in my story. So if I end it…. Anyway, last chapter coming up next. I appreciate every review and love to hear the comments. Why do you all hate Kathy. She's not really a bitch….I just write her that way. Hee hee.


	45. Chapter 45

When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 45

I don't own SVU or the characters associated with SVU.

John entered the precinct and headed immediately into Captain Cragen's office. "I'm ready to get my pysch evaluation over with so I can get back to work." John appeared agitated which concerned his captain.

"You okay, John? What's going on?"

John stood with his hands on his hips and a tense, frustrated expression on his face. He thought better of saying what was bothering him, instead opted to answer his boss with the most simplest answer. "I'm fine."

Cragen leaned back in his chair and nodded at his newest detective. "How's Stabler?" he knew how Elliot was progressing, keeping close tabs with the hospital staff. He just wanted to get John talking.

"He's got a lot to deal with, sir." John shook his head. "I just wish…" John cut his own thought short.

Cragen gave him a look that told him to continue. "I just wish he wouldn't have taken out his frustrations on Olivia."

Cragen got up and moved around to the front of his desk. He leaned back to sit on it looking John in the eye. "Those two have taken out their frustrations on each other for years. A coping mechanism, if you will." Cragen knew this was different, but his statement was made in an attempt to give himself as well as John some hope.

John slowly shook his head, looking at his feet. "I don't know, sir. He made her leave him yesterday; had her thrown out. She was a fucked up mess. I'm worried about her."

Cragen rubbed his jaw with his fingers as if in deep thought. "Where is she now?"

"I assume home suffering through what I would guess a nasty hangover." John answered honestly. "I found her last night in the bar down the street from the hospital."

Cragen nodded that he was hearing John. "You can't fight this fight for her. You do know that, right?"

"That's just it, sir. I'm not so sure there's much fight left in her. Stabler's in bad shape, but Olivia's been through hell as well." John rubbed his hands over his face.

Cragen approached the young detective who he had quickly grown fond of, placing his hand on his shoulder. "She will need you, her partner, to lean on. You need to be strong and find a way to stay strong, for her. Understand?"

"Yes sir." John blew out a long breath.

"Get in with Huang, get it out, and get back to work." Cragen returned to his chair and slowly lowered himself down into it.

John simply stared at his captain, taking in his words. His mind kept a picture of his partner's pained expression outside the bar last night. He tried to shake the image free as he headed out of his captain's office. He glanced at their desks, not recognizing the detectives that occupied them. Half of the one-six's detectives had been out the last few days, so it was necessary to replace them. He headed out of the squad room only to run into Fin coming in.

"Hey, rookie." Fin held his hand out to John who was genuinely surprised to see him.

John took his hand, shaking it firmly. "They let you out already?"

Fin's arm was in a sling which didn't do too much to protect against the pain he still felt. "Something like that. I can't stand hospitals, man. Bored."

John smiled. "Good to see you." Both detectives knew his words were deeper than a simple greeting.

They shared the experience in the bar, therefore sharing the grief, concern and responsibility of their fellow detectives. Fin cleared his throat and made his way past John and headed for Cragen's office. John continued on his way, knowing that as bad as things were in that bar, they could've been that much worse.

Elliot listened to the ringing of Olivia's phone. He found himself somewhat comforted by the sound of her voice as it continuously went to voice mail. She would do this from time to time when she was pissed at him. They had been partners for so many years; there were many times she gave him the silent treatment. He knew though, that this wasn't like the other times. He had hurt her. He had hurt her when she was fighting to stay strong. Fighting for him. She was absolutely right; he had no business deciding for her what she wanted. She said she wanted him no matter what and he threw her out anyway.

Elliot could feel his anger building as he dialed again. He was angry at himself for being so selfish. He listened to her voice again before heaving his phone across the room. He watched as it smashed into the wall, falling to the floor in a few pieces. He would have to wait for her to forgive him. He would do that because that was the choice he had made for the both of them. He knew she loved him. He could see it in her eyes when they were together. He had heard it in her voice when she cried over him. Now all he could do was wait, wait for her to come back to him. He fought the worry from his chest. John did say she was in a bad way over all this. John doesn't know her like he does though. John doesn't know how Olivia always manages to get what she wants. Elliot stared at the ceiling hoping like hell he was still what she wanted.

Olivia rolled over and slowly opened her eyes. She felt like she had been through war; her body aching everywhere. She listened to the quiet of her apartment as she slowly let herself come to. Her head was pounding as she closed her eyes to try to alleviate the pain. She was having no luck and decided to work through it. Olivia pulled herself out of bed, only briefly wondering how she got home. Her memory only gave her bits and pieces of the night prior, and the bits she had were enough to make her want to return to the bed and close the world out forever. She made her way into the kitchen and found her Tylenol. Her thoughts immediately went to Elliot and how he wanted her gone. She knew now and she knew then, that he was just reacting to the situation he found himself in. She thought about him being paralyzed and how he would cope. She thought about him in a wheelchair the rest of his life and shuddered. She would deal with it, especially if it meant he would be with her the rest of his life. Why couldn't he accept that? She could feel the frustration mounting as she downed the pain pills.

Olivia briefly glanced at her watch as she headed out. It was close to quitting time, although that rarely was a specific time at the one-six. She wanted to catch Cragen and let him know she would be reporting in the morning. John was making his way out of the precinct and stopped on the steps as he waited for Olivia to notice him.

"No offense, partner, but you look like hell." John grinned at her as she raised one eyebrow at him.

"Honesty is usually the best policy, although maybe not so much today." Olivia smiled a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She rubbed his arm as she continued on into the precinct.

John followed her in curious as to why she was there. "Have you seen Elliot today?"

"No, I haven't." Olivia's voice was soft and quiet as she briefly made eye contact with her partner. "How did your meeting go?" she made an obvious attempt to change the subject.

"I'm good. No crazier than I already was." John tried to lighten the mood. Olivia couldn't help but smile, but it was a short-lived gesture. "I could go with you, if you want…to see Elliot." John was willing to do whatever it took to help her.

Olivia seemed to consider his offer, but politely declined. "I…maybe tomorrow…I don't know…" she stammered as she realized how nervous she was about going back to see Elliot.

John closed the distance between them speaking directly into her ear. "I bet he's cursing himself for making you leave. He loves you, Olivia." John looked into her eyes and watched her look away in an attempt to prevent tears from forming. "He's just messed up right now." he gestured to his head.

"I know he's scared. I think I'll just give him some time. You know…just some time." Olivia's voice cracked when she spoke. She quickly regrouped and once again changed the subject. "I think I'll come back to work tomorrow. I'm going to talk to Cragen now to let him know."

"Olivia, you need to take a few more days. Are you sure you're ready?" John wanted her to come back to work, but not at any more risk to her health.

"I need to work, John."

John accepted her answer even though he was fairly certain Huang wouldn't clear her. "Okay. Let me know if you want me to go to the hospital with you." he gave her a small wave and turned to leave.

Olivia was grateful for John. He was supportive in a non smothering way. She took a deep breath and approached her boss' office. He motioned her in when she knocked and stood to greet her.

"How are you doing?" Cragen asked a question he didn't need an answer to.

"I'm fine. Elliot's the one in bad shape." Olivia took a seat which encouraged the captain to as well.

"I didn't ask about Elliot." Cragen gave her a glare that made it impossible for Olivia to look away.

"I…I need to work, sir. I want to return first thing in the morning." Olivia sounded sure of herself as she kept eye contact with her boss.

Cragen leaned back in his chair and stared at his broken detective. "I don't know, Olivia. You've been through a hell of a lot over the last few days. I'd rather you take at least a weak. Get some rest."

Olivia stood quickly as she felt anger flush through her body. She took a deep breath, knowing she had to control herself. "Please sir. I'd like to get things back to normal as soon as possible."

Cragen watched the emotions wash through Olivia as she returned to her seat. He studied her knowing how she usually immersed herself in her work when she was struggling. "You need to meet with Huang before I even have a say. You know the routine, Detective."

Olivia hung her head and rubbed her face with her hands. Yes, she knew the routine, but still held out hope that somehow she would be able to bypass the routine head shrinking. "When?"

"First thing in the morning." Cragen answered. "If you're ready."

"As ready as I'll ever be." Olivia stood making her way to the door. The last thing she wanted to do was go over what happened in the bar and describe how she felt about it.

"Olivia?" Cragen's deep voice grabbed her attention. He obviously was struggling with what to say to her and decided to avoid upsetting her any more than she already was. "See you in the morning."

Olivia nodded and made her way out of his office and through the squad room. She made it outside where she started the short walk to her apartment. The sun was setting, but she found she couldn't enjoy the scene. She pulled her jacket tighter around herself as she walked. She wanted to see him, she wanted to touch him and tell him she loved him and needed him. She was scared to see him, scared to touch him, scared to need him like she did. She tormented herself by recalling his angry tone as he told her to leave. What if he didn't want her after all. She tried to force the thought from her mind, but was failing miserably. She was fairly certain she wouldn't survive him rejecting her-again.

Olivia made it home and returned to her bed. She was physically worn out and her headache was relentless. She closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep. She only hoped things would look better after allowing her body and mind the rest it deserved. It surprisingly didn't take long for her to feel the comfortable haze envelope her as she drifted off.

Elliot looked up as his older kids entered his room. He was thrilled to see them, wondering why Kathy had finally allowed them to visit now. He had been asking for them, but she said they weren't ready to see him. His son approached his side giving his father that infamous Stabler grin. Elliot couldn't help but grin back as he then focused his attention on his daughters. They looked worried and he hated that.

"Guys, I'm going to be okay. You'll see." Elliot held out his hand to Kathleen or immediately took it.

"Mom says you may not be able to walk again. Is that true, Dad?" Dickie never was one to beat around the bush.

"Doctors think it's temporary. I haven't given up, not yet." Elliot tried to make his words sound strong, if not for him, but for his kids.

"Mom also said you may be moving back home." Kathleen looked hopeful which pained Elliot.

Elliot motioned for his daughters to sit with him on the bed. He instinctively went to slide over a bit and surprised himself when his leg twitched. He looked at his son who saw the movement as well and winked at him. Dickie's smile was huge as was Elliot's.

"Your mother thinks I need to be at home, that you kids want me there. I don't really want to be there, unless you guys really want me there. I'd rather be at my own place and have you guys come visit whenever you want." Elliot watched each of their expressions carefully.

"What about Olivia?" Dickie asked the question that was on all their minds.

Elliot looked at him urging him to continue. "Do you still want to be with her?"

Elliot sighed. "I do. I may have messed up though, bad."

Maureen took her dad's hand making him look at her. "We all know how much she loves you, Dad. Don't give up on her."

Elliot couldn't help but smile at his oldest. He loved that his kids loved Olivia and were happy that they had decided to make a go of their relationship. "It's really not about me giving up on her. I pushed her away because I didn't want her to have to take care of me the rest of her life. Now I have to wait to see if she'll forgive me." Elliot looked down at his hands while he talked to his children.

"Dumb, Dad." Dickie shook his head.

"Maybe Olivia wants to take care of you the rest of her life. Isn't that what partners do?" Kathleen watched her father as he looked from each one of them.

His gaze stopped on Dickie's twin, Lizzie. "Baby? What's on your mind? You've been awfully quiet."

"I love Olivia. She makes you happy." Elliot pulled his daughter to his chest as he hugged her tight.

Their attention was directed to the door as it slowly opened. Elliot could feel his mood change as his ex-wife entered. The kids took the cue and kissed their father goodbye. He hated that they felt they had to leave, but even the kids could sense the tension between their parents.

Kathy took a seat next to Elliot's bedside and simply stared at her ex-husband. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been shot." Elliot scowled at her before looking away.

"Elliot, the kids…"

"I told them I'm not coming home, Kath. They're okay with it." Elliot was glad to have had a chance to talk with them.

"Who's going to take care of you? You can't expect Olivia to give up her job to stay home and take care of you. Besides, she's not used to having a husband and dealing with all that entails." Kathy's voice grated on Elliot's nerves and he wasn't shy about showing it.

"I'll take care of myself. I would never ask Olivia to give up anything for me." Elliot pushed himself to a sitting position. "I'm not coming home."

Kathy knew the tone and knew the discussion was over. He hated seeing the hurt cross her face, but he refused to return to their unhappy marriage. "I will always love you, Kathy. We have five beautiful children together. We were not happy together and you were the one strong enough to admit that for the both of us."

Kathy wiped a tear away as she didn't respond to Elliot's softer tone. "I am happy with Olivia and I want to be with her. You found somebody else that you said made you happy, right?"

"It didn't work out." Kathy's defeated tone made Elliot wince a bit.

"You'll find somebody else then. I don't doubt that at all." Elliot took her hand and squeezed lightly.

Kathy kissed him on the cheek as she stood to leave. "Call me if you need anything. Okay?"

"Okay." Elliot smiled as he felt they had turned a corner. He relaxed as his room was quiet once again.

Elliot pulled the covers back from his legs and stared. He could feel watched as he moved his legs despite the sharp pains that traveled his back and abdomen. Maybe the doctors were right. The swelling on his spine was going down giving him the ability to move again. He smiled a relieved smile as he paged a nurse. He wanted a doctor to come see him and tell him just that. He looked at the clock realizing Mary would be on duty in a few hours. He wanted to see her. To apologize for being an ass to her and to thank her. She indeed was an angel and Elliot truly believed that. Maybe, just maybe she could convince Olivia to come see him. He missed her terribly and prayed that she wouldn't give up on him.

Elliot woke to a darkened room. He had slept for the past few hours after the doctor left. He had confirmed to Elliot that the swelling had diminished and that within a few days he should be ready to start rehab. His wound was beginning to heal and his vitals all looked good. He would be transferred soon out of ICU due to his progress. Elliot was able to relax enough to sleep peacefully since being admitted. He watched Mary perform her duties carefully in an attempt not to wake him. "Hi, Mary."

"I'm sorry, Detective. Didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay." Elliot grabbed her arm causing her to focus on his face. "Thank you, Mary."

Elliot continued as Mary eyed him suspiciously. "Thank you for putting up with me."

Mary patted him on the arm as she continued recording his vitals on his chart. "I guess I have a soft spot for the NYPD."

"Yeah? Why is that?" Elliot grunted as he forced himself up into a sitting position, using his hands to carefully replace his legs.

Mary watched him and shook her head realizing the progress he had made in one day. She pulled up the chair and took a seat leaning in toward him. "My daughter was NYPD."

Elliot studied Mary's face reading the pain that was in her eyes when she spoke. "What happened?" his voice was soft and encouraging.

"She was killed in the line of duty. High speed chase…" Mary's words drifted off. "It will have been ten years ago next month."

Elliot held her hand as they sat in the darkened room. "What was her name?"

"Elizabeth Parker." Mary watched as realization crossed Elliot's face. "I knew her."

A sense of comfort fell over Mary with Elliot's words. "She loved her job, loved what she did. She loved working with the new recruits." Mary watched as Elliot's gaze traveled from her face to the ceiling.

"She was Olivia's training officer when she was first out of the academy." Elliot couldn't help but feel for Mary as he realized why she had been so taken with Olivia from the beginning.

"Elizabeth would come for dinner from time to time and share stories about the trainees. She would mention Olivia often, she really liked her. She said she would be one of the ones that made a difference in this harsh world." Mary wiped a tear as she spoke.

"Does Olivia know you are Elizabeth's mother?" Elliot asked doubting she did. "She admired Elizabeth and was a mess when she died."

"No, no she doesn't. I recognized Olivia's name when she was brought in and knew that it had to be me to be her primary nurse. I wanted to take care of her….like I didn't get the chance to with Elizabeth." Mary shrugged as she stood.

"I'm sorry, Mary." Elliot watched the seasoned nurse as she composed herself and got back to business.

"Getting some feeling back?" she motioned towards his legs. "How about your head?" Mary shook her head as she inspected his cut.

"Tell her, Mary. And then convince her to come see me, please. I need to see her, to tell her how sorry I am." Elliot begged.

"I'll try, but she's not been feeling too good lately."

"I know, but you can get through to her. I need her and I love her. Please, Mary." Elliot gave her puppy dogs eyes and as expected Mary caved.

"It's late, I'll see what I can do." Mary walked out into the brightly lit hallway and headed toward the nurse's station. Her thoughts were of her daughter and how much she missed her. She looked up surprised to see Olivia sitting in the empty waiting room after midnight. She stared at nothing as she sat in silence. Mary retrieved a picture from her purse and made her way over to Olivia.

"Detective?" she sat down next to Olivia.

Olivia looked up at Mary briefly before speaking. "I want to see him, but I'm a little scared. What if he meant it and wants me to move on?"

"What if he didn't mean it and was out of his mind? You know how men can be sometimes." Mary nudged her with her arm.

"Thanks for the ride home and…you know. I guess I shouldn't have come back here drunk." Olivia laughed a bit out of embarrassment.

"It's quite okay." Mary smiled relieved to see some life back in Olivia's eyes. "Olivia, do you remember Elizabeth Parker?"

Olivia sat up straight, looking Mary directly in the eyes. "Of course. She was my original training officer."

Mary pulled the picture of Elizabeth from her pocket. She watched as Olivia looked from the picture to Mary and then back to the picture. It only took a few seconds for Olivia to put it together and when she did she immediately threw her arms around Mary's neck.

Mary rubbed her back and waited until Olivia was ready to let go. "I enjoy what I do. I take care of people and do whatever I can to help them recover. I told you I have a soft spot for the NYPD."

"Oh, Mary. I'm so sorry." Olivia wiped at the tears that had come out of nowhere. She now knew why Mary had taken to her so.

"She talked about you often, Olivia. Said you were going to make a difference." Mary looked Olivia in the eyes. "I didn't get the chance to help her, but it's almost like she sent you to me when you were shot. I recognized your name when you were brought to the ICU and knew you were meant to be my patient. I truly believe she made sure I was the one to take care of you."

Olivia relaxed back in the chair thinking about Elizabeth. She looked up at Mary. "I saw you…at the funeral. I remember thinking for once I was glad my mom was gone and wouldn't ever have to go through what you were going through."

"I was truly proud of her, Olivia. I miss her." Mary put the picture away and turned her attention back to her daughter's protégé. "I want you to listen to me, okay?"

Olivia nodded still floored about her realization.

"I watched Elliot as he went through your recovery with you. He was your partner, but it was obvious that he loved you more than that. He was crazy with worry, guilt, and grief. I've watched you all but break over him. I know how much you love him." Mary paused giving Olivia the chance to take in what she was saying. "You are so tough, so strong. Why would you give up now? You love him, you fight for him."

Olivia stared into Mary's eyes for a few moments.

"Life's too short, sweetheart. I know you know that." Mary helped her to her feet and guided her towards Elliot's room.

Olivia took a deep breath and looked back to Mary who nodded. "Go on." she mouthed encouraging Olivia to enter.

Elliot looked up when the door slowly entered. His breath caught as Olivia's form was almost angelic as the lighted hallway in contrast to the dark room outlined her. She was beautiful and he could feel his heart begin to beat almost uncontrollably. She stared at him and he could see the uncertainty in her eyes.

"Come here. Please." Elliot spoke softly and that encouraged Olivia to proceed. He waited until she was at his side before he spoke again. "I'm sorry, Liv. Really sorry."

Olivia accepted his hand as he reached for hers. "I love you, Elliot." Olivia's voice was barely a whisper.

He pulled her toward him and encouraged her to lay her head on his chest. She gave in immediately losing herself to the sound of his heart. She closed her eyes and just listened. He felt her tears on his chest and whispered in her ear. "We're going to make it."

Olivia let him hold her until she straightened. He moved his body over to encourage her to sit on the bed. Olivia's eyes widened as she watched him move. "Elliot?"

"The doctors confirmed the swelling is going down. I'll probably be transferred out of ICU tomorrow and start rehab." Elliot couldn't help but smile at Olivia's expression.

"That's wonderful, El." Olivia smiled a real smile as she stared into his eyes.

Elliot reached up pulling her face down to his. He kissed her passionately making them both forget for just a few moments the hell that they had both been through. She pulled back to just look at him.

"Would you really have wanted me if I was confined to a wheelchair the rest of my life." Elliot asked the question that was still very much on his mind.

"Yes. I told you, I only care that you're alive. I want you, El." Olivia's expression turned serious as she answered as honestly as she could.

"So, it wouldn't matter to you if we never made love again?" Elliot couldn't help but smirk as he teased.

"It wouldn't matter if you couldn't, no. Now, if you could, then yes it matters." Olivia bent back down and took control of the next kiss. Elliot's mind told him how much it would suck if he could never feel again how he felt when he was with her. He used his strong arms to pull her onto the bed with him.

"What if Mary walks in?" Olivia smiled into his mouth as they kissed.

"Then she would be very happy." Elliot held her face as he didn't want this moment to end.

Olivia forced herself out of bed the next morning. She dreaded the meeting with Huang, but knew it was policy. She smiled at John when he looked up from his desk as she made her way into the squad room. He knew she was up for a tough meeting as his own the day before was hard. He gave her an encouraging nod as she made her way to Huang's office.

She made her way in and took a seat. Huang knew the detectives well and she knew this was the first stop. If he felt she required something on going, then she wouldn't be permitted to return to active duty until she followed up. The usual greetings were exchanged before Huang began. He knew Olivia would rather be anywhere but with him in his office, but they both knew the policy.

Olivia felt so much better after spending time with Elliot the night before. She even managed to eat a bagel on the way in to the precinct which she mentioned when Huang made a comment about her sudden noticeable weight loss. The conversation moved along at a quick pace giving Olivia hope as they moved from one subject to the next.

Olivia was at a loss for words when Huang asked her how much longer she expected to work as a SVU detective. "I don't know. Sometimes, I think I've had enough."

"How do you know when enough is enough?" Huang provoked her causing Olivia to draw a blank.

"I guess you don't know, until you just do." Olivia really had no answer. She thought about his question some more knowing this is what Huang was so good at.

"Sometimes, I think I feel too much. You know, I let cases, victims, perps….I let them get to me more as I get older."

"Would you say it affects you more, say in the way you carry on with your life off-duty?" Huang knew he was making her think and was pleased she wasn't working against him.

"Yeah, maybe." Olivia looked down at her hands as she wondered where he was heading next.

"What about Elliot? John? Partners share an intricate bond, both on and off duty."

"What about them?" Olivia was thoroughly confused as she let herself think about Elliot.

"Is it too much when they go down or when they're in danger?" Huang knew he hit something as Olivia's eyes shot up instantly.

"It's too much when I can't help them. When it doesn't matter what I do, they still get hurt. Yeah, it's too much."

"The shooting in the bar." Huang had arrived where he wanted Olivia to visit. He watched as her eyes went blank and her shoulders dropped.

"Yeah, uh, John really came through. He saved my life." Olivia looked up into Huang's kind, comforting eyes. "Gomes was only a split second away from…"

"I know the facts." George leaned in resting his arms on his knees. "The facts only tell half a story."

Olivia fidgeted as she recalled the scene in detail. She took a few deep breaths before deciding to continue. "Gomes was one of us. He was NYPD. The whole thing was crazy. He hated me so much he was willing to commit murder."

Huang nodded as Olivia looked up as if he had some answers as to why Gomes would resort to such extremes. "Elliot?"

Olivia returned her gaze to her hands. "I love him, maybe more than I realized."

George let them sit in silence for a few minutes before nudging Olivia to continue. "What if he didn't make it?"

Olivia shrugged as tears formed when she allowed her mind to go there. "I don't know." Olivia sat with her thoughts for a few more minutes. "I guess that would've been enough. I don't know how I would go on without him. I can't do this without him."

"Do what, Olivia? Can't do what without him?"

"Live." Olivia's voice was quiet and weak.

George had been with these detectives for years and helped them through many a tragedy. He placed his hand on Olivia's shoulder in a comforting manner.

Olivia worked to compose herself knowing if she came off as an emotional wreck, Huang would never clear her for duty. "Sometimes, I think I feel too much. I feel too much pain like I need thicker skin or something."

George studied her before asking her an important question. "Do you think you'd be better off it you didn't feel for the victims or your partners the way you do?"

"Sometimes, I wished I could control how much I feel for them. I feel and carry their pain with me."

George took in her words and called her name softly until her eyes were focused on his. "That's when you'll know. That's when you'll know enough is enough. When their pain doesn't affect you, then you've had enough.

Olivia sat in silence digesting George's words. "When the pain doesn't hurt me anymore, then I'm done." she spoke the words that made too much sense.

Huang leaned back in his chair and watched Olivia relax in her breathing. "Are we done here?" Olivia finally spoke after quite a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"Are we?"

Just like a shrink, to answer a question with a question. Olivia respected Huang and left his office truly amazed at his abilities. She didn't realize how long she had been in with him until she met up with John in the squad room. He put the phone down when he noticed her.

"How'd it go?" he held her gaze as he waited anxiously for her answer.

"I went like I had to. I'll be in at eight sharp tomorrow morning." Olivia looked to see if Cragen was in his office.

"I'll see you then." John beamed at her knowing she was on her way. Her eyes were brighter and she was finally able to smile again. He missed her smile.

Olivia finally found Elliot's new room. He was visiting with Dickie and Maureen when she arrived. Maureen immediately jumped up thrilled to see her. She hugged Olivia telling her how happy she was that she had come. Dickie also hugged her knowing how happy she made his dad. They decided to leave despite Olivia's protests.

She sat on the bed grasping Elliot's hands in hers. He looked exhausted. "How'd therapy go?"

"It's a start. It'll be ongoing once I'm released, but I'll be okay." Elliot pulled her to him and hugged her tight. "I'll be okay, as long as you're with me."

"I'll never leave you, El." Olivia looked into those eyes that still melted her inside.

"I believe you and I love you." he took her face in his hands and kissed her. She felt so many emotions with his kiss that she couldn't prevent the tears that followed.

Elliot was fairly certain that they were tears of joy and smiled at her as he wiped them away. Olivia raised herself from the bed.

"Okay, you can't lay around forever, El. I need a running partner." Olivia knew how much he hated running.

Elliot groaned. "Doesn't your new partner like to run, that's what partners are for. Besides, I'd rather work out with you in a different way." Elliot sported that cheesy grin that made her laugh.

"Well, I guess John will do. He's pretty competitive." Olivia ignored Elliot's last comment.

"Yeah, maybe. But he'll never have your shooting scores." Elliot beamed with pride as they knew first hand just how important shooting accuracy was.

"Maybe not on the range, but as far as I'm concerned, he's a perfect shot." Olivia's demeanor turned serious as she recalled how lucky she was that John was spot on.

The former partners shared a comfortable silence before Elliot startled her from her thoughts. "When are you due back?"

"Tomorrow. Provided I passed Huang's tests." Olivia returned to her position on the bed.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Elliot was nervous for her, but was feeling a bit selfish. He wanted her with her all day, everyday. He felt jealous of John now that he was her partner. On the other hand he wouldn't want anyone else watching her back if he couldn't.

"Yeah, I can't leave John alone too long. Did you know he's got some anger management issues?" Olivia joked mocking Elliot.

"I think it has something to do with being partnered with a female. Brings out the beast in most men." Elliot smiled as he quickly pressed his lips to hers.

Olivia closed her eyes and just let herself feel. His lips, his hands, him. She found herself briefly hoping Huang wouldn't clear her for duty. Then she'd have nothing to do but stare into this beautiful man's eyes and nurse him back to health herself.

_A/N: I have enjoyed writing this fic and appreciate each and every review I've received. This story seemed to take on a life of it's own as it was only supposed to be a few chapters. I enlisted the help of my fourteen year old daughter to help me make a video for it. This video is specifically dedicated to Lou3174. Your reviews made me laugh and also made me want to continue. You said you wished this story was on screen, well this is as close as a screen version as I could make. Reviews and comments are welcomed and desired. But please be kind, we're amateurs! _

_.com/watch?v=B8yJelWX2KI_


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